.A foray into a forbidden realm, based on hearsay, kiss 'n tell, and a healthy imagination.
suke?
yeah!Christmas is coming.So is New year.
I seem to enjoy it more and more each year.
Dont really care where on earth i'm celebrating my new year or christmas so long
i'm with my love once.
And so my cousins this season is coming down to Singapore.
Can't wait..
We sure gonna have fun..
whee!
..
*can't wait for the new year celebration this year..!!
woohooo
and oh
MeRrY ChiRStmAs eR'BoDy!!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 21:37
Yippie.Saw II was fuh!Power-to-the-people sia.
Grr...some scene was awfully disgusting but as a whole.Lots of bites.
Nice show!Claps and loadss of it.
yeah.I loike~
After catching the show at Lido farah,feeros, min and hid walked and laugh our way to ermmm...everywhere in town till we are tired.Our legs did a good job tho' we walked from one end to another and end up at PS.Too bad we didnt end up at arcade like Farah wanted.It was late by then.Made a fool of myself slash ourselves alot along the way.
Harharhar.
All i'm trying to say is...
Catch Saw II and ...
laughter seems to be the best medicine...
*smile*
uoy ssim
ramble by oh' maryjane at 12:36
Ouch! If only the feeling was just ouch!
If only.
I cannt believe over the years friendship has taken a toll on me.
I completely lost myself in it and behave in such a pathetic way.
Oh God...please help me...
pleasee..
I came a cross a blog which belongs to a friend of mine. I dont know why i read it in the first place but i did.
I came across a post that she recently wrote which hits me harder than i thought. Way HARDER.
She wrote about things that i've kept and didn't wish to publish it online.
Painful yet true.
If only she knew how the real situation was..
I badly wanna talk.I badly wanna make things clear.
But have you ever wonder how?
What state you people put me into?
I've lost everything that means so much for me.
Everything at once.
In just a phone call.
Wait up.
Hold on.
I couldn't reach for the pause button!
Wait.
Somebody help.
You mean so much to me.
Tho sometimes we rarely talk.
We've been thru shits.
We cried and laugh together.
But when this happen..
For once i thought you've backstabbed me.
I thought you played me for a fool.
Tergamak kau?
IF ONLY YOU KNEW THE REAL STORY.
IF ONLY.
Aku hanya manusia.Bukan malaikat.
I was harder for me than it was for you.
I have difficulties trusting people but i trusted you over the years.
I thought you knew me.Again i was wrong.
I was about alot of things.
Have you ever wonder how it was for me?
How was it like for me?
How i was feeling?
Mad?
Crazy?
Why i behave in such a way towards you?
How hard is it to lose someone that means so much to you?
Oh i bet you do.But you too lazy to care.
You always said you never cared what others would think of you.
You then became too ignorant to care.
You pretended as tho nothing happen.
How long could i stand living in such a pretentious world?
How much longer?
I tried to understand.
Tried very hard.
Now i knew it was a waste.
Noone seem to notice.
Oh damn not even you!
Do anyone hear me cry?
I had to lied to myself.
Lied to the world.
I can't believe i LIED.
Fuck it was harder than i thought.
More painful than i imagine.
I'm happy for you.
Oh at least i'm trying to be.
Things were history by now.
Something that i shall look upon and learn from it.
Girl, you deserved such great happiness.
You do.
Take my word that i shall NEVER bother you.
I didn't know that while i was stuggling and trying so hard
i was misjudge.
what was i surpose to do?
Shut up and swollow my pain?
Nasty words?
was it even true?
Now tell me what should i do?
I had to say this.
I am sorry if i ruin it for you in anyway.
I truly am.
I sincerely am.
Thank you.
For atleast coming into my life.
Oh you never once my enemy..
Never will be...
------
Hidup mesti berani terima kenyataan.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 15:43
i just realised that i haven't get personal these days.I've been updating on what i did(not like anyone read/care), on other unrelated note and by days the sharing session i have with this blog decreases.
I've been feeling completely incomplete?.And again i dont know why.
I get clueless on why i'm in such a state of mind.
Fuck it sia.
In addition to that recently i feel so detached from everything that's happening around me.
I feel sooo LOST.
I've been thinking.
Having doubts about stuff.
Missing people.
Feeling so lonely and useless.
I need someone please.
Somebody complete me.
I want a non-sexual cuddle and lotSsSss of kisses.
Now!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 11:46
HaPpY BiRtHdAy
MOm!!
I loveee you so much....
Love and honor thy mother,
for she is the fruit that gives thou life.
Oh! Happy to Firdaus and Restu too.
Hugss and loads of it to you people.
Happy 17th.
may today brings much joy in your lifeee.
Before this day end smile and keep smiling
for it might bring you more happiness.
take cr!
kiss.kiss.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 22:28
Not that i'm happy or something that my lovely cousins away but its just that they are safely in aussie already.
So alhamdullilah.
So yah. Send them off to airport last night.
Khal and friends were there too.
So is my beybeh.hah!
So yah.
Went out with Hid,Farah, Feeros and Seri first.
Took some pics and ate New York pizza.
So fun!
Had a blast!
Thanks Farah for the lift in that HOT BMW with you HOTT momma.
geee..~
Fun.Fun.
Ok that sum up what happen yest.
For the otha days i just simply went out and not come back.
hurhur.
best kan?
ramble by oh' maryjane at 18:49
Went to town last two days.With Sis Nurul and Ijan. Funny.Funny time i Had. He's so funny in a oh-so-selenger-yet-cute-and-handsome-with-his-cool-hair- way. Yarh.
We went from one end to the other and yes! got nothing for course.
Fuck is so the word. Hang around and by 10+ went back.
In train got a beep on the cellphone shockingly saying my aunt is in the MICU.
That got me and Nurul rushing off to the hospital.
Lesson Learn #1: Never be too happy. Cos Possibly something bad is gonna happen and make you cry.
Her condition were bad when we came.Erbody was there.Looking so remorseful.
When i saw her I knew i had to be strong and control my tears and self for Kakak.Asnu and my uncle.Yah.
Something noone expect.
Then i too got some stupid freakSSsSsssss msging me abt some stupid stuff at a all-so-very-wrong time.Bodoh kaper?
Lesson Learn #2:Never. I mean never start off a msg trying to be funny.
Lesson Learn #3: Wait till you get a good time to tell someone anything when you know he/she is not in a good control of herself.
Lesson Learn #4:When someone is having a problem or is sad, it's either be useful and considerate and console/help or if you know you're bloody useless just go away la!
Yah. But now Alhamdulillah she's better.But i'm not. Because i've been sleeping over slash late because i willingly wanted to at least be by their side.I'm deeeeeaaaad sleepy/tired.
I got some kenduri thingy later and tmr.
Damn. And i had to do some stuff on monday and tuesday.
Finish up helping Vic.
Damn!when am i gonna get my prob stuff.
And i got looooaaaaaaddsss of other prob which i dont wish to talk to anyone about
and have thus affected my mooood for prom.
Oh i think i'm sooooo not going.
somebody help!!!!!!!
But look again at L.L #4.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 10:34
Typical morning. Ever so pathetic. So the only way to escape is...hit the streets. Which soooon i'm off. While waiting for my sister..i shall write bdgvsgsbbuy hjwpkpllwl-owemjeyv
which tells you straight that i'm dead bored.
okok.i had a chat with a friend which i shall not name...And he just said something that strikes me and i blurt out or rather stupidly type out and very unexpected answer.
This might not be exactly what he/me said but somewhat real close.
After he read my blog.
Friend: Kau nie love semua orang uh.
Me: Hah. Love doesnt mean anything to me anymore..it doesn't.
haha!shocking?yah me too.where did that come out?
Ouhh. Love does mean something tho. I do love my family and friends who love me ever-so- dearly-much.
I do. That the only love that exist in me and what i would really call true love.
Selfish me shall say. i love only people who love me. nyahaha.
ok best.i'm going bonkersss soon.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 12:06
Today we ladiesss hit the streets. Just the four of us.Yeah!
I loikkkeee!
From arab street to town.
We went to the beeutiful Taman Warisan down at arab Streets. Then walk along Victoria streets and back to bugis. Then down to town by 5 plus plus. Then went to hang ard. Talk shit and off we go on saperate ways. Di, Syik and me then got ourselves flip-flops and continue on our window shoopings.
That summaris what we did. Pathetic but still fun.
Share some in thingy slash jokes.
I enjoyed the talk shit most.
Yeah.
Had our taking phictures sessiioonnsss too!
fun.fun.fun.
ok.now i'm tired.
amigosss!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 00:24
ouhh that's i love you in spanish.
GRACIAS!(thank you.)
*word of the day*
hehe
I had a splendid time in JOHORE with my friends.
Dinee,Qilah, Amli and Faiz.
We went for a lil shopping and stayed till the clock tick 12.
Yeah!!! Then it's my gurlfriends birthday!
HaPpY BiRTHdAy to YOU;
NURDINEE ROYANI!!
i lurvvvveee youu girl!
tHANKS dinee for the time.the offer.the smile.the day.the kisses.the hugs.
AND thanks for being just YOU!!
its ur day.Njoy hunny!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 01:24
*smoochies sugaarr*
HaPpY BiRthDay
Mike!
isoloveyou.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 21:19
I shall give 3 out of 5 bites for the movie Emily rose.
Crunch.crunch!
Woo~It felt real for me personally.hmm..nice.
Went with the girls.
They went hysterical even when its the not so scary part.
Funnie seh.
Actually eh.it's basically NOT.
Jus some stupid suspence moments.
o'oh.I'm such a movie spoiler for people who havn't watch them.
go. G-O go.
Looking forward for Harry Potter!!!
wmauwh afwfbg!haha!
And yah.i think i might be SMITTEN again.
grrr...
bad.bad.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 02:44
Though its kindda late for morning tea and rather too early for evening tea.
but yah.
tea is a cup of optimism
I like today.
I love how the rains makes everything all slippery and dark looking yet
the clouds that bring down the drop of water are these ethereal white.
could you smell them?
the pouring rain.
hmmm..
the map of my life would be...
graduate..
get a high paying job..
or atleast job that i could work my ass off till i retire..
by 35...
live by the beach...
or some far off abondoned secluded rural place..
have my own fruit garden..
have my own farm..
go fishing everyday..
pick flowers and arrange them on my dining table..
wake up with a ever goodlooking husband who is hopelessly romantic even when he's 75..
sit out as it rain and drink some fresh tea..
or rather...
grow old travelling...
then write a book
hrmmm...
pretty realistic heh?until i got to "retire by 35"?
i think i shall drink more tea..
optimism dies off quickly doesnt it.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 13:16
grrr....did i wish you SHR?i guez i didn't.we shall wait till i met you.*hearts*
okay.the major papers for o's is sort of ooooverrrr!Yeah.It spells F.U.N.
I dont really care how well i did for now.
Save the feelings for later.
gee..
ok.
Looking forward for holidays.
I need a break!
From P.E.O.P.L.E.
*miss you maya.
*hapie burfday daniel.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 14:51
sing me a song...?
eh.two friggin days to hari raya.
which i'm soOo not excited.
you're so crazy
enough in a way that i'll probably say you destroyed me
ramble by oh' maryjane at 22:35
grrr....this whole feeling of abhorrence is soOOOooo(multiply by 6) overwhelming.
OH damn. i can't help it!This whole thing make me commit myself to a blasphemy till i'm........hmmm..tired?yah.Exactly.The overusage of profanity is driving onot only me but others nuts!
I dont know why i'm making a mountain out of the moley hill.But you're so gonna get step on the face.A kick would be puuur-fect.Do you feel my anger? Feel it beybeh cos i'm sure to squeeze the life out of her.
oh!its all because of you.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 13:34
hmmm...
Yesterday's story was: i broke my fast over at my gran's place. Yeah beybeh!I had my dendeng which i was craving weeks ago. Now we move on to eating the best rojak mama we can find. where eh?
takling about breaking fast. My lovely sisters are breaking fast over at mine today. How fun. Yeah. And we should be off to geylang AGAIN later at night just to teman my brother. Something that is so not fun.ugh. I've been breaking fast outside so often these days so ask them to come over.I should have ask them here more often. Save my money seh. I got a list of things to buy with ermmm.....let me count...hmmm
NO CASH at all. How sad.And something i just realise eating at some hawker centre or some cheap food court is way better. I could save alot you know and at the same time get good food. That way i could save up and get my Anna Sui blusher, a clutch bag and an addidas shirt.hehe.
oh vain me.
ok.change topic.
I begining to hate long boring post. I've been writing long boring post?Havn't i?Can't help it la. So many things to say but so little time.
so lazy somemore!more exclamation marks.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 16:05
ramble by oh' maryjane at 16:51
weird habits!
The fact that I just can't keep things neat for more than a week (a few days to be exact) drive me purely insane.
My table is in a mess. Really. Clutter with books and papers and other rubbish.
(Which then will bring across the wrong idea to people that i've been studying REALLY hard).
I think i need to stop cleaning my room. i mean, what's the point when ure just gonna mess it up again, right? right. and maybe i'll find things better this way. I feel more at ease. organised chaos!
And unitelligent comment really bothers me. So do people.BIG TIME.Not like i utter intelligent stuff all the time and that i think everyone like me(not that I care).But yah.if you cant say anything intelligent, shut up! ahh.. see? isnt the world a much more beautiful place to be in? and you can have a doctorate and still say unintelligent things.And really.Dont try too hard to be funny.
The way i look at people. Particularly women or any tom dick or harry who is interestingly enough for me to look at or diss at.Hah!
It be a bonus if they good to look at and double bonus if they're hip and happening.
okay.
When shall i start?
hmm...
:o)
ramble by oh' maryjane at 15:02
Wow!Its been a while since i last type on the keyboard.
Feels good to be back by the way.
Went on a hiatus and had a vacation.
For the soul to be exact.
Let it free to wander.
hmmm...
shall not get carried away.
ok enough.
reality check.
Tomorrow!
Actually today.Had a kebegillion things to do.
First and foremost..
I need to renew my lisence for my LIPS and HEART services.Control the level of pollution that the EYE and the EAR have caused.
And the most important of all i must watch out for the poison that is all in the MIND.
Because tomorrow is a whole new holy month. Where its a test from HIM. HIM as in the owner and the creator of the UNIVERSE.
It will be a test for not only us to be able to not eat for hours but its a test for the lips,the heart,the eye,the ear and of course the mind.
To avoid any sorts of act that is forbidden by the religion. We shall go through today and for the whole month with great strength and perserverance , fulfilling our duty as a muslim and Never to forget his messenger, our Prophet Muhammad.Keeping him in our heart and mind as well as our prayers. May our good deeds, our great patience be accepted and have its individual rewards.Insya'allah.Amin.
Lets embrace and welcome Ramadhan.
The holy and wonderful month.
Selamat berpuasa!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 19:06
here, silence will reign
and hearts continue to mend
until hope returns...
till then..
she'll be gone
goodnight lover.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 18:10
today started out unexpectantly beautiful.With the rain and all.Then makes you come back to your dream where you just run away from the reality.*how nice*
But how did it turn out so ugly?
i'm sure strangulation is a painful way to die. let's try it sometime. i'll strangle. you'll die.
i'm just not up for politiks. now i know why people go to war. it's so much easier to just hit someone brutally till they hurt real bad then to patiently talk to them.
pacifism is dead.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 22:20
Isn't green nice.hah!just thought that change is good.And so why not make today the day.Oh.and i decided to scrap the lip services.my tagboard i mean.therefore, please include your comments in the smudges yah.i loike~.hurhur.ok i'm out.
Btw, Teacher's Day is cool.I'll update once i got the picxy!
*kudos to the people who perform*
cheers.
He's sang for me.
Made me melt like m&m in the mouth.
yummiesss
hmmmm...
i'm smitten.
i might just be in like.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 15:01
so much for mountains and ocean and villages and shopping centres...sometimes its best to sit back and watch destiny unfolds itself. theres only so much u can do to influence your life. if it happens it happens, but if it doesnt then too furken bad.
ill get over it.
knowin its not my loss. NOT my loss.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 16:25
Ggrrr...
yes. i have ZERO tolerance level for people who pisses the fuck out of me and make me go disgusted.pathetically annoying. especially self-absorbed people who can't get enough of themselves. purely sluttish attitude.idiotically jumping around thinking they are cute(which they are so NOT.)And just dawdle drawing attention from any dim-witted arse who wish to spare her some.
ugh.
*there's this urge to just slap her and go*
and you are SO gonna get ZERO for your peer appraisal.
(somebody is gonna get killed)
the bitch has spoken.
muahahahah.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 16:15
lovelovelove
aren't you sick of that word?i am.
nearly most of the post i read recently is about relationship this and that.
oh-the-drama.
but oh oh oh how HARD it is to run away from that. boo.
you have six options here.
1. stay bitter and hate hate hate. get his/her photo and throw darts at it. or stick pins into a voodoo doll of them. tsk. so much anger in this world.
2. give up and end your life. one less person in this overcrowded world. yay.
3. cry and cry and cry until your whole house starts to flood and your eyes are so red and swollen and puffy and sore that you'll never get another boyfriend/girlfriend EVER.
4. call up your boyfriend/girlfriend up every hour, stalk him/her, leave notes, flowers (fresh, dried or wilted), soft toys (with or without a knife), and threaten to kill yourself if he/she dont get back with you. do this so much that you drive them to their grave. one less person in this overcrowded world. yay.
5. swear off love, shave your head and become a monk/nun. ahh... enlightenment. (or prolly change your gender?how bout?
6. smile, say it's ok, their loss, and look forward to meeting that new person who will charm the socks out of you.
i say number 6. what say you? sorry? number 2? hhmm..number 1 sounds cool ah.fun eh.haha!yeah that's alright too.
cool eh?
bluergh!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 22:46
And so i read Abg amin's blog. His post and entries often inspired me in all ways i could possibly think of.
That suffering and all obstacles of life are God's gift and how those test shape our soul.
hmmm....
He was the man.The only one left in my life.The one that taught me so much about lessons in life.A beautiful man inside out that have blown me away.Someone who taught me so much.Far too much.
As qouted from abg amin's blog,
To Adik Ct: Iti, its your O’levels dear. We love you even if you are not with us. We love you even more if you study hard and get good results. We'll always keep you in our heart.
Thank you for missing me. Hehe. I MISS YOU EVEN MORE.
This was a reply to my tag the otha day. I was feeling down. With so much that i'm going through and much more resposibility i could not make it to any outings. I HAD to turn them down. Reject the offer. I felt that i've neglected them and dissapoint them. I felt so low.Very low. Ever since that, i felt something missing in life. I felt the emptiness in my soul.As tho i was dead. When i read this.I knew it there and then what was wrong. I just knew it.
That i miss you guys so much.
Shout out to my love ones that have stood by me,
Abg Amin
Sis Shikin
Sis Nurul
my beautiful cousins.
i love you guys.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 21:46
my rollercoaster ride seems neverending really. bleargh.
happy. then sad. then angry. then irate. then crazy hype.then pissed.then happy again.
the very VERY vicious cycle goes on. and on. and on. and......
this is so blah i tell you.
moments where "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" whizz through my head concurrently. the desire to bitch slap people at times has been really REALLY tempting.(so stay away from me if you dont want a smash on that head)
i'd love to tell. i'd love to confide. and as much as i love the people oh-so close to my heart.there are some things in life which i'd rather not share with anyone at all. secrets are good. but they can make you go crazy.
don't apologise cos you'll only look even more guilty. don't say that you know how i feel cos i never reveal everything to anyone. people know pieces. but never the full story. i don't trust. i don't. i just don't.
trust me. you don't know me. cos im still trying to find myself.
i think the number of times i've been upset this week has easily exceeded the number of fingers and toes i have added together.
so sad. so sad. so sad.
sulking and pouting has gone on overdrive.
feeling like shit now.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 22:20
Things I think would do me good...
--------------------------
Walking through life unnoticed
Knowing that no one cares
To consume and then masquerade
No one sees her there
And still she sings
everything burns.everyone screams.burning down lies.burning my dreams.all of this faith.and all of this pain.burning all down.cause my anger reigns.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 15:35
even in my dreams you're there haunting me. my DREAMS where i seek solace from the pain and despair.
and someone special and dear to me said, over a cup of starbucks coffee: it's hard and almost impossible to move on when you're always there, and you're laughing and moving on like nothing has ever happened while here i am hurting so much inside.
who said life is easy?
sometimes it gets tiring being strong all the time. sometimes all we want is just a hug.
and sometimes, we just want you out of our lives. period.
Why is it when I am stronger than yesterday... I fall to the ground and lay there weak like a morning glory?
vicitimised?
sigh.looking forward for that special smile.
:)
ramble by oh' maryjane at 22:02
how much of your "rights" is really your rights? or are we just living a life moulded by the beliefs of others? why is it that people try so hard to fit in and conform to the mindset of society? is it that hard to just not care? to live a life YOU want?
di sebalik paras muka, terukir sebuah cerita...
it's interesting, what you find out about people. not to mention shocking. and you'll realise that you can never really know a person through your perceptions alone. Like quoted by Razean(which i translate it in english)..its funny how things that are beyond our imagination happens and it feels wrong and weird.To think of it again..its kindda true.
Oh, and nobody ever knows anyone.
superficiality is second nature to man. it's like a skin they put on each morning when they step out to greet the plastic world, only to take it off in the midst of comfort. most dont even realise it. we see it too often. the fake smile and customary hugs only to mutter bitch when the person turns around.
so real yet so fake.
the delusions and disillusions of a superficial society.
everyone lives a life of sin.
oh, the horror.
you're only in as much pain as you let yourself to be in.
i feel ugly a lot these days.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 20:47
We need a shoulder to cry on, to lean on, where love and care is plenty and ample, without any conditions laid. A corner in a room of life where we feel no need to pretend, no need to put/ pull a mask on the face, as there is unconditional love and care in that place. Where love is given to the soul and not to the body. Where love is its purest form dwells in somebody.
I could never love where i could not respect
-Charlotte Elizabeth Aisse
ramble by oh' maryjane at 20:04
Meet up with the NCC mates together with the CLTs the otha day.*hurhur*.Went marina and hang ard then went back late.Oh!how fun~...its been so long..Met sharifah too...prolly tt's our last meeting before she fly off to Aussie. :(
Today..or to be exact yesterday, Singapore turn 40.So did Arep.But he turn only 17.haha!And pretty draggy tho.Fireworks down at east side was shit(sort of).pretty lame and boring.Not planning to go but end up there.So yarh.Better than rotting at home eh.
Now
Cleaning`s not done because seriously, when is cleaning ever really done? New day, new mess to clean. Everyday is upkeep day. I guess like cleaning, shopping is never really done either. There always seems to be something else we might like to buy. *Hum* (shall not remind myself about shopping...I'm broke)
Thats a hint for those who have been waiting for my treat.Not now.Not anytime soon.
Not a good end to a day.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 00:37
unexpected suffering passes more quickly that is apparently bearable, the latter goes on for years and, without you noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and excruciating pains and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.
fie
---------------------------
Oh!!Happy birthday sweetie~
may allah bless you in everything you do.
And may all your wishes come thru.
Njoy today like you never did gurlfriend~!!
we love ya shiks!!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 09:41
currently m in school.free period.hah.kindda.sort of.its mother tongue period.had to do some malay poetry slash prose.whatevershit.m running out of ideas.limited of those these days.how boring.extremely!Erbody look pathetic.And yarh.Malique is looking at me at this very moment.typing out some shits. and really. i'm not lieing. he's botheing me!i swear!so SHUT THE FUCK UP MORON and go away!.hahahhaha! (oh!i'm good at wasting time)what??!you wanna dig my nose?
ohh!he's cute!
how i wish i could post up his pic.
then tell the whole world how adorable he is.
damn!i want my computersssss.
fuck is the word!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 11:36
Anyone misses me?
There is a destiny that makes us brothers;
Noone goes his way alone;
All that we send into the lives of other
comes back into our lives.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 16:30
there's alot of other things which i can do right now..like munching some cranberries almond crunch(that whole grain cereal) which tasted like cranberries muffins.*tongues out licking my lips*
or studying for history test tomorrow?
but i chose to do some otha things like yakking junks in my post and eating chocolates to fill my tummie for the rest of the day.
ohhh...
im exhausting myself to a point where i will fall asleep the moment my ass lands on a seat. why? i dont know. prolly cuz it keeps my mind off you. and the other unnecessary source that might just make me jump into a whirpool of emotion.then get drown and die!trash!
which brings me to another point. met Vic that day to pass him his cds and did some catching up and he came to a point and said that it's surprising and shocking that someone who laughs and smiles all day can just suddenly take his/her life away. have you heard of this saying before? the smile of a clown hides the tears that he cries.
oooohhh tummy ache....
btw, there's too much killing in the name of religion.
stop using it vain.
Where is the love?
ramble by oh' maryjane at 17:45
Seems like just yesterday You were a part of me I used to stand so tall I used to be so strong Your arms around me tight Everything felt so right Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong Now I can't breathe No I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on Here I am Once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it Can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes I told you everything Opened up and let you in You made me feel alright For once in my life Now all that's left of me Is what I pretend to be So together but so broken up inside Cause I can't breathe No I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on Here I am Once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it Can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes Swollow me then spit me out For hating you I blame myself Seeing you it kills me now No I don't cry on the outside ANYMORE!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 18:59
I'm done!
my hands are as clean as it can get.
free from germs and all bacteria that might get to it.
i'm over.
or rather its over.
enough is enough!
enough of getting hurt.
enough of being hurt.
enough of feeling like a shit.
why must i slit of my throat...
cut off my fingers...
chew of my brains...
suck all my blood...
bleed till i die...
and
end up screaming someone elses name
end up painting someone elses potrait with my blood of despair
and lose my whole self for that blooody someone who
think nothing shit about me.
that absurd!
Stop thinking too much BITCH!
hatechu for making feeling like shit!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 17:47
she can't help it but said:-
i think i'm missing someone...
Dont turn around..
it's YOU!
....
ramble by oh' maryjane at 00:20
i think i have my heart somewhere in my throat.
i feel nauseous. i'm a little bit confused about things. should i care? should i be nonchalant about things?
i take it that i had marshmallows stuck in my hair as a sign to get a hair cut. let's keep things simple.
i suddenly feel like shifting my entire identity. but not my skin.
chameleon.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
ramble by oh' maryjane at 03:32
your decision brought us both to this place. time stood still there after. i cannot see you anymore, nor hear of you, nor speak of you, nor think of you. my pain deepens everytime i do. in all equality, i shall not speak unkindly. but the disrespect towards me was more than i could bear. and like it or not, i cannot be that which i want to be - as how you cannot be what you want to be. so we are the same. and yet, while i erred on the side of emotiveness, you erred on the side of indifference. my hate erodes away at my hold on what i had once thought special and treasured. nothing binds us to each other now. not the past, not the present, nor the future.empty. i see a void that will not be filled ever.
please tell me this was just a nightmare.
wake me up from this deep sleep.
tell me tomorrow i will wake up hoping that everything wasn't true
tell me you love me still.
Now.Tomorrow and forever.
lots of love, me
this is dedicated to you.
To all my ladiees...
I'm very sorry.I truly am.
Thank you so much for everything.
Thankyou for making things worst at the wrong time.
I appreciate it.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 22:41
how do you get up again from a fall?
how do you overcome that fear?
how do you feel after trying so hard?
or do you just have to fall again?
im scared.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 17:10
oh!i'm back by the way.did i say i was going off to KL in the first place?
But what ever it is, i'm safely back yesterday.
Todays its freaking Tuesday.
Not in the mood for school.
Got headaches again.
Migrane to be specific.
Pretty bad!
And my school work not done.
That's not a good start for school.
So yarh!Rest at home.
Now Extra sleep.
hehe.
I'll update about the whole wedding in KL.
Soon.
did you miss me?
XxSmoochiesxX
ramble by oh' maryjane at 10:43
I think that smell is so addictive.
I love the scent of the boy. It drives me wild and makes me curl my toes. I love the scent of my passionberry lip balm, makes me think of cool wind biting my cheeks and the time i had by the beach all alone. I love the smell of freshly laundered clothes it makes me want to jump in the pile and lay there to take a nap.
The smell of a newly opened bag of oreos that's ready for a dip in a milk bath. A new book with its pages freshly turned. The smell of his perfumes as he gives you a tight hug. The night air that's cool and crisp and salty when you're sitting by the beach. A barbeque, with the charcoal glowing and its smell sticking to you like a second skin. Fresh fruits on a plate of ice, a big bag of candy and chocolate ice cream.
Sigh.
All the little things.
Damn!
I'm actually bored and tired.
Can i not do my homework please.
ugh.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 20:29
Chivalry is dead?!maybe not?
do you come across men who hold the door open for you, stand up when a lady leaves the table, and occassionally surprise you with a stalk of rose or a box of chocolates, just because?
okay.tell me if you experience it like most of the time.
most tom, dick and harry ive seen(except my baby.'haha') just holds the door open for himself, buys food only for himself, stares at boobs openly, curse and swear like that's his mother tongue, etc, etc.. (you get the picture)
im not asking you to buy a polished armour and come riding in a gallant black horse, no.
but even though it's the 21st century, we ladies would still like to be treated like, well, ladies.
there's no harm in holding a door open for a woman, and letting her queue in front of you at the hawker centre (even though you're so hungry you could eat a horse), and carry her extra bag for her..
you'll never know.. you might just end up attracting more ladies than that buffed up guy next to you with manners even a toad is ashamed of.
i guess im just a hopeless romantic.
and if you are someone who is a feminist prolly you would understand.Maybe a male feminist would do too.
Think again.
But maybe Chivalry's not dead after all.
I mean, there are other means to show that men still show respect to women.
I’ve seen my guy friends sending their mutual girl friends home, especially when it’s past midnight.
I guess you do not need to show chivalry to be chivalrous. Especially in this day and age, where men are tremendously egoistic, I believe the tiniest sweet gesture should mean a lot.
BUT!!
MEN should not be gentlemenly ONCE in awhile. I guess guys if you really give it a try, you feel that sense of satisfaction. Satisfied not because you can check out the legs or butt of the girl you are opening the door for, but because you are actually doing it sincerely. Wholeheartedly Do it with a smile. Haha~
And no I am not asking you to be a doorman.
Don’t be stupid.
thankyoudarling.
love you.
haha!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 18:20
Bad day!My title says it all.I'm having cramps.And with this i'm energetically lethargic.uh?It means i badly wanna go out but this cramps seems to be the whole problem.So how?ugh.Unless my parents want me to come with them with their plans later.And yes!I'm fucting lonely.My friends are all out of town.To be exact most of them.Dian's having exams.I've lost all my school friends.Dont know where they're to.So i'm not gonna disturb and not gonna bother.And most are out for other plans.And now where am i?AT HOME!!!
then what now??
ramble by oh' maryjane at 14:02
I'm still hurting but alot happier today.Because some moron made me upset yesterday.Oh!he did that on purpose btw.How evil can human being these days get.I think I had that disease, S.A.D.S - and if you`ve never heard if it, I swear I`m not making it up. It exists. I`m just making up the part where I suffered from it. :P .It's a winter disease ah.I guess.haha!
And yah!I lost my voice.Damn i sound so ugly.This is all due to the shouting and voice projection i did just now.That worsen the bad condition of my throat.NCC 'training' comes preparation for the upcoming events was kindda alrite ah.Lame but okay ah.What do you expect eh?We had some shooting going on slash a video to be exact for the Meet the Officer Session which falls on the 2nd of July(fuct that i cannot make it*ughh!*) and a NCC day rehearsal.So yah.Fun jugak ah.
But now i'm tired.Slept for only 3hrs yesterday.
nothing else to say.
writing in to make me feel sleepy.
now i am.
so..
okay bye!
anyways...to kill time i did this..very stoopid tho.but heck
Your #1 Match: INFP |
| The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. |
ramble by oh' maryjane at 16:44
Over at Em's place now.Was surpose to just drop by and sent the clothes and off i go but was ask to come in and meet her grandma.And now i end up here sitting down using Em's laptop to update while waiting for her to get dress.She's going out and i'm going home.So Ok, Em's laptop`s keyboard is a bitch to type on because the "O" button is gone. So there`s this little rubber thingy that I must press instead of the square tile.Bitch eh?And her internet suck.Because it kept disconnecting like nobodys business.bodo sey!ok better stop complaining or i might get shoo from here.
Yes.Em's granny is sooper cute sey.Went to her room to say hi.
Btw, Em's grandma is 85 and she spent most of her time lying in bed watching tv,yelling at people to call them to come to the room.An prasing the lord.The left side of her body maybe paralysed.But her mind is alert and her language put others to shame.Atleast that what i know and what her grand daughter's says.
i went in..and after i spoke...
mama(that's what we call her):Oh..i thot who
me:Diyana?
mama:no.i thought it was Alyssa.
mama:because you look so tan now.
Diyana and Alyssa is Em's good friends also.
After i was about to leave giving her a goodbye kiss on her cheek, she says this..
mama:I'll pray that you'll get a place in...-pause-..N-U-H in a few years down the road...
me:NUH?wah!means i'll get admitted to the hospital ah?
emily:haha!NUH?sure mama.definitely!
Em's mother:no la...not NUH..(mention some education institutes name)
me:still a long way to go.(still looking puzzle)
15 secs later as we were about to leave the room...
mama:Lucky(in a firm tone)
me,em and her mom:????
mama:Lucky i ask you, if not you'll end up at NUH.
haha.damn!she's so adorable.So cool.
last week i could recall..
mama:what's the cartoon with the yellow skin/faced people(i can't recall the exact word tho)
At first i didn't get it.Then it came to mind.
me:Simpsons?
mama:Oh!what's the name of the one with blue hair.
me:the long hair right?(motions with hand over my head to describe).i dont know
mama:yah.that's the wife.aiya.you people never watch cartoon la.
hahaha!
we so love her.<3
ok.going home now.see you sooner than later.
peas out
carrots in!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 14:14
Grabbed myself a somewhat early night and woke up feeling a little better.The fever is off a lil but the sore throat is real bad.yeah!
But yarh.First thing I want to do today is to wish Joei because it's his birthday yesterday then write a up a 10 things I like about Joei. So yarh
HaPpY BiRtHdAy JOEi!!
i love you.<3
hehe!
i choose to write only 10 because if i continued i'll end up saying too much nice things about him.which will sound so wrong later.haha!
Anyhoosss after dropping by his place up for a drink and passing him his prezzie i went off to Ian's chalet.Ya!i made it there.Amad send me off time pasir ris to meet up with Hawa.The whole thing starts off real bad.(bad hospitality)hahahhaha~.ok my bad!:P.pretty quiet for a chalet.which surprises me.The people whom i thot would shout and scream excessively was pretty 'tame' and quiet.hah!But manange to pull it thru till the end of the whole thing.It was later in the night that it was pretty fun.Played football with the guys,talk shit and had food personally served.haha!We end up going back at 1 plus.By then we're just too lazy to go and thot of staying over but Hawa had to go off so yarh.We did.Went back with hawa,hanan and mazuin. Took a cab home.And yarh.My parents were cool about it.Not too bad after all.
Just that because i talk too much yesterday.My throat is really bad now.It sore like fuck man!Damn.Blame it on yesterday.wahahaha!Oh yarh.
right.enough for one post.
*bragging over*
ramble by oh' maryjane at 16:09
i'm currently down.VERY down.This whole feeling suck that i dont want to talk about it.
i'm sick.(not that i ask for attention and sympathy).and all i want is you to leave me alone.
If your presence seems to make me feel worst than what i felt then, JUST GO!
i'm so breaking down..
ramble by oh' maryjane at 22:29
i'm gonna watch movie.Like today.Like very soon.Mr. and Mrs Smith.And i'm surpose to like meet at 1 and now its 12.40 and i'm not dress yet.hehe!
so yarh.B jealous.haha!
okay bye.
Diy if you need stuff don't call me.Busy!hahahhaahah
bitch you!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 12:39
Initially,
i logged in the internet with evry intention to update my journal(willingly not returing a favour) about my sooper exciting day today.
or was is just bragging about how fun was my past few days tho' some really 'tried' spoiling it.But hey since i'm NICE.. its not a problem.
Something i realised today:
my life is neither becoming more interesting nor mundane..
i just dont feel like sharing anymore.
which then means i'm on the verge of going on hiatus
or maybe not.( because i have people asking me to keep updating)
which then tells me that people are reading my blog and bother to know more.haha!
till then we'll see.
erm..how about next week? lunch? dinner?
ok. we'll talk then.
peas out
for those who cared.thnks!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 23:11
Currently its 3.48am.
Basically doing nothing shit now.
Ugh.
Brood no mood.
Damn this kill.
Dead boringggg.
What a night.
Right.
Enough time wasted.
Nothing else to scribblesss.
Oh!Maybe there is.
Yeah there is.
Today i like purple.
Yes.i said purple.
Okay.
There you go.
Its PURPLE!
Okay bye!
solongOyasumi!
oh!and that's goodnight in japanese.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 03:48
when promises are unforsaken. . .
that's when you'll know the truth.
when unpleasantries are bygones. . .
that's when you'll believe the truth.
when silence speaks for itself. . .
that's when you'll trust the truth.
ugh.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 15:47
I have been spending time, thinking about my life. The many changes, the adaptation process, the crisis and the neglected soul.
It is true that life is all about balance, living life to the fullest, albeit there are times that are tumultuous and difficult.
Sometimes I ask God why? Why? Why allow us to go through such pain?
But then again.to think of it.its the PAIN that will keep you sane.Its the PAIN that will make you a whole lot better self.
The crisis that i've been through lately have caused me in every way. It tells me something.That no matter where I go, the problems will always be the same because whatever place I decide to run to will have the same thing; People.
And the main caused of such torture in life is the people around it.HOnest!
My aunt always said that there was no point quitting when things got hard or bad because no matter where you go and what you do, you`ll always face problems. It may be a different problem but there will be problems nontheless. May as well get it over with and do my best.
What she says was true but the problems truly when you have to deal with it.The word 'get over it' is easy said and not when you want to do it.I may as well stand and fight.Of just let time heal the whole situation and live such pretentious life saying that everythings all good.
Both act have consequences if you realised it.You can stand and fight and hurt both part but manage to let out your true feelings without living in denial.Or You can just let it go and do nothing about it and live your entire life pretending that things are fine and you hide your feelings and say not a single word about it and then slowly destroy your inner self and your soul.
Now ask youself dear readers?How would you want to handle it?Be firm about your stand and take the risk in hurting both party at the same time or just sit and suffer all by yourself?(Hurting one is better then both at the same time).
Your journey of life throughout is all about making decision.
I use to make a stand now and be firm about what I belief in and that action of mine have caused in the wrecked of my friendship and maybe love life and life with my family.I've never understood the meaning of patience until he came.
A friend who have taught me to let go without giving up and still standing strong with what i belief in.And with that he've made me a stronger person who is capable to withdstand anything that might hurt and bring my whole self down.He have taught me to be forgiving and let the whole thing lose and not torture myself.
[i owe you so much]
I therefore thank you for being there for me.
I've now know more on how to handle when problem arises.On how i want to get over it.Like truly get over it and get through it without pretending and living my entire life like i'm someone else.
But this doesn't mean i'm not like how i use to be.I am still someone who would do anything to stand for what i belief is true.I can be a bitch.And i am today. Just don’t step on the wrong foot. Even the most patient of whores have a bloody temper.
Kehidupan ini bagaikan wayang semata- mata.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 15:40
Yesterday,which was Sunday,I watched The Amityville Horror.Not on movie but on DVD.Shuck!Should have watched it on cinema. I mean, that guy from Two guys, a girl and a pizza place is in it. He`s the main man, the guy who will get possessed and murder everyone! Blurt! * ;P * Ok!I'm such a spoiler. This remake looked well and truly fine based on the trailer clips. The horror-horror-flash-flash thing they had going on seemed cool and I really love ghost children. They scare me like nobody`s business. Well-crafted child ghosties are number two on my list of things I am superbly, insanely frightened of.
Again, I was pissed off with the dog killing. The last movies to piss me off with pet murder was Hide and Seek (Dakota Fanning saved it from being a crap movie).So anyway, this Amityville movie was pretty oK! They killed like the cutest dog I`ve seen in months, which is unforgiveable and I can`t believe any supernatural blah-blah would be strong enough to not exorcise either. They should get firemen armed with jet sprays of holy water to drench the house and a whole buncha people to pray around it or something.
I really liked the little girl. Her life (or death, rather) is sad. All she wanted was someone to hang out with because that bitch of a psychopath priest or whatever murdered heaps of poor weak people in that house and imprisoned all their tortured souls in the house. I don`t get why that Katchem guy is so Jeepers Creepers either. Why can`t he look like a normal person. He was human at some point, afterall. Other than that, I have no complaints.Oh.Of course i don't.I dont have any because it's not as if i paid for watching such movies.haha!
So next up..thought of watching another maybe this weekend of next week.Depending on when i'm free(and i rarely am).What shall i watch??
Maybe not Star Wars.I'll prolly watched that just to waste some cash.Which i won't.Not at this time since i'm broke.hahaha..!I love movies.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 18:42
Orite!The results are out.As in my results.Actually it was out long before.Jus dont feel like talking about it.Not even now.Jus thought i would bring up thing thing for the benefit of some(As if).To know more about my result (please call 1900-KPO for specifics).haha!Never!
And did i say that my parents came down for the parents meeting today,just now rather)
And oh ya!Mom and dad think that it's a waste of time coming to school because Ms lai said nothing much.Not that they dont care but she said things that my parents knew about already.I dont see the point why she wants to meet them?*wonders*.All i'm satying here is actually Ms Lai dont know what to say about me or anything pertaining to my results that i guess some slash maybe none wish to know(it suck).I dont think she knows anything about them except my accounts results which she didn't even discuss it.Yarh!Parents teachers meeting really suck you know.Never been to one except when i was in secondary one and just now.ugh!
Tomorrow will be the last day before the 1 month school break.The June holidays.Of course as expected i know there ain't gonna be no holidays and yarh!I'm be up for classes during the 1st week staright up.And for the 2nd and third too if i'm not mistaken.Urgh!damn!
I just realise that i got a whole lot of things to do that i haven't done it yet.Which i dont exactly know when to do it..Things to complete as soon as possible before the time comes.. (in no orders whatsoever)
end of list.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 18:47
Suddenly i stop speaking altogether.
Silence was my escape
But i know silence is rarely a refuge to me
Everything even my thoughts still haunting me.
I shut my eyes.
And heard my labored breathing
Followed by echos of that breathing
I inhaled and heard a louder inhaled
I exhaled and it exhaled,too
Then i realise, i was caught in the unbreakable silence..
With vacant soul.
No impulse.
Nothing.
ramble by oh' maryjane at 18:02
I've been depressed lately.And a little to vulnerable.Dont really know why.Is it just me or the whole thing that is going on??But i'm trying very hard here to keep my emotion under control.Never say i'm snappy!becos i'm not if its not because of YOU!
I've no right to be in such state unless you cross those limits.So i'm just being a the nice one here until u test me.So dont!
Fuck this shit cos i'm wasting my time.I hate to just pretend as if everythings okay when its not!!
ramble by oh' maryjane at 14:46
As the pages turn..i moved on into another world..a different world altogether..
A world where 'they' called it Heaven..
A world too perfect to be true..
As I took a glimpse of the world created by Mitch Albom...
I came across something...
something which i wish to share..
-------------------------------------------
Where....?
......is my worry?
Where is my pain?
That was what was missing. Every hurt he'd ever suffered, every ache he'd ever endured-it was all as gone as an expired breath. He could not feel agony. He could not feel sadness. His conciousness felt smoky, wisplike, incapable of anything but calm. Below him now, the colors changed again. Something was swirling. Water. An ocean. He was floating over a vast yellow sea. Now it turned melon. Now it was sapphire. Now he began to drop, hurtling towards the surface. It was faster than anything he'd ever imagined, yet there wasn't as much as a breeze on his face, and he felt no fear. He saw the sands of a golden shore.
Then he was under water.
Then everthing was silent.
Where is my worry?
Where is my pain?
-------------------
nice right?
ramble by oh' maryjane at 15:06
Had conferences with Amad and Joei and they were singing gospel and oldies all thru the conversation. Excellent. They make popularly played old favourites sound funky and toe-tappy rather than modernaciously bastardised. You don`t know what that means? That means they are excellent is what. Or was it the song?
hah!
*Amad be smiling because your name appear in my blog.(shit you)*
sidetrackssss...
okay.new cravings..ummm
Basically feel like having a home made pancake.How about a non-cinnamon pancakes,those with strawberry jam, vanilla (gluten-free, vegetable gelatine, milkless, eggless) marshmallows, maple syrup and strawberry ice-cream for breakfast.Urmmm..if only im that so free to pamper myself with a day of 'good' food.Schools have been pretty crazy lately.Oh!Especially now that it's examination period so i need good stuff to consume to losen up.And just take a a few hours off and spent time in the kitchen for a bit. So today i've been snacking on fruit juice and marshmallows all day and ohh plus chocolates. Can`t think of anything for dinner yet. Maybe i would rather called it supper.Its way past 10 already. Had pancake for 'snack' just now.Pancake with maggie fillings.Should try.Pretty cool.
How about brownie this weekend?Or maybe home made apple pie?Or some bread puddings?
ramble by oh' maryjane at 22:35
Saw Mr. cute today.Okay.Fie tgh HIGH!Currently talking with Zul baout him.haha!
CRaps ah fie.
Talking about Male species..Well..what's with the trend of older girls and younger boys.Or should i speak on an older context as in older woman and younger men.Yarh!No!Its not as if i got some fetish over younger men(what i prefer calling them).*I think ah*Like my other boyfriends or what i like to call them.haha!they are all younger that me.Cutekan!
No la.Their decencyjust blow me away.haha!Merepek sia.Really..looking at the time now..i know why am i talking shit..because its way past midnight.
Really now alot of women are falling for younger men. This is not some stoopid sense i'm making out of my pathetic life. This is from the observation i've made.My other female cousins are dating guys younger then them and i dont see age as being a problem.That depends on the maturity level of the 'younger' guys out there.Okay.why am i talking about guys here!
orite. i would like to share abit...on this song lyrics.
uuuu...i like~
I don't have to be anything other than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situtaion-made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be
anything other than me
cool or what?
ramble by oh' maryjane at 02:45
