Bleah I hate taking my own damn advice.

I know the other theory but I just can't accept the good side of things as I am not on that side, so please don't get me to listen to stuff I already know but don't want to hear because I refuse to admit its existence.

Made up my mind not to go for the band fest at the end of the year, regardless if the band is going or not. 30 bucks to torture myself when I can spend more time in the labs where the bacteria won't despise me.

But ya being stuck in the thirds is sometimes very frustrating. A single entity in the part is very expendable. Besides, you will never have less than 2 other instruments playing with you. Sometimes I really wonder why I want to play in the first place. Playing doesn't make a difference when you can't hear yourself to begin with. Anyways in a way it is worse than even the tubas at times; at least they know they are needed. It's somehow not very rewarding in anyway. A clarinet I think is not meant to play off beats or really long notes all the time. Some may argue that other people have 'worse-off' parts, but the grounds for comparison is not even. Shall not try to explain. It will come when I need it.

Anyway in short I am pissed, depressed and stuffing myself like crazy.

I dreamt of the earth as a beautiful place, a mosaic of blue and green.
The blurry picture, one of the best I've ever seen.
But the focus was fine-tuned and thus ugly reds of the upturned earth became too clear,
And the crude foundations of men took root.
The picture didn't seem so pretty after all.

I dreamt of utopia, of the bright vivid colors.
The lush scenery, the gentle roar of the waterfall and the sounds of little birds chirping.
But that was lost forever, and the glimpse only momentary,
For then I stated living in reality.
The grey concrete and the smoke that hung around the air, further obscured that elusive land.

I once dreamt of heaven, the azure blue sky.
The faultless white clouds, and the loving caress of the angels.
But hell loomed closer as I watched the news,
The ugly faces of Poverty, the Power-hungry and Disaster all around.

And the Dreams remained as Dreams

The entries are getting more and more scanty everytime. Gee. I wonder why.

The promos are coming,and pw's taking it's damn toll; have like about 5000 more plates to fill with beastly bacteria (who are having a better life than me. 'Mating' and eating and growing seems easy enough) before I become a qualified plate spreader or something. The maths and econs and chem in particular are killing me 'cos I take about a year or two to understand the notes along. And I still wonder where time has gone.

Went to do some funny test today, which was supposed to determine what sex your brain is. Surprise! I have a hunky brain. It seems to be a little more on the masculine side although it was still a bit short of the normal male brain. Haha. Was very amused.

Will never go into the teaching profession. Lousy union, awful customers, crazy working environment. It still puzzles me as to why select human beings choose such as ardous jobs. Eee.

Nothing much in life happening at present, with the exception of the entire whole No-Life concept. Will end since there's nothing much to say.

Realized that maybe we (like say students in general) as not as traumatized, angsty, problematic or troubled as we would like to believe we are.

School. We can get through it. Many have done so, will do so in the future. We will certainly survive intact, though of course not the same. Yep. It's all in the perspective as they like to say.

Ya. The little things I can not bother myself with I will not, and those that maybe I can I will try. It's kind of hard to piss me off big-time I realized, because school as I know it will be a radically different concept after 1 1/2 years. The little things I gripe about, like the side gate I realized I can live with. Have done so, am doing so and will be doing so as I am kind of ok with the fact that we have a less-than-efficient school system.

Somehow it dawned on me too that I don't have many people from NJC on my contact list on MSN. Especially from the class. I suspect it's the laziness of everyone. Or that we don't care enough about one another to add each other. Or just because some don't have the time for idle chit-chat.

Am disgusted by PW as usual, no difference, but I hope the file will be in an ok condition when we hand it up. Have tidied most of the things there, so should be fine. I wish to say so about the entire project but it seems to be otherwise.

National Day is almost the same as every year before this. Caught some of the fireworks but am too lazy to actually watch the entire parade. But happy birthday anyway. We've made it thus far and are still surviving. Forty years into this increasingly tough world.

Got to go. More things to do.