Dear Igo, bad stuffs just love to happen one after right another. I have my own problems to face soon. Christmas carols just make me feel even more upset because you are not here with me. I hope I can see you again in my dreams.

This morning I dreamt of sis opening the door and Igo came running into my room and lean against my leg. I wrapped my palms around his face and said finally you've returned home. He looks healthy and happy. Maybe my mind is trying to make myself feel better or perhaps he really came back to check how was I doing.

Dear Igo, I don't know how the rest do it. But I can't just yet. When I was in the kitchen eating, I remembered the times where you put your paws on my lap waiting for food to drop. Usually I would say no and blow air on your nose. You would be there looking at parents cook, gulping down water quickly before dinnertime. I've been feeling recently I ought to do more for you. Yesterday I dreamt of all the dogs returned and sat by my side but you weren't there. I wish I could see you one more time even if it's in dreamland.

Today we went to Eastpoint, the place where we brought you to do your first checkup when you were still a puppy. The pet shop is gone now and nothing interesting there after the renovation. You know everytime I'm eating, the same thoughts cross my mind, have you eaten as well? Dumb I know but can't help it. And now I can look at your picture and smile instead of shedding tears. You left me many wonderful memories and I thank you for that buddy.

Eiji is very sensitive to the baby's cries. I guess if you are still alive, you would react the same way eh. He has taken over your role at barking at strangers lol. Did you send him to check on me every now and then in the night. He came to me 3 times while I was sleeping. I was too drowsy to wake up the third time. I've actually read somewhere that dog souls would often return and advice the new dog what to do to haha

Dear Igo, I thought I smell your odour at 2am this morning. I thought I was imagining things because I missed you too much. Dad mentioned he smell you at 5am near the lift lobby where you usually run there. Mum said she heard you messing with the metal bowls again and felt your presence. Dad went to get your death cert and asked for your ashes location. But the staff there claimed that cheap package doesn't include ashes collection, how rude and we said we don't want it but truth is we did not. They didn't even ask. If you were really here this morning, I'm glad you found your way home. You always do, pee abit while you walk to leave traces behind so you can find your way back. Last year when you recover from fever and limping, you don't know how glad I am to have you back again. But this time the toxicity in your body is too high and that's why you feel the pain. Your kidney isn't working. You would need constant IV fluids and hospitalization time to time. You wouldn't want that right? That day I saw you not reacting to drawing blood and the needle was stuck so deep. The normal you would have resisted. I still see you everywhere I go. Take care, eat, drink slowly. You always gulp down too fast and vomit. For no reason I'm crying again. You must be ashamed of me haha.

Dear Igo, how are you doing on the other side. We are all still upset over your departure. Everything was so sudden. From your illness struck till you left. You have to understand we do not want you to suffer anymore. That night when you screamed in pain broke my heart. I couldn't watch you live a life of needles and meds just because of my selfish desire to have you by my side for awhile more. I wanted to bring you home but vet says you have 2days left and pa wanted your suffering to end. You know all of us shed tears. For me I cry silently to sleep, in my bath. I see you everywhere, the place where you laid while you were sick, where you usually wag your tail when I return home. I remember the times where I tried to chase you and you ran one round over the house. Your fav belly rub that tickles you which make you shake your legs. During the last 2 days I felt so desperate when you won't respond to belly rub and you vomited hand fed milk and water. Don't worry, yumi and yuto are in good hands. Their owners are very caring and eiji is eating well. I'm trying my best not to let my sadness affect him. Someone told me dogs souls would return to visit their owners. Tall tale but part of me hope its true and I left my door opened last night hoping I could see you one last time and apologize for our decision. Mum said hope you reincarnate as human being in next life. Pa is still murmuring no choice have to let you go. I miss you too. My dearest buddy 走好.

Unmanly but i couldn't control tears. Time passes very slowly without my buddy. Thank you Igo for being there during my darkest hours. I will try my best to take care of your son.

The time has finally come for my dog old age disease. Have been feeling even more stressed since the day we brought him back from the clinic. He doesn't eat anymore, so I have to give him water through syringe. I don't know if it's right to keep him going on...