"I love you, Lila" I said, as she nuzzled her head on my shoulder.  She perked up and looked brightly at me.  "And I love Grace!" she replied.

Lila has been very complimentary recently.  Its only been about 2 weeks now that she spontaneously tells us all that she loves us.  Sitting at dinner, she gazes over at Addie and says, "I love you, Addie.  I love you."  Tonight while rocking her in her chair she told me over and over, "I love you, Mommy. I love you."  Always like that, "I love you, Andre.  I love you."  Tonight I got something new, "I like your eyes mom.  Your eyes pity (pretty).  I like your eyes."

Tonight while trying to read the Book of Mormon as a family, Miles kept making karate sounds and jumping around.  I asked him again to please stop.  "You have to call me Iron Man.  Or when I'm not being Iron Man you can call me Tony Stark.  But right now you have to call me Iron Man."   "When can I call you Miles?"  I asked.  He paused, glanced up, then stared straight into my eyes and said, "Never."

Miles officially stared soccer yesterday.  Why did I push my first kids to do everything so early on?  And why won't I let my little ones do anything?  Although Andre was not yet 3 when he put on his first pair of cleats (and Grace started on her first soccer team at age 3), I have just kept feeling that Miles was far too young.  He reminded me about a month ago, "Mom?  Remember Coach Ade said that I could be on a real soccer team when I'm 4 or 5?  And I'm 4.  So when can I?"

Miles was vibrating with excitement and anxiety as I put on shin guards and soccer socks that have sat in a box for 5 years waiting for him.  "Who will tell me what to do so that Coach Ade doesn't yell at me?" "What if I need a drink but I can't find my water bottle."  "Who else is on my team?"  "What if I can't hear what Coach Ade is trying to say?" "What if I don't know when practice is over?"  I assured him that I would be there the whole time and everything would be fine.

He smiled big for the camera but then held my hand nervously as we walked up to the indoor arena.  Miles is just training for now with a group of 5 and 6 year old boys.  I bit my lip as he ran out onto the field--not sure if he should carry his ball or dribble it.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched him focusing so closely on everything Coach Ade or Rolando said and tried his best to replicate their demonstrations.  I was very proud of him but for some reason it was just killing me to watch him out there.  He was respectful.  He already has more skill than I knew he possessed.  He stayed attentive and ran fast and really tried hard.  But it was just heart wrenching for me and I can't even articulate why.

When the hour was up (and he had done very cool and very different things than any of my other kids had done who'd just started off with me or some other volunteer parent--as opposed to ex-professional players with decades of coaching experience), he was very happy.  As we drove to 7-11 to buy him a pack of gummy sharks he said in a very adult voice, "Oh man, Mom.  Austin was so fast.  He beat me every time." (he went against a little guy in a couple of drills and Miles had no idea yet what he was really supposed to do).  "That's okay," I said.  "That was your first day.  You'll get better and better."  "Yeah," he said, "I'll probably be able to beat him when I'm seven."

Doce!

Grace, who has been learning Spanish at school, turned "doce" last month!

Twelve is a really big deal for a Mormon girl.  It marks the end of an era.  She leaves primary, where she's been spending 2 hours per week since she was 3 years old and joins the "Young Women".  I'm grateful that I, too, just joined the Young Women.  I was released last month from my calling as Gospel Doctrine instructor and am now a counselor to the Young Women's president.  I work with the Mia Maids (age 14-16 girls), so I won't be teaching Grace directly, for which she's probably grateful, but will be involved with the her still.  I'm excited.  And I think Grace is excited about being in Young Women's for now.  She's already been working on her Personal Progress during our winter break.

Her birthday fell on a Sunday so we decided to have a "friend" party for her the day before.  I was worried about how it would go, but I needn't have been.  Jason took the three youngest out to lunch and to do some Christmas shopping.  Grace's friends arrived and I was afraid they'd be bored so I had a plethora of things planned.  We had pizza and cupcakes, decorated aprons, played games, opened gifts, and made gingerbread houses.

Grace has a really sweet group of friends.  We had Christmas music playing and they just chatted and giggled, but not too loudly.  They were all polite and cute and kind as can be.  I planned the party to last 3 hours but it was such a peaceful, happy time, I would have been happy if they'd stayed all day.

Addie and Grace don't always get along super well.  Addie was desperate to be a part of Grace's party.  At the last minute Grace agreed.  I'm so glad.  I hope that these girls will become as close of friends and as dear to each other as my sisters are to me.   I think they will.

Jason and the rest of the kids arrived back home before everybody had gone.  Luckily there was an extra house for Lila to decorate.  She loved it and took it very very seriously.

I'm not sure what to say about Grace because I she's been expecting this post and will probably read all of this tomorrow.   So...I guess it would make sense to finish the post this way...
Dear Grace,
The day you were born was one of the most amazing days of my life.  I can so clearly remember what you looked like and the sounds you made your first night as you learned how to breathe air into your lungs.  You made a sort of humming sound each time you breathed out.  I held you on my chest and watched your back rise and fall all night.  I was absolutely smitten.  And I have loved you every day since.  I have been so blessed to see you growing up from such a fiesty and strong-willed toddler into this beautiful young...I can't write woman yet...its just too much...but this beautiful older girl...okay...fine...this YOUNG WOMAN that you have become.  You have such an amazing heart.  You are pained to see anybody else in pain.  You try to treat all those around you with love and respect.  Your teachers adore you and always tell me that they don't know what they would do if they didn't have you in their class.  You keep their faith in teaching, education and the future intact.  Your siblings adore you.  Although Addie and Andre may not always show the greatest kindness and patience, they constantly long for your approval and acceptance.  You are a second mom to Lila.  Miles, too.  They both love their Gracie so much.  I am proud of you for always wanting to improve at things and become better.  This world is a better place because you're in it.
I love you, my beautiful girl!
XoX,
Mamacita

THE MANY FACES OF GRACE:

And since I'm in the mood...sort of...

I might as well keep posting.  You know this son of mine had a birthday.  Nine years old.  Yep, for the past two months the 3 oldest have been 11, 10, and 9!

Andre has such a good heart.  He is truly a kind boy.  He is also so messy.  But he's smart as a whip at school.  Here are a few (ugh...not editing...not even cropping again) pics from his birthday.

He is a mighty funny boy.  Sometimes very silly.  Sometimes very serious.  Like when it comes to soccer.

So...a note about things that matter.  I don't know why something seems so important to the Lord and other times...well...not that they aren't important but I just go about life, trying to do things that best I can and trust that the Lord will tell me if I'm doing it wrong.  Most of the time that's how it seems things are.  But then there is this thing with Andre and soccer.  He definitely has some talent in the sports arena and we have wanted to give him opportunities.  When we first came to Texas we had him playing on some recreation teams that were quite frankly a waste of time as far as developing any talent was concerned.  But they were fun.  Jason really wanted him to be able to be part of a real academy or select team where he could have excellent training and good opportunities.  I was surprised at how distraught Jason became when he could not find anything for Andre that didn't include games on Sundays.  He was truly depressed about it.  I didn't take it that seriously...but Jason just really seemed down.  We prayed.  I felt impressed to pray.  And then a seeming miracle happen.  We found an organization that told us they would play games on Saturdays.  The Coach was a very outspoken, ex-professional player, and ex-college coach from Sierra Leone (played in England) name Ade (pronounced Addie).  We immediately joined, despite having to drive fairly long distances for Andre to begin training.  It was at the end of a fall season.  For winter they played indoor and Andre enjoyed it very much.  Then spring came around and Ade told us that he was wrong and they were going to play on Sundays.  So, we bid him farewell.

For the next year Andre played football in the fall and spring...then Jason got a call out of the blue from Coach Ade telling him that he wanted Andre back, that he was switching to a new organization, and that he promised to honor our wishes to avoid Sundays if we would bring Andre to him.  So we did.  And its awesome.  It has been a sacrifice but we felt strongly we should do it.  Andre's trainings were about 25 minutes away.  I'd meet Jason there after work twice per week and then Jason would stay with him and bring him home.  Ade is the director of this organization in the area here (RUSH) and Andre's current head coach is a youngish guy named Aaron.  We like him a lot.  Very skilled.  Very good guy.  Totally happy to honor our desires to avoid Sundays and seems to respect us for it.  Another boy from our ward has joined the team as well.  So...anyway...I'm kind of rambling but here's where it gets interesting to me...the Coach sent an email asking if any of us parents could help out at all because he didn't have a manager like the other teams.  Something told me to say I'd help.  I don't know why because I don't have time.  But I offered and he immediately got me helping with organizational things and contacting parents.  But he said that he'd try to get lots of people to help out.  I wouldn't have to be the sole manager.  Then something else amazing happened.  RUSH got space and a training facility and put up lights at a field LITERALLY (or, as many friends like to say "LITRALLY") that is 4 minutes drive from our house.  I found that out and then I heard a voice say, "Okay, so I'm giving you back all this time.  I need you to give it back to the team and be their full time manager."  I was like, "What?  Why?  Are you really telling me that this is something important enough that you had to really tell me?"   A couple days later Ade called me up and asked me to be Aaron's full-time team manager.  So, I said yes.  I don't really know why I wrote all that except that for some reason this thing of Andre being a part of this soccer organization RUSH, him being coached by Aaron, and me being the manager are all really important things that we have to do right now.  I have had many missionary experiences with Coach Aaron, Coach Ade, and the parents already and perhaps this is why.  I don't know.  Sorry for the rambling.  You're probably not even reading anymore.  But here are some good soccer photos I took of Andre.

Here he is with a posed shot with Coach Aaron.  The funny thing is that I didn't even notice until later that Coach Ade is doing the same thing in the background to little Andrew, but his pointing and yelling is real.

 Andre busts a move between two defenders...

 ...and scores on a very sad keeper.

 That shot above is what we call a "nutmeg".  I don't know why, but you don't ever want to get "nutmegged" like Andre just did to that kid.

 By the way...I'm sure I've mentioned this way too many times, but I absolutely love the diversity we have in our area.  The two kids behind Andre on his team are Andrew who is Indian and Kamil who is Lebanese/Mexican.  We also have Nate who is Thai, JP who is Phillipino/Mexican, Jett who is Asian something, Xavier, Trey, and Yamil who are African American, and then Ben, the lonely blonde kid, and a few more white kids.  Its just really really cool for Andre to be proud of his heritage but not to have to feel different all the time.

 Isn't he so cute?

And now I'm hitting "publish" with out a single read thru to fix the many typos I'm sure I made.  Oh well.  That's how I roll these days.

A post I started about Addie several months ago...

"Last night I had my favorite dream I've ever had," Addie tells me as we are driving about 10,000 miles home from Grace's volleyball game.
"Oh yeah?"  I ask.  "Tell me about it."
She is leaning forward more dangerously than she should, while sitting in Miles carseat.  She is tiny enough to fit comfortably and is wearing her seat belt.
"It was the best dream ever because it was hilarious," she starts to giggle and as she continues, "I like, I didn't even want to wake up because in my dream I invented this bra that had a cape on the back and it was so awesome because you just had to flip it and SNAP IT ON!  And Kora had one and my friend Gretchen, too.  I never wanted to wake up and when I did, I wanted to just go back to sleep and keep on dreaming that dream."

My Adelaide is awesome.

Oh...and I don't suppose I've taken the time to mention that she turned TEN two months ago.  Oh well.  Here are a few unedited pics...which is killing me...but if I take the time to edit them...then I won't ever edit them which means I won't ever create another blog post again in my life.  Or something like that.

Addie still has some emotional break downs from time to time but things are getting much better.  In general she is happy...or...at least content and not angry and sad more than for a few brief moments per day.  I credit it to many things.  I'd say the biggest 3 are emotional/energy work, good school and Petey.

Sheesh...now I realize I don't know if I've even posted about Petey.  And I'm not up for looking back through my posts to see if I have or not.  But Petey joined our family last March or April.  I was not going to get a dog, then I started talking to Jason about it, then I started feeling more like maybe, but I really didn't want to, and then I saw Addie playing with a cat at the park, which was really strange because Addie doesn't even like animals...and I had a thought that she really need a dog, and then Jason's cousin Bug called us and asked if we wanted a dog that he roommate had rescued.  She said he was a Chiweenie named Peter Pan.  I said if he could be a Mexican Hotdog named Peter Parker it was a deal.  So, that's all I feel like writing for now...except that Grace was the one that really really wanted a dog and then he became almost completely Addie's.  Her most loyal friend.  Never holds a grudge.  Loves her even when she flips out.  He sleeps with her at night.  About a month ago he dug under our fence and got lost.  I wouldn't say he ran away because he seems to have no predisposition to be out of our presence at any time.  But anyway...we had to go driving around looking for him and Addie was switching from hysterical to grief stricken zombie.  We prayed and I asked lots of other people to pray and then I begged the Lord as we drove to let the sweet prayer she offered for her sweet Petey to be answered.  And it was.  Whew.  I guess I did want to write some more.

Hurt Finger

Miles just came in to my room, where I was making my bed, whimpering and holding his left hand in his right.  "Ouch, Ouch, Owie!" he cried.
"What happened, son?"  I asked.
"Its my pinky.  My pinky hurts so bad!!!"
"Oh no...that's sad.  How did it get hurt?" I asked gently.
"Well...I was just putting it in my mouth..." he looked around reluctantly, "And...then...I bit it."

Tonight while I was snuggling Miles for a few minutes before bed, he leaned over and kissed my cheek.
"I love you," he said.
I kissed him and loved him back.
Then he said, "When I turn 5, when I learn how to draw hearts...I'm going to...well, when I turn 5 and I learn how to draw hearts...AND ROSES!...I will turn 5 and then...when it will be Valentine's Day, do you know what I'll do then?  I'll draw them for you on...do you know what they will be on?  On LOVE cards!  I'll draw hearts and RoOoses on a LOVE card for you!"

Miles and Lila are such cute little buddies.  We've had an ice storm hit us and have been somewhat iced in for the past few days.  School was canceled Friday...and just found out it will be canceled tomorrow as well.  These ice storms are very interesting.  Lots and lots of trees down simply because of the weight of the ice.  Power outages.  But they are very pretty.  And I must say that I usually defend Texas and their fondness for canceling school at the slightest bit of slipperiness.  The ice storms are different than anything I experienced in Utah and the driving conditions are truly treacherous.  Plus, there are very very few vehicles available to do anything to remove snow or ice...sanding and things like that does not happen often or quickly.  So...it gets icy and we stay put.  Today there was only one hour of church.  Our leaders didn't want those with callings to feel obligated to drive on the ice if they didn't feel good about it, so we only held Sacrament meeting.  By the time we drove home at about 12:30, the temps were in the upper 30s and the ice was pretty well melted.  The ice continued to melt through out the day.  Then the kids went to bed and I got a call that school is canceled again because...the road "might" be icey again.  No new precipitation just that water melted and so it could be icey in places.  ?  Hm.  Sorry Texas.  I'm not defending you on this one.  That is very wimpy.  Anywho...the ice looked really cool.

Back to Miles and Lila being cute buddies.  Today he has just been loving on her so much, wanting to hold her hand so she didn't slip on the ice, playing fun games with her, and then wanting to tell her Christmas stories as they snuggled in his bed before sleep.  He had wanted her to sleep in his bed all night, which she was thrilled about, but then he said, "She..well...I sort of don't want her to sleep in my bed because she's kind of not that fun to snuggle with because...well...her hair is so messy and keeps getting in my face."  Haha.  He's used to only snuggling with bald mama!

Here are a few cute (if not edited) pics of the two of them together.

This one in the car is from when I recently locked my keys in my car at the store and my friend Sarah had to come pick me up...thus we didn't have car seats.

Miles

I'm trying to figure out why I won't blog.  I know I want to record things and I kind of feel sick to my stomach that I don't.  I guess I can blame it on my phone.  Since I've been able to check email and do the majority of my computer-related things right on my phone, I avoid my computer.  I'm going to have to try to fix whatever it is that's truly making me dread sitting down in front of my computer.  When I sit down for more than a few minutes I start feeling major anxiety.  I really have to figure it out..because this is important.  I'm not recording super awesome stuff and it will haunt me one day if I don't.

A couple of things I just remembered I wanted to write down.  I wanted to write about how Miles is getting so grown up.   He started preschool in September.  It is just Tues and Thurs from 9-2.  He was scared to go.  I didn't want to really send him.  But kindergarten starts next year and it is full day here.  I thought it would be a disservice to him to go cold turkey.  Plus, he really loves having lots of friends to play with and being a big kid.  He loves helping me make his lunch and, unlike some of his other siblings, he never forgets anything that he needs to take.

The first day we arrived he was very nervous.  I got the start time wrong (it actually starts at 9:15 rather than 9) and so we had some waiting around to do.  His nervousness broke my heart.  But he was brave.  And he's done very well.  He had one morning where he cried going in.  But his preschool teacher sent me a text with a photo of him happily playing before I could even get out of the parking lot.

The preschool is held in a United Methodist church.  Miles attends "chapel" one of the mornings and is drawing lots of crosses on his pictures.  The teachers are as loving and kind as you could ever imagine.  It is a happy, good place for him to be while adjusting to not being with ME 24/7.

Last week I nearly burst into tears.  Miles had just gotten home.  We were standing in my bathroom and he said, "Oh, Mom, I got these for you at recess."  He reached down into his pocket and carefully pulled out two miniscule, purple flowers.   Concerned he said, "I had 3.  I don't know where the other one is.  I picked 3 for you."  I don't know why those soft, fleshy little fingers, digging in his pockets to hand me tiny flowers (maybe they're weeds?) with a little lint made me feel so tender for my boy.  This is my hand holding the flowers a few days later.  I couldn't bring myself to throw them away.

Today Miles was playing with a new stud-finder which Jason had purchased yesterday at Home Depot.  He was trying to find the studs in all of his toys and things.  "Miles," I said, "Please don't play with that.  Dad will not be happy if you break it.  He just bought that because the other one got broken."  "I am not breaking it," he said.  "And Dad said that I could play with it any time I want."  "No," I said, "I don't think he said that."  "Yes, he did!" Miles exclaimed, eyebrows raised and jugular vein sticking out as it is wont to do, "Maybe you just didn't hear him.  Because...he said it in his MIND."

Miles "selfie"

My sleeping boy after a long afternoon and a very long screaming fit.  He likes us to snuggle like this.  His arms barely fit around my neck.  It reminds me how little he still is.  I'm going to miss these nap times!!!