posts
Thursday, January 29, 2009 6:34 pm
good morning, Friday(:
baby's going Field Camp tmr... and it feels like I'm never enough. so, EVERYONE, pray for him pls.
I'm still in my artsy mood on the third day. :D
someone asked if I'm from laselle yest haha prolly cos I was dressed like a random-walking-Christmas-tree.
while I'm home, I've been listening to friends of william fitzsimmons on MySpace and friends of friends too. (: now, I've finally found music that I'll nvr get sick of for a long time. it's been forever since I've found music treasures for keeps.
here's introducing...
I think she's a Christian Artist. HIT IT, Brooke! (:
10 Hoseas Wife -
Verse 1:
I just spoke silence with the seeker next to me
She had a heart with hesitant, halting speech
That turned to mine and asked belligerently
"What do I live for?"
Verse 2:
I see the scars of searches everywhere I go
From hearts to wars to literature to radio
There's a question like a shame no one will show
"What do I live for?"
We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using people like ladders and words like knives
Chorus:
If we've eyes to see
If we've ears to hear
To find it in our hearts and mouths
The word that saves is near
Shed that shallow skin
Come and live again
Leave all you were before
To believe is to begin
Verse 3:
There is truth in little corners of our lives
There are hints of it in songs and children's eyes
It's familiar, like an ancient lullaby
What do I live for?
We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using bodies like money and truth like lies
Bridge:
We are more than dust
That means something
That means something
We are more than just
Blood and emotions
Inklings and notions
Atoms on oceans
---
awesome.
I had a really bad dream last night but I cant rmb much of it now... guess I'm just missing andrew. wish you were here...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009 11:53 pm
the past hour or so until evening will be time alone for me.
(:
just the way I like it - read a book, listen to william fitzsimmons and... begin to like myself.
for a long time I've not enjoyed the company of myself. now it's back to the old days when I wish I had a home of my own. or even a room. my mum really gets too much for me to handle at times and missing Andrew takes up too much of my time as well.
DONT GET ME WRONG!
I love them both. alot.
however, everyone needs time to themselves and this is my time. Josie told us to pick our favourite time of the day to have Quiet Time with God but unfortunately, my mum's at home 24/7 and I dont feel comfortable 'cause I need it to be really really really quiet. like now.
if I could, I'd even sell every piece of furniture except my computer and my bed and have a new table and chair. yeap, it's one of those days that I need to "get out" and "leave it all behind". perhaps von would understand. (:
the Lunar New Year weekend was awesome only because Andrew booked out and we got to spend some quality time together. I'm so glad he suggested to go to the movies 'cause it gave me strength to pull through the coming 2 weeks when he's gonna be away for field camp.
we heard lotsa stories abt field camps over the weekend and I must say, some of them were not encouraging at all. maybe it's a guy-thing, but I'm glad I dont have to hear what they've said and still go through it. frankly, I might've already broken down before booking in. nonetheless, Andrew's stronger than I thought. he's doing well, I suppose? unless he's just been keeping everything to himself; I wont be surprised. still, I'll keep praying for his safety and well-being.
I want a good piece of cake to eat NOW.
Monday, January 26, 2009 6:18 am
stop screwing with my mind.
stop screwing with my mind.
STOP SCREAMING WITH MY MIND!
God, please help me.
small.
hang in there. (:
Through The Rain.mp3 - Mariah Carey
Through the Rain
Verse:
When you get caught in the rain
With nowhere to run
When you're distraught
And in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes
And you feel so far away
That you just can't find you way home
Your can get there alone
It's okay
Once you say
Chorus:
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain
Verse 2:
And if you keep falling down
Don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound
So keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
Once you say
Bridge:
And when the wind blows
And shadows grow close
Don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you
You'll never pull through
Don't hesitate
Stand tall and say
---
hey mariah, stick to screaming emo songs like this. (:
looking back, this was one of her songs that inspired me to sing back when I was a teen. or maybe even younger. cant believe I'm saying this when my cousin-in-law just told me last night that I look 12! -.- hahaha. ah well. maturity is in the mind, yes? wish my boobs could tell more but unfortunately, they cant make no statement as loud as my mouth. (:
speaking of which, it's really amazing that I can joke abt myself today cos I used to be so shy! I wouldnt even dare act infront of my classmates. and actually, I still cant. (but I can start as a rock or a tree? hehe) I guess singing gave me confidence over the years and God gave me a voice. so thank God for working miracles on me.
I miss singing solo.
I miss singing sensible music like this.
I miss knowing music.
at times, I want to return to the band but I cant bring myself to intrude after all the mess I made of it. ah well. I'll always have a bedroom audience (my tv, computer, beds, a sleeping mum and soft toys...)
honestly, I used to imagine myself on a stage someday, singing my heart out the songs I love to sing. (: haha! and that's what I wanna do now - to believe for a moment in this song, I can sing and people would hear me and be moved.
RRRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG~~
good morning, gen ((:
oh yeah. if there's anything I've learnt, it is to keep my mouth shut when I'm pissed. (: here's the new policy. TALK LESS, SING MORE. hahaha, arent I picking up fast from MOE?
Wednesday, January 21, 2009 7:42 pm
love my new template?
so, baby called last night and I told him that I thought he's in Company Achar, it was funny cos I forgot what 'A' stood for, and laughed. but, to his horror and utter disappointment, he's not even from Company A! ))): I feel really terrble about myself.
there he is, slogging for and missing the world out here and I couldnt even remember a simple thing like his Company's name? I ought to shoot myself. what's the point in worrying for his safety, physical, emotional and spiritual health when really, worrying doesnt turn anything for the better.
I've been wondering since the time I prepared the farewell card, why cant I do as much for him as he had done for me? I dont think it's because I'm any less willing to do so. I just feel powerless compared to him.
I miss you...
and I'm afraid.
Friday, January 09, 2009 6:16 pm
I enjoyed my birthday so much that it hurts.
When Youre Gone - Avril Lavigne
When You're Gone
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
Chorus
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
(Chorus)
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
(Chorus)
---
HAHA! I'm soo emo, ho? eh ROMANTIC OK.
I know some of you might say avril's soo poseur... but ha. what does it matter? I'm TWENTY! I'm past the poseur phase of my life so I can listen to whatever I want! ahh you teenies! haha. get a grip. :P wah, I'm so mean. tsktsk. I'm gonna lose all my friends when they read this.
anw, the past 2 days since Andrew began his NS had been quite alright. of course I miss him and everything else that's in bold in the lyrics but above all, I want him to be well in there.
I just dont get why people keep telling me that I wont make it through a few days days without him. -.- C'MON! and some would say that he wont be able to take it in there cos it's really different. -.- WHAT? eh, look, nimcompoops. enough. if you have nothing better to say... shut it.
thank God for being with me, for gfs, for eunice and nat. (: I love ya'll.
... but I love Andrew more. :P hahaha!
Thursday, January 01, 2009 3:20 am
I dont believe in making too many new year resolutions...
1) dedicate time to STUDY the word of God @SPI
2) do quiet time on mondays, wednesdays and saturdays in the morning (45min)
3) pray for all my loved ones
(: HAPPY NEW YEAR!