Tuesday, August 31, 2004

sth's wrong with me.
cant say i didnt try to contain my emotions
i did.
for a year
two years.
but all these pent up frustrations become too heavy for mi to bear
i may always try to smile
try to clown around
try to pretend that im the happiest girl in the world
but its not from the heart
its forced out
deliberate.
all the tears come at night
when im alone
when nobody noes.
but now i cant hide
no longer
its a great torture
to take the pain
alone
to suppress everything
within mi
to smile when im crying
inside
today,
i told sumone how i felt
first time in these 2 yrs
i let out all thats kept inside
and once i finished typing all that on the hp
i cldnt help it
but break down
right in front of you
but you were too busy
ignoring mi
enjoying urself
that you din notice.

i cant help the mood swings
i cant ignore all that im feeling
after these months of faking cheerfulness
pretending that i dun notice
smiling thru everything
i've got to let it out
b4 it kills mi.
but yet i noe
you still want mi as a fren
its juz that
you love urself far more than you love others.
ur insensitivity is suffocating.

i cant go on like this.

a big fat thanx to angeline koh
who treats me seriously when i want to be treated seriously
unlike you.
who dun treat wat im gg thru like a joke
unlike you.
who's always there when i needed sumone
unlike you.

i miss pem.

from now on
i cant summon any more energy to paste a smile on my face
when i feel like crying
but given your dense-ness and insensitivity
its not surprising even if you dun realise that im crying
right in front of u.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

satisfied my craving for k box, neoprints AND a haircut all at once today
*grins*

thanks to geok,alvin and joseph for that great k box session
its the first time i came out of that place without a sore throat and a soft yet distinct voice running in my head, saying 'suying cant sing at all.'
its pleasing to find out that my voice improved together wif geok's
it practically made my day :)
*beams*
its shocking to find out that joseph sings with his diaphragm
he can reach notes that i have to strain realli hard to reach
and he's a GUY (like DUH)
its more than shocking to find out that alvin can reach realli high notes
given that realli deep bass voice that he always sing in
so yeah.
its amazing.

the neoprint taking process
one word
HILARIOUS.
*screams* BANANA!
WAHAHA.

finally fulfilled my wish to get my hair cut
i dunno if i like my new haircut tho
half of my fringe now is super short
the other half remains the original length
if anyone dare to ask if i burnt my fringe
i'll KILL u.

geok got a realli nice cut tho
finally got that double fringe she've always wanted
and thus, she insisted that i blog abt how nice it is
congrats girl!
you can finally look good after so many years.
WAHAHA.

got a chance to have a good chat with geok
we certainly had a lot of catching up to do
thank God for this talk
i sang her my new song
and OF COS she said it was good
WAHAHA.
SUYING ROCKS. :P

thank God for today
had a great time :)
time for bed now
tooooobles.

satisfied my craving for k box this morning together with geok, joseph and alvin
and gosh, was it indeed satisfying!
wahahaha
its practically the FIRST time i came out of that place without a sore throat.
and its pleasing to find out that my voice improved together wif geok's
*grins*
its shocking to noe that joseph actualli sings wif his diaphragm
he can reach notes that i have to strain really hard to reach
and he's a GUY (like DUH)
its more shocking to noe that alvin can reach realli high notes
given that bass voice he always sing in
so, yeah.
its amazing.

satisfied my hunger for neoprints rite after that wif the same bunch
it was a hilarious process
LOL.
*screams* BANANA!
WAHAHA.

had a chance to have a good chat wif geok after that.
*grins*
thank God for that.
sang her my new song!
and OF COS she said its nice.
wahahahah
:P
*beams*

and i finally got my hair cut!
i was realli determined to keep my fringe realli short this time
so that it wun irritate my eyes
but that hairdresser thot i would look better in another style
so i gave in
and now i got half of my fringe short and another half at the original length
if anyone dare to ask mi if i burnt my fringe
i'll kill u.

geok got this realli nice cut
she's got the double fringe she've always wanted
and thus, she insisted that i blog abt how nice it is.
wahaha...
congrats girl.
u can finally look good after so many years.
WAHAHA.
:P

thank God for today
had a great time :)
off to bed for now
tooooodles.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

i had a two hours break in between my lessons today
planned to finsh the maths prelim paper and the incomplete lectures
my achievement for that 2 hours: i wrote a song.
'so am i worried that im not meeting expectations?' you ask.
NOPE
im darn proud of myself
*grins*
*shrugs* hey its a nice song.
even shiqi and rahel say so :)
ignore the minor detail that i forced them to.

i was surprised at myself when i agreed to go to the optional gothic lecture this evening
its optional, and it starts at SEVEN
which means i'll miss singapore idol
but oh well, i still stayed
and shiqi and i spent like 15 mins waiting outside LT2 for the class to start
only to find out then that the lec is changed to the bridge
GRRRR.
so guess wat?
we din go in the end.
wahaha.
can you believe it?
we stayed like 4hrs for that thing
and we din turn up in the end.
thats us for you.
:P

we walked home from school today.
first time in the one year and a half in pj that i walked home from school
it felt good to walk in the cool night breeze
finally decided to stop hiding wat i've been feeling for so long and told shiqi.
hur hur.
that prolly added to the goodness.
it felt like a huge load off my mind.

i hate hypocrites
but i cant help but suspect
that im one too.

thank God for today
thank God for that song :)

off to watch the voting for singapore idol
toodles for now :)

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

sighs.
its confirmed.
im crazy.
*bursts into tears* sniff sniff.

Monday, August 23, 2004

that final fantasy music in yu's blog is saddening

pem
i realli realli realli miss all of you
even ting, whom i always see in sch
its scary how time flies isnt it
its scary how people change
its scary how your environment changes you
not that my life's terrible now
but its juz not right
i wan to go back
to when we used to play together in primary sch
when we used to clown around in public
when we were childish enough to spend a day Q-ing up for F4
when we didnt care wat people thot of us juz as long as we r one
when we would sing together as we roam clark quay
when we always had time for one another
when we were kids.

its juz one of those days
when you look back and realize
you'll nv experience the happiness you've once had anymore
you realize that
life's harder as you move on
'if onli i can stop time.'
i've heard myself say that so many times
im sick of it.

ariel chng siew yuuuu
hang on to ur faith even when it seems to you that God's not with you
and always remember
He'll always there.
all the best to you my fren :)
and hey
i miss you.

i always thank God for my wealth of friends
but sumhow
i honestly feel alone.
alone as in all by myself
just mi alone.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

YES.
i survived the Lit mock exam.
my tgost script contains nothing but crap like : 'velutha left no footprints in the sand and thus, he has no identity.'
WAHAHA.
you can tell how much i love the God of small things

its yet another sakae day!
hur hur...
and we found out that it pays to go there early
thats when all the good food is available on the belt.
was 'walking down memory lane' with shiqi
wahaha...
fun fun fun.

i met joey for dinner today.
im surprised at how well we can get along after so long.
im surprised at how much i missed her.
yen yen cldnt make it :(
had to do OT.
bummer.

yay, mi and elphia finished our presentation for the cell grp today :)
and it went well
thank God!
hur hur...
and right after we finish sharing abt how christians shld b contented,
i asked my mum for a raise in allowance.
-____-'''
*ashamed*

after today
im broke.
SOBS.
but hey geok,
im still on for k box tml if you realli want it :D
*grins*

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

i'll be meeting joey and yen yen this sat for pizza~
*grins*
cant wait to see them again and relive the old times at work
wahaha...

seehong wanted to come late today like jennee
but she came as per normal to keep mi company
:D
thanx twinnie.

yups, changed my skin to this cliche forever frens bear looking all sweet and pinkish
and i put on this sakura songy that says abt friendship and dreams and all
so...
pemers dear,
we all noe its coming true
ting's gotta go, be it to aussie or HK
and we're all worried that this is it
the end.
but NOPE.
thats not gonna happen
we'll hold on together yesh?
and we'll wait till ting comes back
we'll wait till we all have time for recordings
for ktv
for sleepovers
for hours of crapping and fun
and we'll see that
nothing ever changes.

three cheers for pem :)
we rock.