Friday, January 30, 2004

quah, r u angry abt the sam and geline thingy?
i think its ok to tell le
but i cant post it here
tell u tml k??

recording how?
sam's getting results soon
and no matter is she get wonderful or terrible grades
she'll b home bound =(

happie bday qian wen, jia hui and mr eddie koh =)

the hw list runs looonngg
teachers think 3 days are like forever

i realli realli dun wanna perform on opening ceremony
its distracting
and i hate the feeling of being forced to sing
i cant change anithing now but mr boh allows another girl to go up there wif mi
erm
so...
anione wanna b my best fren and go onstage wif mi?
pls
juz anione
im desperate

im russia's ambassador to austria
wahaha

augustine had the nu fa chong guan hair style today
wahaha
rahel's funni
VERY funni

sch is realli getting enjoyable
but the amt of works that piles up is killing mi

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

today's smart casual day
wahaha
everyone looked like they were either from secondary sch or from poly

it started raining onli when we stepped onstage
?!?!?!?!?
God's will
wahaha
but it was kinda fun to b on that so called stage
its so low i dun even feel like im onstage
the whole performance was so casual, i started forgetting that im performing and forgot my last line =P
wahaha
and a02 + piao + karin + lay kwan helped a lot alot wif all the screams and all =)
poor shiqi had to hold up the lyrics in one hand and the camera in the other WHILE she sing along
wahaha
thanx loads classmates + mr eddie koh =D

mr sars's performance was SHOCKING
wahaha
he's a great dancer =P

tml will b my death day
im supposed to stand in the very FRONT when we sing "GONG XI GONG XI" with the stupid dance steps during the j1 CNY concert
woo hoo
i cant wait
YA RITE

i didnt ans that qn

i can c that u care =)
but this is not the way to do things
running away realli isnt a solution
lets face it together kay?

we cant put recording off animore
sam's results will b released soon
after that, we wun b seeing much of her

its been so long i hear her laugh hysterically
wahaha
i miss you sam

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

gdness
hongmei has the same blogskin as mine
wahaha
its starting to get a little too melancholy
oh well
its time for a new skin =P

i hope it rains tml =S

PE was gd today
no running!
finalli it rained during mass pe
FINALLI

God helped mi thru a lot today
thank You =)

dinner was yummy today
siao lang keng ROX~

turn left turn rite
i thot i exaggerated abt how much the film moved mi
but then i found out
i didnt =)

i was lying on my bed in the dark, thinking
my phone rang
a message
it drove all the sleepiness out of mi
wat happened?
im worried
i cant ans that qn
i dunno how to b truthful
i dunno wat i realli want
dun force it out of mi
pls

y are u asking mi sth like that?
it freaked mi out realli
i wun ans ur qn
i cant

Sunday, January 25, 2004

"xin nian kuai le (XIN NIAN KUAI LE!)"
wahaha
the he nian dui
geokie & shao ning & daunne & xiao ling & jun wei & wei yan & ling & mi took the van
wahaha
the process of travelling was fun =)
the BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEs and the measuring thingy
wahaha
fun =P

hw's not even touched yet =(
gg to try doing it now
pray for mi =P

pls
i wan my hifi by today
PLEASE!!

Saturday, January 24, 2004

*pitter patter*
its raining hard
i love the music the rain makes
i love to snuggle in bed as i listen to the raindrops sing
i love to lie awake in the dark as memories flash in front of mi like a dream
i love to breathe in the cool misty air as my soft comforter warms mi
i love...

i enjoyed the singing session very much pemers
i can c every one of us putting in effort to sound good
trying very hard to improve
im sorri for the accusation that u dun try
i was wrong =)

yt u alrite?
we'll always be there for u to lend a ear
we'll always b there for u like u've been there for us
'for pem'

see hongy
thanx =)

sth's very wrong wif dex
my dear brother
always so patient and understanding?
not animore
scary how pple change
or mayb there's sth deeper in wat he's feeling
i wish to help
if u let mi =)

time for church
i have a lot to thank God for after the pem thingy =D

Thursday, January 22, 2004

geok, ur last blog entry warmed my heart
ting, ur msgs touched mi
THANX SO MUCH =)

i re read wat i've blogged for the past few days
if its directed to mi
i would have blown my top
thank God you werent offended
i sounded so selfish
like im the onli one who's working to keep pem together
and i still had the guts to ask u guys to comprimise
i dun no wat came over mi
but thank God its all over
and im back to the smiley mi again, as geok would say

so
recordings anione?!?!
wahaha

i'll record "for pem" on my md and burn it into a cd for everyone
so u guys can learn it asap
then we can start recording =)
geline's frens were full of praise when they heard us, heard our songs
stardom watch out!
with the strength of five
with the strength of God
we can do all things
=D

i want to shout out loud to the whole wide world
that God gave mi the best frens on earth
that no matter how much i always complain abt them, cry over them, i still love them more than ever
pem and siao lang keng
forever

thank God

today
my brother threw a whole lot of sarcasm at mi
geok's unhappy over wat i stupidly blogged yesterday
geline's behaviour made mi thot pem's like her spare tire
i thot more about pem
mom complained abt mi not helping out with the spring cleaning
i kinda broke down
locked myself in the bathroom
cried

"i read juz b4 i saw ur msg...y din u say out ne? haix... mi decided to re write five as onele... back to five of us... if u tired tell mi k? from now on, all the rushing of recordings and gatherings leave to mi ba! rest a while first, Trust mi orh, i can do it de!"

"hehe... i love u lots too! hehe... dun worry, i will write out the best five as one lyrics u ever seen! relax and go back to the cheerful ying i noe ba! jia you orh! dun ever thank mi for all that orh, mi doin it for pem... haha.. cos mi also in it mah! dun wanna c my best singer fall sick due to overcrying orh!"

"haha... dun cry le huh... next time got prob muz say lah! silly girl! enjoy new year's eve orh!"

i thot i knew u so well
that i can predict ur reaction to my blog
i thot u will get angry
i was so wrong
ting thanx so much
this is the first time im glad that i dun noe u that well at all
u gave mi a big surprise
u gave mi the best new year's eve that i ever had
frens forever
five as one
=)

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

im
so
sorri

i realli wasnt thinking when i typed all that
i shld have known u din mean it to sound the way it is
i DO c the effort u put in to blend in
geline DO c the effort u put in
yenting DO c the effort u put in
and u dunno how grateful i am that u are willing to put up wif all this

i guess we shld realli have a talk
all the songs i wrote
i get so excited when i finish them
that i cant to let u guys hear it
i onli c geilne and ting everyday
so they got to hear it
i wanted so much to let u and sam hear them
but i dunno how...
yenting's the onli one whu reali encourages mi
comment on my songs without being too critiical
whenever i sing u my song
u look... expressionless
no response
nothing
then an ackward silence will follow
i tried to guess y u behaved this way everytime i sing u a song i wrote
"mayb u saw it as a form showing off?"
frm then on
i din dare to tell u i wrote more songs
in case i widen the gap btwn u and i

i noe there's a lot that we discuss or talk abt in front of u
that u have never heard b4
i tried to explain
but i fear that u will once again see this as a form of showing off
i fear that u will think mi as trying to tell u how much we have done without u
im not a good speaker
i dunno how to say it right
so i keep quiet
and pray hard that u can figure out wat we r saying on ur own

pls dun b mad at mi

there's so many thots that crossed my mind
so many decisions i have to make
i juz came out of the shower wif my eyes red
i yearn for sumone to listen to wat i have to say
im desperate to put all my feelings into words
but im not capable of it
the most i can do
is to transform my emotions into music
and hope that pem will pick up the hint of how miserable i am
thru the songs that i wrote

i noe im expecting too much
i noe im adding pressure into everyone's life
im under immense pressure too
im dying of it

how i wish God can talk to mi
tell mi wat i shld do
tell mi wat's rite and wat's wrong

mayb we shld all take a break
mayb pem's a mistake rite frm the start

will life b better if we juz break up?
i feel like the onli one trying to hold us all together
im tired of it

my patience is being stretched too far
if it snaps

i can almost picture myself singing onstage alone

pls
its time for all of u to comprimise too
it takes five to do it
pull mi back b4 i drift too far

its draining my energy too
but geok, are we realli a trap to tempt u to sin
its pretty hurtful to put it that way

i juz got off the phone with geline
she made mi realise im becoming numb
hard hearted
everything's abt myself
i haboured thots like getting out of pem
becos i was left out
becos i believed i can carve a singing career out of my own
yes, anione whu's reading this is free to despise mi
God teaches us to have love for others
wat u said on ur blog reflects wat i have been feeling b4 i talked to geline
i c u and i becoming machines
we talk about our love for God
but thats not all that we shld have
where's our love for the pple around us
for pem?
if pem's a trap to tempt us, there's always God to pull us back onto the rite track isnt it?
y do we need to worry?
does running away frm pem solve the problem?
if we truly love pemers, y do we onli care abt our faith in God but not THEIR faith in God?
its our responsibility to make sure they hear the complete gospel, but now, all we care abt is US US US

quah, im not saying this out of sacarsm or mockery
dun try to intepret this post in any other way
juz read it
and plainly try to understand
wat im trying to say

we all have problems
and we all noe that running away is not the problem
mayb its time to accept the new pem
to move on instead of continuing to live the past
everyone's changed
so have u and i

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

thanx lots see hongy, for the msg u left on my tag board =)
there's a lot more i have to thank u and shiqi for
u guys practicalli changed my life! =P
life in pj will b almost unbearable without u guys, together wif esther and qian wen
thanx loads =P

choir ROX
the performance was great =P
and the credit goes to every choir member that performed~

chinese class was fun
got to read a bit of jimmy's works
eddie koh had said that poets/artists come up with their best works at the very moment when they feel the strong sense of bursting emotions
every line jimmy wrote left a sense of depression in me that lingers
the part abt the little girl celebrating her bday alone
her birthday wishes become curses for her frens
because they forgot her bday
this section was so piercing
i shudder when i hear it

life is so unpredictable
far beyond our reach and control
the helplessness life throws us in makes us so desperate
we are forced to learn to suppress our feelings and accept the way life is

we studied the poem 'Truce'
its so me
maybe becos sch have juz started not long ago
in chinese class, we talk abt dreams and goals
in lit, we talk abt dreams and goals
even in CT class
we talk abt dreams and goals
mayb this is the cause of my pressure

geline surprised mi so much
i surprised myself so much
thru comparison,
im more her than mi
and she's more mi than her
now i understand
a problem shared is a problem halved
all i did was tell her my problems
now
its all solved
thanks to her
thanks to God =)

Monday, January 19, 2004

i realise i made lots of unfair accusations at pemers
i, too, have made the very same mistakes i blamed u for making
sorri =(
lets all learn to b better pple

i tried to contain my surprise and shock when eddie said he noes i write songs
its kinda weird to hear that being announced rite in front of the class

im tired of everything
mayb its easier for mi to stop fighting the crowd and juz blend in
but i'll nv let the happen
Never.

Sunday, January 18, 2004

"PEM -- we're all stars"
it made mi smile like ^__________^ that when i saw this on ur blog
thanx so much best fren =)
u noe wat?
i cant recognise that pem that i noe too
i miss the days we went to tt bridge too
i miss walking along singpore river and singing with u guys too
i stil rmb we had swensens dere b4 we went to f4's concert too
i agree, time passes too fast
there were times i hoped u came to pj instead of jj bcos i hate to c u left out when u c us pj pp
becos i noe the feeling of being outside of the grp
becos i love u so much, i dun want to c u cry
geok ur last entry made my eyes water
i wish i was there to listen to ur troubles when u need mi
geline juz called mi to ask mi out for dinner
with ting, whu's already at her side
mayb it was my fault i didnt check if they were hanging out
but it didnt feel good to find out that they did go out after they've been out for hours
but still
im in no position to b mad
becos its juvenile
its immature
feeling left out is for kids
mature pple like pemers dun feel left out even when we fall behind frm each other's circle of frens and fade away
mature pple like us dun make a fuss out of small things like hurting pple's feelings and trampling other's pride
now u noe pemers
yes, i mind it
im a spoiled immature brat who cant get over stuff like being left out
i pretend i dun care
but i do

wat is wrong wif us
sth's there in between us
i tried to remove it
it wldnt budge
i slammed myself against it
with all the strength i cld summon
i end up wif bruises
in pain
i find out
it takes the strength of five
to smash that barrier to pieces

does nobody care abt pem animore?
[ 5 as 1 ]
i was so very worked up when u skipped up to mi and said u changed every single word of that song
no more 5 as 1
no more abt us
no more abt our dream
now it means a totalli different thing
abt two lovers together
how hard it is to maintain that relationship
have u nv thot of how hard it will b to keep this frenship?!?!
nv crossed ur mind that we have to work to keep it?
now im telling u
we HAVE to

sum pple laugh at this
im juz being dramatic is it?
have u noticed the change in mi
i no longer care
abt anything
no more rushes for recordings
no more prompts for u all to keep in contact wif geok and sam
im now a typical pemer who's made to think that nothings lasts in the world
not even friendship as strong as ours
but wait a minute
is our friendship strong to begin with?

i dun even dare to think abt how u guys will react to this post
im fearing that u will b angry
feel offended
not becos im afraid to offend u
but becos i can b sure now
that u r no longer the friend that i treasure so much
geok's entry jolted mi awake
i cant pretend nothing's happening animore
ur cruelty's scaring mi

i pray
if any of u reads this
RESPOND
lets have a huge fight over this
at least i'll get to hear wat u think
and tell u wat i think
instead of pretending that we dun care

Friday, January 16, 2004

choir practice today was a BLAST
the j1s are AMAZING
this girl called pei yan, formerly frm tennis, has a WONDERFUL voice
the fairfield guys are SO good
there's this girl called evelyn who were SO me that she reminded ME of myself
ms lim gave in and we'll have our CONCERT by the end of may
thank GOD
a LOT alot
:D

eddie koh's tut today made mi c singapore in a totalli diff way
its depressing to noe that pple in singapore were like that

the hist and maths tests were finalli over
YESSSS
kbox here i cum

Friday, January 09, 2004

happi birthdae (i put E instead of Y!~) tien tien!!
u mean old frog
wahaha :P

augustine cancelled hist tut today AGAIN!~

bk's still at reservist

the first words shiqi heard mi saying today b4 flag raising was nu fa chong guan
she laughed
wahaha...

mi told geline abt the you zha gui
she laughed hard lor!
which means yenting's too dumb to get the joke :P

10 sis, its been so long!
xinyan's kinda rite
we r getting further and further apart
but dun worry
we'll still stick together~ :)
wei tien + xinyan + chen yie + danielle + peishan +jasmine + huiting + mi! + ting + geok = 10 sis
rox big time~

i notice my face is so fair that if i'll look like a ghostly spirit in neoprints, all becos of the lighting

ting, u r the bestest :)
but besides kunda of cos
and also vaness
and my mom and dad and ... *rattles on*
wahaha
;)

2cians, im finalli gg to put up our neoprints taken on my bday on my blog so those whu wants them badly, namely jasmine ong, can go save and print them out on ur own~ heee :D

*yaaaawwn* TIRED~

Thursday, January 08, 2004

sch ended at 5.30 today -____-''
the timetable planner should b arrested for child abuse

mi and shiqi were queueing up at the western food stall togeher wif mr khoo at the canteen today
we asked abt BK (naturalli) and mr kho told us bk used to WALK to sch
from YEW TEE to TECK WHYE k!
shiqi's immediate reaction was " wah, siao eh! he's so giam siap lor!"
mr khoo was kinda taken aback by the strong outburst
i guess he din reali noe how to react, he simple nodded and said "erm... yah"
i realli tried to control my laughter
but as usual
i failed.

si shi is a mei ni~!
WAHAHA

chinese lesson
we learnt nu fa chong guan
which means when one gets so angry, the energy rises up to his head and blows his hat away frm the head
*laughs loudly to myself*
GDNESS GRACIOUS
the chinese got gd imagination
seehong couldnt stop luffing at the you zha gui part
FRIED GHOST!~
WAHAHA...
and the bald emperor called guang di...
the siao lang keng lives up to its name~

universal love~

im a cao mugger + lamer

nitey nitez =)

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

all members of the siao lang keng are becoming nerds
wahaha...
it feels kinda nice to b a mugger
at least im doing sth :)

shiqi and i are the official controllers of low see hong's life :P

i finalli hit 160!
FINALLI
REJOICE ;)
and the weighing machine DIDNT explode
YESSSS

a lizard crawled out of esther's bad during gp today
esther was so freaked out
im supposed to b sympathetic
but I CLDNT HELP LUFFING
wahaha
it juz amused mi for sum reason
muz b shiqi's lameness rubbing off mi
but hey, thanx to the siao land keng, everything amuses mi wif extra ease
YES, it did make mi even crazier than usual
oh but watever
im happier now :)
three cheers to siao lang keng!~

sch's realli getting better
sigh
im now a full blown NERD
and i hope this LASTS

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

the Lord provides
we din do cross country for mass pe today :)
thank God

ting
dun b sad
five as one, remember?
u sad, we'll all feel the pain
so
work hard
for us
and for urself too :)
u can do it
WE can do it
six years later...
that'll b OUR DAY
PEM DAY
kay?
we'll b wif u till we get there :)
this time, my tears were of joy
and i noe all of u share my joy
u thanked mi?
i thank YOU :D

sch is becoming bearable thanks to siao lang keng :)

i c God in my life

nite~

Monday, January 05, 2004

heeeyy
mi at the sch library now, while the econs pple r hard at work~
*evil laugh*
sighs
if not for the stupid history tutorial, i would have been on my way home already
SIAN
still got choir later summore
argh, the holidays ended too soon

oh btw, bk's still our maths tutor!!!!!
but he'll onli take us on tuesday becos he's on RESERVIST
CAN U BELIEVE IT
BK THE SOLDIER
WAHAHAHA
:P

*yawn* im tired
but my hair's still wet frm my shower so i cant go to slp
-______- SLEEPY

juz got back frm geline's
had a singing (and screaming) session wif pem ; )
"YOU R MY SUPERSTAR!!!"
sam wasnt there tho :(
geline says she likes my new song :)
im naming it 'For Pem'

geok's back to the person i noe
i guess it takes the power of pem to summon her laughter and screams
watever it is, mi's super glad she's still wif us

jamie, i misssss Y-O-U
maths - bk = life - fun - jamie - karin - astro
= UGH

a sense of impending doom came over mi when i thot of sch
i would have gone mad wif all the stress without God
gotta start studying now
pray hard for mi

thanx sh, for the msg in my tag board
u dunno how much it means to mi :)
my next song's gg to b abt siao lang keng :P
cos u guys means, as much as pem, to mi
heeeeeee :P

Sunday, January 04, 2004

oh man
im crying

it wasnt a big surprise to c mummy busy wif housework
but she was crying while she do it
Hard
God said to have a love for others
she shed tears for dee2
she cried for my hamster
it looked so lonely
so trapped
she cried for that
i love my mom
she brought mi to church when i was a toddler
she did it out of love
and now
she's crying for a hamster
i love my mom
for she has love for everyone
i love her.

Saturday, January 03, 2004

during sermon
i sat alone
after sermon
i headed for her
she faced her back at mi
and it stayed that way
thruout
"she's more serious and quiet now"
indeed
towards us that is
she's still the girl i used to noe
when she's wif the others
but wif mi
wif us
she's so silent
its ackward
it feels like
we're waiting for a lecture frm a teacher
an elder
away frm us
"why?"
i asked myself
i cldnt find the ans
but whu can i blame?
i didnt initiate either
pride stands btwn us

after sermon
we played games
the pastor said
unity is essential
juz like in life
unity is essential
in every family
when sumone gets hurt
the others suffer too
the qn runs in my head
"wat abt pem?"
when sam is hurt
she cried
we gossiped abt her and made things worst
no apology
shifted the blame
to her
no repentance
she took the blame for sth she didnt do
when geok was oushed further and further away
due to circumstances
we HECKED
life goes on
without her
its not her fault
but we juz took it as it is
for conveniece
to protect ourselves
how pretentious we r
show the world that we r best frens
soul mates
sisters
but we hurt each other
without hurting ourselves
so r we as one?
five as one
mayb not
i cried
once
twice
trice
or mayb even more
in church today
touched by God
disappointed in pem
but still
i have faith
not in pem
but in God
that He can change us
i believe
i noe
that every pemer still care
we do love
but we dun noe how to do it rite
let God teach us
Amen.

my frens
dun b offended
no more quarrels
enough
we r one
dun u feel the pain when u snap at mi?
c mi sad?
c me sick?
i feel it
when sam cries
when geok shed tears
i cry
i feel their pain
if u think mi as a show off by saying that
a bhb wif thick skin
i wasted my love on u
but i noe u wun
my frens
i noe u suffered too
when geok cries
when sam cries
but pride gets in the way
dun let it cum btwn us
pls
bcos its not worth it
i would give up all my wealth
if it could save u
go onto the streets
to beg
if it could save u
i noe when time is critical
u will do it for mi
too
i noe
but its up to u
if u wan to admit it

"without ur love, i muz go out to the streets"
april

Friday, January 02, 2004

pem
在我心里唱着
一首最美的歌
那旋律是你编造的

pem
当我们还笑着
世界却都变了
把他的单纯笑容通通夺走了

*
天天在我身边首着
遇见你仿佛天都亮了
爱算什么
我痛苦时只有你陪着
唱着
夜夜梦见他的笑容
他却不曾真正的爱过
我梦醒了
只听见你们的歌在我心里哼着

pem
听听我着首歌
是为你而唱的
安抚你
在你流泪伤心那一刻

*

1st day of sch~ TIRED :P
no bk for maths tut :( ms wong's realli nice but its juz not the same.. no bingo and stuff...
watched mona lisa smile wif sh and sq... wonderful show to mi... sq almost fell aslp in the middle of the movie tho... said it was boring... haha.. there was this guy that wore huge specs and made us laugh when he kissed a girl cos he looked so much like bk and imagine bk kissing... UGH :P

mi spent new year's eve wif pem... went to orchard and had fun shopping... met up wif ting at my place... she cant make it in time for the countdown so we called her when its time to and shouted the 'TEN,NINE.... ONE!' into the phone... if onli sam's here :( but it was still a great nite... played the 'universal love' mv for thousands of times and juz jumped and danced around :P felt like i ran miles when we finished~ we learned the universal love dance! wahaha... feel so accomplished when i mastered all the steps... wahaha... even tho im a bit slower than them... HEE...

went shopping wif mom and dad and lil sis yest... love my family loads realli... thank God for that :) we bought a new carpet to replace the old one... i got new clothes and a skirt i love SO much... wanted to get new comforters for my bedroom but its getting dark and we had to head home for my stupid bro... he wanted to take dinner wif us... hee...

wrote a new song today... almost made mi cry! wahahah...
wu ge ren xing zou...