As our Memories fade Away

Thursday, February 28, 2013

It has been a long long time since I last blogged. Just feel upset about things that happen. Why everytime, I Try my best to do the best for some people, people have to turn their back and complain that I did things to hurt them. What should I say or do? Will you choose to believe me?

Just have to wait patiently for the verdict. My heart just sank this morning.

a shooting star flew past at
9:33 PM

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

nobody say it was easy. time to work hard peigin, do your best and be safe!

a shooting star flew past at
8:53 PM

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

if i have a clone, will you want a part of me?

Will i perfect it and make it more lovable? or Will I let it be exactly like me? Which one will you prefer?

a chance just slipped off today. i thot abt it, may be I let it slip unintentionally or it happened intentionally? Draw a line, what do you see?

I said before that if it was meant to be, it will be. At the same time, i dont want to leave things to fate. When fate decides, what will happen?

At this moment, I am so calm, with the song calming me down. At that moment, my heart ache till I couldn't bear it. I was affected by it. Is a good thing, because it has been really long since my heart ache this way. It meant that I am ready. But this heart ache should not last too long because it really hurts, affect my emotions.

Perhaps there is really a lot of misunderstandings in between. And time did erase some parts of me.

a shooting star flew past at
10:29 PM

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

tonight i am sadden by the news I heard. my bro's fren was the NSF man that passed away. I dont know why it sort of affected me that much. I dont really know him. Perhaps it is my bro's fren, my bro is really quite sad. I can't imagine if it is my friend. I will break down I guess or get very emotional. Because he is so young, so much things are waiting for him. Rest in peace.
Before I heard this news, I was already not feeling very happy. Is not anger, just upset and disappointed. Is our friendship so shallow? Was it really what I said? Was it really you are just so petty? Was it me that I spoilt everything? I really tried. Please dont think that you are the only one with ego. I do have my ego too. I have taken the initiative. what else do you want me to do? Or perhaps you dont wish to do anything with me anymore? Do i really have to trash things out with you?
Do you know, i do treasure you as a friend despite all these. And do you know, when we are dead, everything will just end. Do you really want things to be this way? Do you want such regrets in your life?
I really dont know what to do anymore. If i have tried and it is not appreciated, I will no longer be bothered anymore.

a shooting star flew past at
11:13 PM

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Yesterday, coach mentioned my jumps improved alittle. Finally some positive feedback that keep me going! (: JIAYOU PEIGIN!
anywayyyy, i think is OVER. somehow at the rate that you invaded my dreams, it really scares me. As much as I wanted to, it is Beyond what I can cope because is not reciprocal. perhaps it's time to wake up from my IDEAL. GOODBYE!

a shooting star flew past at
9:06 AM

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

last night i was really emo. I cant believe I actually started to cry when I think through it. I was saying some hope will help and found it, which made me feel better. I was reading a card this morning, which i happen to chance upon or I may have been seeking it on purpose. It gives me the encouragement I am looking for. It told me not to give up and work harder when I am back.
For it, I am thankful, really. It made me hold up and tell myself to give it a try.

I was actually talking about polevaulting. I think polevault is like my boyfriend. we have dated for almost 3 years. my poles has been through ups and downs with me, break some in between. But the passion is always strong. I wonder why now, i feel that it is getting a little distant, perhaps the 10months is responsible for it. I tried but I know I have to work really hard for this whole thing to work out. My passion is still the same but physically and mentally, I am starting to doubt our r/s. this 10 months let me know that we are perhaps not compatible. Is hard to really have to think through all these and come out with an option to break or stay. My heart wish to stay, but this time i have to be realistic.

That is why I decided to give myself to till the end of the year to decide. When that day comes, I hope I can make the decision to stay. If the other hand proves to be true, no matter how heart-breaking, i still have to go, I should not be so selfish and waste our time.

Do you think I should stay or go?

a shooting star flew past at
10:12 PM

Monday, July 18, 2011

A lot of things are going through in my head. A lot of questions I am asking myself. Are all the things and sacrifices worth it? Will i see the light some time soon or am i just trying to live in denial. Perhaps I am not up to it but I really want to prove that I can do better than that. What should I do to feel better? I hate this. A feeling of losing control and yet I know I can be in control. Time is limited now. What will happen after that? can anyone give me an answer? I dont feel like talking tonight. I dont feel like being in the atmosphere. I dont want to feel lousy. I am really trying. Maybe not hard enough. I am feeling low now. I just want to let it out. I just want to tell myself I am capable. I just want to tell myself, I am only responsible for myself not others. I do not have to think of what people think of me, I really dont want.

I dont want to make you think that you are wasting your time. I want to make you proud of me too. 10 months of forgetting, will I be better off learning again?

Perhaps by the end of the year, if nothings work, I should really reconsider. I hate to give up, but I hate to know that we have both wasted time.

Some form of hope will help.

a shooting star flew past at
10:32 PM