Been so long,till i almost forgot that i actually have something here called a "blog".

Reading back all my past entries and i cant help but shakes my head and sigh,"i was so young back then to blog all that hur"

I mean most of the entries are complaining about how i didnt study.complain so much for what.just study la.correct not.haha.

But i guess everyone needs some space to rant once in a while.Especially for a growing up teenager.haiya talking about age.

And.its not that im hardworking or what.i just dont complain anymore.haha.still the consistent ultimate slacker.

No one visits here anymore i guess.Sudden urge to write.about many many many things that i do not know how or where to start from.

Perhaps im just being too over-righteous?Is there something like that anyway?

I mean cus if its righteous,then there shouldnt be anything like over doing it right?

Sometimes maybe im just asking too much and too idealistic?that i didnt notice that everyone is different and should be different even if its regarding things thats not right.

It doesnt occur to me that you dont have to always do things thats right.

As long as one does feel like doing it then can already?

But for certain.i wont cus i like things to be this way.

Writing helps sometimes:)

Yesterday.how i wish it never came.
Life.can just end like that.
Before you realise,its gone.



Take care girl,i know you will be strong.
We will never let you fall.
All behind you.
Always.

Its one of those moments again.

Secondary school life was so beautiful.so beautiful that I teared thinking about it.
I wouldnt mind going through that 4 years again.
Seriously,those innocence cannot be found anymore.
What are we left with now?

A new mask to face the world i guess.
disgusting human.

Tomorrow.
I will accept all outcomes.though rather sure that there will only be one.
Though dreading it,i actually cant wait.i hate the suspense kind of thing.
There will be a way out.


All the best my friends.its finally time to face it after 3 months.

I came across this story.It made me think alot alot.

"On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water, we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me frombehind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn t help doing so.I moved Dew's hand aside and said, You go to select some furniture,O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.

At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, whatwill you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce.

I raised a serious topic calmly.She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one months time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms , she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for along time. I found she was not young any more. There were some finewrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.I didn t tell Dew about this.I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All mydresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.Again, I felt a sense of pain.

Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute.

I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision.

I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I'm serious.She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the flower shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, " I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."

how many marriages can actually be saved.marriage seems so fragile nowadays.or perhaps its us that have turned so weak that we cant control ourselves anymore.

Recently kept thinking of my future.what i should be,what will be a good route for me,whether to choose between passion or merely a job. Even if i dont want to think about an answer for this,people around me will remind me that ive come to an age where i have to decide.cus im stepping in society in a few years time.
We all hate growing up,cus growing up means deciding,responsibility,independency and many more.I just want to be what i want to be.and not someone whom others want me to be.cus its my life and i have the right to decide it.however,you understand that the choice you made may make yourself suffer(financially probably).So,what should you choose?Im at a stage of making choices.We all are.and its important that we make the correct one as we have no time to waste.But what exactly is a correct choice?
Im glad im currently working so i have lesser time to myself.alone.lesser time to think about A levels result,lesser time to think about the upcoming adult life.Now that im thinking,all thanks to the fact that ive nothing to do right at the moment.been a very slack day that we have to act like we are doing sth when we are not!haha.
I feel like doing alot of things in these few weeks but theres no time.i need to play before results out.THATS GOING TO HAPPEN IN MAYBE TWOOOOO WEEEKKSSSSS TIMEEEEE.
Actually i dont really feel scared.cus i know its going to be bad.and i just hope that it wont be that bad.this is really scary cus i have no hope at all.unlike Os when i was still hoping that i can get into jc.

i shall see the result of not studying and playing online games before exams soon.deserve it man.

back to work yo.

i am sooooooooooo boreddddddddd
i am sooooooooooo boreddddddddd
i am sooooooooooo boreddddddddd
i am sooooooooooo boreddddddddd



ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

but im so glad that ived saved quite alot of money this week by eating cup noodles with danhong for 3 consecutive days!!hoho.but not eating cup noodles for a month from now onwards as its super unhealthy.i even added the whole packet of MSG these days.i think work drives me crazy.and i get hungry easily during work.my stomach starts growling from 9am onwards?haha.so funny.

and now im rotting here waiting for things to do.hmmm.

i cant wait to go on food spree!