Monday, December 08, 2008
Attention please
I think that's where my problem lies in. I need attention. Not just any attention from anyone. But attention from a decent, handsome, young and caring chap. And perhaps since in my little universe now, there seems to be such a candidate, I have been yearning for his attention. It seems to play rather well at times, given that he has a caring and generous character and he is basically a hao-hao xian-sheng.
Argh. Ok I wouldn't deny the fact that I like him. I am fond of him. His presence in office makes me a little excited. Noooooo I can't allow that to happen. I can't develop feelings for someone who doesn't share the same faith. This frustrates me, but in the long-run... think LONG-RUN, it is important. Short-term feelings now must not be acknowledged. Yet, I still find myself wanting his attention and loving it. I'm sorry Lord... I am so weak in my emotions. But there's just heaps of nice guys out there who aren't believers. What do I do??? Keep rejecting them?
If I am to settle down, Lord you must provide me the one whom you have prepared. I always wonder why the guys outside are so much more normal than the guys in the churchlife...
Enough of hah-hao xian-sheng. I'll try my best to just see him as a colleague and friend. Any nice-ness or jokes I shall take it as just being him. Even if it seems he's being really nice or sweet to me, I must remember it's all out of his goodwill and kindness. NOTHING ELSE.
Sigh. I'm such a love-fool.
Argh. Ok I wouldn't deny the fact that I like him. I am fond of him. His presence in office makes me a little excited. Noooooo I can't allow that to happen. I can't develop feelings for someone who doesn't share the same faith. This frustrates me, but in the long-run... think LONG-RUN, it is important. Short-term feelings now must not be acknowledged. Yet, I still find myself wanting his attention and loving it. I'm sorry Lord... I am so weak in my emotions. But there's just heaps of nice guys out there who aren't believers. What do I do??? Keep rejecting them?
If I am to settle down, Lord you must provide me the one whom you have prepared. I always wonder why the guys outside are so much more normal than the guys in the churchlife...
Enough of hah-hao xian-sheng. I'll try my best to just see him as a colleague and friend. Any nice-ness or jokes I shall take it as just being him. Even if it seems he's being really nice or sweet to me, I must remember it's all out of his goodwill and kindness. NOTHING ELSE.
Sigh. I'm such a love-fool.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
One and a half years later...
Thereabouts... since the last post. Yup, this blog has been preeetty inactive I must say.
Many things have happened since. For starters, I've landed myself a job as a planner - not wedding, party, financial, event, etc... planner, but a town planner. So it's been 15 months into the job and I can't say I'm loving or hating it. But it had been a journey to get to where I am now.
Fast-forwarding the missing stories in the past 1.5 years, I'm now in a lil' situation which I find myself rather stuck in. How does one handle office romance? Now wait, I'm not saying there's any on my part, but sigh... it sucks when heartstrings are being tugged at. Shan't say more lest there's nothing much to expand on. For now, it's just wishful thinking on my part and very very silly me making a fuss out of nothing.
Many things have happened since. For starters, I've landed myself a job as a planner - not wedding, party, financial, event, etc... planner, but a town planner. So it's been 15 months into the job and I can't say I'm loving or hating it. But it had been a journey to get to where I am now.
Fast-forwarding the missing stories in the past 1.5 years, I'm now in a lil' situation which I find myself rather stuck in. How does one handle office romance? Now wait, I'm not saying there's any on my part, but sigh... it sucks when heartstrings are being tugged at. Shan't say more lest there's nothing much to expand on. For now, it's just wishful thinking on my part and very very silly me making a fuss out of nothing.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
I'm so happy in this lovely place
We are beings of such fickle and unreliable feelings. Previously i was so moody. But after last evening, i felt refreshed all over again!
Spending the evening at sis U's place together with about 10 other young people was my salvation. Was almost ready to just stay home and stone, when sis U called me and told me to come. We had a wonderful "kiwi"/western style dinner - pasta, garlic bread, mushroom soup, veggies, fruit salad, and apple strudel from Ritz for dessert. It felt so much like home haha. Then very organically, some of us started singing together with the piano & guitar, while others were busy tackling some puzzle game on the coffee table... it was simple but so enjoyable and relaxing. I truly enjoyed myself.
It was good to catch up with all these youths-turned-NS/Campus aged ones again. Wow, it really hits you that time flies when you see how much they've grown. Yeah, i have indeed grown older too. Well, i guess after that evening, i had a small realization. Being with the saints always brings some deeper joy & happiness, even satisfaction & contentment. It's really a blessing to enjoy the churchlife with such ones & never did I realize that this deep sense of joy, satisfaction & peacefulness could only be experienced in the churchlife. Now looking back, i realise that it is really so... WOW!!!
"I'm so happy in this lovely place, in the garden growing in His grace
There is no finer pleasure than to eat the living tree, and to get the living water into me!" :)
Spending the evening at sis U's place together with about 10 other young people was my salvation. Was almost ready to just stay home and stone, when sis U called me and told me to come. We had a wonderful "kiwi"/western style dinner - pasta, garlic bread, mushroom soup, veggies, fruit salad, and apple strudel from Ritz for dessert. It felt so much like home haha. Then very organically, some of us started singing together with the piano & guitar, while others were busy tackling some puzzle game on the coffee table... it was simple but so enjoyable and relaxing. I truly enjoyed myself.
It was good to catch up with all these youths-turned-NS/Campus aged ones again. Wow, it really hits you that time flies when you see how much they've grown. Yeah, i have indeed grown older too. Well, i guess after that evening, i had a small realization. Being with the saints always brings some deeper joy & happiness, even satisfaction & contentment. It's really a blessing to enjoy the churchlife with such ones & never did I realize that this deep sense of joy, satisfaction & peacefulness could only be experienced in the churchlife. Now looking back, i realise that it is really so... WOW!!!
"I'm so happy in this lovely place, in the garden growing in His grace
There is no finer pleasure than to eat the living tree, and to get the living water into me!" :)
Thursday, July 26, 2007
CRY
I dunno if it's to do with hormones, the weather, the time of the month, things happening around you, or what you've been experiencing. Anyway, there are those days when you just feel really SAD. And for us ladies, with relatively more active tear glands, we cry.
Boo hoo hoo.
So today was my day. I mourn for the world.
Perhaps i miss the world i had in NZ. And i miss my story-teller, his singing and his exercise. I miss the laughter and bubbly crack-ups of my team "mum". I miss the wide-eyed cute lil' Harriet. I miss the times of prayer & fellowship with CC. I miss C's FOOD (lost appetite back here now... bleah). I miss yakking about our fave topic in the little room with Em & Mal. I miss being funky with Fran. I miss recording & creating improvisations with S. I definitely miss my leng-lui... ok snap out of it i know... barely even got through 1/4 of my "miss-list"...
But the warmest part is... it's mutual. I was so touched to hear from N today that the brothers were praying for me. I almost teared. Heh, i think it's hard for anyone else to understand... but it dun matter. I know and that's good enough :)
Boo hoo hoo.
So today was my day. I mourn for the world.
Perhaps i miss the world i had in NZ. And i miss my story-teller, his singing and his exercise. I miss the laughter and bubbly crack-ups of my team "mum". I miss the wide-eyed cute lil' Harriet. I miss the times of prayer & fellowship with CC. I miss C's FOOD (lost appetite back here now... bleah). I miss yakking about our fave topic in the little room with Em & Mal. I miss being funky with Fran. I miss recording & creating improvisations with S. I definitely miss my leng-lui... ok snap out of it i know... barely even got through 1/4 of my "miss-list"...
But the warmest part is... it's mutual. I was so touched to hear from N today that the brothers were praying for me. I almost teared. Heh, i think it's hard for anyone else to understand... but it dun matter. I know and that's good enough :)
The Great Eastern experience
Today i spent almost 3 hours seated in a chair opposite this lady who gave me the full-down story of the perks & the works of the life of a financial planner. It is a wonderful job where you can fulfill a satisfying heart-felt mission of helping others to fulfil their financial plans and to bring awareness to them so that they can better maximise and utilise their moolah. And no, of cos it's not for the commission, it's all in the name of intehgreetee. Bleah.
I must say though, this lady sure can TALK. And in a rather captivating way. I never expected that we could have that session from 9:30am to 12:15pm, with about 90% of the dialogue dominated by her. SHE'S GOOD. That's why she's in this line i guess. And good for her. She can earn the BIG bucks - we're talking 5 or 6 digit salary here PER MONTH. And because she's already been in this line for 18 years, she practically doesn't have to close new cases, cos she can just live off the pay-offs from the renewals of her... erm... 1, 206, 523 clientele base... okok, it was just 1000.
ARGH. WHY did i put myself through this. So strange. I was actually quite convinced by the whole thing and felt pretty geared up to give it a shot, but as the day passed, i began to feel uneasy about it. I'm confused. Why is it that i feel like i shouldn't go for this? BLEAH.
O Lord, save me from anxiety!!! What's my problem... it's the 2nd week i'm back, and i'm fretting already?!?!?! This calls for more exercise of my spirit and enjoyment of grace! O Lord, I just consecrate my job search to You. Be gracious to me and lead me & guide me in this matter...
I must say though, this lady sure can TALK. And in a rather captivating way. I never expected that we could have that session from 9:30am to 12:15pm, with about 90% of the dialogue dominated by her. SHE'S GOOD. That's why she's in this line i guess. And good for her. She can earn the BIG bucks - we're talking 5 or 6 digit salary here PER MONTH. And because she's already been in this line for 18 years, she practically doesn't have to close new cases, cos she can just live off the pay-offs from the renewals of her... erm... 1, 206, 523 clientele base... okok, it was just 1000.
ARGH. WHY did i put myself through this. So strange. I was actually quite convinced by the whole thing and felt pretty geared up to give it a shot, but as the day passed, i began to feel uneasy about it. I'm confused. Why is it that i feel like i shouldn't go for this? BLEAH.
O Lord, save me from anxiety!!! What's my problem... it's the 2nd week i'm back, and i'm fretting already?!?!?! This calls for more exercise of my spirit and enjoyment of grace! O Lord, I just consecrate my job search to You. Be gracious to me and lead me & guide me in this matter...
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Irony
Just realized that 2 posts before this, i said i wasn't anxious. And then the post before this, i said i'm anxious. Hahaha... that's human nature at best for you. Always a walking contradiction.
Monday, July 23, 2007
In nothing be anxious
Ok i think i am like stressing myself up for nothing now.
Today, i went for an interview at this oil trading petroleum company. Introduced to me by a friend who works there. Apparently, he's leaving his job, so they are hiring new staff to take his place. Well, i went for it since it was thru his offer, and i thought it wouldn't harm to just try it out and find out what it's all about. Just to cut the story short, i came out from the interview feeling really relieved it was all over. The job just isn't me. Technical, filled with numbers, equations, chemistry (my goodness), long irregular hours (pul-lease, i just want a job, not to be a slave), and there's a high chance of having to deal with Chinese clients who speak Beijing-accented Chinese?!?! Real lethal combination.
So the verdict: NO WAY.
I do appreciate J for offering me the job though. But on the other hand, i can't help but have this sneaking suspicion that he really wants to leave the company soon, so he is actively offering the job. Oh well. Dunno why but i just feel somewhat erm... "used" (lack of a nicer word... sorry... no offence lah...)
Well, after the interview, as i was waiting to meet EJ for coffee, i bumped into good ol' Randy. It was a real surprise, and i was even more surprised to learn that he had a 6 month stint with SIA as a steward! Anyways, we talked a bit and he shared about some tips on job hunting and all that. Man, apparently, the flat rate for fresh graduates now is 2.8k!
But i must confess, i am getting a little anxious. Oh Lord, save me from anxiety... but you know, it's real strange. After getting home in the evening, mei text me and asked if i was interested in editorial work. Wow. It feels like friends are coming up to offer me jobs, and i didn't even have to do anything. But whatever happens, i still thank and praise the Lord for His blessing upon me. I need to really learn how to trust more in Him, and enjoy grace.
Today, i went for an interview at this oil trading petroleum company. Introduced to me by a friend who works there. Apparently, he's leaving his job, so they are hiring new staff to take his place. Well, i went for it since it was thru his offer, and i thought it wouldn't harm to just try it out and find out what it's all about. Just to cut the story short, i came out from the interview feeling really relieved it was all over. The job just isn't me. Technical, filled with numbers, equations, chemistry (my goodness), long irregular hours (pul-lease, i just want a job, not to be a slave), and there's a high chance of having to deal with Chinese clients who speak Beijing-accented Chinese?!?! Real lethal combination.
So the verdict: NO WAY.
I do appreciate J for offering me the job though. But on the other hand, i can't help but have this sneaking suspicion that he really wants to leave the company soon, so he is actively offering the job. Oh well. Dunno why but i just feel somewhat erm... "used" (lack of a nicer word... sorry... no offence lah...)
Well, after the interview, as i was waiting to meet EJ for coffee, i bumped into good ol' Randy. It was a real surprise, and i was even more surprised to learn that he had a 6 month stint with SIA as a steward! Anyways, we talked a bit and he shared about some tips on job hunting and all that. Man, apparently, the flat rate for fresh graduates now is 2.8k!
But i must confess, i am getting a little anxious. Oh Lord, save me from anxiety... but you know, it's real strange. After getting home in the evening, mei text me and asked if i was interested in editorial work. Wow. It feels like friends are coming up to offer me jobs, and i didn't even have to do anything. But whatever happens, i still thank and praise the Lord for His blessing upon me. I need to really learn how to trust more in Him, and enjoy grace.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Back for good... i think
Home sweet home. Back from the land of sheep after having an absolutely wonderful 2 years there. It has truly been worthwhile spending my time overseas, and it's just impossible to pen down all the experiences and growth i've gained in that time. Ahhh... missing NZ already... especially the life and the people there.
Anyway, enough already. It's back to reality now. So far, the only thing that really bothers me is the weather! Feels humid & sticky, and as JL puts it, the sun here is "mouldy". I feel comfy in the air-conditioned areas... stepping out is like having some sticky paper go "splat" on your whole body. Bleah. But i believe i'm slowly aclimatizing back to tropical mode. Dunno when i'll get a chance to experience that winter wonderland again... ahhh...
Life back here so far has been pretty good actually. Hmm. Better than i thought it would be. Meeting up with friends again is quite a joy, especially to catch up & find out how they are doing. I really enjoyed dinner with A, primarily because i had the opportunity to share with him about the gospel. The joy was real. The satisfaction definite. And every speaking definitely sows a little seed of life, and i'm just so happy that the Lord allowed for it to happen.
Strangely enough, with regards to job-hunting, seems like there isn't much anxiety in me about it. I dunno if this is the Lord's provision, but i received a call from my insurance agent the very next day after i arrived, asking me if i was interested in job offers. Then today my friend offers me a post in his company, which i will prolly go for the interview on Monday. Whatever it is, whether anything comes out from these offers or not, I just have to praise the Lord! He is faithful in taking care of my needs :)
Overall. I am happy and contented. :D May the Lord continue to gain me more and more each day.
Anyway, enough already. It's back to reality now. So far, the only thing that really bothers me is the weather! Feels humid & sticky, and as JL puts it, the sun here is "mouldy". I feel comfy in the air-conditioned areas... stepping out is like having some sticky paper go "splat" on your whole body. Bleah. But i believe i'm slowly aclimatizing back to tropical mode. Dunno when i'll get a chance to experience that winter wonderland again... ahhh...
Life back here so far has been pretty good actually. Hmm. Better than i thought it would be. Meeting up with friends again is quite a joy, especially to catch up & find out how they are doing. I really enjoyed dinner with A, primarily because i had the opportunity to share with him about the gospel. The joy was real. The satisfaction definite. And every speaking definitely sows a little seed of life, and i'm just so happy that the Lord allowed for it to happen.
Strangely enough, with regards to job-hunting, seems like there isn't much anxiety in me about it. I dunno if this is the Lord's provision, but i received a call from my insurance agent the very next day after i arrived, asking me if i was interested in job offers. Then today my friend offers me a post in his company, which i will prolly go for the interview on Monday. Whatever it is, whether anything comes out from these offers or not, I just have to praise the Lord! He is faithful in taking care of my needs :)
Overall. I am happy and contented. :D May the Lord continue to gain me more and more each day.
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