Let my lifesong sing to You.

today i went for x-ray.. thank God the queue wasn't long.. and i finally get to see my x-ray pictures.. and i was actually quite surprised to find out that bony fusion means my whole c3 and c4 vertebrae is completely joined together.. which means i have no intervertebral disc there! haha.. my flexion looks weird.. haiz..

then went home and spend the afternoon at home with yvonne..

haha.. make fun of people on MSN =P

Callista wrote;
8:33 PM

I have made up mind last night.
There'll be no turning back.
I will not bring it up ever again.
I will not think about it ever again.
If you are not interested, neither am i.

Waiting for a miracle to happen?
I have quitted waiting last night.
You wait all you want.
let me know when it happens.

Lord, all i ask is that you erase those memories in me.

Callista wrote;
11:07 PM

This few weeks have been tough.. Emotionally, Physically.. sometimes even spiritually.. so many things exploding in me yet i have to remain calm on the outside.. there's really no one (as in human) i can really be myself with.. no room for me to be weak.. no room for me to make mstakes.. most people think it's lack of faith.. that's why i feel the way i am feeling.. lotsa people coming to tell me that they feel hurted.. frustrated.. angry.. blah blah blah.. they tell me... i tell who? my best friend is overseas.. seldom see her online.. my relationship with my ex-close sister is as good as dead.. some other people have too much of their own problems to deal with.. others? too busy.. i am crying out loud inside.. sometimes i can't even tell which problem i am crying for.. i am almost going crazy.. God, really.. all i have left is You.. no one else..nothing else..

Callista wrote;
10:04 PM

today i super pissed off with my boss ... really tempted to slap her! She is simply asking too much from me. No matter how much she praise me , there's a limit of wat i can do.. and her expectations goes higher and higher without limits de.. She praise people so that people feel good and will do things for her.. i am sorry.. i dun fall for that.. you praise me all you want.. but to me, you are not sincere at all!! she cares for money more then the welfare of her staff.. the staff there are basicaaly money making machines to her.. i dun think i can take her any longer.. you wanna noe how it feels to have a boss that treats you like a machine? join my company.. if you can tahan her, you probably can tahan any other boss.. I AM EXPLODING!!!!! AHHHH!!!! ask me to do things like as if it's so easy! you do yourself lah!! i do until my neck want to break.. pain like hell.. arms aching like mad! pins and needles all over... you try lah!! you so clever.. somemore she wants perfection.. she wants it fast too! crazy old lady!

i will leave very soon! i cannot tahan liao!

Callista wrote;
10:44 PM

I finally got the chance to sit down and blog!
Last few days was like so crazy, can?! Handed in lab report, then have to prepare for presentation! then do half way, laptop crash! so lucky lah! but the customer service at HP is fantastic!

this week dunno why so blur... went to two friends' house this week.. the same situation happened at both places! you know wat it is? I LEFT MY HANDPHONE AT THEIR HOUSES!! sian lah! i guess i am just lack of sleep..

I am actually kinda worried for my scan results.. but God is good no matter wat.. so I'll choose to say "Lord, Blessed be Your name!"

Callista wrote;
10:07 PM

today i went for my first MRI scan ever!!! it wasn't as scary as i tot it is.. well the machine look intimidationg though.. but God was there with me.. =) so glad cynthia accompanied me today.. got people to joke joke abit at least not so gan jiong.. thanks cynthia! =) then had a short coffee session with Hayley... then me and cynthia went to chinatown point.. then raffles city... then went to her house to eat lunch.. had a good time sharing with her about some of my problems.. prayed together.. then watch "MISs SWAN" hahah.. laugh until peng sia!

then went to see Doc Raj.. He wanted to offer me a job.. more of a clerical job though.. well.. He is an orthorpedic surgeon.. but i doubt i will take tat job lah.. pay about the same as my current job.. but i like the exposure.. but... but... aiya.. dunno lah.....GOd... i need Your guidance..

Callista wrote;
10:27 PM

Does Anybody Hear Her

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

i like this song.

Callista wrote;
10:55 PM

YAY!!! God heard my prayers.. I prayed for better pay.. and i got it.. God is so faithful to me.. the song keep ringing in my mind.. "Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness......" Haha old old hymn... but nice... =P...

Today i had a lot of fun in my lab!! draw blood to test for lactate.. fun hor.. poke ppl... hahah.. my friend scared of blood.. then her leg shaking when she saw the blood.. "then she tell me.. i think i going to faint..." and i was like "!!! hey.. dun faint leh!! only two drops of blood!!" lucky thing she never faint.. haha.. then my subject almost "died" also.. she cycle until her face turn white..!! scary.. but i had fun.. =)

hey, i noe i am weird.. but i a bit scared to get close to my friends.. becos everytime, i tot i found a good good friend, God will take him/her away.. my conclusion is, watever and whoever that has the potential to replace my relationship with God, He will remove it.. I noe God loves me still.. but It's kinda painful.. So manytimes i can be among crowds of people i noe, yet feel lonely.. haiz.. my friends have all left me.. Diana is overseas, i emailed her but she never reply.. miss her so much (she's just very uncontactable. i smsed her once and she replied like 2 weeks later..) Silas in another region, dun see him anymore, dun call him anymore.. Some friends started dating (so no time left for anybody else).. and I lost a sister.. sometimes when i am so happy, that i wanna share things with, i just dunno who to share it with.. i will scroll down my namelist in my phone and realise i have no one left to call.. the same goes when i am down.. the only "number" i can call is Jer 33:3.. i talk to God.. i dunno.. i really dunno why this is happening..

Callista wrote;
10:19 PM