Let my lifesong sing to You.

Well well well... report report report... assignment assignment assignment... sch sch sch... work work work..that's my life.. and i warmly welcome my dear michelle into the same kind of life.. haha.. hey gal, thanks for helping me with the graphs today.. although in the end i found my way out, you did help a lot.. and you cared enough to try and try again!! Love ya mich..

today i practically stayed at home all day to do my report.. neck and shoulders aching like mad becos of burning midnight oil for a few consecutive nights.. help!!! so many things to finish in such a short time.. after this report, i have a presentation to prepare for.. and i have only 12days left after i submit my current report! LORD!! have mercy on me!! AHH!! i am going nutz!!

well, i am beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel... Lord, help me to hope again..

i have been thinking of changing job.. becos my current job is paying me crap.. overworked under paid.. sound familiar anyone? i need more money.. me and my dad is kinda in deep shit.. but is there a job with timing as flexible as my current one?
God please send me aid..

Callista wrote;
9:12 PM

today is a suuper long day for me... woke up at 7am to go for my CPR course.. woohoo!! pass at my first try! lalala.. the course ended at almost 5pm.. then i go eat the rochor road tau huay (beancurd) with my CPR friends.. actually wanted to play pool. but all full house liao.. so we decided to sit down and do very lame stuff!! haha.. really very lame de lor...

after that i met nicholas at somerset mrt to go for martin's bday party.. it was a good, delicious and expensive dinner at meritus mandrain hotel (Triple 3).. thank God that it was fully paid off by three of my friends... cheers!! thanks people for this wonderful dinner.. i have been so blessed.. treated to dinner two days in a row.. and both are expensive ones!! God is good.. and indeed He is Jehovah Jireh..

so now i just reached home lor.. haha.. got a lift home too! God is simply so good...

mama, i have been missing you.. but there's no one who is there to really hear me out except God.. nobody actually care enough to stop and listen.. all the "how are you?" is just a substitute to"hi"s... after asking who actually bothers to listen to my same old story..

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Callista wrote;
11:39 PM

so many thoughts running through my mind after our conversation last night.. is it really so hard to love each other that it has to take a miracle? it's so disappointing to hear that.. and it kinda hurts.. nothing is done, nothing changed, no one changed.. sometimes i just dunno how i can be optimistic about this friendship again.. there's no form of affirmation from you.. with every bit of faith i have, i am hanging in there. but it won't be long. the only thing i noe is to do wat is right whether the other party is doing it or not... but it's really tiring.. this is my endurance test.. Love is long suffering.. whether there's any result at the end.. i can confidently say that i tried my best... how long more.. how long more till i can see the rainbow after the storm?

Now that i noe, what next?

Callista wrote;
10:36 PM

hmm.. today i woke up with a terrible headache.. but still reported for work.. in the end, half way thru work i started feelinf feverish.. so i went to see doc.. hmm.. throat inflammation due to bacteria infection.. haiz.. another bag of medicine! i tell you, my room can become medical hall already.. haha.. so, if you fall sick in my house.. dun worry! i've got all sorts of medicines.. >.<

so in the end i didn't go home straight.. i went to the library.. becos i had to rush my asssignment.. and i haven't gotten any resources.. but i stayed too long.. becos resources on my topic was scarce.. dig like mad!! i almost died in the library.. headache.. throat so pain.. lightheaded.. then rush to clementi book store to get my textbook.. becos i need it for my assignment due this friday!! i am sooooo stretched.. can't even rest when i am sick! =S

You are my world, You are my God and i lay down my life for You..
Jesus, i am so in love with you

Callista wrote;
8:38 PM

today... was tiring too.. it seems like there isn't a day that i am not tired... haiz.. this stupid neck of mine is really draining me.. but well, who cares! life goes on!

reached home at 12.30am last nite.. wasn't feeling well.. felt giddy and nauseous on the bus... i guess it's becos of the way the bus uncle drvie.. it was a long and jerky journey from east to west! woke up quite early for sch today and went to church after sch.. then dinner... i ate pepperlunch... (yes, again...) one of my friends insisted it was fried rice... =.=

well, let me back track a bit... i was having tea with cyndi and amos opposite church after bass lesson.. then after that, met bro selvam.. and decided to sit down and have a little chat with him... he asked me about my sch and work.. everything was usual till he asked "is there anyone in church taking care of you?anyone you go to when you need help?" hmm.... that got me thinking.. faces appeared in my head... some people who seem so close to me yet so far... then i said.. "not really anyone.. most of the time, i'll go straight to God" then he said "then you are most of the time alone?" "well, i do talk to someone when i need to.. but no one would actually approach me to really care how i am... but i guess i am fine.. i still have God.."
sometimes i really feel that all i have left is Jesus.. and that sentence preached during 'synergized' strucked me..
"If Jesus is all you have, He'll be all you need."
it's so true..

saw a little girl crying for her mum on the train.. it was very loud.. she was desperate.. her mum is not with her.. if a girl would cry so desperately for her mum when her mum is still alive, how much more would she cry if her mum is no longer around? suddenly, i feel like a little girl again..

Callista wrote;
9:59 PM

today is a suuper tiring sunday for me... firstly, i slept late last nite preparing worship... secondly, i woke up early this morning becos i was on singing duty.. thirdly, i led worship for reg worship rehearsal.. reason no.4, i stayed for evening service... woo... long long day... today a bit stone.. dunno why... just very stone.. a bit lazy to talk.. and laugh along..

haiz.. pins and needles sensation all over my arms... today is quite bad... even writing makes my right hand very sore.. sore until like want to cramp like that.. haiz... wat's wrong with me man...?

haha.. "K.F." is gonna call me tonite... dunno what he gonna tell me lah.. he say impt.. =.=... hope it's not about that issue again lor... if it is also good lah.. i will make things clear to him once more.. and hopefully he understands...

orite.. time to say bye bye to blogspot.. till we meet again.. take care everyone...

Callista wrote;
11:13 PM

on leave today.
went for doctor's review for my neck...
Doc Guo decided to send me for MRI scan.. and more X-rays..
sians.. pocket add one more hole..

Then went to church.. planned schedules for for march and april.. then rehearsed songs with sis angela.. then prayer meeting.. by prayer meeting, my neck was painful.. and half way thru prayer meeting, i couldn't turn my head without pain.. now i am back home.. and with hot packs round my neck and my shoulder.. hope i can go work tmr... just took my muscle relaxants and pain killers.. it's been quite some time i went without it.. the last time was probably 3 months ago... in no time, i am going to feel drowsy.. but before that i am going to continue blogging.. and blog hopping.. =)

the Lord spoke to me during prayer meeting today..
we were all praying for God's rain to fall upon us.. and for God to fill our lives...
but He said "if it is sorrow that fills your heart, sorrow will overflow from you to people around you. If it is hurts, hurts will overflow.. and the only way God can overflow from your heart to people is that you must first empty those things out of your heart.. and let God enter it.." then He asked me " is there still room for me and my kingdom in your heart? do I only become 'number one' when things are going wrong?"
these questions are not only for me.. it's for everyone else.. all i could say is " Lord, forgive me..".. and i believe i will not be the only one asking for forgiveness today...

haiz... after so long, after trying and praying so hard, we are still the same. smiles became something to hide those silences, love remained unexpressed, jokes no longer bring laughter, hugs extincted, drifting further and further apart.. Lord, whenever i think back and remember the times we went through, happy and difficult moments, it just hurts deep down.. from a hopeful "restart", i am becoming hopeless.. i treasure this sisterhood a lot.. does it mean anything to you at all? our colourful friendship became blank and white... sometimes i keep hearing voices telling me to just forget about this friendship becos it is never gonna work.. each time, i'll choose to take it as a lie... but i am beginnng to fall for it... i have weakened..

Callista wrote;
10:17 PM

you dun need a title to be a good leader.. a shepherd will always be shepherd.. becos it's not the title "LEADER" that makes you a leader.. it's the heart.. today marks the last day of me being a net leader (due to commitments in sch, which i have no choice).. i am not sad (doesn't mean i dun love you all)... just a bit lost... like suddenly nothing to do... i noe this is not the end.. there's more to come.. so i'll take this as a "promotion".. haha... Lord, thanks for blessing me with such a great net group.. these young people are so dear to me... I am so glad to be a part of their lives... Lord, may You continue to help them grow more in You...

I will still be here for you all if you all need me in any ways..

thanks for the card... it's very encouraging....

Callista wrote;
11:09 PM

Lord... too many things... too many lessons to learn... have mercy on me... i am on the verge of breaking apart... one thing at a time can? why everytime before i could recover from one blow another one comes along.. ? I need You.. Jesus.. Please send me comfort...

Callista wrote;
11:58 AM