I STOPPED GOING!

It all started around last summer...I was sick of my hair. Sick of going and getting it cut, and not happy with the style...and not happy with the color etc etc etc.

So, I said screw it, and just took the scissors to my hair and just cut it all off. I really go into it, I even shaved it down to the scalp. It was liberating....I liberated myself from my hair....

Next...I had acrylics...the kind that is all white and they do the gel thing on them? Out the window with those....got sick of sitting there and had them all taken off...I felt free...not to mention I'm saving a nice chunk of change.

I took it another step....no more pedicures. Why bother?

I'm even letting a slight roll of fat take residence in my mid section....however thats where I draw the line.

Some people might say I'm letting myself go....Not me, I feel like for the first time in my life I'm accepting myself for just the way I am, plain and simple....

And its liberating!

What have been doing...nothing but selling herbs and packing them, sending them out and shipping, day, after day, after day. My school break is just about over, and I never even saw it.

Yesterday I did one of my post office walks....the last time I blogged about it, I was marveling at the quantity of envelopes that I had requested...this is about two weeks ago. At that time I was excited that I was up to 50 packs.

Yesterday, I was out again, and had to go ask for more, this time I had to request over 100 envelopes in which to ship my orders.

Yes...this journey is becoming truly amazing. I am watching my life change overnight.

When I went to acupuncture school,( a second career) I wasn't sure it was really "me"...I was missing the business side of things....I was quite worried because it did not seem like the shoe was fitting. I was missing the moving and the shaking that business brings to the table...the excitement of the possibilities.

Now....out of the blue, the pieces of my future are crystal clear. I can see WAAAYYYYY far ahead and I like what I see. I'm going to be a giant pet business and I know I am going to be famous. Simple as that, I will be known for my products. I'm quite sure of it.

I'm working on my own private label right now. I am going to sell to veterinarians my special blend of herbal formula that stops the coughing of dogs. This is a big problem for the small breeds. I'm getting about a 90% healing rate...Time to take it to the big show!

All this excitement is kinda neat...but I do have to say that we are still missing Orbit. I miss the big ox......

I wish he were here to follow me around the house as I work this new business. What is really weird is that I keep catching shadows out of the corner of my eye. I noticed that the other day, it's a feeling of being startled. And it only has happened since Orbit left....I'm not quite sure if he's gone yet. I don't think he was ready to go, and he might still be hanging around...

I hope not, I hope he's up there playing away....sigh......

I know I seem morbid, but I can't help myself. Maybe its because Orbit died, and the finality of his going has really hit home for me.

Or maybe its because I got a glimpse of the road ahead....I hope not...

Give me the morphine and let me go.

I went to see my mom, she is in a nursing/rehab hospital trying to recover.

She asked me to go find her a candy bar....and as I was walking and observing the other patients, it occurred to me that they were all old.

So this is where old people go to die.....in rehab hospitals. It was so odd to me to look around and see this. It never occurred to me that this is how it all ends.....


There was one particular woman that was lying in her bed with an oxygen tube, her head was thrown back and she had an expression of horror permanently marked on her face. She was more dead than alive.

To think that most of those people at one time were productive, vibrant and healthy. They most likely had owned beautiful homes and had wonderful families...but now, just a few belongings hanging on the walls, making their small area their own, and appearing to just be waiting it out.

For the end.....

Sigh......


It can stop now.

Last Sunday my mom was acting kinda weird. She has chronic back pain, and it for some reason was getting worse.

I knew she was getting into trouble so I called my brother, or I should say my brother's mother in law. Me and my brother have not spoken in seven years....Yup

Anyway, my mom never listens to me...So I sent in the big guns.

She didn't listen to him either.

Sunday night, early Monday morning she called 9-11....

She had taken too much pain medication and had fallen.

She is now in the hospital with two hairline fractures on both hips.

The doctor told her that because she does not take care of herself that her bones are brittle. Basically she is in bad shape due to bad lifestyle decisions.

Yes....that's my mother. The more I told her she needed to exercise, the more I tried to talk to her about what she eats, the more irritated she would get with me. Until I just gave up.

And here we are today.....and all I can ask myself is Why?

With a heavy heart I write this good by to my Sweet Orbit. Yesterday I had to let him go....I put him down at 6:30 last evening.

I miss him...My shadow who had become a part of my space. It feels so empty now, the vastness of him now gone from our lives.

Funny how much they become a part of who you are and who you've been. Orbit was there with me during some of the darkest times of my life. Always at my side....and now he's gone.

As simple as that....gone.

Its been a hard three days, but I feel better now. He got sick very quickly and he was suffering at the end, I had to let him go, for his sake, because I know he would not leave me, and would of held on until the bitter end.

Good By Sweet Orbit....Don't wait for me, go....play....and be happy. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay

I'll see you on the other side...be at peace.

I love you Sweet Orbit...

CHAOS

I can't say much more than that....we are having the wood floors redone.....it started out as a freebe, because the contractor did a really bad job a couple of years ago and I had been buggin him to redo them...he finally did.

But its turned into a complete redo...and very expensive. That has me wigged out a bit.

Next, me the dogs and my herbal pharmacy and business are camping out in two rooms. A nightmare.

I have to bribe them with bones because they are going nuts because of no walks...Life is not right over here at Sassafras St.

I had a take home final left I had to do....it ruined my week because I kept thinking I had to do it and I never would do it...Finally did it...AHHHHHH much better.


Orbit is sick and won't eat. We went to the beach and he drank a ton of salt water and pucked for a couple of days. He looks like skin and bones, he started eating tonight,,,,but he has lost alot of weight. If he is not eating more by tomorrow we will have to go to the vet and get fluids for him (IV). The salt must have disrupted his system, and I can't get him back to normal. We'll see, there was a glimmer of appetite tonight and he's running around barking a little bit.

I look like hell...plain and simple...To hell with it!

Ta Ta from Sassafras St.....

Today I had to move most of my downstairs furniture completely out of the house because my wood floors are getting done.

My "stuff" has gotten old, just like that old lady's " stuff" next door that I blogged about last week...

My things have just become an accumulation of old"stuff" that no one would want, not even me.

I even felt like that lady with her "stuff"...a little random as I looked on to my worthless belongings.

Anyway, I'm thinking of just throwing it all away....because when I put that "stuff" outside, it was as if I had shed some skin, I felt lighter and more free.

Most of the "stuff" were things I had acquired while living with my last partner...and yet still just about everything I own carries along with it, memories of him.

It's been so long now, and yet it seems like just yesterday.

It feels good tonight not having those old memories hanging around, collecting dust....tugging at my mind.

Out with the old and in with the new?

I'm thinkin' about it.......

I just barley made it through my week of finals, my 9th semester now completed. I am bone tired...I feel old and exhausted this week.

I do, I really do....

I last posted about the supervisor that was a "cookie monster"....

Such an uncomfortable situation, the clinic supervisor neglected to tell him that I was off the shift, so Monday night he came looking for me, and I had to tell him that there had been a change...

This was no big deal compared to what some women have to endure, but it does make ya kinda paranoid. People don't like to hear that the guy everyone likes is a pervert....denial is a powerful emotion.

A couple of other women came up to speak to me about the situation, and they had their own stories to tell about it, but of course they wanted to stay out of the situation....but they were happy I did it, they just didn't want any flack.

Weak pukes.

On a happier notes...today I was walking out of the post office, I had to go pick up more mailing envelopes.

Against my chest, I was holding 50 envelopes! Thats alot....I remember just a couple of months ago when I was going and just picking up 10 shipping envelopes.

It was kind of a surreal feeling. I could feel a change in the wind as I reflected on this growth.

I was talking to my Aunt Patty a couple weeks back, and I said to her, its as if the universal faucet just opened up and starting pouring orders to me.

Thank you Universe.

I find this situation very uncomfortable...I have this 30 year old supervisor on one of my clinic shifts.

From the beginning he has been difficult, and then I noticed something; He liked the young girls.

That wouldn't of bothered me except that he was actually incredibly rude to me and I was treated different than the one younger girl on the shift.

Look...I don't look for those type of things, because I'm secure in who I am. But this problem finally came to a head when a younger member of my shift, a male, gave me his opinion that it was quite obvious that this punk of a supervisor was thinking from between his legs, and that it was clear that he liked younger girls.

I have sucked it up for 13 long weeks, and then I got to thinking, why should I have to deal with this YoHos preference for the girlies?

So I sent this letter....



Dear XXXX

I was trying to see it through the semester, but I'm finding the situation to be dreadful and I am just really uncomfortable with XXXXXX.

Sine the beginning of the semester I have been having troubles, and I thought it was just me....and its been getting worse and worse. So much so that an assistant made mention to me last Monday night that it was pretty obvious that Eric had something against me.

I have some ideas of what that can be, and I mentioned it to you. He seems to like the young girls and has that kind of reputation...

Two of my 30 something patients said that he creped them out..in so many words.

There have been many instances where XXX has raised his voice at me in front of others including a patient.

I really don't want to make this into a big deal, I would like to know if I could finish my shifts with Pat XXX?

Eric runs a disorganized shift without structure and is a scatter brain. I am sure that others find this to be acceptable, but I'm finding it awful, I've never seen anything this bad at the XXX clinic, and quite frankly its a little shocking that he has this position without any obvious experience.

How is he qualified to be a teacher? Who has he taught before?

Anyway, could you let me know if we could find a short term solution...I would really really really really appreciate it.

Thanks for your time and consideration.

--
Holly Mead
Home # 619-501-
Cell #619-851-
Read my blog @ http://pawhealer.blogspot.com/
Visit my Web Site @ http:// www.pawhealer.com

I had to post this thought...

I am addicted to political blogs...but I've stopped now because of the nasty nasty tone. Whom ever someone supports does not call for another person to belittle them or call their candidate nasty names. There is not right to this, it's just WRONG.

As a result of all of this, as someone who was looking forward to the election, and thought it was an exciting time for the democratic party, I'm now not interested in participating with the process.

I am officially handing in my resignation letter;

To all those nasty Hilliary and Obama people; I QUIT!

I'm considering the ole guy because of how nasty you people conduct your selves. Shame on all of you nasty bloggers.