People know I love dogs...so I get the cutest things...

Here is one for a Saturday night:

It all started June 29th....I was taking a nice snooze....and then suddenly I hear a voice in my head....

It was a clear voice....and it woke me up by saying....."Big Things Are Going To Happen"....

This time I said to myself, I'm gonna write it down...I've had premonitions before, and this time it was so clear. But I felt this was all good....I had no idea what shit was in store for me.

I thought that with all the good things that were happening that this was it....

I was ready for the BIG SHOW....nothing had been going wrong...

So I go downstairs, I'm excited and I write it down....Tomorrow I'm gonna take a picture of it and post it because....

They were big things all right....and they every single one of them was bad.

Let me start with the least bad thing.

My site has been hacked non stop since June 29th. I have been down more than up. I was on my way of booking 25K this month...a record high for me.

Now the bad thing is that my site was hacked so bad that Google Adware shut my site down because there was malicious ware attached from all the hacking.

That means that I'm dead in the water right now....no income....and that's a big problem.

Because....well I'll save that for tomorrow.

I feel like a big L right now (looser), it's pathetic....even for me.

I have been having a terrible July...horrible a disaster.....

But tonight I will not write of it....I will put something positive on my blog......and tomorrow I will write about the drastic changes that my life is bringing to me.

My GOD!

It takes all kinds to make the world go round.....Geezey pezzey.

Okay....about 2 months ago I get a call from a woman with two young chihuahuas and they were having significant digestive problems. One of them was barfing something like 30 times a day since she put the poor thing on a raw diet.

I roll my eyes as I write....can you imagine giving your dog food that makes it barf, and making the poor pooch eat it because its "raw" and that is the best diet for a dog to eat?

F----K people can be so God Damn STUPID.

Holy Cow....

So anyway after she takes about 35 minutes of my time, she does not buy anything...fine with me because I could tell she would be a big pain in my ass.

By the way...the cost of the first formula that I quoted her for was only $32...

Fast forward 2 months later.....I receive an e-mail, her telling me that she wants to buy her formula, and she attached a list of questions that I thought we had already discussed.

So, I sent her an invoice for the formula at $48...

She then proceeds to rag on me about my increase of price....I inform her that is my going rate for custom formulas. She then wanted information on how I do a custom friggin formula...

I then told her that she needed to pay for consulting time if she wanted a traditional Chinese medicine dissertation.

That shut her up and I did not hear from her again.....Then I get this totally ridiculous e-mail from this stalker.

Subject: Re: Deposit towards first Formula - from Eva

I had a good laugh over this video.....what is so bad about the word testicles, or balls or whatever?

To have a chuckle click here!

It seems to me that every part of a woman's anatomy is discussed as well as shown on the airways without a peep. Watch how uncomfortable these guys are about Jessie's comments.

Finally my website is up, but with a whimper. Its going to take days to recapture the momentum that I had going into the nightmare.

I have a headache over the whole thing, thank God its Friday.

Or is it my constant Instant Karma?

Just when I feel I'm sitting on top the world and I got the tiger by the tail.....

Bam Bam Bam.....

Last week I was feeling really cocky.....my herbal pet business was booming, constant calls, Internet orders streaming in, reorders from happy customers.....and then...

Holly's Instant Karma....and I do mean instant.

I should of known it was going to happen again, because I always get whacked with it when I'm feeling smug and my ego begins to get a little out of line.

What happened?

My website has been up and down for 14 days, and down hard for the past 3 days as they switch servers because of malicious hacking....I have had a sign up in lieu of my site that tells people that the site is down due to server upgrades. We had to go down to fix the data base, and change servers because the company that hosted my site could not keep the hacker at bay.

So....its been like a ghost town around here....virtually no business for the past two days and last week was sketchy because of the server breach.

Cut off at the knees...

But what is this instant karma that follows me around, and WHY me?

I have a brother ( we have not spoken in 7 years) that no matter what he does in his own life, no matter how nasty, or how wrong, his life continues to be filled with reward.

Me.....not so fortunate. Why I ask....

I think in a past life I must have not learned some sort of a lesson and I have run out of chances, and in this life, I have to get it right....

Because my Instant Karma, cuts me, Holly Mead....no slack what so ever.

And I continue to ask Why?

I looked across the table and I couldn't help but to start to cry, tears trickling down my face......Here was this guy who was telling me that he loved me completely for who I am, and I knew it to be true because he has been my best friend for eight years.

We use to "see" each other.....that is the best word I can use to describe it. At the time we were together, he would never really let me participate in his life, and I really could never understand why.

At first it didn't bother me, because I had just rebounded from a very sad place.....and there he was...he was the first person I actually could see after the the dust had settled from my meltdown.

He helped me recover from a very dark place.

He is a very simple guy, liked by everyone, he's a genuinely nice guy. He's nice looking but it is his personality that draws people to him. Everywhere we go, people always know him and want him to acknowledge them with his great smile. He is there for those who are sick, and even for those that we have known and that have sadly died. I always have said that he should of been a minister or something like that.

It didn't work out back then when we were seeing each other.

I love dogs, he doesn't.....He was and still continues to be incredibly secretive. I didn't even know he had kids until after three years of seeing him. He would never let me know where he lived...I still don't know, how weird is that...pretty weird.

Quirky, that's a good word. He is very quirky, but I have to say that he's always there for me. If I need something all I have to do is just to pick up the phone and he'll be there.

But there is just no way, I can't go there again.......

I was watching a movie the other night and it was called 27 Dresses, it's a real chick flick. I couldn't help but be a little sad at the time, because that wild romantic time of life, which this movie was all about, seems to have past me by.

Gone for me, are the days of the "possibilities" of discovering Mr. Right. I have somehow missed the train for that ride.

To me those naive thoughts are for young girls...that exciting possibility of finding just that right person to share my life.

I don't have those thoughts anymore...because I don't believe that there is a Mr. Right.

So sadly and with a tear, I declined the gift that he has offered that night as we sat together at the table. As tempting as it was.... to have someone completely loving me...I just cannot accept.

Because he is not my Mr. Right.