Approach Anxiety Attack; AAA

Fuck me! I went AFC to a massive degree last night.

Two buddies and I decided to head out for some sushi last night in Costa Mesa. A very good place, with very fresh fish on Wednesday night. I went with the intention of picking up a waitress.

It was dark out, and I drove at a fast pace up the 405 weaving through traffic. The strength in my foot pushed the peddal, but the excitement in my mind pushed the speed limit. As I arrived, I cooly walked to the door of the restaurant. Two set walks by me, another two set walk by me, and another, I did nothing. Fuck.

As we're being seated I noticed only three waitresses. None were of high caliber but we got the best of the worst. She's my target by default. I C&F'd her the whole time. Dinner came and it went down the hatch. Shit, I know what I should do.

Then came the massive attack of the AFC. I'm AFC my mind tells me. Lots and lots of internal noise, and more internal noise, until I give in to it. I leave without meeting my objective. Mission failed.

It's difficult internalizing what I learned a few weeks ago. Giving in is easy. It was the easy way out, and I didn't learn a thing.

I need to learn from the field training.

Failed Sarge

At a club Saturday night. Had three drinks. Went to the bar by the dance floor. Was chatting with my wing. Saw two girls dancing, approached.

Went up and said, "Hi!"

They politely responded.

The obstacle checked me out and walked away. That's where the game was shot to hell.

I should have won her over first. It would've made the whole pickup easier.

The problem is that her disappearance made her friend wonder where she was and distracted her giving her some sort of time constraint.

The solution is simple. Have to engage the group. Acknowledge the target and move to engage the obstacles at their energy level. A very good way to do so would be to open arms at waist level to encompass the entire group when talking so that even in the loud environment, there is nonverbal communication that I was addressing the entire party.

The point of being on the dance floor is to dance. That interaction should mainly be to dance, demonstrate higher value, being able to keep rhythm and energy, and to build sexual tension. A good physique is required. You have to be in good shape.

best part of the week, the magnificent weekend

friday night, cool air and clean from the recent rain. night out in downtown. i love this city. driving into the downtown district, seeing the great big glass and concrete buildings, crowned with light.

from the distance it seemed as if the building were built so close to enclose the warmth.

met a beautiful girl that night. 5'8" slim, beautiful dark eyes and shining smile. she's the type that smiled more often in the night than any other expression. kinda look that gets etched in your mind. a winning smile like a princess.

i love the weekend. i love the free spirited interactions that comes with the weekend.

saturday night was not as great. too much intention on making the night just as great as the past night. too much expectation, too little being aware of the surrounding environment and the what to make of it.

lessons learned:

1) appreciate things for what they are at the moment.
2) don't kino until more than one IOI.
3) acknowledge my ego is based on my integrity.

do i live with guilt?

so i have found many techniques to seduce, i incorporate them in my interactions with women, i get them to have the "puppy eyes," they eat out of my hand, but now what?

now i feel as though i'm an asshole for breaking her heart. she's not the one but she was fun.

i did the right things to set off chemical reactions in them, they're giving off a very "needy" vibe.

since i triggered this chain of events, i'm to blame.

this is my sticking point:

i feel guilty making women sad.

I thought about this ethical dilemma quite a bit the last few hours. There is certainly a conflict of interest in male/female romance. I will not write on that lengthy topic, but it is very real. I need to focus more on quality. The screening process will have to be much more stringent, there is simply not enough time to waste.

pua

for the last two months, i've been studying the pua community. it began in november when i decided to head to barnes and noble for the book, "the game."

i discovered the book after watching my "natural" friend work one night and being frustrated at my attempts at finding romance. how is it that he gets the girls and i don't?

well, it's now two months later, and i'm still single without a date. what's going on?

in my own defense, i got three numbers in which they were all flakes. it's a baby step, but at least i'm at a baby's stumbling rate instead of being dead in the water.

for the last two months, i've read thousands of pages, hundreds of thousands of words related to the field. as you can tell, my storytelling ability has improved. my biggest accomplishment is to turn the fear of approaching/rejection into energy that keeps me vitalized and alert to the social dynamics of interacting with people, not just women, but mixed groups.

so my weekend would consist of getting out of work on friday, and preparing for the night. i would get a quick bite, drink lots of fluids, shower, brush, shave, mold my hair into what i can only imagine as being slick and doing my best to compose an outfit that is fit for nightlife. that was a run-on, but i really enjoy looking good.

the nights out that i had some success with women, each began with me taking the bulls by the horn. i would make weak direct openers with the first women i see (i.e., first time at this place?).

the nights out that i had the least results, each began with thinking i'll wait until i get inside the place.

do you see the pattern? i do. it's all starts with active effort or making excuses.

no more excuses, make it, say anything you want. be aware of your actions, reactions, the small picture, the big picture, calibrate each statement and response.

it's hard being social, you have to stay on your toes. but then, i should always be on my toes. constantly thinking or learning to adapt.

I'm going to be an element.