----------------
Now playing: Adele - Melt My Heart to Stone [Live at WTMD]
Dude, don't turn me into a sap.I'm not usually like this. I have a spine ._.
Any semblance of normalcy.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Air made of bricks.
----------------
Now playing: Adele - Melt My Heart to Stone [Live at WTMD]
I attended my first GP lesson a few days ago. Unsurprisingly, I loved the lecturer, mostly because she seems so completely resolute in her love for teaching, her love for writing and also because she's a serious user of words like "Bastardization".
SCORE!
Unsurprisingly enough though, I wasn't very content when it came to actually putting what I learnt that day into practice. It took me 4 tries to get the hang of inductive and deductive writing. I kid you not, AT ALL. I admit, I'm blowing this out of proportion but REALLY, self? Honestly?
I suppose I can explain it without worries. Flow towards a conclusion, flows down from a premise etc.
But for the life of me, I can't write. I can't write only having "formal writing lingo" floating through my head. I become so..unfathomably caged up by my own worries about what's necessarily "right" or and that fear of doing it "wrong"
Geez, woman. It's just writing, and it's only your first class.
I told myself that when I walked out of class, all depressed and vexed. The lecturer seemed so genuinely nice though, she seemed so reassuring. That, I need. What I don't need is such technicalities in writing.
I do, however, look forward to class next week. Even if I do expect another blogpost like this next week :(
It really has been a while, hasn't it? Give me one word, and I'll write you thousands. Give me nothing and I would only have one word: WHAT?
Now playing: Adele - Melt My Heart to Stone [Live at WTMD]
I attended my first GP lesson a few days ago. Unsurprisingly, I loved the lecturer, mostly because she seems so completely resolute in her love for teaching, her love for writing and also because she's a serious user of words like "Bastardization".
SCORE!
Unsurprisingly enough though, I wasn't very content when it came to actually putting what I learnt that day into practice. It took me 4 tries to get the hang of inductive and deductive writing. I kid you not, AT ALL. I admit, I'm blowing this out of proportion but REALLY, self? Honestly?
I suppose I can explain it without worries. Flow towards a conclusion, flows down from a premise etc.
But for the life of me, I can't write. I can't write only having "formal writing lingo" floating through my head. I become so..unfathomably caged up by my own worries about what's necessarily "right" or and that fear of doing it "wrong"
Geez, woman. It's just writing, and it's only your first class.
I told myself that when I walked out of class, all depressed and vexed. The lecturer seemed so genuinely nice though, she seemed so reassuring. That, I need. What I don't need is such technicalities in writing.
I do, however, look forward to class next week. Even if I do expect another blogpost like this next week :(
It really has been a while, hasn't it? Give me one word, and I'll write you thousands. Give me nothing and I would only have one word: WHAT?
Monday, November 21, 2011
Bumble.
----------------
Now playing: Ryan Adams - Dirty Rain
Give me something I want out of impulse. I'm tired of waiting. Are you hearing me, universe? I want to be happy. I haven't been happy in a while, so don't keep me hanging on a fine, loose thread. Don't make me run in circles, trying to catch every single, hazy cloud of happiness that you keep dangling above me.
Do you hear me? When is it going to be my turn to be happy? How long do I wait for people and wait on people like this?
It makes me so..genuinely angry to give up something that would make me even remotely happy.
Now playing: Ryan Adams - Dirty Rain
Give me something I want out of impulse. I'm tired of waiting. Are you hearing me, universe? I want to be happy. I haven't been happy in a while, so don't keep me hanging on a fine, loose thread. Don't make me run in circles, trying to catch every single, hazy cloud of happiness that you keep dangling above me.
Do you hear me? When is it going to be my turn to be happy? How long do I wait for people and wait on people like this?
It makes me so..genuinely angry to give up something that would make me even remotely happy.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
----------------
Now playing: Florence + The Machine - Landscape
It hits me a week before, but the momentum only hits me a day before. Hmm.
I've been awesome to a lot of people except myself this past few weeks. A stop must be issued because I can't, I can't be too hard on myself. I could've helped, but it was the realization that you'd do nothing but push my help away that stopped me. Don't be upset with me now.
Here's to a cease and desist order, issued to me, by me, to stop being so..subservient to people who don't need, or deserve it.
Nyeheheheheh
Now playing: Florence + The Machine - Landscape
It hits me a week before, but the momentum only hits me a day before. Hmm.
I've been awesome to a lot of people except myself this past few weeks. A stop must be issued because I can't, I can't be too hard on myself. I could've helped, but it was the realization that you'd do nothing but push my help away that stopped me. Don't be upset with me now.
Here's to a cease and desist order, issued to me, by me, to stop being so..subservient to people who don't need, or deserve it.
Nyeheheheheh
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Stranded.
----------------
Now playing: Noel Gallagher - If I Had A Gun...
When this ends, and if and when I finally have some sort of idea of what this even is, construction and twists deciphered, I have a humble list of things I'd like to do.
I'll go down to KL, hopefully. I'll have a pleasant time eating at Snowflake and having an awesome karaoke session with them. We'll even have Fondue-Bastardization Time (:
I'll eat, because this /is/ Penang after all. I'll eat and be happy. I won't know if it's because the food is going to be certified delightful, or if it's because I have an amazing, helpfully high metabolic rate. I'll be proud that I can finally attest to the magnitude of EPIC WINNERY of Penang food.
One picture of food is never enough.
I'll go hiking. I'll spend a lot of time doing things like hiking, beach-ing, and volunteering at the Penang SPCA.
I'll crawl back to my little bubble of video games.
I'll go back to school, to eat. :D
I'm going to walk, play and laugh in the rain.
I'll be edified and enlightened by the brilliance of raspberry vodka and Irish whiskey.
....and I will do them all, in a manner you might find yourself referring to as :
Oh yes.
Now playing: Noel Gallagher - If I Had A Gun...
When this ends, and if and when I finally have some sort of idea of what this even is, construction and twists deciphered, I have a humble list of things I'd like to do.
I'll go down to KL, hopefully. I'll have a pleasant time eating at Snowflake and having an awesome karaoke session with them. We'll even have Fondue-Bastardization Time (:
I'll eat, because this /is/ Penang after all. I'll eat and be happy. I won't know if it's because the food is going to be certified delightful, or if it's because I have an amazing, helpfully high metabolic rate. I'll be proud that I can finally attest to the magnitude of EPIC WINNERY of Penang food.
One picture of food is never enough.
I'll go hiking. I'll spend a lot of time doing things like hiking, beach-ing, and volunteering at the Penang SPCA.
I'll crawl back to my little bubble of video games.
I'll go back to school, to eat. :D
I'm going to walk, play and laugh in the rain.
I'll be edified and enlightened by the brilliance of raspberry vodka and Irish whiskey.
....and I will do them all, in a manner you might find yourself referring to as :
Oh yes.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
----------------
Now playing: Jason Mraz - Clockwatching [Acoustic]
Someone needs to dissect my head, tell me what the fuck is going on in there and fix it, preferably a stranger with no face. IF this is how it feels to have your entire world crash down, then fuck it all, I don't want to be in the middle of it all, I'd like to be sitting on top.Waiting for a new end.
Now playing: Jason Mraz - Clockwatching [Acoustic]
Someone needs to dissect my head, tell me what the fuck is going on in there and fix it, preferably a stranger with no face. IF this is how it feels to have your entire world crash down, then fuck it all, I don't want to be in the middle of it all, I'd like to be sitting on top.Waiting for a new end.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
1-11-11
Goodbye October.
When I turned 18.
Reached epiphany. Made choices and self-fulfilling promises, only to be met with "HAHA EPIC PHAIL.".
Reached other multiple epiphanies. Still here.
When I turned 18 this month, I constructed small plans and promises for myself; promises to let go, promises to keep holding on to whatever it is that needs to be held on to in order to survive.
When I turned 18.
Reached epiphany. Made choices and self-fulfilling promises, only to be met with "HAHA EPIC PHAIL.".
Reached other multiple epiphanies. Still here.
When I turned 18 this month, I constructed small plans and promises for myself; promises to let go, promises to keep holding on to whatever it is that needs to be held on to in order to survive.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Now playing : The Album Leaf - Eastern Glow
"We're meant to change."
I heard this during dinner. What does it do? Keep us from turning stale? Does not changing keep us monochromatic? What if I want grey?
Why did I change? It haunts me everyday to think that I must have done it, inadvertently [I hope], to fit here. Things seem to be so unexampled here. I miss familiarity. I miss looking at sand and thinking "Hey, I'd like the beach." instead of "The beach is tiring."
Clay among glass shards.
Chances not taken. Too little, too late, self.
I'm not this person. I'm not this reckless. I'm not this vindictive.
"We're meant to change."
I heard this during dinner. What does it do? Keep us from turning stale? Does not changing keep us monochromatic? What if I want grey?
Why did I change? It haunts me everyday to think that I must have done it, inadvertently [I hope], to fit here. Things seem to be so unexampled here. I miss familiarity. I miss looking at sand and thinking "Hey, I'd like the beach." instead of "The beach is tiring."
Clay among glass shards.
Chances not taken. Too little, too late, self.
I'm not this person. I'm not this reckless. I'm not this vindictive.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
1997
----------------
Now playing: Sixpence None The Richer - Kiss Me
Now playing: Sixpence None The Richer - Kiss Me
Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.
[Chorus:]
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.
[Chorus:]
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
Friday, October 7, 2011
To think that if I went the other way, things would've turned out differently. I wouldn't have to feel like this..or at the very least, I would've had been a little bit more misdirected, from whatever this seems to be. I will have to convince myself that I can make it, or that I'm able to do so. Ability, possibility.
What a fucking wreck, I am.
What a fucking wreck, I am.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
rent
What do you do when happiness becomes as similar to anger as sadness is as similar to boredom? You can't distinguish black from white, a hyphen from a cross. It feels like going to hell and coming back to something even worse, unimaginably bad. The height scares you, but what's even more terrifying is not knowing whether you're at the edge, about to fall, or standing below, with no rope to climb up. No one around you but your own little past self gently reminding you that you're not this stupid. All this while something else prompts you to jump. fall. crash. burn. crash&burn. There isn't anyone, they're not here, they're busy fighting their own demons while you lose. You lose and you wait for them to come after you, swallow you whole. And they'll take every micro-inch of you. They don't care, you're not worth it. You cry and scream and kick and beg but no, you're in a vacuum. You can't be heard. You don't want to be heard. You hate the attention. You hate the pity. You hate the help.
..because in the end, you're silently enjoying every single fucking pain life throws at you. You freaking masochist.
..because in the end, you're silently enjoying every single fucking pain life throws at you. You freaking masochist.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
More than life
----------------
Now playing: Steve Angello & Laidback Luke feat. Robin S - Show Me Love
Sorry, but you're not the highest on my list of priorities right now, blog. AS starts on October 5th and yeah, I just realized I finished a 1 year syllabus in 3 months..It's very disconcerting...Sister's getting married on the 24th...and 17th. In the week between, I have trials for AS. Yeah, FUCK.
So..college.. umm. yeah. Deeper and harder..
Well, we went to eat Tom Yam at Tan Jetty along Weld Quay on Friday, it was a farewell thing for Serene and Tim..who are both leaving to do IB in Fairview. Good luck to both of them :)
My first and last semi-gay experience with Serene. It's what happens when the car is too small ;]
Tom yam, mofos. Always relevant.
I never knew my phone could take pretty pictures like this! Granted, I'm a sucker for editing but, woooshh, pretty!
I will miss them. Change is what happened. When you think you're getting closer to someone, and change happens. Could happen anyhow. Maybe for good or worse? Worse, usually, right? That's the nature of life, if it's good, you're lucky. If it's not, that's the nature of it. We're meant to lose, aren't we?
No?
Now playing: Steve Angello & Laidback Luke feat. Robin S - Show Me Love
Sorry, but you're not the highest on my list of priorities right now, blog. AS starts on October 5th and yeah, I just realized I finished a 1 year syllabus in 3 months..It's very disconcerting...Sister's getting married on the 24th...and 17th. In the week between, I have trials for AS. Yeah, FUCK.
So..college.. umm. yeah. Deeper and harder..
Well, we went to eat Tom Yam at Tan Jetty along Weld Quay on Friday, it was a farewell thing for Serene and Tim..who are both leaving to do IB in Fairview. Good luck to both of them :)
My first and last semi-gay experience with Serene. It's what happens when the car is too small ;]
Tom yam, mofos. Always relevant.
I never knew my phone could take pretty pictures like this! Granted, I'm a sucker for editing but, woooshh, pretty!I will miss them. Change is what happened. When you think you're getting closer to someone, and change happens. Could happen anyhow. Maybe for good or worse? Worse, usually, right? That's the nature of life, if it's good, you're lucky. If it's not, that's the nature of it. We're meant to lose, aren't we?
No?Saturday, July 30, 2011
Delirious.
----------------
Now playing: David Guetta feat. Kid Cudi - Memories
After years and years of skipping out on good house music, I think college has finally reignited my preexisting love for it :) It was nice to ~discover~ people who have the same sort of taste in music, albeit in varying degrees. It's awesome all the same.
Let's be freaking honest here, how would you feel if a few people you had just met knew all the lyrics to Love Is Gone in a country where "THE BEST SONG EVAR" is a song is one by the likes of Ke-USDOLLAR-ha and umm, other 'generecists' alike? Awesome? Yes. Happy?! Why, yes. PROUD? Eh, sort of lah.
BDSM. Bringing people together, notwithstanding race, religion, sex, sex, musical taste, sex.
Food in Penang is...indescribable. Don't get me wrong, they're good but it's almost impossible to find a good adjective because each meal always seem to competing with each other to outdo the other. IT'S UNFAIR, REALLY. I've literally ran out of adjectives :| Why are you struggling for my love?!
England aku dah buruk dah, Tengok ni. Ni nak kena sepak oleh diriku yang lama.
Bon Odori 2011. It was a beautiful welcome to Penang.
Noraebang with classmates. TWAS KICKASS TO THE NTH DEGREE (: Bonding~
Beer. Bread. Yeast.
Oh yes, we know.
Sigh. this better be a campus crush. This will never end with me at the winning end, so yeah, let me just let this go. Things are easier at the 2nd time.
Now playing: David Guetta feat. Kid Cudi - Memories
After years and years of skipping out on good house music, I think college has finally reignited my preexisting love for it :) It was nice to ~discover~ people who have the same sort of taste in music, albeit in varying degrees. It's awesome all the same.
Let's be freaking honest here, how would you feel if a few people you had just met knew all the lyrics to Love Is Gone in a country where "THE BEST SONG EVAR" is a song is one by the likes of Ke-USDOLLAR-ha and umm, other 'generecists' alike? Awesome? Yes. Happy?! Why, yes. PROUD? Eh, sort of lah.
BDSM. Bringing people together, notwithstanding race, religion, sex, sex, musical taste, sex.
Food in Penang is...indescribable. Don't get me wrong, they're good but it's almost impossible to find a good adjective because each meal always seem to competing with each other to outdo the other. IT'S UNFAIR, REALLY. I've literally ran out of adjectives :| Why are you struggling for my love?!
England aku dah buruk dah, Tengok ni. Ni nak kena sepak oleh diriku yang lama.
Bon Odori 2011. It was a beautiful welcome to Penang.
Noraebang with classmates. TWAS KICKASS TO THE NTH DEGREE (: Bonding~
Beer. Bread. Yeast.
Oh yes, we know.EPIC HIGHLIGHT~
Met up with Jessica Kok who went from being Miss Ipoh to Miss Penang to Miss Shenzhen to Miss ALL OF ENGLAND. Ilthisgirl
and and and
Jen = awesome friend. lovely pikature.
Met up with Jessica Kok who went from being Miss Ipoh to Miss Penang to Miss Shenzhen to Miss ALL OF ENGLAND. Ilthisgirland and and
Jen = awesome friend. lovely pikature.Sigh. this better be a campus crush. This will never end with me at the winning end, so yeah, let me just let this go. Things are easier at the 2nd time.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
On this day of your life, Ezrianne, we believe God wants you to know ... that God has an important purpose for you, and made everything possible for you to succeed. |
That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success.
If my face wasn't burning right now, I would be crying. This is beautiful, it's amazing to see something like this..days likes these.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
---------------
Now playing: Wilco feat. Feist - You and I
T_T
I have a Biology test tomorrow. My sister's coming tomorrow. I want to go to Gurney tomorrow. I predict a riot tomorrow.
I listened to Pinback today.
Now playing: Wilco feat. Feist - You and I
T_T
I have a Biology test tomorrow. My sister's coming tomorrow. I want to go to Gurney tomorrow. I predict a riot tomorrow.
I listened to Pinback today.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Salted Chicken
----------------
Now playing: Alex - 평범한 그대
...So does anyone have this compulsive need to ban me from saying a phrase that I seem to use way too often? No? Said phrase doesn't annoy you? Good....Because.......
The bitch is back in Ipoh.
Eh he he he he.
Have a complimentary picture, expressive of my current "I'M HAPPEH" mood.
I'll update about my ESSITING week tomorrow because right now, I'm surviving on 4 hours of sleep for the past 36+ hours[?] :(
I'm pretty sure I've just lost my pendrive. FFFUUUUU
Now playing: Alex - 평범한 그대
...So does anyone have this compulsive need to ban me from saying a phrase that I seem to use way too often? No? Said phrase doesn't annoy you? Good....Because.......
The bitch is back in Ipoh.
Eh he he he he.
Have a complimentary picture, expressive of my current "I'M HAPPEH" mood.
I'll update about my ESSITING week tomorrow because right now, I'm surviving on 4 hours of sleep for the past 36+ hours[?] :(
I'm pretty sure I've just lost my pendrive. FFFUUUUU
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
#2
You Belong To Me
I like The Bob Dylan and Jason Wade version :)
See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
Just remember darlin' all the while
You belong to me
See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me
I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too..
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember 'til you're home again
You belong to me
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember 'til you're home again
You belong to me
I like The Bob Dylan and Jason Wade version :)
See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
Just remember darlin' all the while
You belong to me
See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me
I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too..
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember 'til you're home again
You belong to me
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember 'til you're home again
You belong to me
Monday, June 27, 2011
#1
Oasis - Live Forever
Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows 'cos I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain?
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone
Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
I said maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows 'cos I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone
Maybe I will never be
All the things that I want to be
Now is not the time to cry
Now's the time to find out why
I think you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows 'cos I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone
Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
Gonna live forever, gonna live forever
We are gonna live forever
Gonna live forever, gonna live forever
We are gonna live forever
How your garden grows 'cos I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain?
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone
Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
I said maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows 'cos I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone
Maybe I will never be
All the things that I want to be
Now is not the time to cry
Now's the time to find out why
I think you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows 'cos I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone
Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
Gonna live forever, gonna live forever
We are gonna live forever
Gonna live forever, gonna live forever
We are gonna live forever
Friday, June 24, 2011
Hi, Sonia!
Super quick post.
1. I've started college. On the 6th of June to be exact.
2. Classes are okay. I have a Biology test next week on 3 forking chapters. Yes, they are THAT immensely fast.
3. I made an explosive discovery that I...am very much capable of not being a shrew.. Proof : I made..NEW FRIENDS. Ohmaigad. I should add this in for elaboration that I cannot remember all their names. There is however, a girl who I frequently see often and we have a mutual "Let's Smile Though I Don't Know You" thing. I like friendships like that. Short and sweet.
4. I..don't like being the tail, the one that's far but still trailing along. I'm a misshapen puzzle piece that doesn't seem to fit there, but somehow fit in all the other places. Why am I so bothered by people who aren't even in the same frequency as me anyway? I should hang out with guys more, or my lovely housemates.
6. That also said, no one hear knows who I'm talking about with the exception of The Jill.
7. I actually did think of just transferring credits and getting the hell out of here after a month because I just couldn't stand my preexisting #foreveralone state being poked and dented like this. Then again, it's only a year, and I DID choose this place thinking it would be different. Hang in there, baby. Getting started is already half the bloody journey.
8. I've gone up 2kgs and am now...............49kgs. YES I KNOW I DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT BUT MY BONES ARE HEAVY AND HAVE YOU SEEN MY ARSE LATELY, NO? OKAY.
9. I've kind of kicked my coffee habit completely, I was just floating in the realm of weekly caffeine doses but yeah, I got rid of it and made a slightly disturbing discovery that...my bras don't fit anymore. I know what you're thinking lahhhh. Coffee problem and bra size where got relation one? GOT. See. I need toget new bras. tell Mum to get me new bras.
10. Food here is lovely. I went out with Val [Clare couldn't come :(] yesterday and we went to Komtar but on the way back in the bus we ended up going to Gurney Drive by mistake. Mini adventure, it is!
11. I have to study.
12. Mixplaylist name is.... Last Request. Obviously..
13. Lastly, the comfort of my brown, yellow, blue and purple house has been downgraded to well...
This.
1. I've started college. On the 6th of June to be exact.
2. Classes are okay. I have a Biology test next week on 3 forking chapters. Yes, they are THAT immensely fast.
3. I made an explosive discovery that I...am very much capable of not being a shrew.. Proof : I made..NEW FRIENDS. Ohmaigad. I should add this in for elaboration that I cannot remember all their names. There is however, a girl who I frequently see often and we have a mutual "Let's Smile Though I Don't Know You" thing. I like friendships like that. Short and sweet.
4. I..don't like being the tail, the one that's far but still trailing along. I'm a misshapen puzzle piece that doesn't seem to fit there, but somehow fit in all the other places. Why am I so bothered by people who aren't even in the same frequency as me anyway? I should hang out with guys more, or my lovely housemates.
6. That also said, no one hear knows who I'm talking about with the exception of The Jill.
7. I actually did think of just transferring credits and getting the hell out of here after a month because I just couldn't stand my preexisting #foreveralone state being poked and dented like this. Then again, it's only a year, and I DID choose this place thinking it would be different. Hang in there, baby. Getting started is already half the bloody journey.
8. I've gone up 2kgs and am now...............49kgs. YES I KNOW I DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT BUT MY BONES ARE HEAVY AND HAVE YOU SEEN MY ARSE LATELY, NO? OKAY.
9. I've kind of kicked my coffee habit completely, I was just floating in the realm of weekly caffeine doses but yeah, I got rid of it and made a slightly disturbing discovery that...my bras don't fit anymore. I know what you're thinking lahhhh. Coffee problem and bra size where got relation one? GOT. See. I need to
10. Food here is lovely. I went out with Val [Clare couldn't come :(] yesterday and we went to Komtar but on the way back in the bus we ended up going to Gurney Drive by mistake. Mini adventure, it is!
11. I have to study.
12. Mixplaylist name is.... Last Request. Obviously..
13. Lastly, the comfort of my brown, yellow, blue and purple house has been downgraded to well...
This.Friday, May 27, 2011
Make up, shake up, break up~
----------------
Now playing: Wolfmother - Vagabond
I've decided to make a mixtape! Right, maybe not 'mixtape' accurately, but a mixCD! It just occurred to me that I've never actually got around to finishing the ones I used to do back in Form 4. I got really bored easily, I hardly did my homework and I would be lying on the bed listening to music when I'd suddenly get this idea of making a good playlist that fit my mood. For the most part, it was a playlist for boredom, or a playlist for those days. Those purple, subdued, gloomy days.
Right..Well..I've only started. This time, I'm hellbent on finishing it. /muka terlampau bersemangat. I'm excited for this, so I'm going to base my whole mixtape on translating this giddy joy I'm feeling :D I feel half-accomplished already!
Okay, let's not push it, bitch.
The name......is currently in the processing farm of my head. Sorry ah. I guess I'll ~unveil~ it in my next post because as of right now, it fails to exist.
Again, sorry ah.
...Off to work, self! Have a complimentary, badly PS-ed [I'm getting there!] photo.
Aptly named My Dad is Teaching Me The Subtle Art of Drinking And I Have Yet To Fail. Wooooshhh!
annnnddd...
Welcome back, Jill~
girl is hammered and sleepy. and is missing her best friends. Let me celebrate :D
Now playing: Wolfmother - Vagabond
I've decided to make a mixtape! Right, maybe not 'mixtape' accurately, but a mixCD! It just occurred to me that I've never actually got around to finishing the ones I used to do back in Form 4. I got really bored easily, I hardly did my homework and I would be lying on the bed listening to music when I'd suddenly get this idea of making a good playlist that fit my mood. For the most part, it was a playlist for boredom, or a playlist for those days. Those purple, subdued, gloomy days.
Right..Well..I've only started. This time, I'm hellbent on finishing it. /muka terlampau bersemangat. I'm excited for this, so I'm going to base my whole mixtape on translating this giddy joy I'm feeling :D I feel half-accomplished already!
Okay, let's not push it, bitch.
The name......is currently in the processing farm of my head. Sorry ah. I guess I'll ~unveil~ it in my next post because as of right now, it fails to exist.
Again, sorry ah.
...Off to work, self! Have a complimentary, badly PS-ed [I'm getting there!] photo.
Aptly named My Dad is Teaching Me The Subtle Art of Drinking And I Have Yet To Fail. Wooooshhh!annnnddd...
Welcome back, Jill~
girl is hammered and sleepy. and is missing her best friends. Let me celebrate :D
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Substituting fudgecake for fuck was totally my idea.
----------------
Now playing: The xx - Stars
Something's been bothering me. Well, not bothering per se, but more of...caught my overly-attentive eye?
Has anyone noticed the Brobdingnagian [awesome word, I must add] sum of gloomy, slightly-sexist-bordering-on-feminist Facebook and [very, very few] Twitter updates lately? Maybe I've been living too long under the gargantuan rock that is timeline-less Twitter apps on Android but really, what is with all these updates? It's possible that I'll make into someone's shitlist if I list them out individually but you catch my drift, right?
You know, lah. The ones that are "Boys are insensitive and they suck and the should godaiinafire but girls are awesome and fragile and soft-hearted and totally incapable of faking" types. Social networks have been swamped with them at a terrifying level. I'm going to refer to them as Junkies in this post from this point forward.
No, really.
Really??
Gender equality just got poked....by The Dagger [Glee references ftw!] I can't think of any important person who played a pivotal role in gender equality, I'm that uninformed, you see. But whoever they are, they're rolling in their graves, scratching their caskets for a way out to come look for Junkies and claw their eyeballs out..
I'm not going to sugarcoat it and say that dudes aren't capable of being absolutely moronic in their actions, but to say that ONLY a girl is fragile and soft-hearted as how stupid and idiotic ONLY a boy can be has the same douchebaggery level as :
Did I paraphrase correctly? Coherent sentence construction has proven to be my Achilles' heel :\
I can't...I just can't wrap my head around this...thing. This weird, WTF-inducing phenomena, for the lack of a better word.. Is there a secret, conspiratorial society hellbent on baiting the male population lurking around social media? I have 2 questions if they actually do exist.
One. What the burning hell are you doing? I'll hazard a guess and say that they're headed by a 14 year hormonal teenager who just got fucked over by her 21 year old ex-boyf who is you know...a scary biker dude.
Two. Why am I so bloody uninformed about things nowadays?! :(
But then again...
Luckily, when I was thinking of a dramatic, "QED, bitch"-way of ending this post just now, I remembered that...it's just a phase. If there's one thing I've observed from social networking, it's that every month, there's a trend where a majority of things, be it profiles pictures, notes or status updates seem to be centered around, and once that monthly 'trend' expires, on comes a new one. I'm not gonna hyperbolise it by saying everyone does it because well, this post wouldn't exist if I did, really. or because I love commenting and mocking anything like this yes I'm mean.
If I may recall, there was this period where a majority of people were putting up pictures of themselves when they were kids. Before or after that came the influx of questionnaire tags. There was also the "I like it on the..." thing for breast cancer awareness which I still don't get. The weird, "clan names" thing followed. The "Write your name in Hangul" thing which made me laugh. In March, there was the "Gym-freaks Monthly" thing going on. On came the "Inbox me a number and I'll tell you when we first met, what I like about you, how big was the Krispy Kreme jelly-filled donut that I threw at your face" status thing that's STILL around. By that logic, it'll only be fair to say that this month's trend is "Boys suck and girls rule."
Sigh.
This is only makes me a bit excited for June's trend, of freaking course. Will the not-at-all ridiculous "Post the colour of your bra to help breast cancer awareness" be making a comeback? Experts say June just might the month for "I HAVE A DSLR THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE but I'm still gonna take pictures anyway, GUYS!!" to return. Or will the old trends take a backseat for a new up-and-coming "Deadly medical illnesses I wish I had" to encroach upon us mortal beings?
Only time will tell, really.
If, and this is a big, big possibility that's still possible given the naivete and Facebook Sheep-iness of people that my "Deadly medical illnesses I wish I had" does trend, I'd be so damned amused, man.
/gushes
Now playing: The xx - Stars
Something's been bothering me. Well, not bothering per se, but more of...caught my overly-attentive eye?
Has anyone noticed the Brobdingnagian [awesome word, I must add] sum of gloomy, slightly-sexist-bordering-on-feminist Facebook and [very, very few] Twitter updates lately? Maybe I've been living too long under the gargantuan rock that is timeline-less Twitter apps on Android but really, what is with all these updates? It's possible that I'll make into someone's shitlist if I list them out individually but you catch my drift, right?
You know, lah. The ones that are "Boys are insensitive and they suck and the should godaiinafire but girls are awesome and fragile and soft-hearted and totally incapable of faking" types. Social networks have been swamped with them at a terrifying level. I'm going to refer to them as Junkies in this post from this point forward.
No, really.
Really??
Gender equality just got poked....by The Dagger [Glee references ftw!] I can't think of any important person who played a pivotal role in gender equality, I'm that uninformed, you see. But whoever they are, they're rolling in their graves, scratching their caskets for a way out to come look for Junkies and claw their eyeballs out..
I'm not going to sugarcoat it and say that dudes aren't capable of being absolutely moronic in their actions, but to say that ONLY a girl is fragile and soft-hearted as how stupid and idiotic ONLY a boy can be has the same douchebaggery level as :
Did I paraphrase correctly? Coherent sentence construction has proven to be my Achilles' heel :\I can't...I just can't wrap my head around this...thing. This weird, WTF-inducing phenomena, for the lack of a better word.. Is there a secret, conspiratorial society hellbent on baiting the male population lurking around social media? I have 2 questions if they actually do exist.
One. What the burning hell are you doing? I'll hazard a guess and say that they're headed by a 14 year hormonal teenager who just got fucked over by her 21 year old ex-boyf who is you know...a scary biker dude.
Two. Why am I so bloody uninformed about things nowadays?! :(
But then again...
Luckily, when I was thinking of a dramatic, "QED, bitch"-way of ending this post just now, I remembered that...it's just a phase. If there's one thing I've observed from social networking, it's that every month, there's a trend where a majority of things, be it profiles pictures, notes or status updates seem to be centered around, and once that monthly 'trend' expires, on comes a new one. I'm not gonna hyperbolise it by saying everyone does it because well, this post wouldn't exist if I did, really. or because I love commenting and mocking anything like this yes I'm mean.
If I may recall, there was this period where a majority of people were putting up pictures of themselves when they were kids. Before or after that came the influx of questionnaire tags. There was also the "I like it on the..." thing for breast cancer awareness which I still don't get. The weird, "clan names" thing followed. The "Write your name in Hangul" thing which made me laugh. In March, there was the "Gym-freaks Monthly" thing going on. On came the "Inbox me a number and I'll tell you when we first met, what I like about you, how big was the Krispy Kreme jelly-filled donut that I threw at your face" status thing that's STILL around. By that logic, it'll only be fair to say that this month's trend is "Boys suck and girls rule."
Sigh.
This is only makes me a bit excited for June's trend, of freaking course. Will the not-at-all ridiculous "Post the colour of your bra to help breast cancer awareness" be making a comeback? Experts say June just might the month for "I HAVE A DSLR THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE but I'm still gonna take pictures anyway, GUYS!!" to return. Or will the old trends take a backseat for a new up-and-coming "Deadly medical illnesses I wish I had" to encroach upon us mortal beings?
Only time will tell, really.
If, and this is a big, big possibility that's still possible given the naivete and Facebook Sheep-iness of people that my "Deadly medical illnesses I wish I had" does trend, I'd be so damned amused, man.
/gushes
Monday, May 16, 2011
Now Action!
----------------
Now playing: m-flo Loves Ryuichi Sakamoto [ 坂本龍一 ] - I WANNA BE DOWN
That song must have been a pain to produce :\ I can only imagine what conversation Taku and Verbal were having when they did it.
Anyyywayyy, I was thinking that I should start blogging in a more "So I did this and that today and wow I saw that and I took pictures" type of way instead of my current "World, I'm sad and angsty and I want to punch things frequently with the force of 400 kickboxing elephants". It doesn't help that yes, I am sad and angsty, I'm laced with feelings of wanting to punch things all the time but there just might be a faint possibility that I will get out this rut if..I blog..properly again. Let's face it, I don't have much people to talk to, and my Awesome Culture has been...scattered around Southeast Asia....
So, why not? Let's give this a try.
Umm...baby steps.
..Well..First...I.. don't have a bathroom anymore!
That's right. I went angry and in my fit of fiery rage I tore every damned thing down, I broke everything and hit them with a sledgehammer. I did this all over...losing my driving license. You now know not to piss me off, I'll break down your bathroom. Rawr.....and then I put lined bricks up to tear them down again later..
Alright. so my feeble attempt at being horrifically funny has just amounted to being..horrific. Sorry lah.
Neh, they're just remodelling it, beyond my comprehension IMO. I'm going off to study and my sister's gonna get married(!!!!!!) so yeahhhh. Preserving memory, maybe?
Who knows, really?
Now playing: m-flo Loves Ryuichi Sakamoto [ 坂本龍一 ] - I WANNA BE DOWN
That song must have been a pain to produce :\ I can only imagine what conversation Taku and Verbal were having when they did it.
Taku : It doesn't sound discombobulated enough! Let's sprinkle some weird Hipster-Alien-Landing sound and while we're at it, let's make Ryuchi-san sound like he's 16!
Verbal : Agreed! And let's throw in a girl, because there's just now enough gender equality throughout this song.
Taku : ...and background samba music!
Verbal : And let's make our raps as distorted as possible. Yeah. What's the song missing now?
Taku : ..a Crazy Frog-possessed kid and the male narrator of Memoirs of a Geisha
Verbal : ...but there's no male narrator..
Taku : KINISHINAIDE! We're on a roll here towards the revolution of musical acid trips!
Verbal : Agreed! And let's throw in a girl, because there's just now enough gender equality throughout this song.
Taku : ...and background samba music!
Verbal : And let's make our raps as distorted as possible. Yeah. What's the song missing now?
Taku : ..a Crazy Frog-possessed kid and the male narrator of Memoirs of a Geisha
Verbal : ...but there's no male narrator..
Taku : KINISHINAIDE! We're on a roll here towards the revolution of musical acid trips!
Anyyywayyy, I was thinking that I should start blogging in a more "So I did this and that today and wow I saw that and I took pictures" type of way instead of my current "World, I'm sad and angsty and I want to punch things frequently with the force of 400 kickboxing elephants". It doesn't help that yes, I am sad and angsty, I'm laced with feelings of wanting to punch things all the time but there just might be a faint possibility that I will get out this rut if..I blog..properly again. Let's face it, I don't have much people to talk to, and my Awesome Culture has been...scattered around Southeast Asia....
So, why not? Let's give this a try.
Umm...baby steps.
..Well..First...I.. don't have a bathroom anymore!
That's right. I went angry and in my fit of fiery rage I tore every damned thing down, I broke everything and hit them with a sledgehammer. I did this all over...losing my driving license. You now know not to piss me off, I'll break down your bathroom. Rawr.....and then I put lined bricks up to tear them down again later..
Alright. so my feeble attempt at being horrifically funny has just amounted to being..horrific. Sorry lah.
Neh, they're just remodelling it, beyond my comprehension IMO. I'm going off to study and my sister's gonna get married(!!!!!!) so yeahhhh. Preserving memory, maybe?
Who knows, really?
Thursday, May 12, 2011
mollycoddle
this sucks. I....almost forgot. I looked at the picture, and what should have been a "maybe one day" was a split second "who is this?". it feels terrible....i'm not supposed to.forget. hell.... i can't. it's impossible. how could i have done it?? i can't detach myself like this. i cannot let myself do it. what the hell, self? :(
well.....i'm leaving in june... i don't know how what to feel about it..i will..... miss the treadmill??
Happy Birthday, best friend, again :)
well.....i'm leaving in june... i don't know how what to feel about it..i will..... miss the treadmill??
Happy Birthday, best friend, again :)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
It's only a phone
Don't you see? I'm going to feel indebted. For every moment I am to look at it all bright and burnished, the deeper my feelings of insecurity are going to plunge. I need to comport myself with just a little bit of dignity. Too damned materialistic, too damned unsatisfied.
It's true when I say I'd be much more grateful if I worked my own arse off for it. A 2 month stint at a bakery or computer shop would've sufficed. I was only merely unlucky to have asked at what seemed like 8ish shops only to go back being slapped in the face with different ways of saying "We're full." and "We only want Chinese-speaking people".
Screw it. I should've totally learnt to speak Cantonese when I was in school.
Naw, you're not that unenlightened, self.
It feels wrong in pokey ways because I...didn't do as well. I wasn't a stupid person who did reasonably well. Quite the fucking contrary, actually. Leave it, I need to leave this behind. It's like an ego-catering paralysis.
I'm stupid, unlucky, jobless and studying. Bonne chance to me.
It's true when I say I'd be much more grateful if I worked my own arse off for it. A 2 month stint at a bakery or computer shop would've sufficed. I was only merely unlucky to have asked at what seemed like 8ish shops only to go back being slapped in the face with different ways of saying "We're full." and "We only want Chinese-speaking people".
Screw it. I should've totally learnt to speak Cantonese when I was in school.
Naw, you're not that unenlightened, self.
It feels wrong in pokey ways because I...didn't do as well. I wasn't a stupid person who did reasonably well. Quite the fucking contrary, actually. Leave it, I need to leave this behind. It's like an ego-catering paralysis.
I'm stupid, unlucky, jobless and studying. Bonne chance to me.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
You're too young, Hold your tongue.
----------------
Now playing: Kyo - Comment Te Dire
It's not that I haven't a care in the world. You are just not in my world often enough. Am I wrong for saying this?
Indifference doesn't mean I'd like anyone in that situation.
I'd much rather stay quiet.
too late.
Now playing: Kyo - Comment Te Dire
It's not that I haven't a care in the world. You are just not in my world often enough. Am I wrong for saying this?
Indifference doesn't mean I'd like anyone in that situation.
I'd much rather stay quiet.
too late.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Hope immolation
----------------
Now playing: Passion - So Sick [Acoustic Cover]
"You're not reading a lot. What happened to you?"
I don't know. I haven't been mindful for the past year. Does that book really matter? Does green and black really matter? I wore green on Wednesday. Was it a preindication of anything that was going to happen that day? Would luck have subverted if I wore red instead? Could 5, 18, 27 or 14 preempt anything at all?
....but I..don't care..
Until June, I get to make this right.
That cover of So Sick I'm listening to is just do damned good.
Now playing: Passion - So Sick [Acoustic Cover]
"You're not reading a lot. What happened to you?"
I don't know. I haven't been mindful for the past year. Does that book really matter? Does green and black really matter? I wore green on Wednesday. Was it a preindication of anything that was going to happen that day? Would luck have subverted if I wore red instead? Could 5, 18, 27 or 14 preempt anything at all?
....but I..don't care..
Until June, I get to make this right.
That cover of So Sick I'm listening to is just do damned good.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I know what I want. This isn't a lost cause, I have door. I have a key, it's rusty. But it's a key nonetheless. I'm rueful, but that by no means is any denotation that I didn't try. God wants me on the same way, he just gave me a rusty ticket. Doesn't matter. What matters is now. I don't suck. I've just had a less-than-awesome week.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I'm beginning to consider the theory that lounging my arse on the swirly chair followed by the hall sofa has bad repercussions on my habit of being overtly organised sometimes. I feel like I've fallen into a deeper hole of neat album artworks and aligned fingernails after spending 75 days of doing noooooooothing. I swear I was itching to arrange all the magazines in the doctor's office just now. IT WAS ALL TIME MAGAZINE. I couldn't decide on arranging them according to date or colour.
Who the hell arranges magazines with one single red border according to colour?
Wait...who even lets that thought creep through the back door of their head?
Me.
I was never like this. I SWEAR.
Few months ago, I spiritedly made a list of things to do while I'm on my semi-break from school before I go off to study..again. I ended up doing only 2 things.
For the record, I didn't learn Mandarin.
I didn't finish up my Sudoku Volume 3.
I didn't even finish half the video games I set out to play after SPM.
I didn't get a job. DAMN!
As an extension from the last one, I didn't save up much money.
DLKSADFLKSAFKASDKLFSDA I DIDN'T LEARN HINDI D:
I didn't change my wardrobe.
No sir, I most certainly did not.
Who the hell arranges magazines with one single red border according to colour?
Wait...who even lets that thought creep through the back door of their head?
Me.
I was never like this. I SWEAR.
Few months ago, I spiritedly made a list of things to do while I'm on my semi-break from school before I go off to study..again. I ended up doing only 2 things.
For the record, I didn't learn Mandarin.
I didn't finish up my Sudoku Volume 3.
I didn't even finish half the video games I set out to play after SPM.
I didn't get a job. DAMN!
As an extension from the last one, I didn't save up much money.
DLKSADFLKSAFKASDKLFSDA I DIDN'T LEARN HINDI D:
I didn't change my wardrobe.
No sir, I most certainly did not.
Friday, March 11, 2011
We got THA FLOW~
ABCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC.. :)
XYZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.. :)
What happened to the good old "I'm going to hold a grudge against her, I hate her!" now? It amazes me how much ending high school can subvert personal convictions.
After a few events last year, I'm slightly more determined to keep my grudges, if any, long-lasting. Does it make me a terrible person? Maybe, but you'd have to be a complete bitch to get on my bad side.
I don't even remember the last time I got angry. In fact, 3 months into last year, I'm pretty sure I got pissed off at people and went on 1080 degree mood swings a dozen times. It's not something I'm proud off :\
Resolutions!
XYZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.. :)
What happened to the good old "I'm going to hold a grudge against her, I hate her!" now? It amazes me how much ending high school can subvert personal convictions.
After a few events last year, I'm slightly more determined to keep my grudges, if any, long-lasting. Does it make me a terrible person? Maybe, but you'd have to be a complete bitch to get on my bad side.
I don't even remember the last time I got angry. In fact, 3 months into last year, I'm pretty sure I got pissed off at people and went on 1080 degree mood swings a dozen times. It's not something I'm proud off :\
Resolutions!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Ending fast.
I feel like....ugh. The English vocabulary doesn't have an suited word so I'm going to write a reaction instead, one you'd have when you see an overly happy, overtly tongue-y couple at a parking lot. Okay, so it wasn't necessarily all UGH, at first it was "Oh okay, how...cute" then they started scavenger-hunting each other's throats and that was when I flipped and went :S
I have to admit, that's not the only reason why I'm currently so riddled with feelings of UGH-itude though. This is gonna sound stupid and worthy of a C-grade horror movie screenplay but...I've been having really...disturbing dreams lately. Have you left yet? No? I'll continue, then.
They're not nightmares, they're not as traumatic as sleep paralysis (been there, done that. If wasn't as if I could really 'do' anything) but they're just protractedly disturbing. I can't remember them fully (Can anyone for that matter?) but they always seem to have the same person, same place but different scenarios that are never, and I mean NEVER good.
Can this actually be connotative of something bad that's going to happen? Hell, am I going to die soon or something?
..............
If that's the case, I'd much rather prefer that recurring dream about eating in KFC or have something much more pleasant and not I'M-GOING-TO-HAVE-TO-BLOG-ABOUT-THIS-TO-CLEANSE-MYSELF-inducing.
I have to admit, that's not the only reason why I'm currently so riddled with feelings of UGH-itude though. This is gonna sound stupid and worthy of a C-grade horror movie screenplay but...I've been having really...disturbing dreams lately. Have you left yet? No? I'll continue, then.
They're not nightmares, they're not as traumatic as sleep paralysis (been there, done that. If wasn't as if I could really 'do' anything) but they're just protractedly disturbing. I can't remember them fully (Can anyone for that matter?) but they always seem to have the same person, same place but different scenarios that are never, and I mean NEVER good.
Can this actually be connotative of something bad that's going to happen? Hell, am I going to die soon or something?
..............
If that's the case, I'd much rather prefer that recurring dream about eating in KFC or have something much more pleasant and not I'M-GOING-TO-HAVE-TO-BLOG-ABOUT-THIS-TO-CLEANSE-MYSELF-inducing.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The pasty white dude staring at the screen is actually really discomforting, but attention the song, dammit. The song is addictive. God knows how long it's been since I 'discovered' listenable indie pop.. They use banjos, mandolins and something called a glockenspiel to make music. I'm in awe.
So.....I backtracked (biggest mistake to this date, period) on my old blog posts and.....I felt like someone just shoved a verneshot of stupidity at me.. Through my really...happy, jumpy, blogposts, I could see that I was such a....teenager.
Now that I'm
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Wishing.
The more I spend 24 hours just sitting my arse down and doing pointless things (although I'd be happy to vouch that oscillating from Youtube to Twitter to Persona 3 isn't /that/ pointless), the more and more I'm convinced that the life I want to have is harsh and hard. I mean what I want to be. I'm not going to disclose it here because everyone who reads this knows me and what I want :]
Sure, it's not easy, I'd have to give up a lot. I'd have to bent over a table all night and day. I'd have to give up my blank social life andbecome remain #foreveralone. I need to have a memory that's..infinite. It's such a glamourized profession sometimes, I wish they'd just straight out tell everyone that it's difficult and by the 5th year, my blood is going to be replaced by caffeine, my eyebags are going to...huge and I'm going to spend every waking minute wishing someone would just run me over with a tractor.
Great, I'm scaring myself again.
I wonder what's or who's going to be there to prevent me from pulling a trigger upon myself.. Existent? Ickkk.
The stress is going to be overwhelming. I'm going to be drenched with exhaustion day and night. Maybe I won't even do my laundry out becausae I'll be too busy sleeping instead.
Hopefully, how much I want it'll trump how much I can handle it.
Oh good God.
Sure, it's not easy, I'd have to give up a lot. I'd have to bent over a table all night and day. I'd have to give up my blank social life and
Great, I'm scaring myself again.
I wonder what's or who's going to be there to prevent me from pulling a trigger upon myself.. Existent? Ickkk.
The stress is going to be overwhelming. I'm going to be drenched with exhaustion day and night. Maybe I won't even do my laundry out becausae I'll be too busy sleeping instead.
Hopefully, how much I want it'll trump how much I can handle it.
Oh good God.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Scratching stones.
This is only going to deepen my feelings about being a terrible friend while simultaneously making me more terrible as a friend, but, NO.
I've never said this out loud, and I think partly due to the fact that I'm too scared to lose things. Or lose, for that matter. But yeah, I mean NO.
No one knows how dead serious I am about untagging, and deleting, blocking, unfollowing. I promised myself I didn't want any form of....connection with people, not in this way. By people I mean insider-outsiders. Screaming wallpaper. Noisy background people I faked liking.
There's something holding me back from doing it. Guilt? Hell, what do I need to feel guilty about? It's my call to not have any connection with anyone, no? I haven't done anything wrong.
I'll wait and see how far this strange, ambiguous hate I feel for humanity progresses. I'm too egoistic for my own good, honestly.
Maybe that's it. An ego too big and fragile to handle..
I'm like a hot-air balloon.
I've never said this out loud, and I think partly due to the fact that I'm too scared to lose things. Or lose, for that matter. But yeah, I mean NO.
No one knows how dead serious I am about untagging, and deleting, blocking, unfollowing. I promised myself I didn't want any form of....connection with people, not in this way. By people I mean insider-outsiders. Screaming wallpaper. Noisy background people I faked liking.
There's something holding me back from doing it. Guilt? Hell, what do I need to feel guilty about? It's my call to not have any connection with anyone, no? I haven't done anything wrong.
I'll wait and see how far this strange, ambiguous hate I feel for humanity progresses. I'm too egoistic for my own good, honestly.
Maybe that's it. An ego too big and fragile to handle..
I'm like a hot-air balloon.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I got a shout out! Let me reply!
Dear Sonia, we'll go out soon :)
Suddenly, Jo's plan on smoking at the Han River seems sinfully tempting. I've been watching too many badasses to do it.
Self, smoking is not badass.Unless someone in a suit is doing it. Not at all.
Raincheck on a date. Worst decision ever. Now that I think about it though, it was a terrible, half-assed idea. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty sure I was angry more at the fact that I was going to be #foreveralone more than my decision itself.
남자 있어요? I can dream.
I can't help but to laugh at me desperation. Eeeshhhhh, can I not call it that? I'll call it a boring, prolonged, 17 year old state..
Will I be this bored when I go off to study?
Meh.
I don't understand how can anyone be that friendly. You've only met...2 times.
MEH.
I have all the wrong parts from 아.미.고 playing in my head the whole day. Oh well.
Dear Sonia, we'll go out soon :)
Suddenly, Jo's plan on smoking at the Han River seems sinfully tempting. I've been watching too many badasses to do it.
Self, smoking is not badass.
Raincheck on a date. Worst decision ever. Now that I think about it though, it was a terrible, half-assed idea. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty sure I was angry more at the fact that I was going to be #foreveralone more than my decision itself.
남자 있어요? I can dream.
I can't help but to laugh at me desperation. Eeeshhhhh, can I not call it that? I'll call it a boring, prolonged, 17 year old state..
"Supplies?"
"SUPPLIES!"
"SUPPLIES!"
Will I be this bored when I go off to study?
Meh.
I don't understand how can anyone be that friendly. You've only met...2 times.
MEH.
I have all the wrong parts from 아.미.고 playing in my head the whole day. Oh well.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Too young and fine.
Apparently this is my 666th post.
If I could afford it, I would buy forever, and sell it to God to get everyone we want back. It'll be like selling rice to a paddy farmer. Then again, what do I know? I just want things I can't have back.
Or if I could play quid pro quo, and exchange my life to get back his. It's an unfair trade, I don't mean that much.
Ah, life.
If I could afford it, I would buy forever, and sell it to God to get everyone we want back. It'll be like selling rice to a paddy farmer. Then again, what do I know? I just want things I can't have back.
Or if I could play quid pro quo, and exchange my life to get back his. It's an unfair trade, I don't mean that much.
Ah, life.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
It's either be the worst friend or the worst sister or the worst daughter. I'm amused at how situations like this time themselves so perfectly to inch between each of the 'worsts'.
Expectedly.
But hey, don't be angry at me because things aren't under my control. I could blame it on being the youngest. but does anyone know things would be the complete opposite if it wasn't for what happened 2 years ago? Yes, 2. It sounds bitter just saying this.
I suppose my 'freedom' has been barred. They could be anywhere, but that lingering presence that follows you around when they are, is always going to stay. I think they call it guilt.
Expectedly.
But hey, don't be angry at me because things aren't under my control. I could blame it on being the youngest. but does anyone know things would be the complete opposite if it wasn't for what happened 2 years ago? Yes, 2. It sounds bitter just saying this.
I suppose my 'freedom' has been barred. They could be anywhere, but that lingering presence that follows you around when they are, is always going to stay. I think they call it guilt.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Craft.
My life as of right now.
I could whine about the blankness of it, knowing it'll be nothing more than an unread paragraph against a white page. Excusing the recklessness, I..could go out and make it worthwhile. Maybe I'll die trying to be a sports car driver, base jumper or professional Starcraft player [R.I.P dude].
Maybe I won't die because it's just not my time yet. I can say with certainty though, that I'm not going to know if I'm sitting here being all nonchalant and jaded and bored. Yes, bored.
So, I'm begging you in the worst response-inducing way possible, whom it my concern, to let me..go out there...and try to give myself reason to start believing that the fact I'm here accounts for something. That something is out there, and I'm right here and as long as I continue to stand here, without moving, I'm never going to be there any time soon to see that 'something.'
It could be a job? Or a convent calling. Relief efforts in South Africa. A happy career in plastics and reconstructive? I don't know, and neither do you know enough to make a raw assumption that I can't and won't be able to handle it.
I know I'm asking for a risk. But this thread is only going to go shorter and thinner if I'm not allowed to make a mistake and pick the hell up.. I'm thinking of all the time I'm wasting trying to convince you compared with how productive I'm able to make it if you just damnwell let me do what I want.
I'm young but not necessarily stupid. Maybe I'm not experienced, but it's indisputable and you can't argue with the fact that I cannot be leaching off someone else's experience and mistake. I need to learn independently and it's not going to happen if you've put this barrier for me between here and there.
Does any of this even matter?
Maybe in years to come, when I look and wonder why my pencil's blue but its eraser is black and its tip pink, or when I wonder why I suddenly have this urge to grin like an idiot when I hear the word "diet" or "surprise", I'll remember to thank the few people who gave me a reason to continue living even when I didn't or couldn't or God forbid, shouldn't have. I don't mean much to the world, but there's a lot in the world that means more than..well..the world to me.
I could whine about the blankness of it, knowing it'll be nothing more than an unread paragraph against a white page. Excusing the recklessness, I..could go out and make it worthwhile. Maybe I'll die trying to be a sports car driver, base jumper or professional Starcraft player [R.I.P dude].
Maybe I won't die because it's just not my time yet. I can say with certainty though, that I'm not going to know if I'm sitting here being all nonchalant and jaded and bored. Yes, bored.
So, I'm begging you in the worst response-inducing way possible, whom it my concern, to let me..go out there...and try to give myself reason to start believing that the fact I'm here accounts for something. That something is out there, and I'm right here and as long as I continue to stand here, without moving, I'm never going to be there any time soon to see that 'something.'
It could be a job? Or a convent calling. Relief efforts in South Africa. A happy career in plastics and reconstructive? I don't know, and neither do you know enough to make a raw assumption that I can't and won't be able to handle it.
I know I'm asking for a risk. But this thread is only going to go shorter and thinner if I'm not allowed to make a mistake and pick the hell up.. I'm thinking of all the time I'm wasting trying to convince you compared with how productive I'm able to make it if you just damnwell let me do what I want.
I'm young but not necessarily stupid. Maybe I'm not experienced, but it's indisputable and you can't argue with the fact that I cannot be leaching off someone else's experience and mistake. I need to learn independently and it's not going to happen if you've put this barrier for me between here and there.
Does any of this even matter?
Maybe in years to come, when I look and wonder why my pencil's blue but its eraser is black and its tip pink, or when I wonder why I suddenly have this urge to grin like an idiot when I hear the word "diet" or "surprise", I'll remember to thank the few people who gave me a reason to continue living even when I didn't or couldn't or God forbid, shouldn't have. I don't mean much to the world, but there's a lot in the world that means more than..well..the world to me.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Sapbucket.
You know what's my most hated question? The type of hate so strong that its gravity is just immeasurable? Like how strong the gravitational pull is at the North Flipping Pole? <-- Physics ftw.
"What's YOUR talent?" and worse than that, the ensuing "Everyone has a talent! D/w" right after that pathetic, gloom-encompassed "I don't have a single talent."
It's such a terrible, terrible question. I've even stopped going for camps because I don't want to have to deal with this type of crap. I know that my distaste for it is just /slightly/ overplayed but enter explanation.
I woke up today with the worst revelation ever, IMO. Albeit an obvious one, it never really had much of an effect on me, call it acceptance. On the other hand, maybe it's a product of my boredom, Idk. I woke up today realising that in my 17 years of living, breathing and eating, I haven't accomplished anything. To make things worse, I can't accomplish anything because my little ability list is...an empty chasm. an empty, dark, sad chasm.
See, even as I type this, I'm still empty and ability-less. And aging. Yeah, I know I'm 17 and that's only a quarter of it but as I grow older, /this/ feeling is only going to go deeper and I need to know that I'm worth just a little bit to myself because well, I don't know when I'll die. It might just be tomorrow.
:(
"What's YOUR talent?" and worse than that, the ensuing "Everyone has a talent! D/w" right after that pathetic, gloom-encompassed "I don't have a single talent."
It's such a terrible, terrible question. I've even stopped going for camps because I don't want to have to deal with this type of crap. I know that my distaste for it is just /slightly/ overplayed but enter explanation.
I woke up today with the worst revelation ever, IMO. Albeit an obvious one, it never really had much of an effect on me, call it acceptance. On the other hand, maybe it's a product of my boredom, Idk. I woke up today realising that in my 17 years of living, breathing and eating, I haven't accomplished anything. To make things worse, I can't accomplish anything because my little ability list is...an empty chasm. an empty, dark, sad chasm.
See, even as I type this, I'm still empty and ability-less. And aging. Yeah, I know I'm 17 and that's only a quarter of it but as I grow older, /this/ feeling is only going to go deeper and I need to know that I'm worth just a little bit to myself because well, I don't know when I'll die. It might just be tomorrow.
:(
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