And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think Im kinda scared
Cos I dont want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
Its nothing to you


I might look through your stuff, for what I dont wanna find
Or I might just set you up, to see if youre all mine
Im a little paranoid, from what Ive been through
Dont know what you got yourself into

And I really really really care (and I care about you so much)
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)
And I think Im kinda scared (but Im scared with every touch)
Cos I dont want to lose you (cos I dont want to lose you)
If you really really really care (if you care for me like you say)
Then maybe you can hang through (then maybe you can hang through)
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)
Its nothing to you (its nothing to you, you)

hello.
no doubt about it, i'm gonna be single for a month soon.
=D
one month and counting.
i'm loving my single hood.
=D

current addiction..

i miss lee! his voice is damn powerful!

i didnt know that its been long since i last blogged.
i've gotten outta tht firm.
not the initial firm, but the later firm.
the nostalgia in me of the first firm decreased alot.



after some wonder woman told me that they cannot afford to hire me.
i was turned off, totally.
and the nostalgia dies off..



my dearest sl must have been busy.
my new workplace only have msn..



one way or another, i still miss those people.
excluding a few.......



bitch!

im so tired..

dont know whats wrong with me lately.


think that i finally got some nice advise from sunshine last night.
which is good.


there are times like that i will get lost.
someone to scold me and pull me back into the reality..

its been a week since i last left the firm.
been trying to get used to the new firm.
its my career afterall.
been listening to stupid and emotional songs. so.... alot of memories.
hahahha. talked to juliet last night.
i feel that we've both grown up. and i'm really happy.
;) keep in touch.



天空灰得像哭过
tian kong hui de xiang ku guo
The sky is so gray that it looks like it just cried

离开你以后
li kai ni yi hou
After leaving you

並沒有更自由
bing mei you geng zi you
I did not gain more freedom

酸酸的空氣
suan suan de kong qi
The sourness from the air

嗅出我们的距离
xiu chu wo men de ju li
Smelling out our distance

一幕锥心的结局
yi mu chui xin de jie ju
A scene of of heartbreaking ending

像呼吸般无法停息
xiang hu xi ban wu fa ting xi
Like breathing, unable to stop.

抽屉泛黄的日记
chou ti fan huang de ri ji
The yellowed diary in the drawer

榨乾了回憶
zha gan le hui yi
pressed dry our memories

那笑容是夏季
na xiao rong shi xia ji
That smile is summer


你我的过去
ni wo de guo qu
Our past

被順時針的忘记
bei shun shi zhen de wang ji
Has been forgotten as time goes by

缺氧过后的爱情
que yang guo hou de ai qing
A love that lacked oxygen.

粗心的眼泪是多余
cu xin de yan lei shi duo yu
Careless tears are unnecessary


我知道你我都没有错
wo zhi dao ni wo dou mei you cuo
I know that it is not your fault or mine.

只是忘了怎么退后
zhi shi wang le zen me tui hou
We just forgot how to step back

信誓旦旦给了承诺
xin shi dan dan gei le cheng nuo
We made promises to each other with confidence

却被时间扑了空
que bei shi jian pu le kong
Yet it has been emptied by time


我知道我们都没有错
wo zhi dao wo men dou mei you cuo
I know that it is not your fault or mine

只是放手会比较好过
zhi shi fang shou hui bi jiao hao guo
It's just that letting go would make things easier

最美的爱情回忆里待續
zui mei de ai qing hui yi li dai xu
The most beautiful love is to be continued in [my] memory




this song. rather overwhelming for me.
overwhelming. and my previous firm. my gawd. kill me.
previous firm, tons of memories.
colleagues, work, clients, and lastly my personal life.
certain people i'll think of too.


(if you happen to read this entry, this song is for you.)

its me its me.
guessed it.
sorry, i dont mean it.

sick;
mood hasn't been better too.
got quite fcked up by certain things.






perhaps its not you, perhaps its me.
certain things, certain people.
the thought of them turns me off.
dont know.
dont want to know.





i didnt want to feel the pain again too.
so.. dont.
let me feel it again.

this is absolutely madness.
i'm just so fcking tired..



wanted to blog more about today but thinking about it makes me so.. tired.
tmr ipo, luckily i aint doing it otherwise i dont think that i will concuss straight away i get home.



STILL, the workload over at my group just keeps accumulating.
we are seriously lack of manpower.



anyone wants to join my firm??

just got the pink bomb the moment i stepped into the office..
23rd June.
I wonder how many more weddings + house warmings are there?
I AM GONNA BE SO BROKE SOON!
argh.




then about a month later, there'll be another wedding!
then following by a house warming.
was telling the gers not to get married so fast.
one of them was telling me that she'll put the house warming after CNY.
already planned so far!
goodness.




then again, i have no idea where will i be during that time.
one more day to my leave.

fcking weather's driving everyone nuts.
is this singapore?
or some soon to be third world country?
the weather's ever changing..



and the injury.
save me.
no, kill me.



i need to get my motivation (by any means) back so that i can study in peace.
and im racking my brains for june's events.
a few big events coming up!
EXAMS.
NEW JOB.
BIRTHDAY!

well, today i left home with peace.
but i realised that i forgot to print out my answers for my questions..
HOW TO STUDY TMR?

man, its been so fucking hectic for me recently.
currently am still in office.
and its been days since i last touched my timesheet.



BOM's lessons are over. i gotta rely on my own.
BE's last lesson's on Monday.



and today i had so wanted to stay at home.
BUT MY LISTCO KINDA SCREWED UP.
i just cant believe it. and it really happened.
i didnt wanna stay, but i cant.
at least now i've finished up my listco and subsi, i cant be any happier.



thank you jy and ds.
=)

Stat audit for Entellium on Wednesday morning.
those flow of thoughts are still in control.
restless.
mentally taxing.





its worse than any slow suicide.

my god.
its been so mofo long since i've worked this way.
(not exactly, alright i'm lying)
in any case, i finally survived through this week!!
but the worst is yet to come.





my group is so empty now.
i need to cover for so many people's arses.
at times i seriously feel like screwing everyone there.
verbally screw i meant.



plus my studies.
previously, i was feeling downright shitty.
at least now i would dare to say that it MIGHT.
(50-50 beats better than downright failure)




its gonna be another long day tmr..

its a beautiful lie..

still at work, heading home soon.
counting down to certain things.
it took me ALOT to do this but i guess.. i just gotta be heartless, be a bitch.



and so.. i did.
moving outta my comfort zone.
for once.
hahaha.

highly fckingly annoyed.
stupid people get away from me.
ARGH.




i was about to blast earlier on. still i worship myself for being able to keep my cool.
just like what sea said..
fckee.

but still there are seriously certain assholes out there that i want them dead.
just like the way someone out there wants me to be dead badly, desperately..
time will tell.

certain things are really not my fault. and yet i gotta apologise.
and seriously if i were to bear any grudges.
honestly, i wont be talking to anyone at all.
afterall, i feel that the whole world owns me something.
why must they do stupid things to make others' lives hard?





tell me why?

looks can be really deceiving.
aggressive but mild;
the feeling of being taken for granted has never left.
cold but empty;
it was eons yrs before twenty.
insane but logical;
i aint that typical.







reality vs virtual;
which will be the winner?







i will figure it out soon.
after all;
the truth is not out there or with anyone.
it is..
in your mind.

any idea of how i feel.
when we talked about changes within a short period of time.
if you dont, i can paste the chunk of conversation here.





we talked about alot of stuff.
but know something? we dint create any troubles for you.
and its coz of you thus my mentality have changed, within sucha short period of time too.





this kinda transition is fast and irreversible.
good and bad. its all in your mind.

gu niang of the gu niangs.


certain things are really so amusing.

for the first time in my life.



i just realised that i might be having pms.
thus, those nonsensical thoughts.



hahahaha.

despite the distance btw us, i held you close to my heart.
but you were the one who changed.
i have told you how much you meant to me. but i guess those didnt penetrate deep into your mind.



you left anyway. silently. till that night we talked online.
time flies, changes were obvious but i didnt change. not when how you know me then.



all these are making me have second thoughts towards sensitive topics like "responsibility" and "moral values".


p/s: this entry has nothing to do with any of my ex-es or what. its just to a frd whom i really loved.

i feel like a god man.
i doubt that anyone can still be like me and keep my cool after despite all.
but i exploded anyway. just that its internally.


stupid bank officer vs stupid incharge = waste of my resources.

fcking hell.
i will remember by heart, by hard.


...
too agonized that i am now depressed.
gosh.

its chinese new year after all.
lesser and lesser clubbings. after all i've got no time to really rest.
past few days were quite a blast. thought i didnt participate in the mahjong sessions..



i am so tired.
who isn't?

i'm on my way to hell.
but oh well, it feels worse than hell.

can it be april soon?
please please pretty please?



i wanna learn freehand!
and perhaps illustrator.

are you that kinda peeps who can work under stress?
or are you that kinda who'll fall sick every now and then?


every morning i woke up, feeling moronic, LAZY and struggling with my inner self.
i still DRAG myself to work.



at least i seriously do know how to deal with political bitches in my dept.
one day i will burn that bitch i fcking swear.



the bad past just dont last.
the present that comes with the tension.
the unpredictable future.



your choice.
whatever choice you make.. dont ever look back.

when i say that i care. i really mean that i care.
please dont ever doubt me.



on top of it. i aint fooling around.
so.. no more mind games please.



seriously dont like the feeling of wanting something so bad.
but yet its unreachable.
oh wtf!



enough said.

depressed. rather.
no idea why too.




its this fcking stupid ass!
(that is me.)

The Anxiety of the Atheists -

According to some articles :-

CHICAGO: One of the surest ways to bring a certain type of dinner party to a halt is to speak piously about God. Earnest reference to sinners, apostates or blasphemers, or to the promise of salvation offered in evangelical churches, is likely to produce the same effect.

Among the cosmopolites who live in secular enclaves, religion is automatically associated with darkness, superstition, irrationality and an antique or pre- modern cast of mind. It has long been assumed that religion is opposed to science, reason and human progress; and the death of gods is simply taken for granted as a deeply ingrained Darwinian article of faith.

Why, then, are the enlightened so conspicuously up in arms these days, reiterating every possible argument against the existence of God? Why are they indulging in books - Daniel Dennett's "Breaking the Spell," Sam Harris' "Letter to a Christian Nation," and Richard Dawkins's "God Delusion" - in which authors lampoon religion under the banner of a crusading atheism?

The most obvious answer is that the armies of disbelief have been provoked. Articulate secularists may be merely reacting to the many recent incitements from religious zealots, as fanatics and infidels have their ways of keeping each other in business.

A deeper and far more unsettling answer, however, is that the popularity of the current counterattack on religion cloaks a renewed and intense anxiety within secular society that it is not the story of religion but rather the story of the Enlightenment that may be more illusory than real.

The Enlightenment story has its own version of Genesis, and the themes are well known: The world woke up from the slumber of the "dark ages," finally got in touch with the truth and became good about 300 years ago in Northern and Western Europe.

As people opened their eyes, religion (equated with ignorance and superstition) gave way to science (equated with fact and reason). Parochialism and tribal allegiances gave way to ecumenism, cosmopolitanism and individualism. Top-down command systems gave way to the separation of church from state, of politics from science. The story provides a blueprint for how to remake and better the world in the image and interests of the West's secular elites.

Unfortunately, as a theory of history, that story has had a predictive utility of approximately zero. At the turn of the millennium it was pretty hard not to notice that the 20th century was probably the worst one yet, and that the big causes of all the death and destruction had little to do with religion. Much to everyone's surprise, that great dance on the Berlin Wall back in 1989 turned out not to be the apotheosis of the Enlightenment.

Science has not replaced religion; group loyalties have intensified, not eroded. The collapse of the Cold War's balance of power has not resulted in the end of collective faiths or a rush to democracy and individualism. In Iraq, the "West is best" default (and its discourse about universal human rights) has provided a foundation for chaos.

Even some children within the enclave are retreating from the Enlightenment in their quest for a spiritual revival; one discovers perfectly rational and devout Jews or Hindus in one's own family, or living down the block. If religion is a delusion, it is a delusion with a future, which it may be hazardous for us to deny. A shared conception of the soul, the sacred and transcendental values may be a prerequisite for any viable society.

John Locke, who was almost everyone's favorite political philosopher at the time of the founding of the United States, was a very tolerant man. In his 1689 "Letter Concerning Toleration," he advocated a policy of live and let live for believers in many faiths, even heretics. But he drew the line at atheists. He wrote: "Lastly, those are not at all to be tolerated who deny the being of God. Promises, covenants and oaths, which are the bonds of human societies, can have no hold upon an atheist. The taking away of God, though but even in thought, dissolves all."

Instead of waging intellectual battles over the existence of god(s), those of us who live in secular society might profit by being slower to judge others and by trying very hard to understand how it is possible for John Locke and our many atheist friends to continue to gaze at each other in such a state of mutual misunderstanding.

Richard A. Shweder is a professor of comparative human development at the University of Chicago and a co-editor of "Engaging Cultural Differences."

lunch with the new ger, sl and at.
dont know why, its been rather long since i last dozed off at work.
the pros and cons about clearing up your work on time.



=( I AM SO DAMN SLEEPY.

back to work. kinda lost my momentum.
was packing the stuff.. then it got so dusty that my nose got highly irritated and blasted.
BAD BAD FLU.


it was worse after lunch. i was literally tearing.
decided to go and see a doctor. spent like 2hours there, just the waiting time to register have already taken an hour...
GOSH.


i shall go and get ready for work tmr.
btw, there's this new ger at work.
first look, pretty good, tall, quite a nice figure.
second look, i'm beginning to doubt my taste.
LOL.

i heard that things happened last night but i don't really have an exact idea of what it is.


anyway, i had lunch with jovi.
town, towned. hahahaha.
lunch-ed, shopped and i died.


went home to crash. was feeling very good.
halfway thru, some asshole called. zzz.
didnt know what can be used to describer her anymore..



above all, realised that i am still growing up. when will i stop?
AND YES, I DREAD FLU!!!!!!


=(
happy wk end!

GOSH! ice is asking me not to despise him. according to him, he is a good drinker. hmm..
current location : ice's place.


ice, joey and i.
we made cocktails. and apparently, we are high on cocktails!! -.-
he is having hiccups while i am pretty high on the drinks.
stupid joey went to puke, when she is drinking so little.
HMM. whats wrong man?!



ice went nuts. he was performing some stunts. with his chair and all.
maybe we shouldnt drink that much. he's still having hiccups. while i am still high on the amount taken in.



only the both of us are high, thats a very sad thing, coz joey is a lousy drinker!!!!
she went to puke.. sad.
dint managed to have a good countdown, so i am making up fer it.
YAY, sudden crash for cocktails. its nice when you mix it on your own.
ignore this entry, it was typed during the time when i am high.




have a fruitful 2007.
=)

time really flies. damn it, its 2007 now. recalled that sometime of the year i stumbled upon some horoscope site and it said that once i'm in 2007 and i think back, i should be able to see the major changes.



so.. lets have a short summary :-

peeps who made me feel like shit, please identify yourselves.
i didnt blame anyone, but anyhow, i think none will actually enjoy the feeling of being misunderstood.
there is quite a huge pile of misunderstandings btw me and them.
i was hoping to clear them up, but i know that its somehow impossible.
no matter how much i wish to explain, the frequency is just never there.
but thinking back, touch your heart and ask yourselves why the fck do i bothered so much till i got fcked up and very much affected.
then again, its alright.


and of coz, every year, i never seemed to NOT let anyone down, last year was no exception. been though the up-to-date worst incident ever.
but im just too glad that its over.
later part of the year i did some nonsensical shit again.
yeah. i made my mom cried and all. she made me felt like a fcking burden and i dont know whats else and whats new?



but i got to know cool frds. really nice frds.
so nice that i really feel so touched.
so nice that i thought about my frdships with other frds.
and at times i got quite turned off by that thought, honestly.
sigh. (frds come and go. i must really accept that fact, no matter how much i fcking wish fer them to stay..)



and the year ended on quite a good note.
everything (minus the first part that i have mentioned above) seemed to resolve, one way or another.
=)


was hoping to bitch more, like how i used to, with roy and etc. but i've been burnt recently, i just want a good long rest.


be back soon. hopefully, meanwhile, i will go and brush up on my sarcasm.
haha.
not really sarcasm, just words of reality.
hope that everyone have got a good start, for a brand new year.



*brand new year, brand new me