I did the dumbest thing today,

of which I regretted the split second I acted upon my instinct.

Wanted to hide but one person can never hide another person unless you're S.

So yup, made one of the worst decisions in my life by being un-antisocial for probably the first time ever.

Christmas is sooo near already but I'm not ready to live past December. :(

Sometimes,
I tend to give up on a friendship.

There are many reasons why I do.

Sometimes they're not the best decision I make,

sometimes these decisions protect ourselves from future disappointments.

Sometimes, I regret.

Sometimes, I stop myself before it's too late.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Maybe it isn't worth letting go.

After all, I've always had faith that we're friends on a bigger basis than just _______.

-

Down with stomach flu.

Either pancakes/meatballs at I.kea,

okonoyami at S.hokudo,

or Merlionster from Ben&Jerry's killed me.

ZZZZ.

But anyhow, Feng yun was a terrible, terrible movie.

And Trojan gathering was awesome, as always.

And and, I'm glad S is back(:

Haven't been hitting this space cos lately I summarise my days into a 140characters long phrase.

Exams are finally over after a good month (sorta) and the December madness is slowly kicking in.
With interhall, interschool, ivptrainings, w.antoks sessions.. Ooooh, I can foresee lotsa sun balls and grass (:

Last Thursday during training we saw double rainbows. A mommy rainbow formed above a baby one. And they were both full rainbows.
So beautiful (:

Then we headed to sunsetway for dinner and dessert(: dessert was the best! (:
Celebrated aw papa's bday when I got back(:

Attended the pseudo wedding 21st bday party of sheryl's: Disney ballroom themed where she looked like a bride (:
Missed the real wedding on Sunday afternoon :(
Had koi therapy on sat(: hazelnut milk teaaaa!

After paper we lunched over xiao long bao where chong couldn't get over the last paper :(
Caught new moon, same time same place with sy & gibs.

Yesterday was an awesome day out with the Bestie!
We lunched and had lotsa fun with blackbird!!!!!!
Can't wait to finish the roll of film so I can get it developed(:
Excitingggg(: we had u.dders(:
Then some insane team moments over dinner an uncle ringo's funfair.
Hilarious vids to be uploaded(:

Suppered last night too (my metabolism after trng scares me) : ate curry chicken + bread and fried wantons(:

Today: caught the dumbest movie ever: coupleretreat. I felt so miserable and uncomfortable >=(

Brisbane's also confirmed!!! 29dec to 9jan (:
Need to start saving :(

EXAMS SHOULD NEVER EAT INTO DECEMBER.

LIKE THEY DON'T EAT INTO MAY.

COS DECEMBER = CHRISTMAS = HOLIDAY

AND MAY = LABOUR DAY = HOLIDAY.

SIANSATION.

WAS SO UPSET YESTERDAY I WENT OUT THE WHOLE DAY TO SLACK, REST, RELAX, RECUPERATE, RECHARGE, WHATEVER.

Caught 2012 and it was awesome.

Down.

I'm sorry I always let you down. :(

See you after 10 December.

Seventh Dec.

Two papers down(:

Three more to go.

Am almost half way there, but the most dreadful paper is over.

Didn't have the best of a start to the exams marathon but I'm glad I've finally started.

And a long way to go before the end.

Have finally fallen sick and spent half of ystday in bed to nurse the headache and flu. Boohooo.

Still feeling woozy and out of place today despite taking a nap.

Thought EK's call was my alarm and accidentally rejected it.

I only have 4 days to study 2 modules (an elective and 1 4AU core paper) so I should not be rewarding myself with too long a break like my peers are.

:(

So long.

Bella.

I am...

panic attacking for the second time for Wednesday's paper.

BUT : I have a paper tomorrow so there should be no reason for me to neglect it.

S says I should stop thinking about it so I've kept all the notes, past year papers, tutorials, and everything that reminds me of Advanced Materials Processing in a file and hid it under my table.

Spent the weekend in hall, except Friday night and the first half of Saturday.

Surprised Seef over breakf with the other 4 of Bao (sorry you couldn't be there Sheryl!) to celebrate her 21st one day early. (:

So I'm finally starting exams tomorrow! (: About time, when people around me are beginning to E-N-D. :( 7dec sounds so far away, but shall not complain about the time I have on hand to use for revision! (:

Need to go for a run soon. Getting oversized.

I am falling sick.

All this time.

Life is points:

• had a durian party in my room last week, stank up the whole place and the toilet and attracted a mother huge flying cockroach. plus we also wasted the whole night
  
• a weekend with no touch (whee!) but lotsa penanglove from grandma
• slacked it away mostly too
• headed down to town on sat night to catch the christmas light ups!
• surprised zi at midnight for her 21st and
• met KIWI! who looks like a stuffed toy. and taught her to jump out of her cage
• studied with penguin on sunday
• sent grandma off back to malaysiaaa on monday :(
• met alfie laoda nusbff on TUES (!) for lunch where xp overslept
• but thanks birdnuts for accompanying me
• and then i sprained my ankle :( :( :(
• and now i can't walk properly.
• had 02 consultation earlier this afternoon
• and i'm kkkkkkkonfused to the max.
• am gonna grow fat with all the food on my table despite eating dinner earlier on: oyster mee sua, bubble tea with pearls and jelly (where's my koi?! :( )
• shall attempt abstaining from fb/blogger/tweet for a while now.
• if you wanna look for me, you know where to find me. @philooos.
• need to catch up in my race against time.

Blame it on the changes

Friday, the 13th.

Everything happens for a reason.

Thought I'd meet the Bestie for supper so I didn't want to ask the CarameloFrappo to accompany me study so I didn't go down to study cos I don't like being alone. So I came online to get some company and listen to music and do work in Brother's room.

Company: checked.
Music: checked.
Do work: Unchecked.

Not only did I not get any work done, I also dug my own pathway to find my own grave.
If only something which happened in the previous string of events didn't occur I wouldn't be where I am now.
You're not the only one who knows how to avoid and run away from reality you don't want to face,
so do I. I just don't cos it comes back to haunt you anyway.


So this tallies with how I feel tonight:

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strain
My love for you was strong enough, you should have known

I never needed you for judgements
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never asked for help, I take care of myself
I don't know why you think you gotta hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So look at me and listen to me
Because

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you
to say a single word
Hush hush, hush hush
There is no other way, I get
the final say because
I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush hush, hush hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words, I never needed hurt
I never needed you to be there every day

I'm sorry for the way I let go
On everything I wanted when you came
along
But I ain't never beatin', broken not defeated
I know next to you
is not where I belong

What a wet Friday the 13th.
Didn't realise it til G mentioned it halfway into the day.

Closure

End of Winter League 2009.

Time to retire my boots and embrace the books.

its so cold im getting goosebumps

and my womb is contracting. :(

Relak One Corner.

Today, I'm gonna talk about two things:

1. Love
2. Bimbotic Moments

Ok firstly: Love.

It's constantly on the tip of our tongue. Just over supper last Friday, Mamadao was sharing how her friend told her she rather love her other half more than he loves her.

That's cos you can't choose who to love you, but you can choose who to love.

Which is a very self sacrificial thinking in my opinion. Definitely not something wrong with that thinking, but how often do you hear that?

Which reminded me about what I read weeks back on FML:

"The man who loves me the most, the man I love, and my husband are 3 completely different people."

Sometimes routine, and dependence just leads to the skewed conception of love. It's scary how you've become so accustomed and used to things that you're unwilling to break apart from it though you may not happy.

------------------------------------------

The second thing: about Bimbo moments.

Ok for the sake of everybody, I shall leave it anonymous.

Today, we were talking about the Monopolygame thingy happening at Macs and how there is only 1 SentosaCove available (which allows you to win 50 000$!)

So person A was saying how we can actually sell the title deed and make a profit out of it.

Initially we thought of selling it for $51 000 (and earning $1) and somehow agreed that the profits should be split evenly instead.

Then later a sensible person turned around to ask why we would sell it for $25 000 when the MarinaBay deed was so easily obtainable.

Then we tried very hard to reason him out ........

until we realised we were so so stupid.

Cos since MarinaBay was easily obtainable, you can keep the Sentosacove deed for yourself and claim all 50k instead of splitting it into half with a total stranger.

Haha. We laughed so hard somebody turned as red as a tomato and teared. =)

G: you missed this. Haha

~

Thank you Baby, the cookies are yummehlicious! (:

Now, back to the books.

But tell me how do I get started?

PPS: The terrapin is returned to its owner :( Byebye Ji Lucky!

Goodbye 3005!

Life is.......

hectic these days. I barely get to pause and think about stuff.

Last week, I spent the first half of every day interacting with kids almost a decade younger than me. From tag rubgy, to bowling, rock climbing, vulgarities, flying punches to the face, playing truant ; I have seen almost everything.

Ek and I laugh it off after each day, and we feel really old. Almost 10 years older, yet among them we feel their age. It's like, we've never really grown out of our teenage years..

Rock climbing was super fun though! I climbed til I ached so bad after that. I couldn't write cos my arms were trembling (slightly) so yes, hats off to Ms. KWANJIELING. You're my ouxiang! (: Haha

Over the weekends, I also had two consecutive nights of Steamboat for dinner which was shiok beyond words since the weather was c-c-c-old. (:

After steamboat on Sat with Arthur & Mal, we caught Sister'sKeeper which was really quite sad..... We all expected to cry but the two boys didn't. I didn't cry as much as I thought I would too.

And FRIDAY! Friday was an impromptu supper with Mamadao and nuer dearest! We headed down to C.heesecake cafe then to upperchangi road for some awesome bcm meesua. We talked about life and reminisced about the past (as usual). We also talked about our future, and how the flavour of the cheesecake we ordered reflected our lives............

Wasted my entire weekend on Touch too. :( We had two games on Saturday. One was good, one was way way way below standard. But we were truly worn out by the end of the day. Then Sunday again at Turf for a Day Nat Training Camp. :\ Headed down with fishy. (:

So yes, no work completed over the weekend, thus leaving me with

• Presentation slides
• Presentation Rehearsal
• Sound quiz
• 3007 quiz
• 3002 assignment
• 3007 webcast from Friday
• Tutorials

left undone. It's midweek today and I'm glad half of the above is over. (:

Presentation today was all right; it wasn't awesome. But Q&A was terrible. We couldn't answer a question and were sent back to "do your readings". SIGH.

Sounds was harder than expected: "List 3 journals"

Even the frantic flipping of my notes whenever possible didn't help. The answers aren't even there. -_-

For now, I can finally take a deep breath before I start again.

Need to prepare for another hectic week(end) ahead juggling Touch, Arthur's farewell, and studies.

3 tests next week.

And exams in two weeks.

I. Am. So. Dead.

PS: My neighbours found a baby terrapin outside their room last night!

The Bus Number's Driver.

Hello! It's November!

October passed too quickly I can't even remember how I passed the 31days.

That being said, life's been picking up too quickly,

it's a race against time.

It's hectic and I'm going crazy juggling everything and yes,

it explains the incoherence in my speech and frequent tongue tied incidents.

Save me. I'm sleepy from the weekends. (Of which I did zilch academically. I should be suicidal)

The thing about phases, is that it'll always end.
Only a matter of time.


Thank you for the weekends; it's time to sleep in.

I feel like dying but yup,

hang in there Philo.

-

I'm so tired of finding excuses to stop finding excuses for myself.

+

"XXX-- SOOO many things to do with so lil time... so stressed that u wanna put out your own hair"

-- my friend is so stressed his hair caught fire and now needs to put it out.

Aww, poor thing. =) Heeee.

Draw It.

There is a fine line between mind over matter and rationality.

Mind Over Matter:

That's when your entire body is aching and your legs feel like they weigh a ton. You're breathing heavily and you're questioning how much you can hold on.

MIND OVER MATTER: suck it up, tell yourself you're better than this. Press on, push forward, stay strong.

Rationality:

That's when your entire body is aching and your legs go numb. There is a strain within your muscles. You're breathing heavily and you're questioning how much more you can push yourself before you hear something. Then, there's a blood rush and before you know it there's a sharp pain.

YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED BEFORE IT HAPPENED.

It's not about how much your mind can tolerate the pain.

It's about how much you're willing to push yourself to the threshold.

And not beyond it.

Injuries. It's not what you want.

Draw the line.

She was right,

I haven't been sleeping right/well.

And she told me I'm an anomaly.

But she said it in such a good way.

I'm tired.

From everything.

And she gave me the green light to take a break.

I just need to, admit it.

With love, over lifehouse.

Wanted to catch a movie this weekend but havnt found the time :(
I've yet to watch 500days!
Caught julie&julia last week, which was pretty good, though a little draggy & wordy at some pt.
Plus breakf @ thomson bcm after so long (:
This weekend was just touch and books.
Abrasions from touch are so bad I can't sit properly cos it hurts when it comes in contact with anyth :(

Craved for sashimi ystday (and satisfied it) and am now craving for bkt v v v v badly! :(
Had dessert with the roomie after getting abit of work done..

Am really worn out from fitness and proj meetings all week, i'm capable of falling asleep anywhere, everywhere.

An extremely disjointed entry cos my brain's in hibernating mode.

Eggy Achy.

This morning when I got rudely awaken by people cutting grass outside our window,

(surprisingly all the sms-es couldn't wake me up cos I was D-E-A-D tired)

I thought my calves couldn't support my weight anymore.

I wonder how tomorrow will be.

:(

Plus, another late night thanks to 05 project. Fucking report, please burn in my Professors' hands and transform into a B+ (I don't ask for too much) on our transcript.

Withering.

PLEASE, let this be the finalest-finalised-latest-updatedest copy of the report.

I am dying and I don't want to edit it twice thrice frice too many times anymore.

:(

PS: Today I had McFlurry AND BubbleT. My friends love me and I'm going to die from the sugar overdose.

Everything.

Ooooh, I just editted my googlechrome layout and it's so pretty now(:

Am still at the estudio having meeting (but I've been rather productive and am not doing anything for the past hour or so...)

Probably not going to head to bed by 4am, but sleep is definitely possible! (:

Freaking blogger takes forever to upload pictures. >=(

In Act.

Today I was ultimate mean girl at training.

I kt stared at some freshie. :(

PS: Currently at meeting in the school's 24hours estudio.

Ultimate siansation and sadness cos I would really rather be in bed. :(

@lt06

I learn so much about failure I think I'm gonna be a failure.

SUGARFAIRY

[edited]

Friday: Koi & Strawberry Cheesecake from Ben&Jerry's

Saturday: Island C.reamery & Dessert after dinner (chomps!)

Sunday: Island C.reamery from my own pint!

Monday: Poh Poh Char (as Haha would say it)

Tuesday: Ice cream @ JayBee (damn lousy though)

CAN DIEEEE.

SWEET TOOTH
SUGAR OVERLOAD

Life This Week

• Video review on Monday followed by Team dinner at HV. All 14 of us were also officially "dropped from the IVPee team" as of then.
• Lotsa studying involved for the big 40% test that just happened today
• Skipped school on Tuesday (except Tutorial) and made the Baby come over to accompany me study. (I had to entice her with Snow Ice)
• The annual iyg capt's ball on Tues night: too many teams pulled out, so we won (again) but it wasn't as fun :(
• Decided to give training on Wednesday (since there was much to cover AND it thunderstormed before that) a miss but went down to settle log anyway.
• HallIdol took place just downstairs so I couldn't study in the room (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
• I know I've lotsa things to do but I need a break from the intensive 3001 studying (because I was semi last minute. Sobs)
• Was super hungry and craving for Icecream but thanks S for the yummiest pigsorgan soup every (though I don't eat pigs organ)
• Currently on repeat: Give by Dishwalla. (:

How to Fall Asleep At Work Without Getting Caught

A says:
*you know yesterday i v tired
*then i scared sleep on table people can see
*so i hide under the table haha

I say:
*hahahah how you hide under the table?
*you damn good

A says:
*haha
*i touch my toes
*then sleep

I say:
*dont bluff

A says:

*really
*i sit on the chair
*then i bend over then i go under the table haha
*i was thinking if i should just sit on the floor and sleep haha
*but too kz already

Don't let dependence deceive you.

It's not love.

Picture Post!

#1: Saturday; With The NUSBFF at S.UniG dinner

#2: Team (without Jeannette) @ S.UniG dinner

#3: Monday; XLB Buffet madness

#4: How-to-eat-a-XLB

#5: Team (without Sijie, Vally, Haha) @ XLB Buffet

#6: Coverboyyy

#7: Tuesday; Spikey and a plastic heart folded from straws

Everything can't upload pictures.

Blogger, Facebook and Twit.

Shall just study then.

NO MORE NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES. HAHAHA

I SAY:
*small better la
*so peaceful

SHE SAYS:
*hahaha now peaceful, only quarrels are quarrels over food

-----

And indeed, Team dinner was funfunfun but fullfullfull!

=))

Just Like Rainbows

Well, if you haven't already heard, exactly a week ago, we were defeated.
Yes, we lost S.unig and we took home a silver medal last night.
First, and hopefully the last.

It was painful and hard to accept but we can only look ahead and prepare ourselves for the challenges ahead.
So. Cheesy. But. True.

In preparation for S.unig we actually had a couple of friendlies of which we really did kick ass. Just three days before the actual compy we played rpee boys and actually won the first 15 mins 3-1. =) Pretty damn proud of ourselves and I know we are capable of so much more.

Fear always gets in the way, be it INTIMIDATION or basically just the fear of failure.
We just have to overcome it- it's a mind game.

So last night wrapped up this disappointing season- we laughed over the lack of goodlooking boys, over the idea of girl-on-girl, over sensitive weight issues (skinny sitting next to fatty), and had a good time sharing food and taking pictures. =)


And I practically spent my recess week solely doing Touch related stuff and learning about risk in two consecutive days. Need to catch up on lotsa work now! :(
I also caught Uglytruth(: which was really awesome.

And the 7days that just passed were basically spent on getting over our loss, picking ourselves up again, (trying to) pay attention in school, doing assignments and projects and setting our lives back in order, for mine is sure messed up.

Spent Mon night with Jiels and Jeannette over indianfood (yums) after which Jiels and I detoured to M.SElab to get some work done! I still believe it was a bad choice cos she was so fascinated and distracted with our kickass facilities. Tsktsk (:

Finally got a call from I.mre for interview on Tuesday morning(:
And thanks Jiel for going home to get formal pants for meee! *road rice love!

Felt awfully sick on Wednesday- the no-mood-to-think-no-strength-to-chew kinda mood so I didn't have much lunch but thank you CARAMEL(!) for the bakerzin cakes. =)
Trained with the newbies later in the day and am very proud of baby who scored many many =) We were also made to run 22minutes non stop in weird and nonsensical shapes and orders.

Rushed home and woke up bright and early on Thursday for the interview.
Of course, not forgetting I sprayed my hair BLACK. (which led to lotsa funny reactions, I wonder why) Anyhow the interview was kinda awkward, cos she asked really funny questions and she was really awkward which made me feel really awkward too, so hmm. But it was nice to meet a familiar face in a completely unfamiliar environment (+condescending receptionist! tsk) so good thing I met Choonyeow and we grabbed lunch before heading back to school.

Took me close to 3 washes the first time to get most of the hardened hair spray out and spent the rest of the day catching up on sleep, then heading to class. 05 meeting after which then... the much anticipated XLB BUFFET with the jc pallies. (:
Our steamboat had "themes" each time the food was served- Meat pot, vegetarian pot, Mushroom pot, etc.
We ate til we could pop(: Spontaneously decided to walk back to hall from Pioneer station which took me longer than expected and left my legs more tired than they'd been in a while.. Hmmmmm.
Friday was.. Friday. Had home hall cooked pasta and steak for lunch. Yummy Yummy. And a personal escort from lesson to hall and back to lessons again. Aww(:
My very lovin parents came to pick me up cos I was dying. :(


Today; we played together with P.ollypockets as Trans.formers in rainbow jerseys(:
The rainbow on the jersey really makes one feel happier cos of the colours. SERIOUSLY.
Anyhoo, we had a good fun time even though I barely knew half the team but they're a great bunch of people (and players). The only highlight of the event was the finals- we wasted lotsa time due to injuries (ouch :( poor Siti dislocated her elbow) so it was a draw 1-1 on the horn. We scored during sudden death within the first 6 touches and then opponent scored back at us within their first 6 touches. We had lotsa opportunities after that but just couldn't finish it. :( So we lost in the end, but it was still really fun. =)

Am now sunkissed and really tired. Lotsa work to dooo so I'm gonna give my first Road Relay training later a miss. Heh


Here's to a better week ahead; with more team love, birthdays and buffet to come!

I am still

Awake.

Really tired from the long day.

But really haunted and disturbed.

Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

We made plans to be unbreakable,
Love was all we knew.
No insurance for the unthinkable,
Blindly get us through.
We've been searching for a lifetime,
Short as it may seem.
Riding on the fumes that spark us,
While igniting dreams.


Driving in the rain to the hospital,
Quiet aches intense,
What at once just seemed the impossible,
Now makes perfect sense.
We held hands to face the uncomfortable cold,
And lonely room.
Magazines and empty distractions
Barely got us through.


And when we try to think of the life inside,
We found ourselves looking at the world through new eyes.
What can now be said?
Oh, little one on the other side.
Dance until the band stops playing,
Sing with all your might.

Mistakes we knew we were making.
Mistakes we knew we were making.
Don't think about chances we're taking,
Don't think about rules we were breaking.
Mistakes we knew...

The list goes on and on.

--Mae.

-

If there's one thing I learnt today,

it's how there is never really a person who understands you fully.

People have shared about their perceptions of me, and they vary.

Although some go along the same lines but there is always that one or two that differs.

It's not that they don't understand me well enough, but they are just little parts that make the complete me.

I guess it's how much I choose to reveal about myself to the person involved.

Maybe I never want to show you my weak side,

maybe I'm emotionally dependent on you and show only my lowest moments,

maybe I'm wary and build up my defense.

But ultimately, there is always only one person who knows you best.

And that person is no one, but yourself.

Thinking too much makes me nauseous.

I need an escape.

I think I injured my elbow.

Or I think I need those padding for my elbow when I have to sit down and type for hours.

They hurt after many hours doing 3002. :(

Coach once taught us to control our heartbeats so we can calm ourselves down in time of anxiety.

My heart is racing.

And it will not stop.

-I don't know why.

I don't want to wait any longer.

Like I said: It's never gonna end and I just can't keep up with it.

And your best reply is "I know it's hard."

Talk is not cheap. It is free. Convince me, but I know you won't.

How long, how often do you want me to wait?

post heart-break.

I am getting really really really excited...

*channel to positive energy channel to positive energy channel to positive energy !*

Don't Need To Beg.

I suddenly feel like going home really bad.

Hence, study plans for tonight shall be aborted and postponed.

Toodles 3255 and the just-returned LoomieTan.

I'm heading back to Serangoonavenuethree.

Lab Quiz!

Review Assessment: MSE Safety Quiz User . LIM EN C.HZE, P.HILICIA
Submitted 9/30/09 1:06 PM
Name M.SE Safety Quiz
Status Completed
Score 47 out of 50 points
Time Elapsed 0 hours, 9 minutes, and 47 seconds out of 1 hours and 0 minutes allowed.

=))) WHEEEEEEEEE

FIRST ATTEMPT! :D

(YEEPEI DONT JEALOUS K!? HUGS)

PS: AM STILL NOT SHORTLISTED FOR IA INTERVIEW :(

Guiding Light.

"Pure hearts stumble
In my hands, they crumble
Fragile and stripped to the core
I can't hurt you anymore

Loved by numbers
You're losing life's wonder
Touch like strangers detached
I can't feel you anymore"

Thank you, MUSE!

Yes, TheResistance is awesomeeee.

ARGH

fucking just found out i wasted my entire morning in the lab today doing all the wrong shit!

FML.

Am so mother DL now.

Lost Behind Words.

Apparently "soft spot" is dangerous/deadly. Whichever.

And the carrier of it is EVIL.

Random

I think I like my hair short, colourful, messy, and all over my face.

Uhuh.

I'm serious.

The queit scares me, cos sometimes it screams the truth.

Maybe Plain Water Is Not My Thing.

My best friend from school is a boy: "Gerard Pang"

and I seriously hate school.

Should I even attend the 2 hours of lesson tomorrow? Or just get my fat ass outta this town asaps!

BECAUSE I HAVE TO COME BACK TO SCHOOL ALMOST EVERY FUCKING DAY NEXT WEEK WHEN IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE RECESSSSSSS!

And G whining about her headache the whole day has officially given me one. >=(

Grumbles, mumbles.

If I,

Would you date me on a regular?

"if you don't mug, you die!!!!!!!"


Thanks, Chou Chou.

TigerLily.

A post of the infamous long weekend:

Filled with much reunions (big and small), realizations, celebrations and expectations.

Dinner with S and family over steamboat, then cousin's birthday celebration where I was greeted with too many kids, I can no longer remember their names.

Supposed to attend Moo's 21st but sorry for the clash of events =(

During their Recess/my public holiday, I caught up with Yanns and Yarns over Aston's (old time favourite) and an Indonesian dessert: baked banana over condensed milk sprinkled with chocolate flakes and shredded cheese. Mmmmm, heavenly. =) And as the Crabs observed, we were dressed in each other's House colours: Yellow, Blue, Green.

Also caught Inglorious Basterds; wasn't what I expected but I enjoyed it. A heavy hearted show (compared to Ugly Truth), and it was kinda tragic, but I like. =)

Plus, late night study sessions til I get damn brain dead. And the evils of temptation: Strawberry sundae at 1am, French fries at 3am.

My emotional jar probably also overflowed over the weekend from feelings suppressed for too long. But I also learnt that there is not always an answer to every question.

Neither is there a lesson to be learnt from every thought dwelled over too much.

AND, that one day in the future, we will only regret the things we NEVER did, and not those we did.

Will you be my plain water?

Dear Wonderkid, you suck and I hate you.

And I forget to Breathe Slow.

Nostalgia: derived from a Greek word meaning "returning home" and a Homeric word, "pain/ache".

With memories comes an aching pain, a longing for what once happened.

A delusion. An illusion of happiness.

Every bead that trickles down my face, represents a regret.

With each drop, it adds to a collection of apologies, of sincere "sorry"s I can never make up to yous.

Nostalgia. A longing for the past however, often in idealized form.

Tonight, I am alone but I sleep with the ghost of my past.

I Am So Naive,

I thought we could be friends forever.

I Keep Wasting Time.

See what I mean?!

Dear LIMENCHZEPHILICIA,

Congratulations!

We are pleased to inform you that you are selected to participate in our programme, details of which are as follow:



(Work and Study Programme) -- C.HINA

.

.

.

.

.

Best regards

G.lobal I.mmersion P.rogramme O.ffice

*****************

omg...... I got accepted into gipee.

omg omg omg.

Now if i reject it I'm gonna be denied going to i.mre as well.

fml!

KaKa

And that was the first exclusive appearance on paperbacked by mommymommy yeepeipei(:

Yesterday in lecture while whining bout the cockroach attack, my dear friend xh said "talk to the kaka he can hear human audible range (: "
So cute (((:

[edit]

Today on MSN:

[/edit]

Hello this is my first time blogging using itouch. Feel like a noob!!!

I Know That You Were Trouble, But I Couldn't Resist.

So I :

• removed my stitches today, and
• found out that my bottom right wisdom is in a worst state than the one I extracted and hence,
• will experience a more traumatic post-surgery recovery when I do get it extracted.
• finally went for 930 lesson after breakf with the roomie
• couldn't stop sleeping in oh-so-boring elective.
• was asked the meaning of "LOVE" today.
• recently can't stop throwing FORWARD passes
• didn't play w.tl on Saturday but still went down
• caught Timetraveller's wife over the weekend with Bao, and
• didn't really like it. :(
• missed my gipee interview last wednesday thanks to wisdom surgery, yet
• was offered/recommended for it but,
• had to reject it after calling up gipee office only to find out it clashes with the infamous ivpee.
• made a domokun card + whippedcream-covered-sponge as a pseudo cake for Jeannette's 21st with Jieling
• have a new found baby whom I spoil. It is true.
• was too late to sign up for Nikehumanrace AGAIN but it clashes with w.tl anywayyyyy
• must be patient
• must not express negativity to my teammates on the field
• am excited for S.unig yet a little scared
• was told that we think alike by A(nne)
• really hate reccosboys cos they are so effing selfish and full of themselves
• really hate 5llah softball male team after today cos they were so rude and unapologetic after lousy bats and allowing their softballs to fly into our field more than 3 times when they didn't even book the freaking field.
• missed out on eating dessert last night cos they stall was closed after we finished our main course, and hence
• tried the weirdest combination of ice ever - peanut ice, mango puree and nata de coco.
• was visited by seetohmeetoh weiyanndearest last Friday after wisdom extraction who bought me hotfudge sundae! WHEEEEEE
• as usual, hate school
• have been trying to sleep early, wake early. And so far,
• have been sleeping by 230am and waking up before 1130am. Good start.
• am currently hooked on: All The Right Moves/OneRepublic and Two is Better Than One/BoyslikeGirls
• need to study studying. THREE TESTS COMING!!!

PS: And Jeannette says: " I LOVE/사랑해/大好き/真的好爱/*insert 'love' in other languages here* you all~ "

"This Is My Room"

Thank you FFF for a very nice dinner and company(:

Thank you for saving my ass wrt to the year2 labreport.

Thank you for taking my food/going to order dessert (still sad there's no more :( )

Thank you for the weirdest shaved ice combi ever: mango puree and nata de coco on peanut ice.

And Thank you for being the eversosweet you. (:

+

Welcome home S.

I have missed you unknowingly. =)

And look, Skalex got a make over((((:

PS: Uhoh. Blogger doesn't permit picture uploads currently.

Post to be editted with the new skalex look =)

PPS: Can't upload picture of Skalex. It takes forever :(

Two Is Better Than One.

You came into my life

And I thought hey

You know this could be something

'Cause everything you do and words you say

You know that it all takes my breath away

And now I'm left with nothing

'Cause maybe it's true, that I can't live without you

Well maybe two is better than one

There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking two, is better than one

I remember every look upon your face,

The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste

You make it hard for breathing

'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away

I think of you and everythings okay

And finally now, we're leaving

And maybe it's true, that I can't live without you

Well maybe two is better than one

There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking two, is better than one

//BoysLikeGirls & TaylorSwift.

All The Best.

And indeed, Black Beauty is an awesome distraction. For the second week running, I can actually just spend time with it til the battery is only 10%

Anyhow, been really tired lately. I'm exhausted from thinking.
Sometimes I just don't want to, or don't feel like it but it always, all ways finds it's way back and haunts me.
Like a fever you can't sweat, it lingers and stays longer than you'd like.

I've been wondering if it's disturbing you as much as me.
I'm so tired pretending.

Bye bye gipchina.
We had so many chances but no fate.
I had to tap the "send" button with much regret, after much hesitation in reply to my favourite prof :(
Life sucks. for now :(

Has much to share but the pain is affecting the brain process. =)

"[For students applying for overseas attachment, please state your reasons here. For students applying for local attachment, you may state your reasons for applying to this organisation or this programme. You may also highlight your qualities or interest relevant to this application.]"

I can't even convince myself,

so how do I convince my prospective employers?

Hi, My Name Is ____________________.

I'm a SLOTH

and I'm a Laundry Super Girl.

IN HALL WITHOUT MY WATER BOTTLE

Am becoming the epitomy of FORGETFUL.

Or maybe CARELESSNESS works too.

Am fucking sian beyond words currently.

Hate choosing company. Hate choosing projects.

Worse: Hate choosing whether to go Zhong guo or not.

Hate writing resume/data sheet - Aren't they the same damned thing?

ARGH Hate making choices. I rather do my tutorials though I can't solve a single shit question but argh argh argh!

#1 Procrastinator.

ohmygawd I am completely unable to sit down and read through the 10000000 projects for IA selection. I really rather read my notes than scroll effortlessly down the never ending page.

Roar. :(

Btw. I really Hate your nonchalance.

Which Movie Romance.

You'll end up with someone who's been a very close friend...you know each other inside and out and are fully comfortable with each other...this romance is truly magical

PhorgetfulPhilly.

I'm having a MASSIVE headache from the sun today,
and OH NO CALAMITY. I forgot to bring home my retainers.

I didn't intend to return back to hall until Monday. =(
How now?

Tonight.

There's a fine line between HOPE and EXPECTATIONS.

Hope is what we wish to have, with whatever little faith in you.

Expectations is what you want to have, what you think you might have.

More often that not, expectations fail you.

A friend recently told me that she was going to aim high. It might be far from her grasp, but at least she'd land on the clouds when she falls, and not the hard, cruel, concrete ground.

Just yesterday, I was fuming mad over a particular incident.

Then G asked me what I was mad at: That we got chased out of our own class due to crashers, or because our friends were selfish.

It startled me for a split second, but without a doubt I was gravely affected by both.

Emotions overlap. It is a hard line to draw.

Here I am tonight, and I'm asking myself the same question- Which is worse?

That he left without me, or that he is here but not with me?

I honestly cannot draw this defining line. I really, rather not know.

If the departure date DOES NOT coincide with IVPee.

I'm going Zhong Guo.

This shall be my decision.

Hello Zhong Guo.

Dear INSERTMYNAMEHERE,


With reference to your application for our programme for Semester 2 of AY2009 / 2010, we are pleased to inform you that you have been short-listed for an interview, details of which are as follow:



Day and Date : Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Venue : MSE Meeting Room, N4.1-02-02

Interview Time : 1330hrs

Interviewer : Prof C.hen Z.hong and Mr L.ow J.oon K.iat T.homas


Kindly confirm your attendance for the above interview by replying to this email.


Best regards,
G.I.P Office

A Little Too Late.

Omg.

He left before I could say bye. Or even Hi.

He left before I could trace his features and say, "I missed you."

He left,

He left.

This is the second time.

And there may not be a third.

Why am I always letting you down.

You're fucking useless, Phil.

"Do You Know Half The World Is Starving?"

About two weeks ago over tea, Aw convinced me how mankind are more independent than we think of ourselves.

If we took a step back and slowed things down a notch, we realise that there are many moments you don't need company. But during these times when you actually do have someone with you, it is but a privilege.

It is not about, "why aren't you there when I need you" but "thanks for being here with me".

Just a few hours ago, I was reading through _feelosophy. A long forgotten logbook. A secret stash of memories I don't want to forget. A little scary though, how some move on while others stay rooted where they came from. A little skeptical, how empty promises and absolutes are used so freely, "I will never"; "You will always".

I am ashamed to say a part of me has forgotten, yet a part of me still yearns.

It is hard to ignore completely, yet difficult to accept whole heartedly.

And the part about school: I can never finish whinging.

Why am I not surprised I decided to slug in bed til noon instead of going for lessons.

Now I pay the dire consequences of missing tutorial- I understand zilch.

The fire alarm went off at 5 in the morning too, waking neighbours and myself. (BUT NOT MY ROOM MATE NOR ANGELA!)

And just on Monday, I went to school for an 1130 class when school starts at 1230.

ARGH.

Take away my past but don't rob my memories.

Today, I set my hair on fire.

Thank you awsikuan, it was fun. =)

Happy Birthday NickySonny(:

Lips that need no introduction,

Now, who's the greater sin?

--

Just fucking dropped my folder from a top shelf which toppled my half-filled water bottle and created lotsa water puddles in my room.

If I had feet the size of my stuffed giraffe, I could splash from puddle to puddle like I was 5 playing in the rain. ROAR

Your Broken Pinky Makes Broken Promises.

a day filled with touch and rugby, (hospital visit), f1 and now soccer.
suddenly craving for donuts which I didn't get while at N.ovena just now :(

am currently aching but satisfied after the 7-4 win against a mixed team(((:


ps: bought new tracks!! (: happiness(: the old one was coming apart, I had to tape it at trng with a face drawn on it.
(which become a blot of blue after the rain)


PPS: KISSMETHROUGHTHEMASK(:

+

"Your submission is confirmed and completed."

Am I really going to China for six months?

We'll see.

Take Me Higher Where Blind Men See.

This is the Birthday Cake of my 6year old Cousin.

SIX YEAR OLD?! Omg. Sorry Crabz but I think her cake beats yours hands down. :\

I wonder if she complained about her Belle gown during the party; that it was warm or itchy.

I wonder if 10 years down the road, she'd still remember how her cake tasted.

I wonder if 10 years later, she'll remember the games she played and the people who attended her party.

Omg jealous. :(

Anyway, Penguin and I went for dins at JayPee after school where we ended up shopping and splurging like shopaholics. (Ironically, she was just watching the movie while waiting for me to end) What a sin, but it's therapeutic so we promised each other we will finish up overdue work. (:

Looking forward to the weekends. Though it'd be without S but I really hate skooooolz.

To others, "It's week 3 ALREADY."

But to me, "It's week 3 ONLY."

SENSE OF URGENCY, PHILLY.

Why?

And I start to imagine about how life would be different,

if only I had .....................................

For You A Thousand Times Over.

This is Me and My Room mate.

Over the weekend (including Friday),

# I had one last meal with a friend leaving in search of his own W.ondergirl, ate til I was so full, carried a friend's (guy! wooh) backpack on his behalf.

# I left for touch with my jersey, boots, socks, etc but stood under the orange umbrella to cheer the team on. Before half time I walked over to the stands to retrieve my things in temptation to play. But Coach waved her finger and gave a BIG No-no.

I was also late for A.rthur's 21st where I became a big party pooper and felt eternally bad. I learned about making bad decisions but how sometimes we are given second chances.

I also met a friend-on-crutches who had to sneak out of the house and "steal" car keys and drive with an almost disfunctional left leg for a cup of tea while we pondered over decisions we've made/we're going to make, philosophies of life and our future.

I also laid in bed to enjoy the rain and wind though it was almost 4 in the morning and I was still sick.

# I came back to school early on the account of "work to do" (which is not entirely false) because sometimes you choose to follow your heart over a stubborn mind. And you find out it's not too bad a choice either. Accompanied lonelymiserablesickpathetic S for dinner and caught F1 in the TV room over dinner.

# I also abruptly, impulsively, suddenly decided that I want to go GIPCHINA and am going to apply. Oh, the power of persuasion. However, the definite decision will only be made when the acceptance email is received, and of course when I manage to convince myself of all the commitments I can leave behind and safely say, return to six months later.

# I have also spent a huge amount of time with Kite Runner when I should be finishing my readings for the meeting on Tues. But this is definitely better than Thousand Splendid Suns!

FLEWWWW and SOAR throat and KOFF.

Yes I'm going to sleep early! (:

Pigggnik was fun, can't wait for the next one.

Hope we'd have all 7 of us the next time, wheeeee.

sick and schools boring :((

My Love For You Is Blind.

With his head pressed against my chest,

I felt forlorn of comfort, ironically. A surge of loneliness.

I'm not sure if it was his week long absence which left this gap,

or because I felt different.

But it was an internal struggle, deciding how it feels to be held, how it feels to hold again.

But this is me, a Phil in transition. It's paradoxical, it's contradictory, it's a whirlpool.

It's also, just a phase.

The Tale of The Orange/Pink Nails.

And it begins today.

Just When You Need It.

I'm too lazypazy to source pictures from the week, so here's the most recent one.

Today, we went cosplaying at the Toygames and Comic exhibition. Most of our first time but definitely not our last, I daresay. Only Jel and J.eannette are dressed and Jiel's outfit is like JAW DROPPING. =)

We were greeted by stages filled with W.ii and GuitarHero, lotsa Anime stuff esp TOFUMAN. Lotsa cutesy stuff too which most of us cannot identify, we saw live-sized Darth Vader, Mario, Iron Man, Halo, etc. What you see is really what you get, in a good way.

Also supported our legendary pageant-babe-captain-ek who thrased her opponent in the W.ii slicing game HANDS DOWN. We wore "Bi(4) Sheng(4)" bands over our heads in support of her and screamed til everyone around us shot death stares. :( Though she didn't win, she still looked damn awesome up on stage. And her catwalk was the best without a doubt!!

We (actually just J.eannette) was so absorbed into everything, we forgot the time and forgot about lunch. XP and I couldn't take it so we left to eat with Angie while the other 2 continued oogling at the awesome costumes. Oooohlalala.

My right elbow's currently (badly) grazed again. =( Oh, hello to the rocky sandy field at turf and weekend leagues there again. We had an oh-kay first game. Score doesn't matter, but we definitely can do much better(:

Had lunch with Sonny before catching her Super15s game(: Then dinnered at Amk and caught UP!(: I'd give it 5 stars! Seriously. It made me tear twice and I could hear people sniffing/sobbing/wailing. Really good show(: Much better than the trailer made it seem(:

Five thumbs up! :D

Friday's date for xlb buffet was completely spoilt thanks to rude service staff at Cj but oh well, in return we had a complimentary dinner at Tango's (Thank you Ah gong and your daddy! (: )

Food was pretty damn good and I really like the steak(: (Which I didn't order cos I was too tired to chew). Post dinner plans detoured to I.slandCremery for a tub of Applepie((: Happiness in its simplest form(:

SCHOOL;

As usual, the first week's boring and slack. And a little too much to handle with the unlimited changes to cope with. I honestly thought I'd be the busy one but seems like it's the other way round. The first night, I made a trip back to THIRTEEN to visit old neighbours and check out the new rooms. DAMN NICE, a little jealous but it's ok(: I'm fine not staying there anymore. Then one night, I suddenly felt at an all time low (maybe it's the post-holiday syndrome) I randomly called Jiel and freaked her out. To think we were still fine a few hours ago, I definitely made her worry. So sorry my dear ROAD RICE. Ily much. *beams

Trainings were ok, neither team had to do extra set of conditioning since we "played so hard". (:

Then friendly down at W.OODLANDS with the Rpee boys. Turned out pretty good(: Am proud of my team for making it this far(: Though the rewards for Best Performer each friendly has reduced from lanyards, keychains and water bottles to boxes of RAISINS, everyone's still performing better than they did previously. Good job, Team(:

So here's to another week of boring, sucky school life.

With CCA fair to keep me busy through the day.

PS: Finally got down to getting K.iteRunner(: Can't wait to finish it so see which book is better!

let's take a chance as this romance is rising over
before we lose the lightning.

very tired is an understatement.

emo nemo philo.

=((

Tipsy.

So fucking bored,

but I refuse to put my brains to any use.

This might just be the last break it gets before school officially, officially kicks in.

Grah.

XIII

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I might just be missing THIRTEEN.

DAMN IT.

This is mankind isn't it,

we will never be satisfied.

Night One

goodnight from block3 level2 room55.

Sunny Island

DAMN lazy to unpack (penang luggage)

and DAMN lazy to pack (hostel stuff).

BOOHOO :(

Kinda excited about school though. (:

terminalone

flight delayed by an hour and fifteen mins zzzz

yanyi just called to say she's at t3 but I can't go meet her cos I'm inside :(
and mom just told me she has twitter too.
"I got alot of followers you know! no joke ok." -mom

I think she might just be cooler than me when it comes to tweet tweet.

malaysiaa truly asiaaaa

Thursday 6 Aug - Monday 10 Aug.

xoxoxo.

More Yet Less

The Seven Deadly Sins: "Lust", "Gluttony", "Greed", "Sloth", "Wrath", "Envy", and "Pride".

Of which how many, are you guilty of?

Sporty, Mature or Girl Next Door?

Hi! I'm Miss Sporty. Balls, racquets, bats; you name it, I love it. I love a good workout and I'd like to invite you to join me someday. I'm Miss Sporty."

x12 (not including rehearsals)

That's how many times we had to officially repeat ourselves today at camp. I didn't stay long and I saw quite a bit of familiar faces. It was kinda awkward how the guys entered the rooms through the connecting toilet to where we were and almost every group would ask "Is that all?", or "What's the purpose of this?" at the end of our speech.

S was telling me how this guy made Miss Sporty his choice and he decided to play punk and ask, "YOU SURE NOT?!". It made the rest of them laugh, I would've if I heard it too. =)

And an old OG mate said Hi and identified himself. (Good thing he did cos he looked really different but I also managed to spot his name from his identity tag. MUAHAHA)

Left with S for Tampines after that. Imagine B.oonlay --> Tampines = ZZZZZZZ.

It was really a long journey, my friends who stay in Tampines but not hall are heroes! =)

*
*

And all that hassle for Saturday: getting extra jerseys, printing

new sets, getting ball, getting players, settling reg form, waking up early, it was all worth it.

Verrrrrrrrr-monster!

We did it.

We won.

Okay, so it wasn't exactly an official tournament, nor was it the full team but but but we still did it.

And I hope this boosts the team morale, and each player believes in themselves more than they did before.

Sonny couldn't play cos I didn't register her, and permission from the people of higher positions was denied too(: Sorry dear but it was for your own good(:

Watched the boys' u20 matches after YouthInTouch where we saw little girls WITH ABS running. Full-grown abs, like six packs and all. Boy are we embarrassed to call ourselves sports people when we look at these 8, 9 year olds. :\

Dinnered at Newton with my favourite chengteng to end the day(: Yumyums(:

*
*

Friday;

Dinnered with the so-called Spare-tyre boyfriend (haha) aka arthurlimjinghui and herngs. Everybody was late so we had very little time to eat :( Caught Personal Effects starring Ashton Kutcher and Michelle Pfeiffer (?). Bad choice of place to watch (Lido omg haha) but pretty good movie. If you're the type with patience for a slow show, or the type who likes artsy films, go catch it. I kinda liked it though the spare tyre was semi-bored and very, very restless(:

PS: SEETOHWEIYANN IS BACK FROM HAMBURG(ER)!! :D

Thursday;

Visited Sonny at home with the new MJ-inspired nose (HAHA) with balloons and gummies(: Made a new friend, NOZZZZY which is a yellow ____________ . (Can't quite decide if it's a cow, dinosaur, ox, or ... ? )

Then friendly over at Dover(:

And dinner at Clementi where we got lost in an unfamiliar area, heh.

Oh life's good again,

But school's starting in a little more than a weeeeeek.

Monstrous Disastrous!

As promised we've got our V.ermonster treat on Wed(:

After lunch at this pasta place in W.heelock, we headed down to D.empsey where we waited close to an hr for coach to go home to find her wallet and come back down again.

20 scoops ftw!! Played some game among ourselves and found out more about each team mate(:

Then we headed down to catch the last rounds of Polite and joined S for dinner at Rafflescity BK where I bumped into pals from 13 who said, "pretend you didn't see me."

Whichever works. (:

Shallow Lives.

I hate the aftermath of a bad, weird dream.

But after I'm over the shock and I'm back in reality, I always wonder how and where these bad dreams surface from.

By the way, I'm currently hating life. Hate how I only have a pair of hands and 100000 things to do. Hate how I've to wake up to an sms from whoever about whatever whichever and I can't go back to sleep cos I must get out of bed to settle it asap. Hate how I need to run from place to place to meet people to get things. Hate how I have too much initiative sometimes. Hate how I keep complaining. Hate Fridays.

ROAR.

Want school to start.

I Melt In The Sun Like Sugar In Water.

Ever since I fell ill last week, everytime I step under the sun, I get this contracting feeling in my head.

And everytime I'm made to run a little harder than I can, I get this nauseous feeling in my tummy.

G made me realise a while ago that school is starting in 2 weeks.

Paradoxical feelings; I'm quite tired of holidays. (haha what a joke) Somehow, school gives you a direction, a focus. Though yes, 5/7 days I'm cooped up in PulauBoonlayNTU but ohwell, I guess it beats travelling there now 3/7 days for training bright and early.

Bad; I'm so desperate for my holiday and I know it's coming =) But when something comes it means it's going to end and school is starting.

A paragraph full of contradictions but with the significant changes made to my uni life with effect of this commencing semester, I don't know if I should be excited or worried.

J once told me, "Time doesn't past quickly. It only feels like it did when it's over because it already happened"

How true.

Yesterday, I was denied sleep after training and got dragged to Partyworld when I don't sing. So I got conned of sixteenbucks where I was semi upset. Then to accomodate us, they (FOC main comm!) let us slot in English songs which they knew too but it doesn't seem as fun as when they yell into the microphones alongside their favourite Chinese music. =((

W.araku-ed for dinner and ZM had swollen, cracked lips after 4 hours of emotion-filled serenading.

Whatever happened?

Last night, like a constant haunting, I couldn't fall asleep.

My mind drifted from thought to thought like a monkey swinging branches.

It felt surreal though; I think I've been reading too much HarryPotter.

Then just when I fell into a semi unconscious state, I suddenly woke up, face soaked in tears.

I had an insanely massive headache; it felt like needles piercing through the left side of my skull and someone was stitching. It wouldn't go away. I didn't dare get out of bed for fear of fainting (which has happened before). It was unbearable and I eventually got up and woke Mommy, who then fed me panadol and rubbed some medicated oil.

She said I was burning again.

Then I continued sobbing as Mommy put me back into bed and said, "Don't go for training tomorrow."

It was miserable and I hope it doesn't happen again tonight. =(

Take Me On A Trip I'd Like To Go Someday.

I am 21.

It definitely doesn't feel like it. Didn't need the party poppers and streamers to acknowledge that, nor the redefinition of rules I am now entitled to break.

As always, simplicity is supremacy. I would not deny things felt different with S' absence. Having a bunch of guys sing "Happy Birthday" was honestly a tad bit awkward and weird too.....

Then camp. And trainings. And xlb buffet.

BAO met on Monday to celebrate A-meee-learrrr's twentyfirst with the much anticipated XLB buffet.

Poor service aside, the xlb were very much substandard. We also ordered the worst choice of MALA soupbase which killed all of us. I felt my throat burn and head spin. At that moment, I knew I was gonna fall sick. :( We wanted to go for durians but I received an SOS call from S which disrupted plans.

I guess that was a blessing in disguise otherwise I'd have been more sick than I already am.

Caught Pol.ite games despite the splitting headache and leaking nose..

But I forced myself to recover so I can play on Wed(:

Wednesday was fffuuunnn. =) As posted earlier, now Coach owes us Vermonster(:

Then just as I thought I've fully recovered from flu, I got hit by fever.

But it only happened when I was already out- Met the W.antoks teammies for lunch at Swensens(: Then dessert at BenJerry's(:

It was a nice time of get together after so long, and nice to see everyone again. (Considering we used to see each other twice a week during season)

Left for Pol.ite again, which we were half an hour late, almost missing an entire match. :\

Got home, took my temperature, had lotsa medicine forced down.

And I finally woke up at 2pm after the interruptions with a growling tumtum cos I haven't eaten in almost 24hours.

So things have turned and as expected, things have changed.

I'm not inflexible; after all I've been through. But I will not say I've the best reactions to changes. Of course, all takes time to adapt, to adjust.

Now I'm just dreading this first far away weekend.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

And today, went to support Su/Siti/Senior-Toks at the Women's Contact game between B.ucks and B.lacks. Though we ended up talking among ourselves half the time, the tries that game through were still some pretty awesome ones. And sonnybaby broke her nose. It was like deja-vu all over again when it happened to S almost exactly a year ago. Except this time, there were alot more tears, and I was allowed close to her and could hold her hand.

Poor Su, you'll be fine k. Mama loves you and the surgery is not as scary as it sounds. (:

Another Beginning.

Like incorrect pieces of a jigsaw, I can't quite string my thoughts together lately.

But for now, rest rest rest.

37.9degreecelsius.

4-3,4-2, 4-3 to them.

We lost but hey, we scored 8! WOOHOO

VERMONSTER FTW! YUMYUMYUM.

I knew we could do it. YAHOOO!

sick but totally ready to kick ass and score that 3 touchdowns for ice cream! :D

go team!

POSTCAMP

Left for camp with a little bit of regret, got through the days hoping for Friday to come quicker.

With very little sleep, (I can count the total hours with my two hands), a lot more disagreements, a lot of hardwork, infinite naggings and lotsa hiccups, we got through the days, we survived.

With a lot of surprise good food (Xinwang porridge on Monday from Chu! Cinnamon melts with Junx and Rah on Tues! Two cups of Koi on Wed + sushi at night from G! More cinnamon melts on Thurs!) But with everything comes sacrifice, I barely ate dinner on certain nights :(

Camp was all about flexibility, and not preparation as somehow, somewhere Log would misplace something, we would run out of blindfolds, we cannot find 4 chairs, etc. At 5am, we were staring at our pre-planned camp schedule and looking into suitable changes to accomodate superstitions and save money.

I had moments of anger, of childish fit where I asked myself: "Why am I the one doing this?"

When people were sleeping, I was up for debrief. Sleeping last and getting rudely awaken the next morning by people who missed debrief.

I had my moments of regret; when things go wrong and I just don't feel like salvaging them anymore. I wanted to leave, just get a breather and let the rest do it.

Ultimately, like I told S. Since I've given my commitment to it, I'd just get it done and over with, to the best of my ability, with all I've got.

In the end when people tell you how much fun they've had, how smooth camp went despite the many last minute changes, the satisfaction is one beyond words.

Just like how it felt after Touch Attack. (:

Thank you everyone for making camp a success.

I've made friends, enemies, changed impression of others and yes, undoubtedly had an awesomely fulfilling 5days 4nights.

Hibernation started yesterday, and it still hasn't ended.

That's A Sparkle.

Happy Birthday,

and I'm off to camp. (with a little bit of regret)

mother effing tired to the core.

and i miss s already.

:(

One More, Please?

I just had my last weekend, before everything around me takes a 360deg turn.

Unpredictable.

I just read an email.

It had KARMA written all over it.

May WORLD PEACE follow after this incident.

****************

Over the weekend, Seniors' camp and Touch Attack happened.

The former took place on Saturday, at Sentosa. Despite the light shower and grey clouds looming, we carried on. We merely played six games with four

groups of very unsupportive, discouraging, RUDE, disobeying SENIORS who totally pissed me off (ok actually only ONE particular CGL) but before we reached the last segment I was already DEAD tired.

I suddenly fell silent and became 90% inactive and needed my name to be called out at least twice before I could respond. Ok, maybe it was the heat + hunger + dehydration + fatigue + angst + preparation that led to that but I'm so gonna die

on the actual camp. 6 days of this. Ohmymama, no wonder my fellow cp decided to sit down and play poker with satay sticks as chips.

Touch Attack on Sunday was crazyrushed. We ran the entire event with ONLY 10 people. And like I said in my emo sms, if I could do it all over again, I'd still choose this 10 people to run the show with me. Because they are the ones that cover one another's asses. They are the ones who will wake up bright and early to come help out. They are the ones who returned to school on a weekend for preparation. They are the ones who effortlessly did the job

of 3 people. They are the ones who, at the end of the day, sit down together with me, and reflect on the day's event.

Though there were many pre-event hiccups, we managed to pull through and it was awesome.

We fell short of our targetted teams by quite a bit but ultimately, finance is just a secondary objective.

Felt really surreal when it was over. How the month-long uncertainty built up to the week-long sleepless nights and intense concentration to do game & ref fixtures.

I will remember how I was crazybusy running up and down from the emcee tables to the three pitches; to play, to ref, or to collate score sheets for updates. I will remember how There's A Fire! gave their 101% in their games and in their sales of food/drinks. I will rememer how DearAshley shook hands and reminded opponents to "Buy our hotdogs". I will remember how yummy the hotdogs tasted! (They were so good I was still thinking of it late that night). I will remember how J.eannette holds a mic, a loudhailer, a stopwatch in one hand while the other lowers the volume of our music. I will remember the damned lightning

alarm and how we had to delay our games. I will remember how XP's math is much better than mine(: I will remember how much sh** A.ngela & Ek put up with know-it-all U20 teams. I will remember how Coach reffed til she had blisters in her feet.

At the end of the day, we received lotsa positive feedback, both from participants and teammates, even coach. And that made everything more meaningful than it already was. Indeed, everyone contributed to the success: my awesome teammates + coach, our awesome sports officer in charge, the participants, the refs.

Thank you all.

My sleepless nights, deteriorating eyesight, endless nagging have paid off.

Dear Yanns also left on Sunday morning for Hamburg and has reported to have landed without her checked-in luggages. But nonetheless, at least you're safe dear! LOVES!

Monday was the legendary Stars wars where my star planner hung and I managed to get a grand total of ZERO core modules. There were absolutely no slots left for any tutorial index and GO had made me call back "5 mins later" when I called.

Eventually managed to get the mods. Like M.ichael says, "seems like such a norm" now since we go through it every fcuking semester. Hur!

Tuesday, Date with Liangshitfavourite before Crabby's Disney-themed 21st!

Wednesday,

Itinerary after training:

-Ice spa with Valley Welly & a Goldfish

-Manicure/ pedicure lavender aromatherapy session with Ms A.ngela Yong

-Facial (with free body scrub & face mask thrown in) with Ms X.in Pei

-Lastly, organic healthy eating lunch with AnneSkinnyGoh

(as quoted from coach's email)

J.eannette and I went shopping; from Wheelock to Shaw to O.rchard central. Heehee

I went home and the heels of my feet hurt so bad :(

An extremely long-overdued meet up with the Bestie on Thursday,
and with the supposedly quarantined Ameliaaaa today!

Where we had sushi and 50 dollah mao shan wang durian!!!!!!!!!

I will keep getting better.

Nyeh Nyeh.

I can't believe I'm saying this now, but YES.

I'm starting to get too lazy to blog.

Life's been damn tiring but awesomely goooood. =)

ilovealviniaowyong. :D

Cos I thought you'd send me a love mail :(

Awesome Pawsome!

ABSOLUTELY TIRED.

But really damn satisfied. (:

Thank You Everybody.

damn fucking angry.

want to dig a hole and sleep inside til monday comes.

fucking hell.

It'd Happen Sooner Than You'd Expect.

Here it goes.

My uncertainty thread has been cut loose; his lips spoke the dreaded numbers I wished I never had to hear.

Of course I'd rather it come now than later, so I have ample time for mental preparation and adjustment.

Now I'll just count down to the days time and distance will set us apart,

while I helplessly attempt keeping everything we've had within my grasp til then.

19July.

That's less than a month. =(

Repetition

When you wake up from a peculiar dream the first time,

it feels awkward, but you laugh it off after you tell the people involved.

But when you wake up from that same peculiar dream the second time,

it's not funny anymore.

There must be something wrong.

oh.my.gawd.

I am seeing stars from all the numbers, names and colours.

"......., that’s why we are so frigging awesome. "

(photos from Chow's FB Album)

Saturday;

A major frozen yogurt craving led myself to Jco as recommended by JL which tasted ten times better than it looks. The Ahgong wanted to furniture shop so we headed down to Park Mall where we wow-ed at the jacked up prices of H.erman Miller furniture.

Then we celebrated Eugene's 21st with Bbq food, 8-player soccer on a PS3, ice cream cake, and too much beer.

S does a reaally awesome job with instigation which landed himself in the hot seat with Mal. I can't remember who won but I (though not involved in the drinking game) won myself a driver's seat in the Stream later that night because of that.

The game then got modified with coke for Halal friends and chengteng for drivers and 2-year-old vodka with beer as it went on. It even involved school pride, and sexist issues, etc etc.

Sunday;

As usual (for now, but not anymore). Lunch with S and sister at A.ston's, Novena for coffee from Starbucks, picked cousin, picked Daddy, F1/Discovery Turbo at home.

Dinnered at Newton (the cheng teng was so yummy!), caught H.arper's.

And then. Water works.

S was initially confused/slightly frustrated but ended up laughing at the situation.

I don't know if it was to make me feel better about it or because he didn't see the severity like I did. But I hope it's the former.

Woke up bright and early at 730am for training of which the Birthday Girl decided to attend at 2300 the previous night so we couldn't get cake. Coach wasn't around so it was more light hearted and we water breaked longer than our drills. SHH.

Jean and I lunched with Angie before we went up to her room for some cheesecake lovin'. :D

Was so tired I could fall asleep anywhere by 4. :(

CP meeting was slightly awkward but very productive albeit taking more than 3 hours. We tried XinWang Taiwan which was surprisingly pretty good(: Cheaper and better than the HK one anytime(:

We managed to shorten Seniors' Camp to 1 day! Ended just in time with S' training so I joined the boys for dinner at BK with some Mos Iced milk tea(:

Woke up aching entirely today :( And need to start doing up Fixtures. :(

But it also looks like my rushed week is a tinybit more relaxed with Seniors camp shortened by half(:

You don't miss your water til the well runs dry.

PREMATURE.

The Lasts of everything are always amplified.

Half the time they always hurt.

The Last Goodnight,

The Last Goodbye.

The Last Train Home,

The Last Flight Out.

The Last Kiss,

The Last Fight.

The Last Word,

The Last Step.

The Last Walk Home,

The Last Breath....

The Last.

They bring the end to everything and anything; a conclusion, a finale.

Yes, the end is where I begin. The end is the beginning of something new.

But fuck it, I don't want this something new.

I hate interruptions, I hate adapting. I'm inflexible, and I've found my comfort zone.

I don't want to learn something new, I don't want to cope with something unfamiliar.

I may not be directly involved, yet it seems I'm the only one so gravely affected.

I'm ashamed to see how S is ever so confident, ever faithful all will turn out well.

Just like how he assures me, "Things will be fine", even though they turn out otherwise 90% of the time.

So premature, so exaggerated.

This feeling of being robbed, where the theif removes your most valuable things, while you watch him do it helplessly.

Uncertainties, they haunt you like a recurring nightmare.

The effect of an uncertainty, like a multiple-chanced guessing game.

You get it wrong, try again. You change your mind, think harder.

It's the little things that are insignificant yet so very impactful that mean the greatest.

It's like losing a side of your contact lens; my security stripped from me and I'm left to fend for myself.

It's the weekends; and they mean the most to me.

Things will never be the same again.

And I'm hanging on a loose thread. Waiting for the numbers from your lips that will snip this choking cord of uncertainty. These numbers that will count me down to the future I will henceforth dread. These numbers that will pull me further and further from this present I will never have again.

effgeed(ing).

We have been friends for almost 7 years now.

I remember how we met: the first time at the stadium. You in that yellow/grey uniform on the upper stand, leaning over the railings to talk to us below.

I remember the first time I saw you cry. It made me scared, and it tore me up slightly. But I just didn't show it.

These seven years have taught us love, lies, trust, life, value and priorities.

I dare say there was once no one else knew me as well as you did.

And I am ashamed to admit I've let you down before.

But I'm not regretful of the past, and how it led us to where we are now.

Externalties are not within our control.

Of course I always want the best for you, both of you.

Because both of you were just as important.

We have been friends for almost a decade now.

These years have seen us through every bit of life; teenage-hood, victories, love, school, trainings, break ups, failures.

I remember the times you'd sneak up and surprise me at the staircase to pass me stuff.

I remember how you sound when you whine.

I remember how we held each other and cried together when we fell out of love; at the same time.

I remember how we would laze, watch tv and forget about the world.

I remember our terms of affection; and I liked how you'd call me ______ .

I don't remember how the tables were turned.

I don't remember when you took a turn in life without taking me along.

I don't remember how the J word could be at the tip of your tongue whenever the conversation topic was Me.

I've always wanted to talk to you about it but I kept putting it off. Part of me didn't feel like it, the other part tried convincing myself it would be for the better.

But I cannot understand it sometimes. As much as I do try to.

Of all people, you should understand best, I do stand by this belief. Yet, you are unexpectedly, the first person, to not trust me, or her.

I don't know how else to say this. (I don't even know if you will see this.)

I'm so weary of watching her pull her hair out over this.

It shouldn't even be happening.