And here I am, with the crazy thoughts running through my mind, unable to fall asleep.
1:52 AM : Friday, July 4, 2014
They say Poly Year 2 isn't easy.
I gotta admit that I'm falling behind.
There's too much pressure with all the ongoing projects. I can hardly breathe.
But still, I'm able to get some breather at times. I guess?
I guess I MUST buck up already.
Was rather disappointed with myself.
Can't help it but feel down recently.
I guess I have always wondered, what did I do wrong? Why am I in such a state now.
But I guess it's just part and parcel of life isn't it?
But I guess it's just part and parcel of life isn't it?
HAHAHAH ~
Too many things had happened and I guess everyone changed, even if it's not obvious.
Change is inevitable, just like growing is inevitable too.
When we grow, we fail, we learn our mistakes.
But sometimes I wonder what if there's a time machine.
I wonder how things will turn out if there's one. Maybe we will be able to change the events that happened and get the result that we want.
But at the end of the day, what's the point in living if that's the case right? HAHAH
Sometimes I wonder what's the purpose of my existence in this life.
To make a difference or to be the difference.
But things won't always be this simple.
It can be hard to fit in at times. I mean it's not what they want too.
But when you see that apparently you are the odd one out, why will you even join them? Save yourself from the embarrassment isn't it? Save all the trouble.
What will you do when you feel that you lack the motivation? Find back the motivation? But how ? You don't know & too busy to do that.
Everyone's busy with their studies, their life, friends and stuffs.
But I just wish that everyone will live everyday without any troubles, or maybe it's just me having troubles, thinking about unnecessary situation that screw me up, isn't it?
Sometimes, I really hate myself. Hate my life. Sighs...
What's the point in complaining right? I have no other options, but I'm grateful for the true ones who stayed by no matter what. Thank you. As for those who left an impact, I'm thankful for the lessons learnt. Even though it hurts like bitch, but I survived & I wish you all the best. Just don't get hurt , that's all I wish for all my friends. HAHA
I guess I should stop. It's getting late & I have a presentation tomorrow.
GOOD LUCK TO MYSELF.
I guess, if you believe in it, it will happen. Gotta have confidence in myself !
People believe what they want to believe
After all actions speaks louder than words
3:40 AM : Tuesday, March 4, 2014
People often says that I look fierce cause I don't smile. Maybe I'm those who's afraid to be the one to take the first step cause I don't wanna feel rejected if they didn't smile/greet me back.
I'm guessing that it applies to my life too, sometimes I'm afraid to take the risk cause I don't feel that I'm able to achieve success at the end of the day eh. Thing is, my self-confidence fell when certain things happened. But we all gotta move on, and well, stay positive even if its rough. Hmmm....
And well, 1 year of Poly passed by so quickly. Hmmm...
Definitely there are good times & bad times, but I guess I can say that I've learnt tons of things in these 1 year in Poly. I am very glad to be in DTRM 04, especially my clique! They are an awesome bunch of girls, really had fun hanging out with them, doing things together, those movie dates after EOST, lunch after EOST or just random "bonding activities". As for class, I guess somehow we drifted as a class as time passes. Conflicts in class are inevitable, but yet, it just seems to me that we all need more time to bond & well enjoy each others company. Since we are gonna be as a class for Year 2, I guess it's best to enjoy the happy moments & just throw away those unhappy ones eh. Let's hope for the best, prepare for the worse.
Come to think of it, Poly ain't as fun as what others told me. Maybe it's because I'm constantly stressing myself over GPA. I guess a lot of people disapprove my decision of going into Poly instead of JC & for choosing DTRM too. But I guess the only way to prove them wrong & well make my mum proud is to achieve good results. Sometimes I just feel like they don't even appreciate when I score well, even though my parents have never pressurized me before, the thing is I rather they set a goal for me, it's easier for me that way. Hmmmm, guess it's rather contradicting, but oh well ~
I guess the best thing that I have learnt over this past year is that I should never insist on holding onto something, 什么事都要看开一点!I guess we should never force things, cause in the end, it's not gonna happen & you will feel like shit afterwards. So what I can say is to let nature takes its own course. Extraordinary things happen when you least expect it. So why live a life planning every single steps ? Why not live for the moment & embrace every moment be it happy or sad. Cause at the end of the day you get to learn something out of it! So don't over think even though I always does that. But what for? It's only gonna bring you down even more. It's like for a relationship, it's sad if you two can no longer be together. But hey, someone out there is waiting for you, someone who deserves your love, care and concern. Someone who loves you more than anyone else could. It's like maybe during a breakup. At that moment you may think that there will never be someone else who is able to replace the place of your ex in your heart. But hear me out, it won't be the case when the right one appear, cause at the end of the day, he will occupy a bigger space than your ex. Trust me, though I'm still single & I wish him happiness, hope that he will find someone else soon! I rather give them my blessing than curse them ! Since we can't work out, no point dwelling on it , isn't it? Hmmm~ I'm wiser, definitely, since it's like gonna be my birthday soon ! I don't know if i'm supposed to look forward to it or not~ I guess there might be a surprise for me, but I don't want my friends to go through all those troubles of planning & spending of money ! It's the thoughts that counts, even a message is enough ! Hahaha, But I won't let them spend the day alone if it's their 18th birthday cause it's 18 & well I am glad to have them as my friend~ Just wanna treasure everyone around me. Well, not everyone stays, those who says they will didn't stay eventually! It's sad but it's life too ~ One day we will all be gone, so why not use the remaining time of our live to create magical moments, so others will not forget about us ? Haha, by bringing joy to others, you yourself will feel happy too ! Sometimes all we gotta do is slow down & observe our surroundings so that we will be able to spot things that we missed out even if it's the small details eh ! Hahah
Sighs, I feel so tired right now ! I guess my holiday is PACKED with helping my mum, FOC, FOP & spending quality time with my friends~ Hard to manage but I'm sure that I will be able to if I'm determine ! Well, I shall stop here for now, gotta go sleep ! Lack of sleep recently for tons of reasons ~ Sighs
Well to end things off, yes there are bad times, really disappointed and devastated moments, but then I got over it, moved on & yeah I was very very negative at that point of time. But I'm glad that I was strong enough to move on eh? Cause I thought that I will never ever get outta that situation & now cause I made the decision to , since no hope already! I'm a happier person now! So it's like no matter what happened, all the bad stuffs, at the end of the day, either you learn something meaningful or well, something good happens! :) Look forward to everyday cause every moment counts :)
Gotta upload some photos ;) Hehehehe
I'm really thankful for all these people! They are the ones who's my happy pill ~ Heheh, they fill up everyday of my life with fun , joy & laughter ~ And i guess somehow I'm looking forward to FOC, cause camp bonds people eh ~ Let's hope ;) Hehehe ~ But at the end of the day, no matter what happened, I just hope that everyone will still remain happy eh ~ Change your perception & your world changes ~
Never lose sight of what means the most to you.
Maybe the thing you're most scared of is exactly what you should do.
1:52 PM : Saturday, October 19, 2013
I'm back again ~ Hehe, well, this post is dedicated to my #Team1996boleh ~
Gotta say everything changed in such a short time, barely a year I guess ever since Team1996's chalet ~
TEAM 1996 STEAMBOAT GATHERING last night ♥
Well, we all made it through the night yesterday though at times, things may be awkward or weird.
But congrats to everyone ~ Though we were actually considered as the "couple" clique and like all the couple inside ended up ... separated ? Hahha ~
Life still have to move on right ? Though we may be reluctant to leave our Secondary School Life!
But its good to have a short meet up session with the guys !
First time steamboat everyone stand up, damn funny ~ Hahah
Well, at least we all did eat to our hearts content, I guess? Cause there were lots of leftover food ! HAHA
Glad that everyone were joking during meals and like just laugh and talk , being comfortable~ Yay to us ~
Guess what, we had a surprise belated Birthday Celebration for Phyllis ~ YAY ~
Success yet again , was so afraid that she would find out... cause sometimes she looked at my phone when I was in the surprise group chat~ MY GOD :O Hahaha
Then it was truth or dare ~
I swear the question Phyllis asked me made me feel like KILLING HER ~~~~
It was so damn awkward ~
But had tons of fun for that activity !
People started to slowly leave and in the end we all left at 12? I think, not too sure about that but yeah~
It was definitely TGIF & a great night to start the first week of school ~
Love you peeps lots , especially my girls ♥
PHOTOS :D
But congrats to everyone ~ Though we were actually considered as the "couple" clique and like all the couple inside ended up ... separated ? Hahha ~
Life still have to move on right ? Though we may be reluctant to leave our Secondary School Life!
But its good to have a short meet up session with the guys !
First time steamboat everyone stand up, damn funny ~ Hahah
Well, at least we all did eat to our hearts content, I guess? Cause there were lots of leftover food ! HAHA
Glad that everyone were joking during meals and like just laugh and talk , being comfortable~ Yay to us ~
Guess what, we had a surprise belated Birthday Celebration for Phyllis ~ YAY ~
Success yet again , was so afraid that she would find out... cause sometimes she looked at my phone when I was in the surprise group chat~ MY GOD :O Hahaha
Then it was truth or dare ~
I swear the question Phyllis asked me made me feel like KILLING HER ~~~~
It was so damn awkward ~
But had tons of fun for that activity !
People started to slowly leave and in the end we all left at 12? I think, not too sure about that but yeah~
It was definitely TGIF & a great night to start the first week of school ~
Love you peeps lots , especially my girls ♥
PHOTOS :D
Take some time to appreciate all the little things around you ~
4:48 PM : Friday, October 18, 2013
Since I'm bored crashing DTRM'01's ITB class, i shall do something "useful" ~ Haha
1st week of school after such a long holiday~ Sighs, don't know if i can get used to school life yet again! Timetable ain't that good but lucky for me, I end at 12 on Fridays :D Me the happy kid cause it's TGIF ~ Woots ~
Let's start with holidays shall we?
Buried myself with work , but I can say that I enjoyed working ~ BARISTAR!
It's what i enjoyed, making drinks for others though my drinks may not be very nice >.< Well, more importantly it's who i worked with :) Glad to find joy in working at J.Co though at times it may be rather busy and some people just gets on my nerves , I mean is not their fault but they are annoying though they are new luh but haiz , i get irritated easily when I'm busy with stuffs so stay away when you see me busy , oops~ But I guess one thing that makes me happy is that friends come J.Co to visit me, definitely made my day happier~ One thing that sucks is that I was always working the closing shift, 3-11 ~ MY GODDDDDD ... Closing ain't fun , had to clean bar, donut area and yogurt area ~ Sucks when there's only you and another person working the closing shift, cause the other person will be counting money and have to help out no matter what~ Me being clumsy at times often cut myself cause of the stupid yogurt thingy ~ :( Lesson learnt, gotta be more careful in the future ~Sad that Kenneth left the job ~ Sighs , it was always fun working with him, he treats me like a little sister , that's what others said , well he's definitely nice ~
CRUISE TRIP (15/9-18/9)
WOOTS ~ CRUISE TRIP WITH DTRM PEEPS ~
Definitely something that i looked forward to , get to spend more time with clique & class, one thing for sure ~ Though it's not the first time I'm travelling overseas with my friends, but first time on cruise ~ Almost couldn't fall asleep the night before. Teehee~ Had lots of fun with my 3 roommates !
Though we are girls, our room were never neat and tidy ! HAHAH, irony, shouldn't girls be very neat and tidy ? Oops! Had H2H talk with them, definitely worth it since I don't really hang out much with them during holiday , got kinda disconnected from the world because of work ~ Sighs, what to do ? But I must say that the food on board cruise especially Bella Vista's food was definitely YUMMY :D I don't know if I gained weight or not cause of those yummy food on board cruise but definitely enjoyed the food~ Teehee
So we stopped by Penang on 2nd day i think, but it was kinda boring when we had our free time cause we are only allowed to walk around the "Atas" shopping mall, things were expensive ~ But we managed to buy Starbucks & definitely snacks ~ Hahah ! The Starbucks sucks man , I regretted buying the drink that I bought! But oh well, never mind, once bitten twice shy ~ Phuket was much better , NOT ENOUGH MONEY AH ~ I think I bought a lotta stuffs and I have zero bargaining skills :( I suck at those ~ Or else I could have bought more stuffs & don't have to borrow money from others ~ But I was happy that I managed to get stuffs for people and myself ~ Woohoo~ Gala Night was ... Awesome in some ways ~ Get to enjoy "Prom Night" with DTRM peeps~ Everyone was so damn pretty, I jealous sia ~ Haha, gotta thank Guei for helping me with the makeup else I'll look like a ghost man ! Didn't managed to catch sunrise and sunset :( That's one thing that I regretted , other than that it was definitely worth the trip :) Guess , the pigs( my roommates & I ) slept the last day away after breakfast ~ Hahah
After cruise had to rush to chalet next ~ What a rush-y day on 18 !
But the chalet was fun , had a fun time catching up with Kai Cong :)
And also the chalet was to send people off, in a way cause the trainers in J.Co are going back to Indo, so yeah :( Gonna miss them , learnt a few tricks from them in making the drinks ~ Wee~
OUTINGS WITH PRINCESS ♥
YAY ~ One thing that I loved during holidays are definitely time spent with my dearest babes ♥
Had K session with them & shopping date ~
Kinda went crazzyyy during the K session , oops ~ We the crazy girls ~ Then virgin try at Eighteen Chefs, it was definitely yummy ~ It's been long since we went out ~ Next was our shopping TRIP ! CLOTHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ! MUHAHAHAHA ~ Thing is ... I spent the most after getting my pay :( 200 bucks gone just like that ~ HAHAHA! And we had a cheapo dinner at 313 afterwards ! Hehe ~
SBA BONDING DAY 9/10/13
It's BONDAGE CAMP ! WTS?! Hahah, but was definitely fun with the I team , our cheer was simply AWESOME ~ Had fun meeting new people and get to interact with my group mates ! Lucky for me, I know someone in the group & didn't feel so left out~ LUCKY ME , oops~
Chalet at night was ... okay?? Went for the Nightwalk, somemore blindfolded ~
Almost tripped and fell, lucky for me, my partner told me, though abit late, but okay luh at least hit my toe only~ Then went to Macs for SUPPER ~ I swear it was damn funny when Phyllis had only a few sips of Breezer ~ She just sit down there and kept laughing ~ Apple Cider is nice :) And the few of us just talk and laugh and walk around~
HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHT 3 AT UNIVERSAL STUDIO SINGAPORE 11/10/13
Firstly, went to watch About Time, it was definitely a nice movie, sweet & AWWWWWW my god :D
SO... I summoned my courage to go for Halloween Night at USS ~ Woots ~
Fun yet scary night with Phyllis, Theresa, Wei Xiang, Darren & Jason there ~
I'm certainly glad to be around them in USS~
BUT , This Theresa ah keep pushing me sia :(
Then made me accidentally bang in people around & scare the hell outta me , my god :(
But kwek went off early :(
Thing is Phyllis cried when she was pestered by the "Vampire" ~ It was scarily funny! Hahah, but well, must count myself lucky to "escape" from that situation~
I guess the whole trip was worth it since we walked past all the scare zones & I went into all 3 Haunted House though Phyllis gave up at the last Haunted House. But thing is the last haunted house was like SAUNA ! WTS?! Though I didn't really look around cause I was too scared to~
Then we TON THE NIGHT AWAY AT SENTOSA ~ Hehe, though a few fell asleep in the end!
AND AND AND Breakfast at Toastbox :D
Guess this sums up my holiday , all the highlights of my holiday ~
Gotta say I learnt something out of my holiday ~ And guess I'm feeling rather better nowadays ~
Shall try hard not to be emo nemo finding nemo~ HAHA ~ Oops~
It just that at times, when it's late at night, and you are all alone sitting down there not knowing what you should do ~ Your mind wanders and you end up thinking about all the negative things or things that you regretted. That's when all the sad feelings come rushing out and there you are feeling : damn, what is happening to me and my life ? why did all those shit happens~ It gets really lonely and you don't know what else to think of , then you just break down feeling like a piece of shit where your existence in this world doesn't even matter. Maybe I have no purpose in this world, and that I'm just a waste of space in this tiny Earth~ My presence in this world doesn't even have any impact on anyone and that people will definitely be better off without me , DEFINITELY . I'm just a burden that people are being too nice to ~ I'm always screwing things up, giving attitude , being extra, being too annoying to everyone. I'm useless ~ Not worth it ~ #foreveralone is the best thing for me, because I'm never good enough for anyone ~ Sighs ~ This is me :(
Shall not talk about my insecurities ~ Stopping it here for now , photos next :D
AHHH ! Finally done ~
BYEEEEEEEE :D
YAY ~ One thing that I loved during holidays are definitely time spent with my dearest babes ♥
Had K session with them & shopping date ~
Kinda went crazzyyy during the K session , oops ~ We the crazy girls ~ Then virgin try at Eighteen Chefs, it was definitely yummy ~ It's been long since we went out ~ Next was our shopping TRIP ! CLOTHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ! MUHAHAHAHA ~ Thing is ... I spent the most after getting my pay :( 200 bucks gone just like that ~ HAHAHA! And we had a cheapo dinner at 313 afterwards ! Hehe ~
SBA BONDING DAY 9/10/13
It's BONDAGE CAMP ! WTS?! Hahah, but was definitely fun with the I team , our cheer was simply AWESOME ~ Had fun meeting new people and get to interact with my group mates ! Lucky for me, I know someone in the group & didn't feel so left out~ LUCKY ME , oops~
Chalet at night was ... okay?? Went for the Nightwalk, somemore blindfolded ~
Almost tripped and fell, lucky for me, my partner told me, though abit late, but okay luh at least hit my toe only~ Then went to Macs for SUPPER ~ I swear it was damn funny when Phyllis had only a few sips of Breezer ~ She just sit down there and kept laughing ~ Apple Cider is nice :) And the few of us just talk and laugh and walk around~
HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHT 3 AT UNIVERSAL STUDIO SINGAPORE 11/10/13
Firstly, went to watch About Time, it was definitely a nice movie, sweet & AWWWWWW my god :D
SO... I summoned my courage to go for Halloween Night at USS ~ Woots ~
Fun yet scary night with Phyllis, Theresa, Wei Xiang, Darren & Jason there ~
I'm certainly glad to be around them in USS~
BUT , This Theresa ah keep pushing me sia :(
Then made me accidentally bang in people around & scare the hell outta me , my god :(
But kwek went off early :(
Thing is Phyllis cried when she was pestered by the "Vampire" ~ It was scarily funny! Hahah, but well, must count myself lucky to "escape" from that situation~
I guess the whole trip was worth it since we walked past all the scare zones & I went into all 3 Haunted House though Phyllis gave up at the last Haunted House. But thing is the last haunted house was like SAUNA ! WTS?! Though I didn't really look around cause I was too scared to~
Then we TON THE NIGHT AWAY AT SENTOSA ~ Hehe, though a few fell asleep in the end!
AND AND AND Breakfast at Toastbox :D
Guess this sums up my holiday , all the highlights of my holiday ~
Gotta say I learnt something out of my holiday ~ And guess I'm feeling rather better nowadays ~
Shall try hard not to be emo nemo finding nemo~ HAHA ~ Oops~
It just that at times, when it's late at night, and you are all alone sitting down there not knowing what you should do ~ Your mind wanders and you end up thinking about all the negative things or things that you regretted. That's when all the sad feelings come rushing out and there you are feeling : damn, what is happening to me and my life ? why did all those shit happens~ It gets really lonely and you don't know what else to think of , then you just break down feeling like a piece of shit where your existence in this world doesn't even matter. Maybe I have no purpose in this world, and that I'm just a waste of space in this tiny Earth~ My presence in this world doesn't even have any impact on anyone and that people will definitely be better off without me , DEFINITELY . I'm just a burden that people are being too nice to ~ I'm always screwing things up, giving attitude , being extra, being too annoying to everyone. I'm useless ~ Not worth it ~ #foreveralone is the best thing for me, because I'm never good enough for anyone ~ Sighs ~ This is me :(
Shall not talk about my insecurities ~ Stopping it here for now , photos next :D
BYEEEEEEEE :D
