In church yesterday I was asked to share a few words about my husband for Father's Day. Below are a few of my thoughts...
My husband David and I lived in the
Caribbean for his first two years of medical school. On the island, we attended a tiny branch which we fell in love with. One day my husband was asked to give a talk. In this particular talk he truly opened up his heart and expressed a beautiful and powerful testimony. I know there was not a dry eye in the room. A brand new convert to the church was deeply touched by his words and she came up to me as soon as the meeting was over. This sister was a single mother with three beautiful children. Her oldest boy was in my husbands Young Men’s class and her two other children became close to me through the primary. Her name was
Vah. I did not know her well at all, but she cornered me that day and spoke directly into my eyes. She said, “You do not know how lucky you are.” I casually agreed that yes, I did have a wonderful husband. She could tell what she was saying was not sinking in. “No, you really don’t know how lucky you are. You do not understand what you have.” I looked more directly into her eye and tried to listen harder. She again, for the third time said in a tone I won’t forget. “You are so, so blessed. You do not understand how rare it is to find a husband and father like your husband.”
I was humbled. Her words come into my head again and again as the years pass. I can see that look in her eye and the longing and heartache she felt.
Vah lived in absolute poverty. She loved her children. She was a wonderful mother. All three kids had the same father, but he had abandoned them and had no relationship with his kids what so ever. This was the Grenadian culture for men. It was extremely rare to ever see a father who lived with his kids, provided for them, supported them, or even acknowledged them.
Vah had never had the support of a church to get her through the difficult times. She did not have any governmental programs, food stamps, or medical coverage. She was completely on her own. Because of her level of poverty, her children went to the worst school on the island. And here I was, like many of the other medical students, married to a man who was 100% committed to his children & wife. My husband was 100% committed to providing for our family and most important committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Vah was right. I had absolutely no idea how blessed and lucky and extremely grateful I should forever be to have a man like this in my life. She would have given anything in the world to have a father for her children who loved them just a tiny portion of what I had. I wish there was a way to give her that. It was a powerful lesson to me to realize this rare and precious blessing of having a husband who put his family as his greatest priority in life.
David and I dated for 8 months before leaving on his mission. When he came home we were married less than 5 months after his return. We were only living in the same city for 3 of those months. Do you think I really knew what I was doing? No. I was only 20 years old. However, we did do something right. We prayed hard about that decision and our answer was as clear as day. I made the biggest decision of my life at 20 years old and with each year I realize more and more what a remarkable man I am married to. There are many days when the thought of bringing a 4
th child into this world terrifies me. I look in the mirror and think, “Can I really handle this? Can I do it?” Then, this peaceful feeling comes over me and I remember, “Oh yea, I am not in this alone. My husband is here. Thank goodness!” I could not raise my children on my own. I see every year, especially with my 7 year old son, how much my kids need and love their dad. Having a father in the home is something that can not be replaced by anything else. It
does not matter how much material things money can buy. Children need a mother and a father. I believe this very strongly.
I know this is not possible for every mother. I think about the role of a single parent just about every day and all I can hope for is that Heavenly Father will give them the extra strength they need to make it through. There was a time while living in Grenada when I
wasn’t sure this life David and I were building together was what I really wanted. Coming into the motherhood role for me was not easy. Going through medical school in a third world country was hard. It seemed like my husband was never around, and when he was, he was continually stressed in a way I had never seen him before. One night I went out on a walk by myself and had a little pity party in my head. “Oh, this is so hard. Do I really even want this? Poor me.
Isn’t there another road that is easier?” I remember walking into our little apartment that night. All the lights were on, the music was turned up, it was as hot and humid as you can imagine with no air conditioning. And there was my husband with my two year old son dancing and laughing and playing. Dave was throwing Josh up into the air as high as he could and catching him. Josh kept saying “Again, again! More highs, more highs!” I watched this and the spirit spoke directly to my heart at that moment. The words that hit me were, “Kristine, there is no man in the world that will, or could, possibly love your son as much as your husband. And, if you personally ever do anything to lose what you have, you are a complete fool and you will regret it forever.” These words hit hard. (“Fool” was not the word that came to my mind, but instead a word we do not use in our house anymore that begins with an I.) I don’t know if there is a word strong enough or low enough to describe myself if I did choose to walk away from the greatest blessing Heavenly Father has given me. This treasure, of course, is my family.
When I married David I had no idea what an exceptional father he would one day become. I especially know this to be true now that we are raising a son with Down syndrome. My husband has a certain patience and tenderness and child like qualities that are rare to find in fathers. Above all, my husband has a testimony of his divine role as a father. I know he takes this responsibility as a sacred calling. I am so grateful for this.
We all love you Dave!
When I get overwhelmed by how "busy" Tyler is, I just have to remind myself how grateful I am for the happy boy I have. Some of the fun stuff Tyler has done in the last 3 days are: emptying a box of cereal on the floor (I should be keeping track. We have passed 20 boxes for sure.) Finger painted with ketchup all over our kitchen floor and chairs. (Now that he can open the fridge, he finds all kinds of stuff.) He broke our mini DVD player and VCR this week. (3rd DVD player, 2nd VCR. Yes, we keep them out of reach, but he is a climber and drags chairs around to get up high.) A few weeks ago he shoved Popsicle sticks into our vents in the mini van. The car was smoking when we turned on the AC. Dave spent a few hours taking it apart. There are two daily things that upset me the most. #2 Tyler throwing anything he can find off the table. Usually food and drinks flying as far as he can send it. #1 The CONSTANT struggle to keep his diaper ON! It is his mission to take it off 20 times a day. We have tried so many tactics to make this difficult for him, but I think it is time to pull out the duct tape.
