Been thinking about my kids' agency lately. I think if I was given the opportunity to see our home at this time, when I wasn't even a parent yet and not been able to see it was my family, I would have said it was a dictatorship, not a democracy. But should a family really be true democracy? Maybe it's supposed to be more of a happy monarchy, in which King Miguel and Queen Dill rule, with Nobles Maggy and Jojo getting their voices heard in parliament, but only having one peasant, Christian - who deserves a swift kick in the bum. Just kidding.But on a serious note, I don't believe that our family should be a true democracy. Our church leaders have counseled that "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness...to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live...mothers and fathers will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations." I'm not worried that I'm not putting my foot down enough, but sometimes I worry that I'm putting it down too much. On the other hand, work in suburbia America is difficult to find for a little child. It wasn't so hard to find in rural America.
"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." I believe this - I mean the work and wholesome recreational activities part. I'm still trying to fit in the other stuff. Let me illustrate. I get a lot of opportunities these days to lead my kids while Dill's at meetings in the evening. When I get home from work I get a lot of attention because I'm the new face. Through the evening I will often keep to a schedule with relentlessness, like making them do the dishes with me, doing homework together, cleaning their rooms, taking their vitamins, brushing their teeth, reading scriptures, and finally saying prayers before going to bed. Sometimes this is all they have time for before bed and so with me, they didn't get to play much if at all. I expect the evening to be all complains. It starts out with slow reaction time to my demands. But as the night winds down, harmony reigns. I'm amazed they want to sit right by me while we read. They add lib while we brush teeth about their day's activities and they giggle about each other's ideas on what to talk toHeavenlyy Father about, because we sometimes discuss what we talk to Him about before the prayer to counter vain repetitions. It's a fun evening, even though on paper, it was only a regiment of to dos. The structure felt good to them. This reinforces to me that it's okay to push the kids a little. We're far from violating labor laws and these kids are not missing out on their childhood.
Now one little strategy that I've come to love is giving them a choice of things to do rather than just "do this or else!" I'm not going to go into all of the psychological benefits of this because most of you reading this already know the benefits because you've told me I should try it. But I sure like it now. It's like the "easy button" of parenting.
But there is so much more to say about your child choosing to go to church and choosing to get baptized and choosing to pay tithing, etc., etc. I need to learn where that fine line is where it really is my kid's choice and there's little dictatorship left in the parenting. I don't believe it will come at the same age fore each, and I don't believe it will be dictatorship one day and total democracy the next. Fact is, there is no fine line. It is very grey, but I hope that during the teen years there is much more of a democracy because we have taught them correct principles and they have shown they can govern themselves. Until then, long live the King.
A bonus picture staged by dad but almost applicable if I push 'em too hard!
Talk about ruining a good blog! But I assure you, these are fake guns Jojo and daddy run around the house with and it took a long time to teach sweet little Maggy to pull a menacing face!
