Expecting

This used to be such a common visiting place for me and now I find myself with a very active and mischievous toddler. I do still catch up and very much enjoy reading my regular bloggers, and miss some who have carried on past this space. It has been helpful to go back and see my journey, especially now. We are expecting a baby girl at the end of the summer. I am thrilled and feel very fortunate to have made it this far in the pregnancy. Those frightful feelings never seem to go away and my trusted stance of being thankful everyday I am still pregnant and hopeful for another tomorrow being pregnant continues.

Check In

Finn is running and so much fun. His hugs are intentional, his kisses are sloppy and his tantrums can be powerful now. He is still rather quiet and plays very nicely. He loves sticks and Mardi Gras beads.

We said goodbye to grandpa this month. Spent a week enjoying pumpkins, mums and leaves in Connecticut with family. I went back to my private practice 2 days a week. We are about to try for a sibling soon.

What a wild ride this is!

Finn is slowly starting to speak. It is such a wonderful sound and I love listening to him babble himself to sleep. He does not talk a lot during the day and in fact, I mostly hear him do it when I leave the room or when he is about to fall asleep for naps or nighttime. Little bugger. We have our 9-month (!) appointment on Monday so I will am going to check in with her about my concerns.He is working so hard at crawling and he sprouted his first tooth! I imagine both of these huge developments could hinder his babbling.

Just a quick update on my dad. We surprised him this past weekend with a visit. Finn and I flew out and spent two days with him, two of the most wonderful and excruciating days. Seeing his deterioration and extremely flat affect is really difficult for me and I worry constantly. He is alone a lot of the day, which will hopefully change soon. He is not eating, does not drink very much and can no longer get up on his own without help. He was alone yesterday and tried to let his dogs outside. He fell hard and stayed on the floor until his partner came home, hours later. Picturing him alone on the floor and unable to do anything about it - that haunts my core. We are working on trying to get him closer to my three sisters across the country. The first step in that process is actually giving my dad time to even digest this is his new normal.

It is a very strange position to be in. Mostly I am busy watching the beginning of Finn's life, his new discoveries, huge eyes and amazingly soft skin. I also spend my days witnessing my fathers life quickly deteriorate and unexpectedly causing us to scurry around gathering his living will and ordering a hospital bed, walker, cane and elevated toilets for his home. It is scary and I am holding onto every thread of hope that I do not have to say goodbye to my dad soon. I am not ready and neither is he.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? – Mary Oliver

Just say something

Not sure if this post is even needed - I hope not. Finn is a very sweet, mellow little boy. He adores my husband and I and absolutely lights up when we enter his sight. He loves our labradors and gets into the most adorable laughing fits when they come close. He loves solid foods, is open to eating just about anything and sleeps like a champ.

I am worried though. Finn does not seem to be meeting his milestones like I would expect. I know what you think, all parents worry their child is not meeting their milestones on time. I have nannied for years and have seen this happen with every family - if not crawling, it is their speech. If it is not solids, they worry about their gross motor skills. I know.

Finn is just shy of 9 months and he is very quiet. He does not coo or babble. Ever. He communicates through his grunts. He has a long deep one when he is finished eating and bored. He has a quick succession of grunts/sighs when he is enjoying an activity. I can tell exactly what he needs and his lips are sealed shut. It worries me that he does not imitate us or try and babble. I know he can hear just fine and I know he is able to communicate his needs. It is just so darn quiet in the house.

Finn also is not stoked in social situations. When we go to playdates and other functions with kids his age playing on the floor, Finn is pretty grumpy. He is getting better but it is still hard to watch the other kids look at everyone with delight and seem to be holding many social exchanges with the other adults and babies. I simply stay close and model a very open and warm reception of other people, hoping Finn will catch on that it is okay and feels good to be with others.

Finn also does not seem close to crawling, pointing, pulling up, clapping or waving. We still have his crib on the highest level - he just has never given us any reason to lower it yet. He rolls a ton, reaches long for toys and sits up just fine. He just appears pretty content in staying put.

I hope this post serves as a safe place for my worry. I don't want this to seem as if I am paranoid, just observant and growing impatient :)

I imagine this will all pass soon, as I know both personally and professionally of the variances in development. It is just a whole new terrain when your child is involved.

Come on Spring

I have never experienced Spring fever like this before, perhaps it is having a small creature to entertain all day. I know it is right around the corner - I just know it. I look daily for the first crocus or the first smell of Spring but nothing yet here in Colorado. We continue to have the snow, the wind and the cold. Still we venture out and take Finn to the park and watch him completely lose himself in giggles watching our big dogs get let off the leash to run around. It is pretty magical at 7:30am, while most of the neighborhood sleeps in, we are out having a blast. In the cold.

And out of nowhere, my baby is starting to resemble a little boy.