Silent goodbye

Memories hurt when wounds are raw.

BB passed away just now. My mom was upset and went out for the whole day. Even though he was unconscious, BB waited for her to come home, and once she touched him, he choked a little, and breathed his last. He was gone. It seemed he knew we were all arguing over whether it would be more humane to put him to sleep, and he was waiting for my mom come home before he went.

I know he has been a wonderful dog, and had a long, full life. But going through the photos of him only made me remember all his quirks and mannerisms, and it hurts more when I see his dead body on his bed. Where is BB who likes to jump onto our blankets at bedtime; who urges us to save injured sparrows while out on a walk; who would perform pirouettes when he wanted food?

He was there was I left for London, in those photos my family sent me when I was there, and welcomed me when I finally came back to Singapore. I can't believe he is gone.

I hope we will meet again someday.


A DOG'S PRAYER
By Beth Norman Harris

Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.

Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footsteps falls upon my waiting ear.

When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my god and I am your devoted worshiper.

Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.

And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me of my health, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest--and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.

The long goodbye

There are no words my friends could muster to console me at this time.


Yesterday, we put my dog on a drip at the clinic for half a day - I didn't want him there overnight. he would be so scared.


BB had been very weak from old age recently - it started when he couldn't stand up properly and kept knocking into walls as he trundled around. 2 days ago, he was dragging himself around the apartment, as if trying to see everything and everyone for the last time. Yesterday morning, he could not get up anymore, and just laid there by his waterbowl. I will never forget the look in his eyes that morning.


I can't stop crying now. Since he came back from the clinic, BB is completely immobile. When I flipped him over to change his sheets this morning, his head just rolled back, like he was dead. He is breathing, but he has lost consciousness. We wanted him to die at home, surrounded by loved ones, but now, it seems like such a cruel thing to do -- when I see him unconscious, wetting the bed, and just dying slowly from lack of food and water. I have reached a point where I see putting him to sleep as a kinder option, but my parents are reluctant, and I have nothing but my tears in reply.


BB has been with us for 15 years. When I look at old pictures of him when he was young, and him lying in his bed in my parents' room now, I just cry for the whole day. I want to remember him like this, not suffering in death...