Note to self

Today, I recalled I still has a blog, and I needed a space badly to vent

I didnt realised it was almost another one month since I last blogged, yup, must be something that is not going well for me again and thus I am here to this space to rant. I am very troubled, very very troubled.

I thought everything is fine already, as in to how I am adapting to work life and the company, I wouldnt say I am not struggling, I still am, but I thought I am learning be okay. People keep asking me,"what do you want to do? what are your goals?". Seriously I have no idea. And with each day that I am clueless of what I want, I am wasting my time in my work. Why? Because I dont have any goals or directions, I am not putting my very best in to whatever I am doing ( Not that I am lazy to do, but the work I am assigned to do so far are just like work that even people with not so high qualification can do it) Everyday I am starting to doubt my own ability. Others might wondered why do I have such low confidence, I HAVE NO IDEA.

I am on the verge of breaking apart, my day was going quite fun today at the store but when i received messages like that after work, i am back to square one. what am i being treated for? a back up? will i grow in this company? will anyone care? sigh.