Central

 Things fall apart, this is when we learn. This is when change happens. And pain, destruction and grief. 

We hold to the center. 

Bookish

Zeppo by the books. 

Lush

He's getting relaxed even when we walk by him. Why here? He refused to explain. He may become even more nerveless than Eleanor, in time.

The A/C gave out yesterday. Repairman came by fairly quickly, checked out the whole system, replaced the compressor, and recommended we start saving for a new system over the next five years. The bill was entirely reasonable, especially for a weekend when it looks like we will hit 100˚F today.

The garden is lush, a haven for birds and bees. The sunflowers are dominant, but the bergamot has pushed its way into a sizable patch. Thinking of putting in cilantro later this month, let it germinate now and establish itself in the fall. Jalapeños appearing on one plant. Mexico midget tomato plants volunteered again, so we will have some of those. Fennel is 4'high and spreading. Some areas where the mustard grew are dry, but not supporting weeds either. No visible pumpkins yet, but the vines are impressive.

Affection

Zeppo tolerated me making photos of him.

He begins to really seek out affection.





In March I drifted into the rabbit hole of reddit. It's definitely not as wholly toxic as tweeter was. At least not the well moderated corners that I visit. The local one, cats, a history one, explain to me like I'm five, discworld.

Also AITA - a sort of advice column by consensus, which makes sense because people love to give advice. In one way it worries me how common clusterB* personality disorders/traits are. But then, only those of us who have experienced them first hand and for a long time can describe the confusion they create. Once you see one and know what you are looking at, it can't be unseen. It is an epidemic of a different sort, and it really should be dealt with. It implodes families and corrodes love. I'm sure it is the root of much child abuse, and those children spread the disease to their own relationships.

Nothing but clover and roses blooming. I soothe myself with the variation of greens and textures, aromas. I must water this morning. By the time I got home from work, knees were objecting to any motion other than rest.


*Which describes my father, poor terrible asshole that he was.

Opinionated

Zeppo comes up to snuggle with Dylan. And he talks, our opinionated and vocal cat.

Sarcastic

He looks like he's about to make a very sarcastic remark.

The Care Navigation Hotline is cooled off, so most of us volunteers trained to answer are not getting more shifts. It's been interesting, and I dealt with the calls better than anticipated. Actually felt pretty good to listen and go off my training and experience, and recent research.

I've been called off Monday, and the redeployment of staff is still in the works. All we are told is that it will happen in stages, not everyone all at once, and some people will not be used. Fine with me, once we can do regular surgeries again, we will be swamped for the next year. Other than that, I refuse to speculate.

Everyone is showing their colors, most of the nurses I have more respect for. Our manager is amazing. No real surprizes.



Hang tight.

Gnomon

Finding the most beautiful light. Streams in through the laundry glass bricks in the shower stall, right through the hallway, at this time of year. Our house a sundial, the Zeppo the gnomon.

The OR staff are going to be "redeployed" to wherever the need is. This all changed yesterday. Everything is changing hour to hour, and no one can keep up. Our RNs are mostly going to be doing Care Navigation, the calls taken by clerical/certificate staff escalated to RNs. We then assess and reassure and, as appropriate, schedule tests, and visits (virtual or in person). I have promised myself not to hurry through the calls, to deliberately go slowly and work thoroughly. Take my time documenting. That will help, I think. Starts Monday.


Our IT folks are setting us up so we can work from empty ORs, my regular schedule-ish. There are no elective surgeries, only urgent ones, which accounts for less than 1/20th of what we normally run. I expect further use of our facility as the need increases. We have in-patient beds, clinic space, ventilators, we could certainly do swabbing to then send the tests in. I'm sure someone is already looking at this.

This is just great for my burn-out. Just great.

Lots of dreams, got some sort of face work from a very professional stylist, and a haircut in my dream last night. Really nice sort of double bob, brown underneath and slightly shorter black on top, he was very fast with the hair, too.


Reading about the increase in domestic violence, had to stop and hold Dylan tightly.

Shaved his head in the bright morning sunlight in the now clean laundry. We are so fortunate. And that's part of why I'm struggling to ramp up and do my duty. We've come so far to this place of comfort and security. I feel food-aggressive and territorial, snapping my jaws at any attempt to pull me out of my retreat. I will, of course. Feeling kicked while down, though. Eleanor supervised.

Pop-up

Zeppo appears from Zhoen on Vimeo.

Zeppo being cute.

And links to various animal webcams.

Life

Still life with hope.

Zeppo comes for tail strokes and mouth rubs, and often hangs out close to one or the other of us. He inches closer, we wait.



I weeded this morning, ideal work when the soil is soft with rain. Still getting the odd phantom aftershock. Blooms emerging.

Not my image, but a more complete version of the rainbow I saw yesterday on the way home.

Watches

Only his back paws in the sunbeam. He watches Dylan intently.

Patted

Zeppo wanted to be petted on Monday. Came up to us on the sofa, patted my arm, and luxuriated under my hand. Purring like a diesel, stayed calm a long time before the tail started thumping and he had to clamp on to my hand. I stopped and drew away, no harm done. He just gets too excited, but we're learning to read each other, and trust each other. This morning we tried to feed both cats, and he nosed into Eleanor's food, she ran off, so I picked up both dishes. (Zeppo had already eaten earlier, so) A little while later, he reaches a paw up to my arm, patting me, as if to say "ok, I'm done bugging her..."

I brought the bowl into Eleanor in the music room, then put a dish down for Zeppo. Both cats ate.

I love that he comes to us for stuff. That he seeks us out, finds comfort in us.

He sits close to Dylan.

Kerfuffle

Friends came over, we watched half of Kwaidan. Eleanor demanded attention early, then napped on the back of the red chair behind me. Zeppo slunk through, in smaller and smaller circles. Batted a ball around, popped his head up to check on the new people, even jumped up behind Nicole, on the back of the couch, just for a moment. She put her hand up, which may not have been why he immediately jumped down. I really think he's going to be walking on them within the year. At only three months with us, he's showing a lot of curiosity and affection, working through the massive skittishness. The personality that emerges is rich and comical.

This morning we heard a kurfuffle, knew it was the Cat Exclusion Device. Zeppo was running around the edge of the basement shelf, clearly interested in it all. He is not to the point where he will just come to me, so we weren't sure how we would get him back up. There is a dirt area, and asbestos tape, which we have still not done anything about except keep the cats out of it. I waited patiently, Dylan brought down treats and the bird toy. Zeppo jumped up on the silvered vent conduit, I put a hand on either side, and nabbed him by the scruff, wiped away some of the cobwebs and dirt as I swept him upstairs. He was freaked out, but not struggling excessively.

We will reinforce the edge later today.

Cats.





Last night, Zeppo laid across my armpit, rested his face on my chin, and purred like a diesel engine, breathing on my face. When I turned, he did much the same to Dylan.

Cuddle

Welp. There you go then.

Wasn’t for long. Eleanor slightly aghast, endured a while, then sat behind me. Still.

Papageno

Finally got Eleanor outside. She was trying to eat the dried cat-grass from last week, so I figured she needed a salad and time out among the thyme and catnip. She enjoyed it greatly, but is never eager to get the harness on. Took a bit of coaxing, until she finally decided, "yeah, that'd be nice" and laid on her side, let me put it on her. Didn't even mind my Mike & Spike coming to visit. Even when cat Sebastian wandered over (not too close) she was sanguine and relaxed. To the point that she did not want to come back in. I think she likes some time away from the adoration by Zeppo. He wants to be close to her ALL THE TIME! Follows her around. Reaches out to her on the bed, as she lays on me to be cuddled. Interrupts her eating, but she isn't starving, and we'll aways put more food out for her. She trusts there will be food.

The last two mornings, both were on me on the bed in the morning. Cat Alarm Clocks are effective, but not reliable. This morning it didn't matter, as I just dozed, Eleanor on my chest, Zeppo up by Dylan's pillow - the occasional purrmewingtones*. Yesterday, starting at about 0500, Zeppo up for a pet, then down. Eleanor on my chest, then down. Eleanor again, Zeppo got pushy, Eleanor hissing, both shoved off by me because No Fighting On The Bed is the Rule. Then Eleanor on my chest as the first chime went off so she knows she has ten minutes or so for a cuddle. Zeppo up, rubbing his face on my restraining elbow, then up around my head. He lays beside me and reaches out a paw to Eleanor, who would prefer to be left in peace to be scritched. Zeppo has been waking up Dylan by getting up over his head on the pillow.


Continuing to clear the odds and ends, which always takes the most time. Apparently shoving piles from one corner of the table to the other repeatedly doesn't actually make anything better.

Both of us tetchy and cranky, irritated by stuff we would normally take in stride. We are coping, but still grieving. Zeppo keeping us from moping. Eleanor stops by my chair to be petted, tail up, waiting for me to notice her. We try to tend to each other, sometimes we miss. Zeppo distracts us, keeps us laughing. But all three of us grieve.




Got a handful of midget tomatoes, from plants that again just volunteered. There will be more. The bell peppers were ripening, so we ate the only two, and very small but tasty peppers in our salad. Had a few tiny raspberries that tasted of joy. The fennel smells wonderful, as does the bergamot. Blackberries forming in front, just a few, but I hope for next year. No visible pumpkins, but the vines are impressive.





*He does a prrrmrrrrpohpohpohpoh that sounds like the Papageno/Papagena duet from Magic Flute. I sometimes call him Papageno, bird catcher, when he does this little aria bit. He seems to respond to it. So, he is Zeppo Papageno, which has a nice musical rhythm to it.

Not

Black cat on the couch
Stretched out long, so different
Not Moby. Himself.

Zeppo is his own cat, and only the color of fur is the same. The fur is different, sleek satin instead of a double coated velvet. Long thin tail, rather than a thick short appendage. A slim triangular head instead of an elegant rhomboid. A rounded center instead of a stocky musculature. It has been a month. He finds his own place here, and we stand back to watch and adore.

I woke thinking of his time in a small cage, however kindly meant, still a jail. He needs time to exercise and become nourished, to find his own proper shape. He hesitates jumping up to the tree, lacking a youthful bounce. He needs time, patience, trust. I know about needing time to trust. Eleanor seems to as well. As he rubs up against her, his tail in her face, she does the feline version of rolling her eyes, but tolerates. She bops him gently when he's being annoying. But it's not mean, not personal, just correction.

Eleanor sat on my chest this morning, as Zeppo hopped up, purring madly, wanting attention too. She settled in, I put out a hand to him, half asleep, pressed him down to allow Eleanor her time. Cat-alarm clock. Not to be relied upon, but effective.

Eleanor plays more, now. Finds ping pong balls, they bat it between them, not a scorable game, but a game. There is an ease between them that delights us. They share their space well. I hope, once it gets cold, we will find them cuddled together.

These things cannot be rushed.

Parallel

Eating in parallel. They still get in each other's way of food sometimes. Well, Zeppo gets in Eleanor's way, and wants to eat out of her dish while she's eating out of it, which annoys her immensely. Mostly, they manage. For Treat Time™ I pick Eleanor up along with the treats and put both on the sideboard, which she also isn't fond of, but tolerates because: treats. Zeppo's treats distract him, as long as he is not being approached.

Cats. Who can figger 'em?





My yardsale Brown Betty has a new chip in the spout. Not sure how, well, ok, I'm not quite adroit with my right hand yet, and which specific time, so to be clear, not sure WHEN... Still pours fine. I did notice a repair on the lid, and that wasn't me. No matter, adds to her charm.

Dylan is nearly done cataloging our books, the shelves mostly sorted. I cleaned them, polished up the glass. There was some dusty-possibly at some point damp at the back of the north side. Evidence of moths in my salvaged from work papertowels. Going to get some camphor, since mothballs can be toxic, and we don't need the place to smell of the army.



This isn't all of them, he has music books on shelves in the Music Room. And stray piles around the bed, of course.



Zeppo loves this as his scratching spot, good thing I did such a crappy job putting it up. And the rolls of this grass wallpaper came cheap at a yardsale. Better this than the upholstered furniture.



He likes a good face, chin, chest scritch, and gives warning that he's getting too excited and is about to rabbitkick. A good cat, and obviously intelligent.




Eleanor on alert. She waited until the middle of the night to get her cuddle on my chest. And just as I was about to get up this morning.



Treats are for hairball control, extra taurine supplement, dental.

Beware Survivor Bias.


Postcards sent. If you still want one, and are not sure I have your realaddress, let me know. I have a few more postcards.