5 story fall

It has been five years since we brought this little fire-cracker home from Haiti.  It has taken nearly that long for me to realize that the struggles we deal with are our "new normal".  Month after month I kept thinking that as soon as we can solve this behavior problem or that relationship issue, then our life will go back to normal.  But it wasn't until recently that began to move towards acceptance of this new normal as I learned the concept of the "Five Story Fall".

This winter I spent some time in a support group that was lead by a wise woman named Paula Freeman.  She is an adoptive mom and has written a book for women who, through difficult adoption experiences, have found themselves lost and hopeless.  In her book called, A Place I Didn't Belong, she describes what she calls the Five Story Fall.

"We don't expect a person who falls from five story window to walk away unscathed; they'd be lucky to survive!"  "I believe it's fair to assume a five-story-fall-survivor will never be the same.  They may not walk again.  If they do, there would certainly be a noticeable limp." (Paula Freeman)  This idea of walking with a limp aptly describes the pain and wounds children bear who have come from hard places.  Many look normal and yet they carry hurts and scars that may stay with them for a lifetime.

Why did I initially believe that after a few months at home my little guy would be healed and fit perfectly in with my agenda and our family's busy life?  Looking back it seems shockingly naive.  At the time, I hoped he would come to us without emotional scars.  I prayed if he was hurting that after enough love he wouldn't display any residual effects from the first 18 months of his life.  However, five years into our adoption journey I am forced to accept that there is still much healing to be done. 

Do I continue to pray for total restoration of his spirit and soul?  Daily!  Do I believe God can heal the broken hearted and bring beauty out of ashes?  Oh, yes!  Will he do it in this lifetime?  I don't know.

However, I know the Bible says my life is like "a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." (James 4:14)  And as believers in Christ we will encounter trials.. "These troubles test your faith and prove that it is pure. And such faith is worth more than gold. Gold can be proved to be pure by fire, but gold will ruin. When your faith is proven to be pure, the result will be praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ comes."(1 Peter 7)  So as I live with my sweetie over the next 5, 10 or 15 years watching my beloved son bear the scars of his Five Story Fall I know there is hope.  I pray that he will decide to give his life to Christ and at that time, not only will the angels be partying but I will be too.  

I don't know what wounds you carry or whether you have experienced a Five Story Fall or even just a Two Story Fall.  Or perhaps if you are like me you live with someone who has experienced hurt that manifests itself regularly. After all, we live in a broken and hurting world and none of us make it through unscathed.  However, as I reflect on my life during these past five years I know the lessons God is teaching me are applicable to each of us. 

This life is temporary, like a mist, and trials which test our faith and prove it to be pure will result in praise and glory and honor when Jesus returns.

In addition, there will come a day when Jesus will wipe away the tears from every face. (Is. 25:8)

And finally, I like to imagine Jesus taking one of his scarred hands and placing it on my little fire-cracker's heart while looking him in the eye with the love of a perfect father and saying, "my child you are healed."  

 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows] 

Psalm 147:3 AMP

"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word."

2 Thessalonians 2:16,17

The many moods of J

What a sweet face!

This is J eating at a restaurant he loves.

This is J waiting for his sister at the American Girl store.

There's not really that much to say....

Rosegaelle

Here is our latest...

Rosegaelle!

Our 1st separation...

This is Bordeaux, France.  We stayed here in April.  It was our first time away from Jacob since we brought him home in Spring 2008.   He did great!!! Praise God!

So here is the backstory...

Last fall John's work held a contest, the prize was a 9 day trip to France.  He won!

About two years ago John won a trip to Costa Rica through work.  At that time I knew it was too soon to leave Jacob.  When he shared that he'd won I told him I would go only if we could take Jacob with us.  His company refused to allow us to pay and bring him along.  So we passed down the trip.  It was a difficult decision but we knew it was the right choice and that in the long run Jacob's attachment was infinately more important than a few days in Costa Rica.

So when John told me the news that he had a shot at winning this trip to France.  I began to pray.

Pray that I would not hold onto it too tightly, pray that my parents would be available and willing to stay with the kids for NINE days, pray that God would prepare Jacob's heart if we were able to go and pray that John would win.."only if it's your will, God"  I always added that at the end, trying with all my heart to mean it.

Did I mention I majored in French in college and spent time studying there before John and I got married?  As complicated as Les Francais are, there is something about their country and their culture that I am drawn to. This is the one place I REALLY wanted to go.

In January John found out that he'd won, but actually he'd EARNED the trip to France.

I began to plan!  From January until April, like a crazy woman I planned out everything I could.  

Talked with our amazing adoption counselor, made a binder of ideas, maps, kids' schedules, dentist, doctor, hospital information.  I laminated pictures of us and taped them above his bed so he could look at our faces. John and I even took the stuffed animal we'd sent him when he was still in the orphanage back to Build a Bear and recorded our voices telling him we loved him.  Oh, and John also said, "Lay down, punk!" on it.  Which is the last thing he says to Jacob as he puts him to bed, while simultaneously shoving Jacob's head onto the pillow.  (it must be a testosterone thing, because Jacob thinks it is the best bedtime ritual of all!)  Who knew?

On and on I planned and eventually April came and we flew business class to France.  AAAAH!

That alone was incredible!

This was the first hotel we stayed in..Les Sources de Caudalie.  Our room was on the ground where the table and chairs are.  Unfortunately it was too cold and rainy to sit outside.  But the view out our window, looking out at the vineyard, was unbelievable.

We took a vintage car tour through the country visiting local vineyards.

After a few days in Bordeaux we took a train to Paris.

We took a cruise down the Seine river...

It rained every day during our trip, but there were moments like this when the sun would shine through the clouds and the scenery was breathtaking.

On our last night in Paris we were picked up at our hotel and driven the Baccarate Museum for a "farewell gala"  My first official "gala". I feel very fancy now.

 Finally, we were spoiled rotten and ready to come home to these cuties!!

Ok, these are pictures from Christmas, but everyone still looks the same! 

France was amazing, but I wouldn't exchange my grocery shopping, homeschooling, sibling referee-ing, carpooling life for anything!

Intensity

This morning Jacob and I were at his OT appointment. This week was the second time his therapist had been with him, so she's still trying to figure him out. We are trying to find was to help him slow his body down.... even just a little bit.
Towards the end of our designated time she looked at me and said, "he seems like he has an intense personality."
I responded graciously, but I think her statement might have deserved an emphatic,
"DUH!"
Luckily, it was early and I wasn't awake enough to be sarcastic.

When Jacob was three he was playing with a large group of homeschool kids. One of his friends was named Savannah. She was a petite, blonde girl from the South and was only a few months younger than him. At that time, I had to watch him consistently since he hadn't learned about personal space or being gentle with tender-hearted children. Well, apparently I became distracted. All of a sudden Savannah's mom and I heard her crying. She came looking for comfort from her mom and we tried to understand the reason for her crying. Even though I didn't know what had happened, I was pretty sure I knew who had caused the tears.
I pulled Jacob close and interrogated him. This is what he said, "I was runnin', and I GET HER, and I liked it!"
What could I say to that?? I laughed so hard, I don't even think he got in trouble. Poor Savannah. I know they recently moved back to the South, I wonder why?

Restoration

Sometimes I forget......

Jacob, on right, 3 months

Jacob, 5 years, freely recieving love


Praise God, for He has done mighty things in our midst!

Grandma

I have only met one 99 year old. It's my Grandma, Golden.

She will be 100 in October. As I am spending time at my parents' house I have had the chance to visit her.

I am leaving town in a few days and there is no guarantee that I will get to see her again, this side of heaven.

I found these wonderful pictures on my dad's computer, so I thought I would honor my amazing grandma and blog about her. I wonder if I'd be able to explain to her what blogging is....

That cute little boy is my dad. The older woman is my great-grandma.

This picture is the image I have in my head when I think of my grandma. I know she looks much older these days, but this is how I see her. I remember my grandpa calling for her..."Goldie!!"

When I think about my great-grandma who immigrated from England, without her parents at the turn of the century, I am amazed at her bravery. Then I consider my grandma who was a traveling preacher during a time when women ministers were not a commonality, I guess it's no wonder that my sister and I are not doing "normal" things in our lives.

Here is Grandma holding my older sister. Who would have known that she'd be a mother of a toddler and a baby while finishing her doctorate at Virginia Tech? It seems that driven women run in our family. I am grateful for the legacy she has left us. She is a strong, godly woman. Selfishly, I hope she lives to celebrate 100 years in October, but with a heart full of love and compassion for her I pray Jesus calls her home soon. We will loose much, but she will gain all that's really worth attaining.

Well done, you upright and faithful servant! You have been faithful and trustworthy over a little; I will put you in charge of much. Enter into and share the joy which your master enjoys.

Matthew 25:21