aiyoh. I'm just a confused child.

I sure hope I get an A for Primer 1 or my bloody A+ for the first part goes to complete waste -.-

moving on.

He tells me, they all tell me I'm drifting away or I don't give a flying fuck when I'm here almost screaming out for attention and all I want is a hug.
That's all I want, for you to tell me you care about me and every time I try, I try so hard to please you, its just not enough. We end up arguing and it hurts. Every time I run to someone else it hurts me, because all I really want is you. You don't seem to understand that so I stopped myself. Blocked it all out. I want to feel something but now I just can't.

I realised that I'm just struggling to fill this blank I have in me. I also realised that it surfaces at night when I'm alone, with the telly is on but all I can think of is this constant pain I have deep inside me. And then I try to sleep but the silence in the room causes me to tear. Soon enough, I'll just be laying on my side crying, knees to chest, gripping a pillow so tightly I start shaking.

So now I'm just forcing myself. Preoccupying myself. But I end up getting hurt. I don't know what to do.


I can't keep doing the same thing every night. Its going to get worse with no school. Whats the matter with me.
Just, dry my eyes and tell me its ok. Its all going to be ok.
Please just make it ok.

oooooo today is going to be interesting.

SOMEONE. Send me that silly lollipop song by lil wayne please! I'm terribly addicted to it.

shawty wanna thug
bottles in a club.....
Shawty wanna l-l-l-l-l-l-lick me like a lollipop...
Ca-Ca-Call me so ii can get it juicy for ya


BAHAHA. How fucked up is that song! Hellz yea shawty wanna THUG. You can say that again*palms forehead*
Roight anyway, school was completely fucked up today. I swear there was a point where I got so agitated I snapped at a classmate and almost teared. He was being a complete prat tho -.- Chris was acting up again...DIDNT HELP. THANK GOD FOR HARRY, yes yet again I'm off naming people whatever I like (HAHAHA they are absolutely adorable people tho). I don't really know wot his real name is...Harith?Hared? but harryboy will do! Like Ming Ming(meng yue?yu?) , Benjamin(fuck knows) , Beans(I know this one but I forgot, I'll get back to you). AND of course my BFF Guo Wei Ho... I call him GuoGuo, when I feel like being mean, or Howie.
Guo Wei Ho minus the GUO switch the HO and the WEI... ho wei...kinda sound like Howie dunit? ok maybe not. Still, I could squish his little head everytime I see him such a cute kid. OH OH! Qi Qi as well :) Call her Q Q sometimes heh. She is only... the most ADORABLE THING EVER.

Went slightly off tangent there but back to Harry, thank god for that child. Lovely young boy I must say. We had to BLOODY 3d max our models. FOOOOKIN tedious alright. I AM A DINOSAUR. I don't do these things! urgh. BUT, I am going to re enforce the fact that this does NOT come close to the A LEVELS AT ALL and with this I BID U GOODNIGHT :)

I ran out of Lexapro.

I need my fucking Lexapro.

I need to stop it with the under aged boys. (stop it tash. just stop being a paedophile already)
SEVENTEEN. oh good god!....or was it sixteen.FOOOOK.
Brown/black boysMEN are bloody sexy, the white ones just don't do it for me anymore. Yellow ones never did (jokes)
School is a fucking breeze as compared to the A levels so shut the fuck up you tits :)
Jo is in sydney.Kims leaving for london soon....FOR FUCK SAKES, WOT IS THIS?!?!?!

menneedtodie.DIE BITCH..es!

Yes, I did wipe out those old entries of mine. I can be a complete sap sometimes. I disgust myself. *eugh*

WELL, I am just making room for more random emoTash moments you know :)
(moments that DO NOT include cringe worthy Anthony hopefully) Let's just see how long my sudden urge to blog will last shall we? I mean, I do have a dead easyjournal and I only deleted wot? 160-ish entries from my last blogging phase. I can't seem to stick to anything can I.
O my, I see a pattern here... do u? :)

So here is a quick rundown of my terribly boring and DEFINITELY ''drama-less'' loife

The penknife is suddenly my bestfriend, I cannot live without it. Literally. Neither can I survive without the cutting mat. YEA, Tash Kumar...cutting and...glueing little pieces of cardboard together...in her heels....with her little handbag....*shock shock horror* 3 years ago if someone told me I'd doing this, I'd probably shit myself laughing in disbelieve.
(oh wow my pompous attitude has not died down at all has it)

Obviously, my plans to go to Melbourne Uni were just thrown out the window -.- hopes dashed. Completely ripped my heart out from my chest, shredded it into tiny little pieces and left me feeling like a small cockroach being crushed underneath one's shoe....but its ok.

I am just gonna have to try to adjust to the whole ''MEHNUGGET'' way of talking. In the mean time, I'll just laugh AT it. Maybe I'm just from a different plehnet aye. (Then again, I am out of this world and you know it! hahahaha jokes) Although I do have to admit, I am enjoying myself quite a bit :)