If Al Roker Needs An Intern, I Am Available

Well according to some fancy fat rodent named Phil, Spring will arrive early this year.  I'm not sure how I feel about this.  Winter gives me a good excuse to wear comfy clothes and EATALLTHEFOOD.  An early Spring means I need to lose 50 pounds and get a spray tan.  I am not ready.
The weather here in Tennessee lately reminds me of myself... Confused and weird.  A little over a week ago, we had 7+ inches of snow which kept us cooped up in the house for about 5 days.  This past weekend, it was almost 70 degrees.  And today, we have tornado warnings.  I have taken to watching The Weather Channel like I'm living in a retirement home.  Call me when it's time for Bingo.

This time last year, when Snowmaggedon hit, the boy and I made a few videos of ourselves sledding.  I put one or two on Facebook because they were funny, and we were bored.  Y'all.  Those "Snow Day" videos took on a life of their own.  In just a few hours, people were texting, calling, and messaging me asking when we were going to post a new one.  At first we were flattered, and it was fun.  Then we felt like we needed to produce a new video every day, each one funnier than the last.
This year, when the weatherfolk started talking about "significant accumulation" for our area, the calls and the texts and the messages started.  Peer pressure is alive and well.

The snow on the first day was too fluffy.  The next day was all ice, so I videoed the boy making a smoothie. (Desperate times called for desperate measures.)  My friend, J, texted me and said, "Y'all are losing your touch."  Even Dad/Daddy said we needed to "step up the game" with our sledding and snow videos.  Everybody's a critic.
On the 3rd and 4th days, we were able to get out and sled. 

To keep our audiences happy, we tried various ways of sliding down the hill, including piggy back.  The things we do to keep people entertained.

Dan/Daddy said we need another sled.  I 'm not sure we would have as much fun with two sleds. We definitely would not be as cold, wet, and injured.  Becoming an icy human pretzel is always a good time.

Now that we are having a February heat wave, there are nasty storms rolling through.  Our downstairs is partially underground, so that is where we go when the weather warnings start.  We also put the pets in their crates and put them in the downstairs bathroom. 

When the first tornado sirens went off, I asked the boy to help me get the cat and crate her up for the evening.  She was hiding under his bed.  It's too bad I didn't have the camera rolling for the half hour we crawled around in the floor. 
We shooed her to one side, and she would scoot to the other side.  I poked at her with a Nerf Gun, and she hissed at me.  The boy was able to grab her front legs, and she arched her back up into the space under the mattress, making it impossible to drag her out.  When we finally got her out and put her in the pet crate, she was perfectly fine, but the boy had a headache, and I had a crick in my neck from crawling under the bed.  It was big fun.
The local news weather forecasters always say we should have a "severe weather plan" in case of severe weather.  Well I have one, but I might need to tweak the part about getting the pets to safety.

I would hate to perish in a tornado because I was caught up in a cat rodeo.

Falling Socks And Sweet Tea

This time last week, I was motivated.  I was ready to get back into a routine, I was de-Christmasing the house, and I was on a cleaning streak that would make Martha Stewart cry.
Today I am on my 3rd cup of coffee, I am trying to decide if the dog can go one more day without a bath, and I am annoyed with all winter sock selections.
I watched the Golden Globe Awards last night, and now I am obsessed with trying to figure out how folks in Hollywood age in reverse.  I know... it's personal trainers and personal nutritionists and designer clothes and loads of Botox, but OHMYWORD... The beautiful people get more beautiful.

And, to top it all off, I haven't won the Powerball.

I am so glad I did not make any New Year's Resolutions this year, because the New Year Resolution Police would have locked me up by now.  I know I need to exercise more, eat better, be nicer, and lose many pounds.  Making a real list of things to do that I should already be doing is not going to motivate me.  If I'm not doing it already, what good is "resolving" to do it?  It works for a lot of people; it just does not work for me.
On January 2, I got a text from my sis-in-law...  She had been discussing New Year's Resolutions and goals with my nephew.  These are my nephew's goals for the new year:
1.  Eat more chocolate
2.  Rest on the couch daily with BBQ chips and sweet tea from Chick Fil-A.

Amen.  And Amen. 
Now those are goals I can get behind.  Those are goals I could achieve and achieve easily.  I love my nephew, but now I feel like we are kindred souls.

Now back to that sock issue.  I love Winter and all things that go with it, especially boots.  But I am having a sock conundrum.  The sock choices are endless... Cute, warm, colored, patterned, lace-trimmed, fuzzy, fleece-lined, sassy, and adorable... But none of them will stay UP.  I put them on, head out the door, and within 20 minutes, I am yanking them back up to where they should be.  Does anyone out there feel my pain?  Or have you all discovered the best socks in the world and have kept them a secret?  I try to blame my chunky calves, but then I realize there are gals with chunkier calves than me who never seem to have a sock issue.  I have tried different brands and different styles, and I am spending way too much time pulling up my socks.  I am open for suggestions.

So if I had to make a list of New Year's Resolutions, it would look like this:
1.  Find socks that stay up
2.  Become a famous Hollywood actress so I can age in reverse, too
3.  Win the Powerball
4.  Bathe the dog

If all that falls apart, you will find me on the couch with some BBQ chips and some sweet tea from Chick Fil-A.

The End of 2015

Well Happy 2016.  Christmas was 14 days ago, and New Year's Eve is a blurry memory.  Let me clear that up... New Year's Eve is a blurry memory because I am old and boring and went to bed before midnight.  It's not a blurry memory because I partied too hard.  Unless "partying" involves wrapping your scaredy-cat dog tightly in a blanket to keep her from having a firework-induced doggie heart attack.  If that's "partying," then put me in rehab.

Christmas was big fun, and we made the annual travels to see all our people.  We saw Dan/Daddy's family in Florida, spent 3 days at home in Tennessee, and then went to see my family in South Carolina.  Everywhere we went, it was hot.  And humid.  No one could stop talking about the Christmas heat wave.  To say I was not a fan of the weather would be a huge understatement.  I don't even like hot humid weather when it's supposed to be hot and humid.  Blah.  No one wants to sip hot cocoa by the cozy fire.  No one wants to wear their new sweaters and fuzzy socks.  Christmas 2015 will forever be known as The Christmas We All Sweated.

The boy made cookies with his Nana... A tradition they continued with the AC on.  And while wearing funky cat t-shirts, apparently.  Meowy Christmas.

 

 

Dan/Daddy's grandmother loves having us over to her house for presents and deserts.  Grandmas can rock a Christmas sweatshirt even in a heat wave.  I would have been a puddle.

In SC, this is the only picture I was able to get of my nephew and the boy.  The rest of the photos were blurry because my nephew is 7, and never stops moving.  This was also 4.2 seconds before he peeled off his shirt and opened all his Christmas presents semi-nude.  Did I mention it was hot?

Church selfies.  Please don't judge.  Look at my sweet mom, smiling at the boy... She loves having us all home and able to go to church with her.  But her sweet daughter and other grandson are goofing off.  Church is obviously the best place for all of us.

 

 



Once we were home from all our Christmas travels, we rang in the New Year with football games and large amounts of cheese.  The boy was out celebrating at a friend's house, so Dan/Daddy and I watched TV and grew roots to the couch.  I did about 40 loads of laundry, but that's not glamorous, so I'm trying to forget it.  I made the executive decision to watch the ball drop in New York, and being a fan of Eastern Time, I went to bed at 11:20 pm. 
I said, "If it's 2016 in New York, that's good enough for me." 
Dan/Daddy said, "It's been 2016 in Australia since this morning... Why did you even get up?"  There's always a critic.

I hope your Christmas was cold and full of fun.
I also hope your New Year's Eve was half as exciting as mine.

December... 12 Days In

Well hello, December 12th.  Christmas is 12 days away.  You're welcome.

It's taken me two weeks to recuperate from Thanksgiving. We drove all over the southeast like crazy people.  We spent two days with Dan/Daddy's family and two days with mine. I took tons of family pictures, ate carbs like they were going out of style, and learned a really inappropriate song from my nephew.
The drive from my parents' house to our own should take about six or seven hours, but on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, it took twelve.  Most of the trip we inched along at a blistering 11 mph. We even saw two cars get into a minor accident, and when the drivers got out to check the damage, the traffic started moving. They shook hands, hopped right back into their cars, and kept going. No dented bumper was worth spending any more time on that highway.
Thankfully, we had Adele to sing us through the hours of torture.  (Y'all.  That girl can sing.) 
We also listened to every Christmas CD we own.  (Yes, we still listen to CD's like it's 2005.)  I took a video and sent it to my sis-in-law to show her the nightmare of a traffic jam we were in, but I didn't realize you could hear the music playing in the background.  I also captured Dan/Daddy's excitement when we got up to 14 mph.  It's the little things.

I read 36 back issues of People, filed my nails, debated the Presidential race, made too many "to do" lists, and cleaned out my purse.  We eventually made it home and spent another hour unloading the car.  I'm getting too old for this.
I am looking forward to the day everyone comes to my house for the holidays.  I want to drag out all the extra chairs, forget to buy ice, make way too many desserts, and feed all my people.  I told the boy I'm excited for the days he brings home friends from college, and I can drive them batty offering "one more piece of pecan pie." 

Since Thanksgiving, the whirlwind of holiday madness has descended.  If you are one of those calm, organized, "I finished my shopping in August" people, just pray for me.  I have decided the holidays would be easier if we could stop all the regular activities and just do Christmas-y stuff.  I can't keep up with laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, errand running, soccer practices AND do all the holiday stuff.  It's either one or the other.  If the Christmas presents get bought and the cookies get made, then there's a good chance the dog hasn't been fed, the towels need to be washed, and someone ate cereal for dinner.  Here's where I give a big ol' shout-out to all the working moms who have grown-up jobs on top off all that other stuff.  Who am I to complain?

In other holiday news, I gave in to the yard decorating pressure I avoided for a long time.  I have always liked white lights and simple decorations outside.  Well guess who threw caution to the wind and dragged home two yard inflatables?  This girl.  My elf helper was excited.

 

In case you think I'm starting to get it all together... While we were setting these up, the dog ate up all the cat's food, and a rotisserie chicken I had forgotten to take in the house leaked chicken juice into my car.  My yard looks festive, but my car smells like roasted chicken.  It's one or the other.  



Happy Thanksgiving And Deck The Halls

I have one of those houses.  One of the houses you have heard people ranting about.  I have become one of those people.  People who your Facebook friends are talking about.  Yep.  I have at least two different holiday decorations up at the same time.  It's Thanksgiving on my mantle and Christmas on the other side of the room.  My house is holiday-confused, and I am ok with that.  HGTV was not calling to do a special on my decorating skills anyway.

It seems to me the "When Can You Decorate For Christmas Wars" started early this year.  I also call them the "When Can You Listen To Christmas Music Wars."  I say live and let decorate.  I love Christmas music, but I have friends who listen to it all year.  Really.  I'm not exaggerating.  Why do we have to be "Team Thanksgiving" or Team Christmas" at all?  Can't we be both?  I am over here waving the holiday truce flag.
I started putting up the Christmas tree before Thanksgiving a few years ago.  We were traveling all during Thanksgiving, and it was my plan to come home to a twinkling Christmas tree.  It just makes me happy, and it seemed to help in the chaos that is the 4 weeks between the 2 holidays.  It was one less things to worry about.
I am a lover of all things Thanksgiving, and having my tree up does not make me less focused on being thankful.  It makes me more thankful... for a tree that is already up.

I hope and pray you have a beautiful Thanksgiving.  I hope you get to eat your favorite foods with your favorite people all around you.  I hope you don't count calories or the number of desserts you eat.  I hope you remember to be thankful on Thursday and every day.  Even if it's not Thanksgiving!  I guess if we can try to be thankful every day of the year, my crazy friends can listen to Christmas music all year, too.

In case you are concerned about my sad holiday decorating skills, I did a quick check before sitting down to write this, and I am fairly certain there's no remnant of Halloween still around.  Unless real spiderwebs count. 

Up To Date

I spent the last half of my week dragging people and pets to various appointments where we received a total of 8 shots.  We are now all up to date on our vaccinations.  The boy and I went to get our flu shots.  The flu shot is big fun all by itself, but when the nurse checked the boy's charts, she saw he was due for a booster of the meningococcal vaccine.  Good times.  He looked at me like he was 5 years old all over again... eyes wide open... and said, "We are gettin' ice cream." 
Shots at the doctor = ice cream on the way home.  We sat on the couch last night complaining about whose arm hurt the worst.

Then this morning, I took BOTH the cat and the dog to the vet.  At the same time.  Our cat was due for her yearly check-up and vaccinations, so I called and made an appointment.  The receptionist reminded me the dog was due for a heartworm check and vaccine, so I made the bold move to take them together.  I decided if I'm loading one furry child onto the car, I may as well load two.  I'm a sucker for a stressful event.
Our cat was great.  She scrunched down into her box and let the vet check her from head to toe.  She didn't even flinch when the needles went in.  The dog, however, was a different story.  She whined and cried and zoomed around the exam room like a needy toddler.  When it was her turn to have blood drawn, she whimpered like crazy... after the needle came out.  She begged the vet for attention, she begged the vet tech for attention, and she pawed at the door.  She even took a treat from the vet, and then spit it out on the table.  I was embarrassed.  The fur kids were not.

Even as I was trying to pay my absurd bill and check out, our dog pulled on her leash and tried to get the attention of every single person in the lobby.  In case you are wondering, no one got ice cream on the way home.

Back To Reality And Rain

The weekend was 4 whole days ago, and we are still celebrating around here.  The boy's soccer team won our State Cup Tournament!  First place in their division!  This kid never gives less than 100%, and he fought a lot of obstacles to be on this team.  A lot of prayers went into this season, too.

 

I think he was in a tiny bit of shock after the win.  He gave me the biggest hug right there on the sidelines, and I think it was one of my top 5 moments as a mom.  His shock wore off quickly, and the celebrating started...

 

 

Our sports victory high came to a screeching halt bright and early Monday morning.  The "check engine" light was on in my car... for the 3rd time in a month.  Thankfully, it was a minor issue (again).  The mechanic explained this particular "glitch" happens in older cars.  You say "old,"  I say "paid for." 

I also had my yearly eye exam.  Whoever said it's all downhill from 40 failed to mention you were riding on a sled down that hill.  A sled with no brakes.  I had to get new reading glasses last year, and I really only used them for reading.  That was then.  Now I wear them almost all the time to see up close.  The eye doctor said my eyes were fine... just old.  Umm, thanks.  She changed my prescription and suggested I wear my glasses all the time.  Thankfully I had my hair colored last week, or she may have pointed out my gray roots.

In weather news, I thought we were going to need a boat to get around yesterday.  It seems like we have had plenty of rain in the last several months.  We have had so much rain, I broke down and bought a raincoat.  A real waterproof raincoat with my monogram... Like all the young cute girls wear.  I wanted one for a while, but I was afraid as soon as I ordered it, the rain would stop forever.  The raincoat came Monday, and the rain started Tuesday.  I wore my new coat, but I discovered something important... Raincoats don't breathe.  By the time I got to my Bible study, I was a hot, flat-haired, sweaty mess in my cute raincoat.  Oh well, you can't have it all.

 

The same person who said, "It's all downhill from 40" should have also said, "Cute monogrammed raincoats don't breathe."  And, "Old cars may be paid for, but they need lots of repairs."  And, "Reading glasses will soon become seeing glasses."  Oh to be young and athletic and a State Champion.