really appreciate these people who've been a tremendous part of my last few weeks

boris and val: you guys won't read this but you two have really been the BEST mugging pals EVER. i couldn't have got through this cramming period without you two (:

weilynn: you've definitely got what it takes and most importantly you've got TIME. don't think you're letting yourself down for one moment, just try your best. that's more than enough, really.

kristin khor: i miss you so much!!! i wish you weren't leaving so fast ): hope the haze isn't too bad haha...everything you tell me, all the advice and encouragement and the immense amount of support, i appreciate it so very very much.

there're are very few people i will believe when they say i can make it, or say that i'm capable enough. these are some of them and i'm just so thankful to be surrounded by people like them (:
[x]

it just occurred to me that i've never really figured out why i still blog after all these years. i've been doing this for more than 4 years and i realised that i never really had a reason for why i do this. and now, as i write less frequently, i realised that perhaps, my need for this medium of expression has eased and maybe it's time to really stop once and for all.

i guess it's a good way to keep my friends updated about my life, know about the amusing things that've happened, and basically just have a peek into my mind. and i thought it was a great place for catharsis; and i must say that writing here has really helped me out some of my darkest times, and i've been able to express a whole spectrum of emotions right here on this blog. i'm thankful that i've been able to entertain, amuse, inspire, and just interest people who read this. i'm not saying that i'm a good writer, but i guess this blog has been a little more entertaining and informative than (sweeping statement coming up, i apologise in advance) the average singaporean blog that's preoccupied with banal details of the owner's life or the owners' complaints, rants, angst, confusion and basically everything that the owner wants to tell the world.

i hope that whatever i've written has made sense to the people who read, and that it would be of some value to peruse. which is why i've always made it a point to write something that people would find worth reading. which is why i try not to recount my days, unless they were really meaningful and taught me something which i thought would be worth sharing. which is why i try to write coherently no matter how messed up i feel or how jumbled up my thoughts are. it's why i take pains to ensure that my spelling's correct, my layout's easy on the eye, my alignment and font size perfect.(i realise that i can't please everyone but just for the record, i'm using 8*6 resolution so it's all configured for that resolution) and because this is supposed to be the best way people can get a glimpse into my life, my thoughts, i try to keep every single entry real, honest and unedited.

i think what i'm really trying to say is that it's been an enjoyable exchange because believe me, it's really been an awesome symbiotic relationship. but i've got to say that over the past few weeks, i feel that i've opened my eyes to a lot of things, learnt a lot, much of which is pretty personal and i don't think i want to put it out on such a public medium anymore. i'd love to tell my readers what's been going down, what i've learnt because it's all really amazing but i feel that this medium no longer can afford the sense of connection between you who's reading this and me. also, i don't want to have to tailor what i write to certain groups of people just because i don't want another group of people to see what i've written. i've realised that sometimes what transpires between our computers just isn't enough, and that human contact and interaction will hold much more weight years into the future, when we think back on what we actually shared. so this is an open invitation to all who want to catch up with me to actually make an appointment with me. after As, i promise to really sit down and catch up with you over coffee or icecream or whatever, if i can.

i'm not going to say whether i'll stop writing here for good because after all the hiatuses i've gone through, all the times i thought i'd stop writing, i've always felt the great need for creative expression some time or another. so this is me explaining why i will probably stop updating this blog on a frequent basis. this is not a hiatus. this is a break where i shall go figure out really why i would want to continue maintaining this. till then, i wish you all peace (:
[x]

...kris was around.

...kristin khor wasn't so far away.

...i knew what it meant to be a good person because right now, i sure don't feel like i'm good at all. and i'm so sick of feeling guilty everytime i don't do something 'good'. what the hell does it even encompass anyway?

...someone could just tell me what to do with my life.
[x]