Movies to watch
the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy
five children and it
mr and mrs smith
a lot like love
initial d
war of the worlds
the island
fantastic four
charlie and the chocolate factory

Books to read
Nick Hornby's A Long Way Down
Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist
J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince
The rest of the Hitchiker's trilogy
*NEW*
Anna and the Black Knight by Fynn
I, Lucifer and Death of an Ordinary Man by Glen Duncan

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Hey..I'll be away in Bintan doing community service for a week. Happy holidays, everyone(haha except the poly kids) and don't forget to study hard! Please do pray for the trip, thanks (: Really appreciate it. It's something I really want to do but so far, it's been a hell of a stressful thing to prepare for. BUT, I'm going to go there and hopefully make a real difference because I've been hearing it from so many people, I'm really sure now that this is something I've got to do -- to bring God's love to another community which may still be oblivious. And I think that far outweighs all the negative shit that can crop up. So once again, thanks a lot and have a good break people (:
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I find it so typical that once I post a message saying I won't be writing much, I suddenly have something to say the very next day |||-_- I still maintain that I won't be writing much but it's the long weekend and I haven't got much to do at home...

Well anyway, I just wanted to mention that I was so bored with what they were showing on TV, that I ended up watching the re-runs of Eye for a Guy 2 and I must say I'm really rooting for Wolfgang mainly because he's smooth, he's almost perfect and he's apparently an old acjc boy haha. I think Eye for a Guy is so funny because it's so lame. I think reality shows just don't work in a Singaporean context because it's just so obviously ridiculous haha.

Ok I'm REALLY going to go do something productive now. TV and the computer are evil time-wasters!

P/S. If you're still up, go watch Shoot! on Channel U at midnight later. Catch Xue Ai and the rest of the ac councillors(29ths) on TV! Heh. But if you didn't have any interest in that, just watch to laugh at how ridiculous it is haha. The topic tonight is on sexual harrassment. Hopefully it's the right rerun because they replay Shoot! like twice a week and it's not the same episode :/ I actually have more to say about how unproductive and useless talkshows and discussions like these are but I don't feel like writing anything (pseudo)intellectual/serious here anymore. Ok I really have to go now.
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Well anyways, I haven't made a new layout in forever and when I saw this wallpaper, it was just begging to be made into a layout. Heh. It's simple but that's about all I'm going to let myself do because I know if I go back to the old times, I'd be obsessing over it, photoshopping and editing code till past midnight.

Some notes about the new layout...It's Ichigo from Bleach! <3 <3 <3
I haven't read Bleach in eons, I'm so tempted to just start buying it now ): Title lyrics are Oasis. Haha. I thought the CD was already out in stores, until last night when I heard the DJ on radio announcing a contest where you could win their latest CD and be the first in Singapore to own it. Heh. I've already been listening to their new CD for the past 2 weeks.

Well just an update, I'm not going to be writing much these days because there's not much to write about anyway. I think this space is useful only to keep my friends updated about my life. But since my life is un-happening, there's not much to update about. And besides, I'd much rather talk and catch up with you all(that's you, all my mates from fm and mg) instead of getting you guys to read reports of my daily life. And I've got to start learning how to stop wasting time on the computer just waiting and waiting for people to come online. It's awfully unproductive and I really do have better things I ought to do. Yes, I should heed my own advice and stop here now.

See you guys around!
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I sat waiting at the bus stop for the damned 92 which took so bloody long to come, and came only when I was walking halfway to the next bus stop where I have more buses to take. ANYWAY, I saw swarms of butterflies in the trees which are behind the tennis courts in school. They're flowering now and it was marvellous to see so many butterflies fluttering about. Rather random but I just wanted to remember this.
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I think Malcolm Glazer is a real idiot for buying over Manchester United when it's obvious he's not welcome. I wish the fans would get their way but I think it's rather unlikely now.
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gadfly (noun)
1. A persistent irritating critic; a nuisance.
2. One that acts as a provocative stimulus; a goad.
3. Any of various flies, especially of the family Tabanidae, that bite or annoy livestock and other animals.

-__________|||

I CANNOT believe that 'gadfly' is a proper word.

But that's what you learn after hardcore text twisting heh. Oh the nonsense things we do in class...

Much thanks to all who've commented (:
Hey Eudora, don't know whether you got my msg earlier this week but anyway (I hope this isn't too late) all the best for your match tomorrow!
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It seems that it never rains; it only pours.
Yesterday was a real scorcher but it still brought bad news. And today it rained again. It's been raining ever since last week. Every single day, except Saturday and yesterday. Seems that the metaphor of rain being an outpouring of heaven's grief does hold true after all.

Jumping back 3 weeks ago..
FIVE THINGS I'M AFRAID OF
1. finding out bad news
2. having no good friends
3. regret
4. losing my family or friends
5. failing and disappointing

Let's see, I've experienced almost all that I fear in the span of a week. Apart from 2, which I've found to be impossible to experience. I really thank God for that.

I don't mean to sound cynical and cold, but I'm tired. I really am. The past week's been awfully draining.

But life goes on.

After my lachrymal glands can no longer produce anymore tears to cry. After the moments of dignified silence to remember.

Life goes on.

But it goes on, the void and ache being filled up slowly.

And sooner or later, we'll all realise in the blazing sunshine that we've moved on. That we've gotten over our loss. That the vacuum doesn't hurt nearly so much now. I'm looking forward to that day, whenever it might be. Because I guess that's all we can do now for those who've gone before us. I think they'd want us to move on, to take joy in the race we have yet to complete.

Joy. Such an alien concept now. But I believe that God will once again fill our hearts with such joy. I do believe. Please Lord, don't let me hope in vain. I know You won't.
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she flew away
she speaks an unspoken goodbye
and i turned away
she's gone in a blink of an eye
and i think to myself
cry to myself
alone with the guilt and the pain
i don't wanna look back
as the white fades to black
i'm left in the dark once again

now you're gone
now you're gone
now you're gone
now you're gone

she flew away
vanishing angels in flight
and i walked away
helplessly fading, deep into the night
so i'd rather ignore and not feel anymore
i wrestle the pain to the ground
and i'll never forget
all the things that she said
memories spinning around

now you're gone
now you're gone
now you're gone
now you're gone

stars will fall
and crash into satellites
and i will call for your love in the night
and i open my eyes
and see angels...beside
-starfish;angelsbeside

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it's a heartbreaking song. i wish jonk didn't have to sing it. for one-half of the couple who taught me that true love exists, to have to sing this, it's too heartbreaking. too heartbreaking.
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It's been three days.

And there's so much in my head but somehow when I want to put it all down so I can remember it again, I just don't know where to start.

I think XiWern put it rather aptly in his last post. We all know Kris is somewhere better and the lifeless, though peaceful, figure in the white coffin isn't the only thing that she's left us with. But when I look at the stack of notes on my shelf that I was supposed to have passed to Kris this week, and flip through my schedule book and see my reminder that Kris' birthday was on the 5th, I can't help but feel a stabbing sadness in my heart. And when I will have to go to the photocopy shop and inform the aunties there that our class size has reduced by 1, I can't bring myself to face the fact that she's beyond us now. While we stood at the corner of Kris' place waiting for our parents last night, Caleb mentioned that it would be selfish of us to want Kris back with us, and it's true. It would be inhuman to want Kris back here in this imperfect world filled with pain and unhappiness. But we're ultimately human and there'll always be a part of us which will ache whenever we think of Kris and the joy and blessing she has been in our lives. Or when we are laughing and having fun and we suddenly think how nice it would be to share this with Kris.

But I think it'll be hardest for Jonk and Kris' family because they are the ones who will feel the ache more acutely than any of us. For them, Kris was such an integral part of their lives that the void she's left behind will be much harder to fill.

So I guess all we can really do now is Live Strong for Christ, just as Kris did. I'm quite ashamed that I put off wearing the Livestrong band Kris and Jonk gave me, for fear of appearing to be following a trend. But I'm going to take it with me on my crumpler and I'm going to use it to remind myself every single day.

Tomorrow's the funeral and I wish I'd bought some white orchids today. And maybe a packet of Marks and Spencers sweets. Cos those were some of the things I'd brought when I visited Kris. I hope she enjoyed them.

There's so much stuff I remember about Kris, and I'm really thankful we got the chance to know each other way better in JC. I was damn happy when I found out that Kris, Xue Ai as well as Kris Khor were my classmates. And then since Xue Ai was busy being the sociable assistant class rep(heh), the two Kris-es and I formed the threesome haha. But now there's only me left. Well it's been just me for a while now since Kris took leave from school. Well at least I still have Xue Ai, but it gets kinda lonely when I think about how it'd be nice to have a dedicated partner in class. Gets worse when I go to lectures everyday and I have to find myself a space instead of expecting to sit with someone all the time. Know what I mean? But I guess I've gotten used to it.

I guess I'm pretty blessed to have been in contact with Kris more than most people. I did manage to pay her visits in hospital and at home. And I did manage to get much of the news first-hand from Jonk. It was a huge responsibility and I wish I'd done more sometimes. Spread more smses, forwarded more emails, wrote more encouraging notes on her lecture notes. There was so much I wanted to do for Kris this month. I was going to get some photos of the class holding cards saying "we miss you" and "happy birthday" and "get well soon" for her birthday. And when I spoke to her on the phone a few weeks ago, I promised her I'd come visit soon. Well I have gone to visit but unfortunately I'm too late. And I never really had a real heart-to-heart talk with her to tell her how much of a difference she's made in my life. I guess she'll know now even though I really really wish I could've told her myself.

Kris, I'm going to miss you so much more now.
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With a heavy heart, I write to mourn the passing of a good friend - Kristin Kwa. I thank God for her life, short as it may be, for it has been a true blessing and inspiration not only to me but countless others. You will be very muchly missed Kris.


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that's all i will say because anything else and i'd end up writing nasty stuff.

grr.

how come other people don't seem to have sibling problems as bad as me???
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