Hello. Today was urm quite productive la haha. Managed to get another Math practice paper done and my score's improving haha. Just gotta get started on the Verbal section. Studying with Pramit and Waimay is quite...productive(for lack of a better word) but by the time we had lunch we were too distracted to study already so we headed to the Venezia at Guthrie House. Heh.

Walked over to the post office to get my stamps and I found out about my aversion to SAM machines. Follow the picture they give when you try to insert your ATM card! Trust me, you'll look damn jacked if you don't. Oh, and don't buy stamps from the machine unless you just want one or two. I bought 16 stamps and they were spat out one by one from the machine -.-

Went over to the Video EZY store to see whether they had anything worth renting and I managed to find Bubble Boy! Haha. My sister told me about it a long time ago but I never got round to watching it. Kinda tempted to have a movie marathon one of these days haha. I wanna watch Ocean's Eleven as well, before Twelve comes out. Oh and I wanna watch The Polar Express! Haha. No harm watching a feel-good, awww...., heart-warming movie as December comes around :)

Shucks, if only I weren't so broke...
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I noticed that it is always those with the broken hearts and shattered dreams who have the most beautiful things to say... Every single drop bled out from their soul crystallizes, mending the dismantled fragments. Some go on to build their own asylums, too jaded to dare dreaming again; but some others hold onto hope that someday, they may find some semblance of perfection in this flawed world. Some go further, swearing to change the world and make a difference of their own, or die trying. But at the end it all, they're lucky to have some kind of dogma to base their days on.

Me? I haven't had my heart torn apart and my dreams, they're too amorphous to be fractured. I pass my days, questioning my life's purpose, wondering why I'm fretting over these deeper, darker aspects. I'm supposed to be optimistic, being an idealist even to the point of naivete, foolishly carefree. But here I am, in the middle of nowhere, too afraid to follow peers who have gone onto the dismal borders of sanity and too aware to go back to youthful folly.

So what am I supposed to do?
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Nothing I say can describe the Jay Chou concert more aptly. And sorry, no pictures because I forgot my camera. But it's ok, I've been within 30m of Jay and that's dammmmnnn good already :D Maybe tomorrow there'll be pics because I made Sab promise to get pics when she goes again tomorrow. Heh.

我想就这样牵着你的手不放开
爱能不能够永远单纯没有悲哀 [简单爱]

就是开不了口
让他知道
就是那么简单几句
我办不到[开不了口]

从前从前 有个人爱你很久 但偏偏 雨渐渐 把距离吹得好远
好不容易 又能再多爱一天 但故事的最后你好像说了拜拜[晴天]

窗台蝴蝶像诗里纷飞的美丽章节 我接着写
把永远爱你写进诗的结尾 你是我唯一想要的了解[七里香]
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I'll cut to the chase. Someone get me U2's How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb! I'm sold after one listen man. Heh.
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Haha. Today is hell funny man. Started off with training in the morning, which was ok la. According to Nartz we ran like 6km, but it felt damn good. Never really ran so far before haha. Went gymming after that but we sorta slacked off after like one set haha.

Met up with Joel, Kok Yi and Tammy at Holland V after that. Whoa they're good man, all came late! So I had like 50 minutes to kill before they finally reached -.-

Had lunch at bk and then after that we just sat around for a while listening to Kok Yi trash talking haha. Shifted to Starbucks and sat there for almost 5 hours without ordering anything. Heh. In fact, they offered us free food man haha. Oh and we saw Daphne Khoo there today! Haha. Kok Yi is one hell of a comedian man. Never laughed so much in one afternoon before man haha. But catching up with the 6a folks is always damn fun la haha. We should do this more often! Haha.

Geez, I realise how super unproductive my day was man. I better make it up tomorrow.
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Watching too much TV and all I have to show for it is an epiphany - that I'm not doing anything worthwhile with my life. I credit Mediaworks' 6 Weeks for that. Heh.

I want to do things which interest me, things I'd do willingly, that I'd enjoy doing. But I find myself doing silly things for the sake of grades, entry requirements, cca points. Things I wouldn't really give a shit about.

I want to sieze every day and live my life for what it's worth, but I realise that with undone tutorials, assignments and lecture notes begging to be read, it's hard to say at the end of each day that it's been a meaningful and well-lived day.

I want to do great things, change the world, make a difference of my own, but here I am, shackled by the system, pressured by social opinion and suffocated by expectations.

And you know what, it's no use blaming the system. Because Carpe Diem is a personal philosophy. It's something you choose for yourself.

I want to 'seize the day'. But sometimes, disillusionment makes it so hard.
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Oh my, I have so much to say and I assure you that it'll be quite an entertaining read because I really have interesting and thought-provoking things to say today. In fact, I'd rather blog on my other computer with the nice keyboard with the quiet keys because it's so much nicer to type on it (half the effort and this is proven by my exceptional Typer Shark scores on that com) but because there's so much I have to say, I'm afraid that the longer I take to type this all out the less there'll be left in my head to type out. And in my haste to get this started, I've already had 3 typing errors (which I didn't leave in because no one will take me seriously if I spelt 'today' as 'toady') so please finish reading this and tell me that it at least made you think a little.

//on Orwell;
Well, to start off, I finished George Orwell's Down and Out in Paris and London today. I like reading Orwell because he's a simple writer. No complicated philosophies(damn I just spelt that 'philosopies'), no elaborate plot twists, no pretentious descriptions, just the message he wants to bring across. Even though Animal Farm and 1984 were allegories for Communism, it was a simple portrayal of what he felt Communism was like. No layered arguments, and if he aimed to denounce Communism, it wasn't pharisaical. And in the same way, Down and Out was a no-nonsense guide to living in poverty in Paris and London in the Cold War era. Kind of like a Lonely Planet guide for the destitute.

But there was a part on a screever(pavement artist) which jumped out at me as I was reading. This guy Bozo, he's lame and penniless with no hope of any better future, only death to end his life of penury. But in his own words, "it don't matter to you if you're on the road for the rest of your life", so long as you kept your mind free. (Orwell observes that life becomes meaningless because the exhausting work serves to keep the proletariat occupied and hence too busy to think and revolt.) Which is just another way of saying that with the right attitude, it doesn't matter what happens to you because in your mind, you're still free. But don't you think that's almost like self-delusion? I have to admit I do subscribe to that school of thought though. I rationalise it to be an easier reality to accept. Ohwell.

//on love;
I was watching Gilmore Girls today and as usual, it's popular philosophy. Heh. And this dialogue between Lorelai and Luke caught my attention.

LORELAI: Cats came to my house today.
LUKE: Really.
LORELAI: Because they know I'm a loser and I'm destined to be alone.
LUKE: You're not destined to be alone. You have Shel.
LORELAI: Why is it so hard?
LUKE: What, relationships? Look who you're asking.
LORELAI: At least you got married.
LUKE: At least you had a kid.
LORELAI: It makes me sad sometimes. Does it make you sad?
LUKE: I don't know. Maybe.

I like Luke's response. Heh. Which is probably due to the fact that I can associate with his situation - how he doesn't really care for love but still feels kind of sad that he seems headed for lonely loserdom. Ultimately I think everyone has this need for companionship. It's built into our nature. I don't think anyone, save for those specifically called to a life of singlehood(by choice or religious obligation), can actually bear the isolation of the human soul. But then again, if you strongly believe that with the right attitude, anything becomes bearable, then maybe those bouts of sadness could be easily dismissed as a wallow in self-pity.

Call me a pessimist, but I don't believe that's an easy task. Self-pity (Oh how I hate that term) is not self-induced. It's a mockery of your wretched attempts at finding an end to your loneliness. Hence - lonely loserdom. And with that, I rest my case, I think I've made my point.

Please tell me I didn't write the above 500+ words for nothing and you at least got some entertainment out of it. Comments are gladly welcomed, except for Pramit's which will definitely disagree with some of what I wrote. But then again, knowing him, he'll still make sure I hear what he's got to say. Ohwell. Haha. Have a good week ahead!
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hey everybody. there's a very special day next month but you see it depends on people like you to make it special. so do your part! sponsor this for me, please? :]
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+nottinghillost-aintnosunshine

I actually think Taufik's version last night was better than what I'm listening to. Haha. I'm just glad he's made it to the finals :] And I realised the final is gonna be Mat vs. Beng. Heh.

Well anyway, what can I say about today?

Nothing much actually. All I did today was wake up late, vegetate in front of the TV, sort out the stuff on my table and in the process make the rest of my room messier, watch more TV and come online. Geez, my library books are due next week and my SAT is in 15 days. I need to feel a little more stressed than this man.

Manda just told me that she's dropping out of jc to pursue mass comm in np. It was kind of a huge shock when she said her mind's made up but I'm happy for her. At least she's doing something she likes. But I feel quite sorry for her classmates. I think if one my close friends in class decided to quit school now, I'd cry and beg him/her to stay man. Haha. Heck, I might even start thinking about quitting myself. But I guess for someone as undecided as me, it's better to stick with a 'safe' path for now. But there's always that nagging doubt at the back of your mind, questioning how much of your life you're wasting on the 'safe' path while you can get to your destination on a path more fulfilling than the one you're stuck on. Oh well. I better start getting sure of what I want to do with my life then.
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Everybody ought to catch The Incredibles. It's damn good, super funny!! But I still think Finding Nemo's better. Just don't watch it at the crowded places because I don't think you'll appreciate it as much if you watched it with little kids who don't quite follow the story.

By the way, graffiti is WRONG and hence you should not scribble and scrawl on public property such as BUS SEATS because you never know who reads the graffiti. And little KIDS who have just learnt how to read somehow love to read out anything they see. So you get little kids who are about six reading out FUCK YOU on the bus. So PLEASE, if you don't want to rob little kids of their innocence, DO NOT VANDALIZE public property.
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Damned insomnia! I couldn't sleep till 4 this morning! I was kept awake for 2 whole hours! Do you know how frustrating it is to just lie in bed trying to sleep but you just can't sleep and you don't know why? And 2 whole hours! Gone just like that! What an utter waste!

But anyways, I managed to catch about 9 hours of sleep in the end. Met Rou and had quite a productive day. Managed to cross out quite a lot of stuff off my to-do list. Finished my curve sketching tutorial as well. At least I've got some tangible proof of today's productivity. Just need to get on with clearing my stuff. There's SO MUCH I can't imagine how long it'll take to get it all cleared out. It's one major source of stress man.

Ohwell, I'm done with writing today. I need to start striking something else off my list.
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ok short post because it's late and i ought to have gone off by now.

just watched gone in 60 seconds on tv and damn! those cars are hell sexy man!
seriously.
and being a car thief looks pretty darn cool.

but of course that's just the movies.
and me,
i ought to be out of here by now.
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Ok, random post today because I feel like writing but there's nothing significant to write about.

Old habits die hard. Yesterday was ultra unproductive because I, being the procrastinator that I am, spent the whole day in front of either the TV or the computer when I could have cleared my table -_- However, because I have a whole list of movies waiting for me to watch, I decided that I've procrastinated long enough and I started clearing my table. Look! You can finally SEE the table now! If I had the camera with me, you guys would have visuals but I don't, so maybe some other time.

Well anyway, actually there's still a lot of clearing to do because in actual fact, all I've done is just shift all the stuff that was on my table onto the floor, BUT before you roll your eyes, I've categorised the stuff into stacks! Haha. Quite terrible I must say. And 2 weeks of my holiday have gone by already! I was planning to have started on my homework by now -_|||

OH! I remember something vaguely interesting that happened. I flipped through Mastering Unseen Poetry, a lit book that was on my booklist but was never used. And I chanced upon Daffodils by Wordsworth. And the book showed 2 versions of the poem, and used this as an example to show that poets hardly ever write masterpieces just because inspiration struck them. In fact, they methodically and meticulously structure their piece and manipulate the words until they fall together perfectly to present the message they want the poem to project. Reading that made me think a bit on how I write and it's true. No wonder what I write always seems to fall short of being something worth reading.

Daffodils [2]
I WANDER'D lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretch'd in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
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i'm feeling much better haha. all that pug jelly i've been listening to has done me some good. heh. the lyrics may be angsty and depressive but after 36 listens of come home soon and 10 listens of another heartache, the punk rock attitude takes over and nothing really matters anymore. haha.

had training this morning and again! it just HAD to be a scorcher of a morning. and then after sitting around bumming in the canteen for over half an hour after training, i decide to head home but guess what? for the SECOND time this week, it just had to start raining while i was on the bus. and just as i was like 10m away from the last sheltered part leading to my block, it just had to start pouring. thank God it didn't pour when i got off the bus.

watched singapore idol which my dad taped cos i didn't get home in time last night and i don't know what to make of sylvester singing jay. actually he did quite well but i resent one stupid judge's comment that it was too much of a 'karaoke' performance. it's like saying that sylvester sounds too jay which was so not true!!!

ok i shall go sort out my table after i finish reading one of my library books. it's an agatha christie mystery! and i'm at the chapter where the murderer is going to be revealed!
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i'm still kinda sad about the dream yesterday.
it just made reality so much harder to bear because the irony was so apparent.
it was so perfect yet all it made me feel was dismay and despair.
do you see how cruel that is?

actually life's not screwed up.
i think i've got a pretty charmed one.
but somehow, right now, it just doesn't feel like it.

+pugjelly-comehomesoon;anotherheartache.

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:(

sigh. i just had the most perfect dream. it was the most perfect day spent with a perfect person who came over for the perfect dinner and my parents were perfect and even i was perfect cos i actually did the dishes.

but now i'm sad because it's never gonna happen because life isn't perfect.

sigh.
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hark: the oc mix 2
Now that it's the holidays, I was thinking about how school has been for me this year. I'm pretty thankful that it was a wonderful year, spent with wonderful mates, doing wonderfully crazy things. Heh. It started out with so much promise and I'm really glad that I've spent this school year pretty meaningfully.

First off, I've met the best mates I could ever ask for. I'm really really glad that I didn't switch classes because then I'd have missed out big time on all the fun we've had =] So sc2, this is for you.

To Xue Ai, you're my oldest and closest friend in class and it's been dammmmnnn fun being in your class AGAIN. Haha...We've gone through a lot together and it rocks having someone who has known me so long in the class. Here's to another year of madness and more fun than ever! We'll be great friends for a long long time more =]

To Kris Kwa, my good friend!!! It was damn fun with you around during the first half of the year. And I haven't exactly been a damn good friend, always jacking you and all. Haha...But you know I'm always joking right? I'm so very happy for you and your jk. Can't believe you didn't tell me and that I had to go find out about it myself. But seriously, you give me damn a lot of hope for this world, even if you may not know it. You take care and come back soon partnerrr!!!

To Pramit, hey dude, I really appreciate being able to talk to you about anything haha. You always suan me but it's ok man, I'm used to it already. Haha...We don't always agree but well, thanks for all the strange advice you've ever given. I'm just sorry I can't give you proper, decent-sounding advice. Haha. You always make me think so yeah, thanks for all that mental stimulation haha.

To Raymond, Chinese wouldn't ever be the same without you man. You're hell funny and one of the best bitching pals I've known haha...And trust-worthy as well heh. I'm looking forward to my treat ar. Haha...

To Caleb. You make me smile even when I don't want to. You and your happy-go-lucky attitude to everything. Haha...

Ok that's all I can think of for now, I'll finish these when I have the time.
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i was giving my future a little thought a while ago. now i generally avoid thinking about my future because i don't believe in making these elaborate plans and blueprints for my life when i don't even know whether i might die while jaywalking the next day. but i think it's about time i gave it a little more thought what i want to do with my life.

i have dreams, yes. but ambitions? i can't think of one which i will actually still stick with 2 weeks down the road. and i usually like giving the answer that i don't really know what to do with my life when people ask me what are my ambitions. haha sounds like a cheap thrill and that i'm wasting my life away but to me, it just means that every option is open.

and then there's the pressure to say you will do something good with your life like be a doctor, earn a comfortable living, have a nice perfect life. you know the feeling when you said you wanted to be a music teacher instead of a lawyer, and then your friends gave you that "are you sure?!" look? well that's what i feel. i don't dare to say that i don't know and don't really care what i'll be in the future, because i think people will be like giving me all sorts of well-intentioned advice on career selection if i keep saying i don't know.

so...i think i'll start thinking about what i want to do with my life, from tomorrow onwards. haha. maybe tomorrow i can start listing out what are some of the things i'd like to achieve with my life. haha.
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