Oh, Hello there Grief

I cried in my dreams which led to real crying(even though I didn't know it) all. night. long. It's 6:12 and almost time to get Macy Brooks up for school and I feel like I've been run over by a truck. And of course there's a full day lying ahead.

I could feel it coming. Tuesday afternoon it struck and I tried to hold it in. "It's been 7 years" I told myself. "September always feels like this" but I won't let it this year. "Just enjoy the beautiful day." But grief is more powerful than that. The kids were running around with the rest of the kids on our street. The doors are open and it is a beautiful day. It's the first sign that September is coming and summer is leaving. Cool mornings, warm, but pleasant afternoons. Makes me feel blah every single year. Who knew grief could strike because of weather.  

I dreamed about my Grandpa and Brooks off and on all night. My Grandpa was there in front of me and we all knew he was about to die. I couldn't stop hugging him and telling him how much I loved him and I was going to miss him. Then in my dream I'd flash over to post delivery where I was holding Brooks and my heart felt heavier than I ever thought possible. Rough night. And I'm sad. I miss them both terribly. I want to enjoy September and this change in seasons. Maybe next year.

In our foster care training we learned that the 5 senses can affect kids who've been through trauma. Driving by a certain place can trigger their emotions and feelings. Smelling a certain smell. I think those experts are on to something. It strikes when you least expect it and don't want it to.

Leaning on the Lord today!

Happy 6th Birthday, Macy Brooks!

Our little sweet pea turned 6 today!! School's already in session so she went to school after opening a flying fairy, new skirt and shirt, and a new nightgown. I met her for lunch and brought Chick-fil-A and a cookie cake for her to share with the class later in the afternoon. I finally got to meet her new friend Taylor and snap a picture of her in her 1st grade desk! After school we went to Monkey Joe's with a different Taylor and then home for a pancake dinner! It was a fun day of celebrating. 

My beauty's last night's sleep as a 5 year old! 

1st grade is gong to be an awesome year! 

Izzy on the left and Taylor on the right

Just the normal laying on the kitchen floor with sister

Looking extra cute!

Oh sweet love! I wrote on Facebook that a huge piece of my heart was healed 6 years ago at 5:00 PM when I heard the most joyous baby cries! I tell people often, that the happiest year of my life was when you were born. Labor and delivery was just magical and I enjoyed every minute of your baby days. I am incredibly proud of the lady you are becoming. 

You're not the typical first born personality (because you're not! ha!), but you do like to please. You're especially well behaved for other adults and teachers. The behavior at home is going well too! Ages 4-5 was a little rough, but I can tell we're turnng a corner for the best!

Macy Brooks, you have a big heart. You're a good friend to those around you. You still make friends easily and have many of them. School friends, neighborhood friends, YMCA friends; they're everywhere! 

Kate was cracking us up at Monkey Joe's today!

Your sense of humor is just awesome. Making us laugh is something you do every day! When I was volunteering one day for your Kindergarten class, a boy class mate of yours said, "you know, Ms. Ashly, Macy Brooks is pretty funny!" It was so wonderful to hear kind words about you from a friend!

Those manners! So great :) You are so good at responding with 'yes ma'am, or 'no ma'am' and not answering me with 'what' and saying 'ma'am' if you don't hear me the first time. Very proud of you! You are a great help around the house. You help unload the dishwasher, pick up toys, keep your room clean and your bed made. I'm glad you're learning more and more responsibility. 

I must say, you LOVE your little sister. Y'all are true best friends. Watching you guys each day is amazing. If I'm not around, you really turn into a little mama. Taking care of her, treating her like your baby. And she totally lets you. She adores you and wants to be just like you. Some days while you're at school I say "what would you like for breakfast?" and all she says is, "what did Sissy have? I'll have that!" 

We really enjoy watching you play sports. You seem to have a natural athletic ability. You learned to ride a 2 wheeler in about 5 minutes, have some serious speed on the soccer field and have become quite the softball hitter. Watching you this past softball season was great. You were so into every play and knew right where the out should be before the batter hit the ball!


I love you so much, Macy Brooks Tucker! You are a true joy and I am thankful God chose me to be your mama!

Girl's Pool Party!

Another joint birthday party for the win! We did another pool party to celebrate these 4 and 6 year olds! We are surrounded by so many amazing friends, the guest list was big, but it was a double party.....so double the fun! 

Just a quiet Thursday morning from 11-1 with Pizza, juice boxes, cake and swimming! What's not to love ?! 

Olivia brought her mermaid tail! 

pizza time!

Carter, Kate and Caroline

Sarah Kate, Whitney and Caroline

checking the chemicals in the baby pool

Olivia, Charlotte, Reese and Zachary

Madison, Adyson, Caroline, Hannah, Charlotte and Zachary

Kate does not enjoy being sung to!

Kate and Madison!

baby Reagan!

Hannah gave MB a BFF necklace!

Adyson came home with us to play 

Her first Beanie Boo

Thanks to everyone who came to celebrate our babies! We had a great time!

Happy 4th Birthday, Kate!

Not sure how 4 years have gone by since you joined us, but that's what the calendar says. Incredibly thankful God chose me to be your mama. I cannot love you more! 

You love life! You're pretty much always happy and up for anything. Everyone that meets you loves you. Your sister is your favorite person on the planet. About a month ago you stopped saying CiCi and it sounds like Sissy. Every once in awhile you call her 'Macy Brooks' and everytime you do it sounds foreign to me, but I love it! Your new thing is to only want things MB has. I'll what you want for lunch and you'll say, "what is Sissy having?"  What kind of ice cream do you want? "What is Sissy having?" I make you stop and think what Kate wants, but you always end up doing the same as big sis. 

You really enjoy eating and are constantly 'hungy' and when you eat a ton your belly gets incredibly hard. It's hilarious. You just may be the funniest person in our family. And you know it. You sleep about 11.5-12 hours a night and still take a 2 hour nap most days of the week. I'm so glad you enjoy your bed. You MUST have water on your nightstand, fan on high, nightlight on, read books, sing at least 3 songs, pray and crack your door. But then you do sleep peacefully most nights. Unfortunately you've been trying to pick up on your sister's anxiousness at bed time. AAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh!

You had a fantastic school year and really enjoyed going. Snack time was the highlight of the day of course. Your sweet friends were mainly Chloe, Madison and Kennedy. Kennedy just moved away and you've really missed her. You know all your letters and letter sounds. We have had to practice cutting quite a bit and you're doing good. I think you're very smart and seem to catch onto things quickly. 

Learning to swim this summer and continuing to be brave has been really fun. You love to dive for toys and go sit on the bottom of the pool. Riding bikes and scooters and driving the Barbie jeep everywhere are your favorite after-nap activities. I've started letting you run around to the neighbor's houses with Sissy and you think you're big stuff. You usually come home for snacks.

You 'll finally sit and watch a few shows or movies. Mickey, Doc McStuffins, Sofia and Barney are big hits. You also know your way around the iPad better than me! 

It can't be all about your good qualities! So we pretty much have a discussion/arguement about clothes when we get dressed in the morning. You like 1 dress and 2 t-shirts/shorts and if those aren't clean, it's an arguement. If a shirt or dress is not shoved up into your neck then "it's showing your chest" and you don't like that. Even though it isn't! Do not ask you to wear cute white sandals to church. You have 1-2 pairs of shoes you like and that's it. You hate it when your skirt or dress is "mashed" in your car seat and it has to be smoothed out and just right. Sometimes that car seat buckle is "too tight" even though it's never adjusted. One day you LOVE a shirt and the next you can't stand it. You're getting better, but most of the time if 1 drop of water enters your eye from the pool or shower you must wipe it with a towel while screaming "towel" at the top of your lungs. You can be a tricky little girl! 

When you really love someone you'll ask them if you "can keep them." It's about the sweetest thing I've ever heard. You LOVE mama and want me to do everything. Sit by you at dinner, buckle you, walk with you, tuck you in and more. Daddy gets the shaft these days, but I'm sure you'll be a daddy's girl soon enough. I'll soak you in for now. 

I'm not sure how many facial expressions you have, but I'm guessing it's about 99,000. And 90,000 of them involve you sticking out your tongue and doing something crazy with your eyes! It is impossible for you to dance with your tongue inside your mouth. 

You're obsessed with Sierra. Usually dog's fine with it, but I can tell she wants to get away sometimes. 

To describe you in 1 word I would say 'love.' You love everyone, and they all love you. Test driving cars a few months ago, you were in the back with the salesman and just loving all over him! Ha! You say 'I love you' around 15 times per day. Constantly giving hugs and telling me "you're a good mama!" You warm my heart and have truly completed our family. I love you Kate and I pray you have your best year yet! I'm going to be praying over you this year, that Jesus stirs your heart and you have an early understanding of Him and ask Jesus to live in your heart. 

I love you!!!