27 december, 2007
at home
stressed and worried

At least home life is back to normal. Essay writing is not exactly brilliant - my mentor is not exactly encouraging about the progress of essays. She is a bit like ' well i guess we can have a go and see what happens'. I am leaning more towards not doing anything if i don't have a real chance... This is ruining my holidays. I don't think buzz i having fun either...

Aearegh.

Back to it I suppose. Faarken.

25th December, Christmas Day 2007
Time: nearly midnight
Location: Home (Kensington)
Feeling: a bit flat, somewhat stressed, tired

Just (about 1 hour ago) came back from Buzz's parents Xmas lunch. It started at 3pm. It was a long lunch. Mostly because Buzz and his sister's boyfriend decided to go for a round of golf in the middle. Apparently it's "christmas tradition". I was confused and puzzled. Very. Especially after he just left me there for 1.5 hours. I was not impressed. Still so. We've had a bit of a tiff after I kept being narky (as he was showing no remorse)... *shrug*
Anyway. Not altogether perfect Christmas. Not that it could be with freakin' essays hanging over my head. I have about 11 essays to write I think. Although when you add all the ones that are hidden within application forms, the number would be well into 20s. Also stressing about references... Not sure what is going on with those....
I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know if I can do another year at work if the bus school thing doesn't work out. A bit of a tough gig for another year if you have kind of been planning to be finishing in Aug etc... Maybe I'll see if I can get a job in London or something...

22 December 2007
Saturday night - 8pm
Location: Home (Kensington)
Feeling: stressed. I can't remember why I didn't become a hairdresser...

it is a saturday night before xmas. what am i doing? I am writing freaking essays... For business schools. I can't work out if I'm in denial or not about actually getting in. It seems highly remote and unlikely. Should I really be spending my xmas break stressing over this?? I don't know... Farken.
Why am I not a hairdresser again?

12pm, Friday afternoon, 7 Dec 2007
Location: office, Melbourne
Feeling: peeved and tired


3pm
..... and no time to actually write .... faaaark

I am not unfriendly... It's cultural

Location: office (101 collins)
Time: 10am ish, Tuesday morning, 13 November 2007
Feeling: booooooooored

From Lonely Planet "Eastern Europe" travel guide - in the chapter on "Russia":



See? I'm not rude and unfriendly... It's cultural...

And while we are on the subject...

Still in Melbourne

Date: 12 November, 2007
Time: 9am, Monday morning
Location: work (101 collins)
Feeling: like it's monday morning, ingesting coffee

Well... I'm still in Melbourne. Apparently I'm going to Thailand "probably next Monday". Hmmm. I have heard that before... Have been in Melbourne for a few weeks now. Non-billable. Getting a bit worried about that. Can't be a good thing.

Still cleaning Buzz's house. It's amazing. I am sick of cleaning. I just want it to be magically done. Time for a cleaner I think...


Other than that, the new place is actually quite nice. Walls are very thin though and I keep thinking someone is walking around the house when it is really next door. It's also a bit interesting how it suddenly feels like being in a married couple. One day we're seeing each other every other week and now suddenly we are shopping for appliances and I'm ironing his shirts... It's still hasn't quite computed in my head. I guess the status quo will be restored when I go to Thailand so maybe I won't have to think too hard about it all...

Location: office, 101 collins
Time: after lunch, Monday, 22 October, 2007
Feeling: sleepy, un-motivated, a bit bored

It's very strange, working in the office... I can't make up my mind about it. I think I like it for now. I have a feeling I may get a bit bored in the near future.

Have spent the whole Sunday cleaning and moving. I couldn't believe how much dirt and filth and rubbish could be in one small kitchen. 2 people working together for 6 hours (pretty intensely) only managed to just finish the kitchen. 6 full rubbish bags, 3 boxes of rubbish and 2 boxes of glass jars later. Now just 1 living room, 1 bathroom and 3 bedrooms to go. and the bits in between.

Location: office, 101 collins
time: after lunch, 3pm, Friday, 19 October

Feeling: tired, uninspired, sleepy, vomitous

Why won't this week (work week) just finish... it keeps going on and on... i'm ready for a serious nap. I'm ready for a weekend of sloth. I'll even pass on lust and gluttony. Pride and wrath take too much effort. So does vanity. I forget what else is there. Clearly it could not be a fun one. Sloth rocks.
Meanwhile only 3 minutes have passed since I started writing this. Far out. Time is literally crawling. I want to crawl too - into bed.

Ate waaaay too much - we went to yam cha with the office. One of my development needs is, since I'm the longest tenured person in the office (aside from one other), to create "culture". Whatever that is. And to do it long distance from Bangkok. Hmmm!
Well we all need our challenges and hobbies... It's not like I have anything else on my plate in terms of social engagements in melbourne...

5 minutes. Far out.

another week in Melbourne

Location: Office, 101 Collins
Time: 9:52am, Monday morning, 15 October, 2007
Feeling: still peeved at firm (not feeling the cheer), other than that - too early to tell...

The weekend involved - 2 dinners, 1 lunch, 1 movie, 1 physiotherapist, 3 naps

crap gotta do work...

another day

Location: office, 101 collins
Time: 12ish
Feeling: kind of depressed, shitty

Another day at work. How is that I can like people at the firm, and yet not like the firm (as a collective). I find that strange. I guess I don't like everyone. But the people I like outweigh those I don't. So it's always been a puzzle for me, how it is that those few can have such an impact as part of the overall firm. Unless it's the structure of the firm that facilitates that sort of crappiness. Anyway, I don't know what's going on. I think I'm just going to shut up and do the work, since I don't really understand what they want from me.

Still broke. Maaan. It's like another 3 weeks until payday. Sigh.

I want to go back to bed. I was not ready to leave the safety and security of my bed this morning. Not a happy bunny. Stoopid job.

PS I am also not ENTP. My actual test (official one I did for work) said INTP.

I don't think I agree...

You Are An ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. In love, you see everything as a grand adventure. You enjoy taking risks for love. And if things don't work out, you're usually not too much worse for the wear! You would make a great entrepreneur, marketing executive, or actor. At work, you need a lot of freedom to pursue your own path and vision. How you see yourself: Analytical, creative, and peaceful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Detached, wishy-washy, and superficial

What's Your Personality Type?

Location: Office, 101 Collins
Time: noon-ish
Feeling: mega peeved

Going through "I hate my job" phase. Possibly too peeved to write coherently about it. Plus, the danger of someone from work reading and getting me fired for it. Or something.

*Sigh*. I knew it's been too good for too long. It's that time of the year again.

I just want to crawl under the blanket and cover my head. And stay there for the rest of the day (as I'm convinced that when it rains, it pours - so bad things never happen by themselves. there's always more to follow. Thus, it's better to stay in bed on days like this).

Oh and I'm broke. Very broke. I haven't been paid for this month since I've taken unpaid leave for pro bono work at PATRIR.

Any other shitty news? Got a ticket fine this morning. On the line where I usually get the city circle - I just couldn't be bothered waiting for it. Farken. Although I did deserve that one. It's kind of like speeding tickets. I definitely deserved a few of those but just never been caught. Same with met tickets. Definitely deserve more than one. Actually I might see how much it is before I conclude that.

ps forgot some other news...
GMAT: good news. After spending not enough time studying and doing practice exams which told me I would get 640, I was convinced that I would need to sit the exam twice. I even brought all my books with me from Romania (I sat the test in Budapest on the way home) and started checking out new ones on amazon. Was pleasantly shocked to get 750. I couldn't believe it and asked the people at the centre to double check. Pretty happy with that hey. Does feel like a windfall though...

Camera: it broke :( I don't have a camera :(

And I am supremely broke this month due to not being paid for my unpaid leave at PATRIR... Sigh. Credit card is not looking good either. Dipping into my already insignificant savings...

Date and time: too early on Monday morning. In fact I think anything that can be classified as "Monday morning" is automatically too early.
Location: work, 101 collins
Feeling: sleepy, i don't wanna work...

Weekend: Bought pretty shoes (there goes the saving...), had dinner at Trotters, had dinner at Taxi and had dinner at a crappy Korean place after we couldn't get a table at the Japanese restaurant we were aiming for.

I have no profound thoughts at this moment. I am a bit unhappy with the fact of it being Monday morning. I am also waiting for a call from my boss for the week - to find out what I'm doing this week etc... I remember there was some reason that i wanted to write something on my blog (ie an actual topic I wanted to cover) but that's gone.

Europe: Met some very interesting people especially at European Peace University and the Romanian Peace Institute. Some of them just really blew me away. Many of them are in Non-violent Peaceforce and UN Peace Force. So they all scatter around the world in conflict regions (eg Africa, Sri Lanka, Middle East, Burma). It was mind expanding to say the least. Watch out, I may become a peacenik :)

I am also contemplating the Stanford deadline and thinking that it's just not going to happen. I'm going to give it a shot, but .... I am thinking I should just go for second round. I need a reference from Denis as well and the due date is on the same day as his wedding. I'm thinking that's going to be tricky.

So yeah...I'm scheduled for Bangkok - except it keeps getting pushed back. That's not unusual, but I worry I'll get staffed on something else and won't get to know. Well, actually, I think "worry" is probably too active of a word. I guess it's just would be nice to have certainty so that I could arrange my affairs - I decided to move out of my apartment if I end up in Bangkok. So I'm just waiting for confirmation...

No other news from me I think! I'm on the beach for the first time in more than 12 months I think... I'm a bit confused by the concept and I think my roommates (of which there are now 5 since their boyfriends moved in!) are a bit confused by me being home...

Back in Melbourne...

Location: work... 101 Collins, Melbourne
Time: 12ish
Feeling: sick, tired, zonked and snotty

Yes. I have a cold. Yes, I am full of snot. A bit miserable and feeling sorry for myself. However, a nice positive is that I'm in Melbourne, I didn't have to fly anywhere (not that I could anyway - my ears pop when I get into the lift). I'm on the beach and my boss is on a fishing holiday. Still kind of heaps to do but not as intense as client work.

One of the reasons I'm so tired is I couldn't stop reading this book last night... It's called "The End of Mr Y" and I cannot put it down. It is fantastic. It just articulates a heap of things that have been simmering in your brain and injects a whole bunch of others that you haven't even thought of. It has a weird and unlikely plot but it just opens some door in your mind and gets you to think about stuff that extends beyond your everyday existence. Anyway, obviously I was impressed...

A quickie

Location: Gandhi Peace Library, PATRIR, Cluj-Napoca, Romania
Time: 11ish. Friday morning. 31st August.
Feeling: tired, in need of coffee, stressed

Yes... My blog has suffered another lapse in the regularity of writing. Why you may ask? Well... I couldn't really blog in Tiraspol - I can't do it on someone else's 'puter, I need the time, I need the ambiance.. Here in Cluj I've been pretty busy running around with Denya and Julia, trying to study in between Denya's guilt trips about me doing precisely that. And now that Kai is back, gotta get this review on the road.

Every time I come to Europe I end up thinking "that's it, I can't live in Melbourne anymore. I must move." Then I get back to Australia and get so caught up in day-to-day stuff that I forget to plot my escape. It's like any place you go to in Europe has history and ambiance...

eh... will write more after have done some work...
Reminder of topics to cover:
1) clash of personalities - my introvertedness and the need for down time
2) the difference in character of people that I'm meeting here and there... so much more open and open-minded...

Hedgehog in the Fog!

I am sure you all know of my obsession with hedgehogs... I think that this is where it all started...



And another one of Russian Animation Classics. They are great. By the way, can you tell I'm bored? I haven't left my room in 48 hours...

A quiz

You're Prufrock and Other Observations!

by T.S. Eliot

Though you are very short and often overshadowed, your voice is poetic
and lyrical. Dark and brooding, you see the world as a hopeless effort of people trying
to impress other people. Though you make reference to almost everything, you've really
heard enough about Michelangelo. You measure out your life with coffee spoons.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

and i'm sick again....

Location: Haus International, Schleining, Austria
Time: 10am, Thursday morning, 16 August, 2007
Feeling: sick as a dog, sorry for myself, cold/hot, miserable

Need I say more? Every single holiday I take. Sigh.

It also came on so suddenly that I got a headspin. I probably should not have been drinking though - I had 2 glasses of wine last night and went from feeling mildly unwell to being unable to get home unassisted. Well I did get home unassisted but geez it was hard. Walking uphill with a spinning head. I had to rest mid-way.

I did have an interesting thought though, as I lay shivering in bed at midnight. I was wondering why people feel embarrassed to say how they really feel - in front of strangers anyway. As I struggled out of the pub, I kept maintaining that I feel fine and just a bit tired, so I might go to bed. Is this a common phenomenon, or is this just me?

Thinking back, I could come up with a LOT of examples when I was simply not comfortable telling people how sick I felt, and frankly, I probably shouldn't be left alone let along making my way home unassisted. Does anyone else get that? Same thing with intoxication. I will never EVER admit that I'm so pissed I don't know how to get home to a person I don't know well....

Perhaps the most extreme example I could remember was during a martial arts class back in uni days. I had a near-faint (I think I forgot to eat for a day or two, or something) - and I managed it in such a manner that no one except one person next me actually noticed... I carefully just backed out, went around the corner and waited while the blacking out bit passed over or took over. Luckily it passed over, but I was so exhausted afterwards I was scared to go home. And yet, when asked if I was ok, I said 'oh, just a bit dizzy'. And then caught a train home. Fuckin' weird, hey?

I don't know... Just a thought... I do usually tell friends how bad it is though...

Pondering: Impact of infatuation on friendship

Well... I actually wrote this one a long time ago. It's been sitting in a word document on my desktop for over a month.... It wasn't written with anyone specific in mind - so don't try to find parallels there anywhere. It's just a thought that I had - after observing, not only my relationships but also those of others. If you decide to get offended or hurt nonetheless, you gotta let me know! Otherwise, I may never know and it will stew unresolved blowing into something big. I prefer offending people when it is my intention. Not without. And do comment on your experiences ....

"One of the greatest mysteries of life has been how your friends, even best friends, simply abandon their friendships for the sake of their relationships with men.

It seems strange that the two cannot coincide.

It often takes years (possibly an exaggeration) to re-establish the friendship that has withered under the strain of being ignored, placed last and otherwise screwed over for the sake of the boyfriend.

But not a single of my friendships (a gross exaggeration) has managed to last for the whole trajectory between singledom (paaarty!), inception of a relationship, dating, serious dating, living together and seriously living happily ever after (or not).

Is it just the bitter left behind single side of me that is complaining?

But it just seems so ... hurtful... and negligent...

Why is it so hard to reconcile the two?? Surely keeping a boyfriend is not a 24/7 engagement? Or is it? Someone... explain ... please? "

Ah, the student days (Part 2)

Location: Haus International, Schleinig, Austria
Time: 11am, Wed morning, 15 August, 2007
Feeling: pretty good actually...

.... As I pretty farken should after 16 hours of sleep! Yep, 16 hours. How you may ask? Well, after a nice lunch in the village, we waddled back to the Haus and I contemplated taking a walk to the scenic hills just outside the village vs taking a quick nap to top up a rather inadequate previous night's sleep. I've settled for the latter, reasoning that after an hour or so I could still manage to check out the forest. Yes... and that was the end of that.
I've also slept through the visit of Augustin and Anna from Vienna when everyone proceeded to get sloshed on schnapps and cognac and generally cause havoc around here.
But geeesh I feel great now...

Ah, the student days

Location: Haus International, Schleining, Austria
Time: 11am, 14 August 2007, Tuesday morning
Feeling: mildly hungover, seedy and paranoid

So... Here I am, living in a student dorm and having serious flashbacks to life before full-time work. It is Tuesday morning and I haven't managed to waddle out of bed before 9 to attend Denya's class. I gave it some serious thought, but I figured that I should go with the student experience all the way and proceed to skip classes.

We managed to get reasonably trashed last night - you gotta be a student to drink on Monday night/ Tuesday morning. I got to bed at 4am. Denya at 3. He has a suspicion that he may've still been drunk when he started teaching. Don't know. Wasn't there. Muahaha.

Schleining - a village of 800 people, home of the EPU (European Peace University - ~50 in student numbers), happens to have its bowling establishment inside a local pub. I just had to see it. It's kind of like mini-bowling. The "runway" (pardon dodgy terminology) is about half the length or so of a normal runway. Bowls are half the size and have only 2 holes. Unfortunately, I forgot my camera in all the excitement and thus, there are no photos. Bizarrely they had "Rysskii Standard" as the house vodka. We proceeded to severely reduce their supplies in that area. (Even Denya managed a few, in between his lengthy phone calls. Hehe)
And then we bowled...!
And then, as per usual, my memory goes a bit blank.
And then it reappears at a rather strange point which I'm not altogether comfortable sharing just yet with public at large.
And here I am now, feeling the paranoia associated with coming down from alcohol (for me anyway). It's the bit where I feel compelled to seek reassurance from everyone that I didn't do anything bad, everything is fine and people still like me.
I wonder whether this is something that would be alleviated by memory retention... I don't know...
So anyway... Just have to tough it out. It usually goes away after ~24 hours. It is annoying though how despite knowing what it is and experiencing it every single time I drink, I still get caught up in it. Farken.

Mmmm Cillian...

Ok... Since I've been going on about this for a while and people keep saying "who?", I've decided to launch a mass education campaign. And for those who DO know, just appreciate the view....

Drizzle after drought

Date: Thursday, 9 August, 2007
Location: Polina and Jack's Place, Leipziger Strasse, Berlin, Germany
Feeling: Content, relaxed and sleepy

Well... People have actually been encouraging me to write. Imagine that. An appreciative audience. Faaark me! Who would've thought someone actually reads my whingings. I'll also have to sift through random word files on my desktop as I've tended to write stuff down on occasions when I've had no access to 'net.

Well, where do I start.... It's been a long time....

After successful conclusion of my stint in Brunei, I was placed on a high-profile strategy job in Sydney for 6 weeks. It drove me to conclude that I'm an operations person. Stuff high-profile strategy - give me ops work any day. Upon conclusion of that I departed the new home-land and went to London for a few days.

People I caught up there include: Julia L, Zoya (Clive and baby Cat), Lacey, Mandy, Mischy, Corina and Martjin... Managed to miss Jules and Haiko... So have to make sure I come back through London on the way back.

Now I'm in Berlin. Very nice. I can see myself living here for a bit. Sick of packing up, unpacking, catching planes and going to the airports. *Sigh*

This is obviously work in progress - as it may take a bit to get back into the swing of blogging...

Top 3 events (aside from catching up with people after years of absence)
1) Receiving a gift of fluffy bunny ears from Michele (along with other almost equally interesting objects)
2) Walking through Hackney at 11pm on Saturday night to get to "Bentham Green Working Men's Club" and then walking back to the hotel in Euston Square (estimated travel time = 1.5 hours, one way)
3) Getting upgraded to Business Class. Using First Lounges at airports where they cook you dinner! (the platinum thing)

Bottom 3:
1) Packing
2) Going to airports
3) Catching Flights

Location: Kuala Belait
9am, Tuesday morning, 2 days to go

I don't think today is going to be a good day. The cake people were just very rude to me. This is so weird. People just don't do that in Brunei... I don't understand. I wasn't even being difficult. I can't handle that early in the morning. Can't really yell over the phone as don't want them to spit on the cake. Anyway, NOT happy. Am going to check out the other bakery and then see if I can get my money back and get a cake from somewhere else. Petty, and yet so satisfying...

The cake is for a bit of a 'goodbye' dinner tonight. We even have 8 bottles of wine and 4 packs of 24cans of Tiger beer. Should be more than enough for 17 people some of whom don't drink (obviously, not me)

So yes - if you are ever in Kuala Belait, and you need a cake, do NOT go to the Ribonette Cafe. They are mean to customers.

I am still struggling with the Blog - there are things that I want to write down but I don't think I should - unless I password protect my blog. I keep worrying about work reading it and then firing me for passing on some random bit of information I didn't even realise I was passing on.
There seem to be a number of cases cropping up in the newspapers where people get fired for the most random things in their blogs - e.g. woman putting up a picture of herself in Delta uniform (getting fired from Delta Airlines), and that teacher who had a picture of herself with a beer (who got fired for sending inappropriate message) - I mean that is totally random. Not logical. How would you ever know?

So I am thinking of password -protecting so that I can write down everything and not worry about crap like that.
What do you think? It's an extra step for people.....

PS I forgot to mention

I will be arriving to London on 1st August. I'm thinking of hanging around for maybe a week and then I'll fly down to Vienna to meet up with Denya and go off to Romania.

Anyone around London in August?

Go world peace.

Hives...

Location: client office, KB, Brunei
Time: 4:30pm, Thursday, 10 May, 2007
Feeling: itchy, tired and narky

My hives have promptly re-appeared upon me landing in Brunei. I am back to my brunein state of ugly spots and continuous scratching. What the hell....

Other than that I have no news... Having a frustrating week with my pet hatred of incompetency being inflamed from all angles. Why can't people just be good at their jobs?? I just can't continue to be nice to them in face of blatant incompetency. It annoys me. And what annoys me even more, is when they try to give me direction. I just can't stand that bit.
I did get a job offer though. Unfortunately, I thought they were joking and laughed. Possibly not a good thing in retrospect.

Decided to go shopping in KL on the weekend. Supposed to be quite cheap and world-class.

3 weeks left on this project. I wonder what I'll be on after that. I hope it's not Canberra...

In my spare time: reading "What makes us moral?" and contemplating investing in pheromone-based perfume... I think that it could be the answer

Perth, cancelled flights and whinging

Location: Perth Airport, Australia

Time: 4am ish (Perth time)

Feeling: tired, cranky but incredibly efficient for some reason

My flight to Sydney got cancelled. And this is after I yelled at the car people for picking me up 45 minutes late at the HQ. Twice. And then promised to “Business Improve” them when I get back next week. Personally, I don’t think they took me seriously.

So, here I am. Waiting at international until domestic terminal opens. It seems so primitive – just sitting there at a café, laptopping away without internet… What good are all those lounge accesses if they are not even open when you need them the most. I could really use a sofa and some toast. Not necessarily in that order.

Chances of making it to work are decreasing at a steady rate.

Location: Client office, Brunei
Time: 5pm ish
Feeling: de-motivated and burnt out

In need of a holiday. I think I feel this way whenever I don't get enough sleep. Everything pisses me off and I keep thinking the worst of people whenever they say something that could be interpreted in more than one way. Keep hearing snide remarks from other team members, keep thinking they are ignoring me. Keep wanting to whinge.
I think I need a good nap.

lunchtime ponder

I was just browsing the headlines on Google news whilst eating lunch. There is yet another article about fat-busting pills and obesity with pictures of fat people walking on the street, taking a dip in a bikini which fits them like a string around a ham, eating a fast food item in such a manner which makes you think "you should not be eating that".
I began to wonder whether these are just random shots of people on the street? Did these people consent to having their picture taken with an article about overweight people in mind? Will they open the paper one day or log onto google news and think "gee, that person kind of looks familiar".
I mean, how peeved would you be? And yet, what fat person in WOULD consent to having their picture taken for an obesity article?
Anyway, I was just wondering. And not for the first time...

and more addtions

Location: back in 406 at Riviera, KB, Brunei
Time: nearly 11pm
Feeling: tired

Bottom 3+ list:
6) Cancellation of my flight from Miri to Kota Kinabalu on Friday night. Got to the airport from Brunei, looked at the screen, spent 10 minutes in denial, then went to seriously hassle Malaysian Air officials. Had to spend the night in a hotel in Miri and get on the 8am flight in the morning.

7) The one night that I did get to spend in the resort that I booked in Kota Kinabalu - freaking fire alarm went off 3 times in the middle of the night. Around 2-3am. There was no farking fire. It was "technical difficulties".

Mini review: Shangri-La Tanjung Aru Resort, Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia = kind of sucks. Even if it wasn't for the fire alarm, I still wouldn't come back on the account of crappy service. Staff have NO idea. I ask for American Breakfast and get only half the items in the description. I ask for tea, they forget hot water. I ask for pedicure, I only get half the treatment. What the hell....? I thought I was back at Riviera. I was pretty narky when I arrived 12 hours late and it did nothing to brighten my mood when I had to spend 10 minutes logging around my luggage in order to find the farken hotel transfer. What the hell am I paying them >5 times the taxi fare? It would've been less stressful to hitchhike. Grrr.

Top 3+ list:
5) Kota Kinabalu is very pretty. Great for beachy holidays - lots of little islands around. Great scenery. I would love to come back and actually visit the national parks and Mt Kinabalu. Would need more time. And would not be staying at Shangri-La...

PS additions to weekly wrap

Location: HQ, Seria, Brunei
Time: 6ish, Friday, 27th April

Top 3 addition (top 4 now I suppose)
4) Got promoted to Snr consultant. Which is nice. But if I didn't get promoted then they would've had to fire me. And they are very unlikely to fire anyone at this time.

Bottom 3 addition (bottom 4 now I suppose)
4) Farken hives. I woke up with swollen neck and wrists this morning. I looked like a freak. Went to the doctor who gave me some kicks-arse drugs that killed the hives within an hour. At the expense of my mental and coordination faculties. I am not confident even walking at this stage. Basic tasks take up ridiculous amount of time. It's very amusing but also very disturbing. Hm

5) Did I mention firm knocked my leave back. Grrr. I put in a formal request since they don't appreciate the flexibility that I was giving them. Farken. That's it, no more "Ms Nice Employee". If they don't give me leave at the end of notice time I'm going to kick and scream.

Weekly Wrap: Top 3 and bottom 3

Date: 26th April (I think), 7:30pm, Thursday night

Location: Rm 406, Riviera Hotel, Kuala Belait, Brunei Durassalam (I think half the population here is related to the Sultan...)

Top 3 List:

1) Seeing a crocodile in the river that is outside my hotel (thus “Riviera”). It was a little one – only 3m – with bright yellow markings on the tail. The crocodile wasn’t actually seen right outside the hotel – we went on a boat ride up the river and saw it lazing around approx. 5km from the hotel. It was probably just a baby – parents must be around somewhere though… Hmm

2) Went onto an onshore drilling rig today. Very cool. Not literally however – we had to wear some serious protective clothing (i.e. hardhat, boots, goggles, bright orange jumpsuit, gloves) on top of our normal clothing (i.e. shirt and pants) in freaking 35+ degree heat. It was quite gross. I also think I have heatstroke.

3) Surprisingly, Anzac day celebration. We didn’t get a day off (being in Brunei), but we did end up celebrating due to 2 army guys being on the team. So we ended up going up to the beach to watch the dawn and have a little ceremony at 5am on Wed morning. And after work, ate lamb chops, drank beer and watched Gallipolli until midnight. A bit masochistic but a new experience. I really knew nothing about it before.

Bottom 3 List:

1) Company knocking back my request for leave to go to Romania without adequate explanation (I feel anyway)

2) Allergic reactions to Brunei basically. I’ve managed to get hives (despite already being on anti-histamines) and scratch my way through the trip to Singapore. NOT impressed. I’m still randomly breaking out in spots and rashes and occasional swells. Right now my left wrist is swollen and itchy and I have a hives spot on my right side. Farken.

3) Men being patronising and condescending. Generally, everyone is very lovely and perfectly nice. But there are a few here and there who have this undercurrent of condescension (eg telling me women should wear skirts, that I could do with curly hair, that I shouldn’t work so hard or I’ll end up with pimples, talking over me when I try to answer their questions). Farken shits me. But it’s only this week where it’s been a couple of incidents and because I’m tired, it’s getting to me. Overall it’s not really a big issue. But today, as the quote from Gallipoli goes “those bastards!”

Rant: children, planes and parachutes

27 years of age. A long time. Practically an old maid really. Back in the old days, I’d be living alone in a tower, writing children’s books and knitting cutsey clothing items for my two cats. Instead, where I find myself today is in business class of a Royal Brunei flight contemplating throwing 2 children out of the plane. If my maternal instincts don’t catch up with me by the time I’m in a position to dictate laws for Australia, you can rely on me to de-criminalise at least parachuting screaming children out of aircraft.

Whatever happened to instilling manners into children and making them aware of the fact that they are not alone in this flight, and other people, shock horror, do NOT enjoy either singing, yelling or jumping up and down on their seat. Between you and me, I suspect these are not coming with high Mensa potential – they keep yelling at each other whilst wearing headphones… Hmmm.

Anyway, all I was trying to say was that my maternal instincts seem to retreat more and more as I am exposed to screaming brats.

Other than that, had a good weekend at home. Too short. Really not looking forward to work. I am a bit over it. I could really use a break.

Location: (written on flight BI194 Sydney to Bandar Seri Begawan; posted Rm 502 Riviera Hotel, Kuala Belait)
Time: 7:30pm
Feeling: tense, a bit peeved, could use a massage, also not very happy to be here - I wanted to stay home :/

my pet hates

A person once asked me what I judge people on when I make snap judgments ... I gave him an answer that was slightly different to the below. But I've spent a bit of time contemplating it and decided to refine it.

Thus - the key criteria: not necessarily in order of importance:
1) ignorance
2) arrogance
3) incompetence

I am torn as to whether include stupidity on it. I don't think it's something that bothers me by itself, but i find it problematic when it is paired off with one of the above...


Location: Client office, Kuala Belait, Brunei Darussalam
Time: 7ish pm (it doesn't sound late, but when I think about it, we start work at 7am so this is a 12 hour day. Sigh)
Feeling: headachey. which is making me grumpy. thus the contemplation of 'un-zen' subjects...

Thought of the day ... for me anyway

Location: Atrium Cafe, The Empire Hotel and Country Club, Brunei Darussalam
Feeling: full (man I ate too much. bloody buffet dinners)

Oh man this hotel is FANTASTIC. It is soooo nice (service is still pretty crap by international standards, amazing by Brunei standards) but the actual hotel with 8 pools has everything you could possibly want - there's a cinema, all the water activities (jetski, boats, parasailing, etc), lagoon pool plus 7 others, beach area, shops, theatre, spa, gym, indoor lap pool, jacuzzis, golf courses, badminton, tennis, volleyball, aerobics, sauna, etc.... Life here is NOT BAD. It also made me turn into a Japanese tourist - I took pictures of everything, including my bathroom (with 2 toilets). By the way, the bathroom was bigger than my room back home...

Anyway, this had me reflecting, as I lay by the pool, sipping on a fruit juice, that overall my life doesn't suck THAT much. Sure, my job is hard and lots of travel and long hours and difficult people sometimes, but overall, I've had some experiences that I really would not have had otherwise.
So sometimes it sucks, sometimes it's difficult, but it's always different...
Hmmm.
Now that I've made that statement, lets sit back and watch life go out of it's way to make me regret saying that...

draft

Came across a review of a very cool bar...

Il Duce Si Diventa Cafe Bar

farken... the font just won't shrink...

Miri Miri Miri

Location: Lush bar, Marriott Resort in Miri (Malaysia)
Time: 9pm, Sunday, 1 April, 2007

Yes. It is that time of the year again. And what is a more sad way of spending it than in a tacky bar in a random resort in Malaysia by oneself. Granted, I can think of sadder ways to spend it but that does little to cheer me up... Actually, I didn't even really realise that it was my birthday - the only telling thing was my phone starting to beep with messages starting 6am in the morning :)
So yeah, I felt loved :))
But I do feel I should be at least mildly dissatisfied with this manner of celebration...

Miri is ok. The resort is full of children. Despite my increasing age, I really can't feel any maternal instincts waking up.
It is also full of super-sized bugs. My god, I've never seen bugs this big - not even in Australia. Last night was actually pretty shit - I swear, everything that could creep, crawl or fly in did do that with the sole purpose of biting me. I itch, I scratch and I look blotchily unattractive in the bikini with freaking red spots everywhere. There was also a huge-ass spider in the bathroom. NOT happy. I need a strategy for tonight - I've gotta hunt everyone of those little suckers before I go to bed.

God, the live music in this bar presumes that you're stinking drunk. It could just be bad accoustics as I've heard that same chick sing downstairs at the restaurant an hour earlier...

Location: Office, KB, Brunei
Time: 3pm, Friday (omg 3 more hours to go...)
Feeling: tired and bored - contemplating rolling under the desk for a quick power nap but i've been told there's a rat called "mickey" running around the ground floor. ewww.

And here are some monkeys going through garbage on one of the main streets in Bandar Seri Begawan (capital of Brunei) - you can't see it on pic, but there's a whole bunch of them in the trees

On to Miri

Location: "Sky Top" Room at the Client office, Kuala Belait, Brunei Darussalam
Time: 6:20pm, 29 March, 2007. Thursday (It should be farken friday, geesh how much longer can this week last?)
Feeling: tired. need holiday. liking people on the job.

Waiting for an appraisal call in a quiet room at the client. Man... I feel like I spend more time waiting for the calls than actually doing the appraising on the call. Why don't people ever call on time?? Far out. Am going to call one more time and give up.

I feel like this week is neverending. Monday should have been Friday. Tuesday should have been Friday. Ditto, Wednesday and Thursday.

Going to Miri (across the border in Malaysia) on the weekend. Just for a decent hotel really. Going to lounge around and do nothing in a nice hotel rather than here. There's gotta be more to do there than around here. It's just not possible to be otherwise. Unless it happens to be a fucken desert. Unlikely.

another day

Location: Rm 402, Riviera Hotel, Kuala Belait, Brunei Darussalam, located on the island of Borneo which it shares with Malaysia and Indonesia.
Time: 11pm, 26th March, 2007. Monday (I think)
Feeling: in dire need of a holiday

Well, writing a self-assessment for my 4th appraisal in 2 years has forced some introspection. It's been a while, I have to say. Except now I'm too tired to write down my thoughts coherently. Too tired to even think, let alone coherently. I am just going to upload some photos and let that speak... Mind you I'm selecting only the most interesting ones - so don't let them fool you into thinking there is stuff to do around here! There is nothing, NOTHING, I tell you!!

And this is a village on water. Approx 30k people (out of total population of 350k in Brunei) live in these villages . I still don't get why. It's not like land is over-populated... I must be missing something here...
And a famous mosque... that the Sultan built....

Oh yeah - had a chaotic week last week when my laptop (posthumously named "Fluffy") died while I was in Brunei. Joy and happiness. Ended up getting a replacement from the IT guys in Sydney who couldn't fix my old one and have been hectically trying to clear the backlog of work since that time.

News bites:
Saw ballet Don Q with that guy from Centre Stage (Ethan Stiefels or something) - mmm. very nice. Beautiful production actually.

Was at home for one night - ONE night and one of the roommates (remaining nameless) barged into my room at 3 AM in the morning, waking me up. Says she didn't realise I'd be home. I said "imagine that, I only live here. In my room". Response was "but you're never here". Should I just give up and move back with my parents?
And lets not even go into why she was going into my room at 3 am in the morning.
And I had a flight to catch in the morning.
Whinge whinge.
Anyway, moving onto the pictures....

[la la laaaaa la la]

Location: Blue Room, Penthouse, Riviera Hotel, Kuala Belait, Brunei Darussalam (it all sounds better than it really is...)
Time: 10:30pm, Wed (I think), 21 March, 2007 (I think. I also have this nasty feeling its someone's birthday around this time...)
Feeling: uninspired. I think some may call it flat.

Thought of the day: why can't clients EVER do what you want them to do? And why can't they just do what you tell them to do? I don't know but geesh it's a waste.

Brunei top 3 and bottom 3 list - obviously work in progress and to be updated
1) Cheap CDs and DVDs
2) It is not Canberra
3)

1) Nothing. There is NOTHING to do here. Good thing I'm a homebody who likes to sleep and read. Not that I have time for that.
2) Food. Is crap. No matter where I go it just seems so average. I'm over and my internal organs agree.
3) Absence of maps. I can't even confirm my overwhelming suspicion that there is NOTHING around here. God knows I drive around a lot when I get lost (without a freaking map) and see NOTHING.

[no title]

Location: Client HQ, Kuala Belait, Brunei
Time: 10:42am, Tuesday, 20 March, 2007

Actually made time to read this really good article http://news.independent.co.uk/people/profiles/article2369574.ece


Hmmm. Yes

ps and this where I am not...

:( i need a holiday

Location: Riviera Hotel, Kuala Belait, Brunei
Time: 9am (local time), Sunday, 18 March, 2007
Feeling: tired and sleepy

Yeah.... I am over it. Need a holiday. Dunwanna work. Have heaps of stuff to do before tomorrow and also write a self-appraisal. Did take time off yesterday and went to Bandar Seri Begawan (the capital). There's not much there, I have to say. I saw the villages on water (pretty cool), a bunch of cool mosques and the palace. I was done by 4pm. I only got there around 12 (after getting lost driving down - because no one has a freaking map of the place!). It was SO hot, I pretty much drove back and passed out. I thought - "just a quick power nap and then I'll get up and do work". Woke up at 1:30am and thought there's no point in getting up.

So here I am. Pile of work. Man, this post is so boring - I'm boring myself writing it. That's it. Am finishing. Maybe I'll post some pictures later to make it less of a drainer to read it...

But I am just so BORED. Is there ANYONE out there?!? I am not sure... I think this little oil town empties out on Sundays - not that there are a lot of people here during the week but a lot of contractors tend to congregate around here around nighttime after they get back from the rigs.

Location: Client HQ, Kuala Belait, Brunei
Time: 12pm local time
Feeling: Stressed, a bit flat, could use a nap (as usual)

Oh man this project is busy. Everyone is running around at 200km/hr. Which is a great achievement given all the safety regulations in place - this is an oil and gas company, so everyone walking on the stairs has to hold the handrail, walk on the left hand side, not hurry, etc.

There is a lot of lingo to learn - hoists, CTU, nodding donkeys, turnkeys, wildcats, NPT, RDTL, ILT, GWDP, STL, maaaaaan. It's a different language.

The politics in this place...

Other than everyone speaking English (nice change), I haven't really noticed much difference to the BKK. It's been pretty much hotel-office-hotel for me - so that part hasn't changed much. Except that hotels here are sh!te. There is no customer service, people are hopeless and frankly just don't give a fark. I can't get room service (there is no food) at the hotel. I was so confused I had to check with reception. And at 5am there are loud prayers coming through the loudspeaker on street that wake me up when I don't close the window. Other than that, all you notice is lack of people. Or buildings. Really - there's pretty much NOTHING in KB. I'm going to check out the capital Bandar on the weekend - they made it look good in tourism brochures. Will see.

Also all the food here is halal (no pork) and there are no dogs on streets. Only cats. Both, pigs and dogs, are considered to be too dirty for muslims (I've been told anyway. Please correct me...) But apparently, they are not allowed to touch dogs or pigs. So when they have a dog on the police squad (eg drug sniffers), they have to get a Chinese person to be the dog handler.

*Sigh* Have to pretend I've re-grouped and get back to work.

Preparing for departure

Location: Latrobe St Home, Melbourne
Time: 1pm (Melb time, I think)

Well, after managing to lock myself out of the apartment for the better part of the day, I am a little bit stressed. Must unpack. And then pack again. Make sure I don't take anything pink to Brunei and only take ugly underwear (items pink or feminine get stolen by the hotel laundry people. I have to lock my bras in a suitcase when I leave the hotel).

Anyway - must still finish off the old project, start on the new one and write my self-appraisal. Having managed to get into the apartment just after one pm it sounds like a piece of cake... not.

another day

1:30pm (ish) 8 March, 2007
Location: Client office, Rama 3, BKK
Feeling: tired, bored, needing a holiday

Sigh. So yes - Brunei it is on Monday. Have booked my ticket. I don't really want to go. I kind of got comfortable here - finally got my client counterpart to (more) comfortably blab to me in English and become less scared (he seems a bit shy...) and now I have to move countries, move clients, move project teams. I dunwanna go. I have to be nice and make friends and build trust, respect and blah with the client, gotta make new job manager comfortable with my output, learn and adjust to their style of working and managing. It's all too hard. I wouldn't mind staying here where I know everything, everyone and how it all works. I am not bored yet... I think. (Well apart from today. Actually, if I see one more process map I may vomit...)

I can't seem to make myself do work today/yesterday. I have HEAPS to do but I can't make myself care... That's baaaad. I can see myself finishing work off for this on the flight home from BKK.

Other news... getting appraised again. Have to write a self-assessment.

Had a client function yesterday which finished late... Have a firm function tonight which will probably finish late. Sigh. I just want a nap!

Other topics I want to write about later (as I have to go and pretend to do work now...):

1) FFF (farken fitness first)
2) Post photos of the night of that incident (where they wouldn't let me into a bar because i was a female alone) and vent some more about it.
3) Umm. forgotten for now...

Item #2 - Photos from the night at Barsu (bar that opened at Sheraton Sukhumvit) - where door people discriminated against me in such a manner that ended up costing them about 6-7 bottles of French champagne, numerous Cuban cigars (see below), dozens of cocktails and fingerfood for 8 hungry people. Geesh, I should complain more often. However, I am still fuming and totally holding a grudge.

'Tis Lillian and Kareem smoking the free cigars and spreading the love. Also free.



Tis myself with Arthur and his wife, Barbara on the left. Arthur = boss on project (kind of) and has relocated to BKK with family for a year or two.


James, Barbara and myself...


Just me...

omg

10am ish
One word to describe how I feel this morning = aaaargh! 15 maps to do today! Cr@p!

4:30 pm ish (BKK time)
Hmm. Looks like I might be off to Brunei next monday. Where there is no beer and I can't wear my new bikini (no causal relationship there, btw). Argh!

Back to process maps, oh man...

PS just added a random picture of Thailand to see how it would look in this thing...

lazy sunday :/

Sunday, 4 March, 2007
Time: 7pm ish (BKK time)
Location: 2219, Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit, BKK
Feeling: Stressed

Quick summary of the day's achievements yield:
1) 1 new bikini
2) $15 worth of stamps for an avid collector from mum's clinic (don't ask!)
3) a fall in public
4) 2kgs of mangosteen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mangosteen) (Have never heard of it until Thailand and am now addicted - panic at the thought of what happens after Friday when I no longer have steady access to the fruit)
5) only 2 process maps :( :( :(

Long time, no hear...

Saturday, 3 March 2007
Location: 2219, Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit, BKK
Feeling: nauseous, stressed

It's been a long time since I've written anything. I miss writing (a bit of variety in a time of process maps. I think I'm starting to think in rectangles, diamonds and trapezium process flows). However, I've just been totally swamped with work. This project is coming to an end (1 week left) and we need to finish everything. I shall not go into the exact quantum of the work I have to get through this (long for Thai people) weekend.

Went out last night with Lillian and her French friends. I had a couple of drinks (1 glass of champagne and 1 long island) - had to drink 4 bottles of water after that (still thirsty, just ran out of water) and feel like vomiting after breakfast (which clearly I should have skipped). I am getting to old for this sh!t. I also cannot explain my bizarre behaviour - I was talking to a cute English boy in a hat (tall, lanky - totally my type) and when it came to phone number exchange I just didn't give it to him... What's wrong with me? I was thinking ... aah i can't be bothered... And yet how can I lament the absence of a love life during the day and still have this mentality when it comes to the crunch... I wonder if it's subconscious something... Pffft! NOT impressed with myself...
And he was cute...
I do have one week left in Bangkok... Hurmph...

weekend work

Location: 2404, Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit, BKK

Time: 5pm ish (BKK Time)

Feeling: bored, stressed and full (ate too much or maybe just too quickly)

It's been a while since I've written anything... Quite busy at work. Deadlines next week and also have to fly to Syd for office meeting. And again flying to Syd the week after for training. Also had parents come over and visit for a few days. All combined - been busy...

I actually really have no news. Hate weekend work but geesh I've got so much to do.

I better get back to it, I suppose...

Maybe I'll manage to squeeze in a pool break if I work effectively for an hour or three....

ps Mangosteens are coming into season. I had a mangosteen-eating session yesterday, successfully finishing approx. 2 kgs... Have not had one since then...

[no title]

Location: Client office, Rama III, BKK

Time: 1pm (ish)

Feeling: tired and sleepy

I miss being idle and lazy days - where you lie in bed and wonder what to do - read a bit, sleep a bit, wonder around city a bit, write a bit, shop, exercise.

I think it's called spare time.

Yep - that's what i miss. Having time when I have nothing that has to be done...

Home...

Location: Latrobe St Home, Melbourne

Time: 4pm (ish) BKK time - that's about 8pm locally I think

Feeling: i don't want to get on the plane tomorrow :(((

Weekend nearly over... Have to get on the plane tomorrow to go back to BKK. Was meaning to do work on the weekend but just can't bring myself to do it...

I actually don't really have a lot to write about. Have not been pondering a lot - had quite a busy weekend. I did think Vik and I were going to have a conversation this weekend but she went camping with her boy (Tim I think - and before anyone asks - I don't know anything about it or about him). And that's despite the fact that Sharon was having her birthday party on Saturday and invited people ages ago. And after I told her that I'm not going to be back in Melbourne all of February... *shrug* Priorities I suppose.

She just got home and I think she is home now but avoiding me BIG TIME. Haven't even said hello. Whatever. I can't be bothered anymore. If she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't want to talk...

So really that's the only thing on my mind that's bugging me.

*Sigh* Now I have to go and think happy thoughts. Look for my zen. Etc. *Huuuummmmmmmm*

yay! i'm home!

Location: Latrobe St Home, Melbourne !!

Time: 7:30am (BKK time), I think it's around noon locally

Feeling: pretty happy, and sleepy (of course)

That's all I've got for now.... Good to be home. I love my bed.

Colleague/Friend back at BKK got into a car accident yesterday morning. Not a bad one - a motorbike rammed the taxi from a side. She's ok- just shaken.

No other news.

9 hours to go!

speaking of which... looks like no nap for me tonight... :/

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Location: 2208, Sheraton Sukhumvit, BKK

Time: 11pm (ish)

Feeling: emotional

Reading: a diet book

It's been an interesting day at work. A bit of emotion flowing all around, some drama, some confrontations... That's what you get when you get people to live together overseas... I don't even know where to start explaining... Fark it, am not going to bother.

I should probably get to work anyway. Got heaps to do before I get on the plane tomorrow (which leaves at 8am in the morning, giving me approximately 6 hours to finish work, pack and nap before I get on the plane).

Also had 2 D&Ms with work colleagues, briefly thought about quitting to escape past history at the firm and all the freaking rumours that just won't go die and now needing an outlet to help me think things through.

I think I just need a hug. Another one. (Had one from Lillian, gave one to James and now I'm just very very tired.)

*Sigh*

Sunburn update: peeling BIG time - shedding skin on my back like there's no tomorrow, slightly less peeling on my face and my right knee still has blisters that haven't popped. I now remember why I don't like the outdoors.

Right. Back to work. And to searching for my zen.

Randoms

BIG *wodzha*!

http://www.solsup.com.au/greenman/bigrabbit.jpg

Q: where should I move my blog to? Blogger? What else is out there? I'd like to be able to control who has access...

are we there yet?

Location: sheraton BKK

Time: 1am (ish)

Feeling: fat, bloated, unfit, tense, depressed and sunburnt. and maybe a little bit stressed

Feeling like a huge fat blotched unfit tomato. Having trouble sleeping. Which is a first. Want to crawl under a blanket and not get out.

Doesn't seem appropriate to post it, but fark, who else am I going to whinge to?

Also nearly threw up the dinner. It's still trying to come up. Hmmm

Not long until home now! I miss home...

What else can I whinge about? I feel bossed around. And have no spare time. Or time to myself. Or time to go the gym. Keep having late dinners which is contributing to the state of permanent bloatation.

And did I mention I was broke?

I think I need a break. I don't think I spent a period of longer than 6 hours (ie sleeping) away from work colleagues. Maybe that's what's freaking me out. I don't think I'm a people person. I need a break.

Face is peeling severely (nose in particular). MD walked in this morning singing a song about Rudolf.

I think back is peeling too but I can't tell. I need a massage but can't do anything coz of sunburn...

Whingewhinge. Wheeeeenge. Whingewhinge.

*Sigh*

PS In other news: Julsie is now Mrs Haiko, Parents definitely coming to BKK on the 2nd Feb, Rami called from Seoul, and I'm flying home in ~36 hours.

YAY I'm getting comments! (on the blog)

Am getting different comments in real life - like "hello, tomato"

Life is average...

Location: Client Office, Rama III, BKK

Time: 9am

Reading: Interview with a Vampire, Anne Rice (better than expected)

Feeling: depressed

This year is not off to a good start. Am starting the year fat, broke (see my NY resolutions #2 and #1, respectively), blonde (see my ranting re Thai hairdressers) and NOW I am also looking like a swollen blotchy red tomato thanks to my seasickness-induced nap on a dive boat.

Need I say more? *Sigh*

Also, would not recommend the Le Meridien at Khao Lak. Luxury prices for beautiful property but incredibly crap service. I've had better service in backpacker inns. I'll be calling the hotel manager to complain. I went for a sunburn treatment - and they wrapped me in dry towels on top of aloe vera gel. I stuck to the towel, unsurprisingly, and had to be peeled off, experiencing highly acute pain. I had to check if the skin on my back was still attached to me. I came out worse than before the treatment. Not a happy bunny.

The food was also REMARKABLY bad. The staff didn't really speak English - I guess it's not surprising. Khao Lak was one of the worst hit by the tsunami and they have trouble finding people. My answer to that is training... Either train them or don't charge exorbitant prices... Geesh... (eg. tennis racket = want to check out?, peppermint = coffee tea, tea = coffee, ceasar salad with chicken & no bacon = ceasar with bacon and no chicken, not to mention random cables provided, 10 mins = 50 mins.... )

And my nose started peeling already...

Work: Feeling a bit disconnected from everyone else. I think we've been spending a lot of time together and I've had no down time. I think my brain is forcing me to shut down socially for a couple of days... I wouldn't mind crawling under a blanket and staying there for a few days.

PS Have been reading Polina's & Jack's Blog - how I miss Europe! :/

I think my European visit is long overdue. I just can't decide whether to do a trip or focus my energy on getting funding to do some "peace consulting" with Denya in Romania... Maybe there other NGOs... In Paris... Or Rome... Hmmmm

quickie update

Location: Client office, Rama III, BKK

Time: 11am (ish)

Feeling: tired, need a massage, can't wait for the weekend

Going to Khao Lak this weekend. La Meridian is supposed to be very nice there. I'm getting used to napping at all these exotic locations /resorts. I don't know how I'll adjust to life back home... Hmm.

http://www.starwoodhotels.com/lemeridien/property/overview/index.html?propertyID=1847 (is the place we booked to stay. looks lovely...mmm)

On the other hand, I am also getting thoroughly sick of the BKK airport, the humongous monster that it is. I swear, it is so large that it probably sits across a few postcodes (if BKK has postcodes....).

Very tired today as I ended up staying up last night watching this movie - I couldn't go to bed, I needed to know what was going on. I googled "booby trap cube prison sci fi" and finally found the movie http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cube_Zero

Very bizarre. AND it did not have a happy ending. So I was feeling a bit let down at 2am in the morning.

Bringing parents over to Thailand in a couple of weeks. Trying to organise all the stuff. Hoping to take them to Krabi over the weekend.

No other news. TGF. But still so early... SIGH.

google thyself...

Location: 2511, Sheraton, BKK

Time: 7am (ish) (OUCH)

Feeling: as to be expected at 7am...

Was googling my job manager yesterday (she was complaining her name was hijacked by a religious fanatic) - the website with her name was hilarious.

Decided to google myself to see what comes up.

http://www.ecom.unimelb.edu.au/faculty/events.html

am almost famous... haha...eh

Hair update: less traumatised than before. Decided to wait for hair to recover before doing anything. Co-workers didn't seem as shocked. Some of them said "did you do something to your hair?" and "but you were blonde before...". I'm guessing I may've overreacted. Still I'm very blonde and still get a shock when I look in the mirror.

Ponderings: decided that I have to learn to suck up in order to make my life easier at work. The presentation and schmoozing skills seem to compensate for content and analytics to a large extent. And it takes partners a long time to notice the holes beneath the smooth exterior (forever really). So I decided it's a skill i have to pick up to an extent .... (presentation ok, schmoozing is a bit eww)

I shall keep you posted, my fluffy ones...

ps did I mention that Thai people wear slippers at work? It's very bizarre...

*sigh*

Location: 2511, Sheraton

Time: 7am ish

Feeling: sleepy

Oh man I don't want to leave the room. Well actually, I don't want to leave the bed. But this is altogether another level. Am feeling sorry for myself. It's been kind of "why me?" for the past few days. But we are only up to 2 shitty occurences. So there's at least one more to come. They never come along. It's always a streak. So really, 3 reasons for not wanting to leave the safety of my bed... :/

OMG

Location: 2511, Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit, fr**ng BKK

Time: 10pm (ish)

Feeling: quite upset actually

I went to a hairdresser today at one of the most expensive malls in BKK (expensive must be good, right?) to a Shiseido Hair Salon and they PEROXIDED me!!!!! Upon having asked for "natural looking highlights" and a cut to layer my hair and remove weight from the top, they proceeded to do something involving brushes and foils for 2.5 hours, after which they spent 5 hours snipping around my head. At the end, I kept asking "Are you finished?!?", "That's very quick...", "Are you sure you're finished??" which turned into "OMG, I am BLONDE", "OMG that's so light" once I actually put my glasses on. I kept complaining as they tried to usher me out and kept shaking their hands with thumbs up and saying "oooh...goood...ooooh...natural".

So now I have a dilemma of whether or not to go to work. I was contemplating going back in the morning and getting them to do SOMEthing. But I'm actually scared - I am not sure if I want them touching my hair again.... I mean, I;ll go there, ask for low-lights and walk out with black hair or something. I mean, if my hair is supposed to look natural, what the hell are they using as a benchmark?! A Barbie?!?!

Anyway... I think I'll still ring them and abuse. I don't know if they actually have someone who speaks English as opposed to pretend to speak English...

*sniff sniff*

I think my colleague (Lillian) may come with me tomorrow - she's American and she ALWAYS gets her message across. I don't know if it's because she is American or because she is Lillian. Besides I can't work out what the hell is happening at the back of my head. All I can see is the front - which makes me "Baywatch" material...

And did I mention the managing partner may be in tomorrow? This is the man who thinks that grey suits are insufficiently conservative, one should never wear sweaters/vests at work and that shirts should only be white.

Although, one point of view (as expressed by Lillian) is that my hair looks grey in patches and thus makes me look more mature - around 40 yo.

Goody.

Sunday morning

Location: 2511, Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit, BKK

Time: 11 (ish) am

Feeling: slightly seedy, hungry, mildly stressed, a bit out of it

Friday night was rather interesting - we (as in co-workers) decided to check out the new bar that's opened downstairs at Sheraton. Made reservations etc. Unfortunately for all involved, I was the first to arrive - upon my arrival I was interrogated at the door (they didn't believe that I had a reservation), finally, they let me in and followed me around the bar as I looked for the rest of the group. No one was there, more questions - so I said, ok I'll just sit at the bar and wait for them. At which point I got told it was against bar's regulations for a female to sit at the bar. I was getting a bit narky - alone the lines of "where CAN i sit then", proceeded to stalk out of the bar and bumped into the next (male) colleague to arrive who convinced me to stay as we needed to wait for others.

So, I'm sitting there growling and they must've decided situation was not ideal - so they proceed to give us two (disgusting) cocktails for free and apologise to my (male) COLLEAGUE about the number of questions etc. I was FUMING.

Anyway, a bit later in the night - an ideal opportunity arose when the manager of the hotel walked into the bar. I proceeded to tell him my sob story - alone the lines of "Who did they think I was???" and "I've never felt like that" and "I'm just not used to such blatant discrimination". He apologised, the manager of the bar apologised and the night ended up being on the house. At which point we proceeded to drink 3-4 bottles of Veuve Clique. I felt a bit better after that.

Needless to say, this managed to get me quite beyond tipsy and the rest is a blur. I needed to take the Saturday just to recover. I don't even know how it happened. Just suddenly hit me when we got to Qbar. Sigh. So much for my resolution of not drinking that much. Well, I'll keep trying I guess.

About to go and do brunch at Sukothai.

Wednesday Night's Pondering

Location: Client Office, Rama III, BKK

Time: 6:30pm

Feeling: very drained

4 hour meeting is too long I've decided. It totally exhausts my mental capacity. Crap another meeting...

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Time: 8pm

Feeling: quite alert actually. but farken freezing.

another 1.5 hour meeting. hmmm. going home... shall finish later...

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Time: 11pm

Feeling: completely wiped and a bit paranoid

Yes... It looks like I am not really going to have an opportunity to ponder. Having finished the above mentioned meetings, on the way to the hotel in the cab managing partner suggests dinner (you just don't say "no"...). So here I am... 1.5 hour dinner later. By far the most intimidating occurence of the day.

It was actually really interesting. We got to hear about his background - it's completely not what I expected. He grew up in Byron Bay in a family of hippies with quite a bit of farked up stuff in the family...

And also hearing a bit about his views on professional appearance, personal grooming, table manners and how drastically those affect your perception in the eyes of the client. Kind of explains why our firm is ultra conservative. Kind of makes sense I guess - I am still not sure whether it makes sense in all situations. However, I guess white shirt + black suit, immaculate grooming and table manners = the most risk averse strategy - much better odds...

So yeah... Vik... Well... I finally replied. I don't think that it's really a good way to have this sort of discussion via email. Such a risk of misunderstanding. I still don't think she understood what I'm trying to say. Which is that I'm not over her decision to have a "break" in the friendship. It hurt and I'm confused as to what has changed now and why she would want to talk about it seeing that she is living the country pretty much within weeks of me getting back from Bangkok (if that indeed does happen).

Aaaaaaanyway. Not a lot of resources left for pondering. In fact, my right eye waters when I try to think too hard.

A bit disappointed that no one shared their views on the ethics of blogging personal matters involving 3rd parties. Very un-enlightening.

[no title]

Location: Client Site, Rama III, BKK

Time: 7pm

Feeling: tired and drained

This fight with Vik has been pretty emotionally draining. It also took up a better part of my working day. All this angst via email! I will need botox 5 years sooner after this I think.

I think things are resolved but I'm not sure. I don't think I've made myself understood but who knows. I don't really know how to get across what I'm thinking. It has moved way beyond the original incident and into "do you want to be my friend" zone. I don't actually know the answer to that.

And now that I actually know that there are people out there reading my ramblings (Denis emailed me saying "ouch") I wonder whether I should be posting things of such personal nature. Is it fair to Vik? Probably not. But man, I was FURIOUS. I needed to do SOMETHING. And then if I don't post what I think/feel or about things that are bothering me, then what is the point of this thing?

I actually wouldn't mind some comments on the ethics /morals /niceties of this situation... What would you do? You, my dear friends, reading this, must have some opinion on what one does in such a situation?

I can't really see clearly on this one...

ps The incident actually wasn't as bad as I thought /assumed - apparently "nothing much" happened... Possibly knowing that may've lessened the degree of my anger. But they why not say "we kind of fell asleep on your bed because mine was too small". Maybe it's a communication problem. I have that with Vik a lot... As to be highlighted by the current argument that is raging where we just go around in circles. And I'm still confused by the "understanding" that we reached. I don't think she got what I was meaning to say. *Sigh* Some days just suck.

pps And apparently my shirt is very tight today. My colleagues have been taking the piss out of me for the last 8 hours. It appears that when I put on a bit of weight, a lot of it went to my cleavage area. So now all my shirts are tight around there. And allegedly they can see my white lacy bras and I should wear flesh coloured ones. *roll eyes* Gym time tonight, I swear...

Gotta love the homeland...

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/08/world/europe/08russia.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5094&en=50653a9969b501f6&hp&ex=1168318800&partner=homepage

Not sure whether to laugh or to cry!

'Tis open season on ...

(xxx)

------------------------------------------------

Location: Client office, Rama III, BKK

Time: 2pm

Feeling: still furious

So... quick summary of events thus far.

1) Am spewing. Furious. Fuming. Gavno kipit i par idet is ushei ("my shit is boiling and steam is coming out of my ears" would be the literal translation) About xxx using my bed to make out and sleep. And then not acting either apologetic or even like it's a big deal. So yes, I blew the lid and said that it's a total breach of trust, invasion of sanctity of my home and privacy, that i'll never live with her again and in fact that I intend to move out now as soon as I'm back.

It has since then evolved into a full-blown fight about much deeper issues than that. But man I am still SO furious about it. (....done some editing having calmed down a little bit and read back on my rant.....) I am plotting revenge and it won't be pretty. (yeah I am kind of over it... I figured posting it on the blog helped though. I needed to rant.)

2) I keep trying to feed people today. I think if I offer my colleagues one more cookie they are going to whack me. I think it's hormonal. Possibly.

3) Hua Hin's Evason and the Six Senses Spa were good. Really lovely surroundings but the spa experience was a bit average. But I have become a snob when it comes to Spas.... Man, BKK lifestyle is spoliling me.

4) Day is still young. May have more developments before the end of the day.