Resolutions anyone?

Location: Home (Latrobe), Melbourne

Time: 8:25pm BKK, after midnight local time

Feeling:... restless

Resolutions for new year... Hmm... Just thought of starting to make a list...

1) Fiscal responsibility. Has to be. As suggested by colleagues to whom I'm now obliged to submit bi-weekly finance report... I cannot comprehend how I can remain in such a financial sh!thole with a steady income. Where the hell is it going?!? Sure I may shop, but am I really spending that much on shopping?!? Is it the travel? Random expenses that arise out of travel and convenience related stuff that I spend on because I don't have time?? I don't know... But i'm supposed to be keeping track now. And now more shopping... (excluding the necessities of course... Like 17 pairs of Leona Edminson stay ups... I need those for work... I stock up)

2) Get in shape (well get back into the correct shape. ie pre-work state)

3) wouldn't mind dating a bit more. but i think this one is out of my hands. I can't even begin to formulate a practical plan...

That's all I've got for now... I think i need to add more... #3 is not really a realistic one anyway...

qantas sux

Location: Latrobe St Home, Melbourne

Time: 11am (BKK) - not sure about Melbourne...

Feeling - tired

Just thought I'd make a list of bottom 3 things that happened to me in the last 24 hours:

1) spilled hairy lemon on my laptop. Emergency unplugging, drying and non-utilisation for the next few hours...

2) had my visa skimmed in Thailand. Had to cancel.

3) spent 3 hours waiting for my cabin luggage at the airport in melbourne. after they wouldn't let me take it into bus class and decided to send it to melbourne a few flights later. i had to guess what actually happened as no one would farken tell me anything. "yeah... why don't you wait and see if it arrives on the next flight" did not inspire confidence in Qantas baggage handling. I have subsequently cancelled all of my upcoming Qantas flights and now flying Thai airways to BKK next time. Farkers.

Are we there yet?

Location: Client office, Rama III, BKK

Time: 13 Dec 2006, 8:13am (BKK time)

Man.... I wish Xmas hollidays would just START ALREADY....

Other than that I have nothing of interest to say other than lah lalalalallaaaaaaa lalalalala

Lalalala Laaaaa Laaah LaLaLaLa

Tried to come into the office early so that I'd finish that reference for Harvard Bus School for Chris. Find myself procrastinating.... Possibly waiting for Xmas...

Sigh

Back to it.

Hothothot

Location: Home@Latrobe St, Melbourne

Time: 1pm (Melb time), 9am (BKK time)

Man it's hot. This is same as Bangkok weather. Except in BKK I have air-con. Sigh.

Trying to work and it is just NOT happening. Well, it's not work exactly - trying to write Chris's Harvard Bus School reference. Having flashbacks to writing all those wanky questionnaires when looking for grad job.

Monday tomorrow. Which means airport time. I just SO CANNOT be bothered. 2 more weeks in Bangkok before Xmas break. I am OVER it. I want the break now. I want to be home. I don't want to fly anywhere... whinge whinge whinge. Feel a bit better now.

Monday, yellow Monday - Part 2

I've also decided to start compiling list of top 3...

1) (so far anyway, given it's the only one on the list) Arthur's Brazillian sayings - so far 2 gems: "When it's raining dicks, pick the smallest" and "If you're getting raped, you may as well enjoy it". I think it's possible something gets lost in translation, but geesh I love it when he starts his sentence with "You know, in Brazil, we have a saying..."

Monday, yellow monday

Location: Shearton Grande Sukhumvit, Bangkok

Date: Monday 4 Dec, 10:14pm

As I was walking to get photos for Thai work permit, I was trying to pick my bottom 3 of the day... Now that I'm back (4 hours later), I seem to have forgotten the second one...

1) December is the Yellow-shirt month due to King's b'day. Everyone has to wear yellow. So far it's been only every monday. Now it's every freaking day in December. Lets just say, I'm not blending in...

2) is the one I forgot. I bet it was interesting.

3) My client counterpart draining my existence. Enough said.

Sunday lounging

Location: Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit, Bangkok

Data /Time: Sunday 2nd December, 10:41AM

Another sunny day in the steamy Bangkok. Trying to make small talk with room service as they try to clean my room (I take advantage of the fact that room gets cleaned twice a day - things stay where they fall... yess... most people will have no trouble believing that one) - and basically doing anything and everything that postpones me doing process maps and thinking about work in general.

Have already done shopping on strawberrynet, done some packing, bought subscription to 2007 ballet season, answered emails and even (gasp) hung some of my clothes up. Now updating my blog as this, again, postpones process mapping for a little while.

Sigh.

I gave up on small talk and wild gesticulation and gone back to pondering what I need to say to get a flat white coffee (this time I got a large pot of black coffee - close but not quite).

Had some success yesterday with Anna's wedding present. Thoroughly regretted my moment of stupidity when I promised a Thai fertility statue (I don't think there are fertility deities in buddhism... it's just Buddha...). Anyway, managed to get a non-buddha statue that could potentially be a fertility statue if you are drunk and squint. Most stutues here are either wood (bad for quarantine matters) or bronze (farken heavy). So it's a bonus that I managed to find one that I can check into luggage and can even lift without assistance. *clap clap for me*

I guess I should really do some work. I'll try to motivate myself - finish 3 process maps that I need to email out tomorrow morning and I can go shopping.... I think another reason I find work distasteful is that one of my client counterparts keeps referring to me as "lovely Olga" and it is freaking me out (as if...!). Eww. Quadriple Eww. In fact, ewww to the power of infinity. I already feel like i need to shower.

Sigh

Process maps, here I come. The Master of THai Commercial Banking Process Maps yay... Really, I'm one step away from Master of the Universe...

oh yeah and...

9) Asking whether a restaurant has something is equivalent to buying it. I once asked whether they have absolut (with a view to maybe having a shot) - next thing I know there a full bottle on our table. However, my genuine shock at this occurrence did facilitate people thinking that I did not foresee it happening and therefore am not an alco. And we got to drink the bottle... Those Thais can drink!

Bangkok - the land of process maps

Location: Room 2103, Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit, Bangkok

Time: 12:28 AM (BKK time), 29 Nov 2006

It's been a very very very long time since I've written anything here. Especially in the light of my constant promises to friends and roommates who wonder once in a while where the fark I am and when I'm coming home. Apparently, if I'm not careful I could miss the sale of our apartment by landlord, one roommate going to UK and us moving out to a 2BR place. God knows what I've already missed. (eg potential life forms breeding in my room... gotta watch those teabags)

Aanyway... Right. Bangkok. It feels like much much longer than 3 weeks that I've been here. I'll summarise the lowlights and the highlights... (leave up to you to decide which is which...). In no particular order...

1) Weekend at Koh Samui (the airport is actually a shed with no walls... AND they made us pay an airport tax of 300 baht... what the hell for? repairing holes in the roof due to coconuts falling?)

2) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (editing..... )

3) Anna's hens night (not in bangkok): mmm panther...

4) Looking for Anna's wedding present. What the hell was I thinking when I promised Thai fertility statues???

5) Process mapping... god... process mapping...

6) **#*#*@())@__!!!#$#%%%%***************************** (more stuff about work and client that I've had to edit due to the memo we got from Ralph. Apparently we are not allowed to diss the firm anywhere - which includes drunken conversations and blogs... HRMPH!)

7) ummm... I thought I had more to say but I'm kind of stuck now. A bit retarded today after just spending 3 hours banging my head against a metaphysical wall of non-english speaking (and not very bright) people.... I allow the possibility that they may come across smarter if I understood more of what they are saying... Actually.. maybe not...

8) Mondays - are yellow shirt days in Thailand - in honour of the King (some sort of anniversary... maybe 50 years since coronation I think). At first I thought "geesh, yellow is popular", then I thought it must be some sort of uniform... Now I have a yellow shirt. Have worn it once. Moved on to wearing a yellow tie instead.

Hm Sleepy now...

still mushrooming

It's interesting that I seem to need to be in a fairly depressed mood in order to have interesting thoughts and ponder the meaning of life and the like....

Maybe I'm just tired. Very tired.

i am a mushroom

Ah... another wonderous week in Sydney... The plan is to slack off as much as possible without anyone noticing. It's very rare to get weeks like this on jobs... I'm kind of winding down, handing over, shifting responsibility onto the person who will essentially be replacing me...

Looks like Bangkok is more likely to happen than before. It would be nice to get a week or so in Melbourne before I go... Sigh. Just thinking about it is making me tired. It's a 9hour flight from Sydney...

I am still pondering on what to do with my life... Should I try to relocate offices within Booz? Moscow, London? But then who will pick up the tab for business school? Or should I stay here and go to business school and then try to relocate? Or should I just move on and try doing something different, a bit less intense? Still don't know. I think I'll do my GMAT first - one problem at a time, hey...

What else... Still no social life or hobbies in sight. Unless napping counts as a hobby...

Mmm. Bored. I think that's mostly because I'm relying on work to provide all the stimulation...

No further deep ponderings at this point. It IS morning. I don't do serious thinking this early...

needing a vacation...

And what a crap week it has been. I am glad it is over but I would be willing to pay dearly to not be going back to Syd tomorrow morning.

Some of the crap, like the mother of all hangovers, was self-inflicted. And the rest is just due to the shittiness of the job. As per usual, I completely passed out on the weekend - even more than usual, actually. Drinking at mid-week is definitely NOT the way to go. In fact, drinking at all will not be happening for a long while I've decided.

What else can I say? Didn't do much on the weekend. Had tickets for the Amnesty International Comedy Gala for Saturday night - which was the only thing that dragged me out of bed this weekend.

Actually... that's pretty much it... I've got nothing. No deep thoughts, none of my usual contemplation of people, life or where my life is going. Running a bit flat at the moment. *Sigh* Not even sure what to look forward to... There's no vacation on horizon and no way work is going to let me take time off... I might try anyway - I'll see where I'm staffed next. I hope it's Bangkok. It's gotta be better than Canberra...

ADIDAS

All

Day

I

Dream

About

Sleep

Possibly sex too sometimes. But definitely not as often as sleep!

Was supposed to do the work last night after the Russian Movie Festival but fell asleep. Around 8pm. Woke up 8am today and trying to do work now. But really wishing to be back in bed.

*Sigh*

Like Nozbo said - if sleeping was an Olympic sport....

ps: the procrastination site of the day: http://www.nureyev.org/ (He was also Tartar so I was excited - being half-tartar and trying to explain it to people who've never heard of the race...)

more words...

Hmmm...

Location: Sydney, 4 seasons hotel room

Condition: slightly intoxicated, a bit sick (as in a cold)

Feeling: tired, blocked up, uninspired to write pages for the deck for tomorrow. for fark's sake, won't it just go away and do itself? maybe i need a few more shots to inspire... hmmm

'

decided that i'm sick of hearing the word "bespoke"

also decided that my second favourite animal, after hedgehogs of course, is a sloth bear. they would be my first if it wasn't for those claws. very unattractive...

word of the week...

is definitely nefarious... i keep looking for an opportunity to use it, but it's just not going to arise at work...

Pondering at home...

I have finally chilled out a bit after last Friday - which was when I had a spasm about things happening on the current project (relating to staffing crap that I can't be bothered explaining because it's just stupid and annoys me). It's was amasing to observe the progression of emotions which started with self-pity which deteriorated to tears when my mentor gave me sympathy and understanding. Eventually, within a 24 hour time frame, it turned into anger which climaxed at boiling anger by Saturday night. Now I'm experiencing resignation, boredom and indifference.

The whole experience has not endeared the firm or the partner in question to me. But beyond that, I'm not going to do anything stupid (like quit to take an inferior job). I guess it just made me an extra bit more wary, cynical and unimpressed. (as if I wasn't all of those before!)

Saw "Thank you for Smoking" on Saturday night with Buzz - highly amusing. Then we went for a drink to Eurotrash - as they have a superior choice of vodkas. I whinged and generally unloaded my rage which was nice. Not sure how Buzz enjoyed it though... I did pay for the alcohol and the food - so he did get something out of it all...

I am somewhat embarrassed about how much this work stuff gets to me. I don't know though whether it is normal, it is me or it is the culture here. Sometimes I feel emotionally barren. People just don't get emotional about things. It never ceases to amaze me how much people just don't care about stuff - it is actually seen as undesirable to display emotion, to care, to not be "relaxed" or "easy-going".

Is it me? Am I on the wrong continent? Why are people so laid back and repressed?? How can they have emotional connections with others? What about personal relationships? You can lash out due to emotion and people will run away, think worse of you, freak out, whatever - instead of reaching out to you, taking a risk. Anything but running away and never talking about it whilst harbouring a grudge... Not sure if I'm capturing what I'm thinking. It's hard. I haven't really tried to capture these thoughts before. Ah well, just ponderings in my semi-private journal... The exhibitionism associated with a blog still gives me a bit of a rush... Which is possibly why I still write. That, and I type much faster than I hand write.

Ah the dying art of hand writing...

This all just further reinforces my wish to try out Russia for a while. But I think at the same time, I wouldn't mind living in France for a while (ie MBA in INSEAD). Of course, there are still a few hurdles to get over before that becomes likely... Such as getting in... getting support from firm... surviving another appraisal at Booz... Ah well, one week at a time... Hell, I don't even plan that far ahead... I'm managing a few days at a time...

Pondering at work...

Location: Sydney, Work office (trying to not mention where I actually work in case I get into trouble for beetchin')

Waiting for a phone call to have input into an appraisal (come on, John, hurry up and call...) - third one for the night. I've tried to get them all in on one day to minimise disruption.

Work is a bit boring at the moment. I really don't like the client office. It is so dreary. The work also is not overly exciting. I'm experiencing a bit of a lull and Pete is in an unusually cheery mood (which, I am sure, will not last very long). So I'm attempting to slack off a bit. Not that it is working since it is now 8pm and I'm still in the office. On the other hand, I haven't actually done any work since 3pm.

Actually, life is a bit boring at the moment. Which is why I put my hand up to go to Russia. We won a big job there in Energy and they seem to be in a dire need of native speakers. I said I'm interested, but not sure what the job involves (waiting for the same John as above to call me).

I wonder if it is me and I have a very short attention span or if it is lifestyle driven - where I become puzzled when I have extra 10 minutes to spare that I previously didn't. There seems to be not much happening from the work perspective (apart from more of the usual) or on personal level (zip, nothing, fark all). I wonder if it is the latter that is really the gap. It is possible that I rely on my job to provide all the stimulation and excitement.
That actually seems very likely. So the next question, do I seek further excitement through work, or do I drop it and try to find stimulation in personal life...

Hmmm....

is it sunday??!

I am very very puzzled as to what just happened. It would appear, based on a calendar, that I have just slept through Saturday... Literally.
I remember going to bed on Friday night, after a rather strange B'day party at Eurotrash, and then I wake up to find that it is Sunday morning. Do these things happen to other people??!

So yeah... I am very confused. There goes my weekend... :(

nearly there...

Location: Client Office, Pitt St, Sydney

Nearly there... Nearly airport time... I have not been home for nearly 2 weeks and it worries what I am going to find in my room. I have a suspicion that I have left over breakfast there when I left 2 weeks ago. I wonder what life forms have procreated there. Perhaps I could donate them to Nozbo for study. There could be a scientific article in that....

I think my highlight of the day so far is the discovery of the root of my current obsession with hedgehogs. I've traced it back to "Hedgehog in the Mist" (Yozhik v Tumane) animation I used to watch back in Russia.

http://www.answers.com/topic/hedgehog-in-the-fog

http://hedgehoginmist.narod.ru/

What can I say? I'll just put it out there. I love hedgehogs.

Quite tired today. Had a big prioritisation workshop yesterday, drinks with client, dinner with Martin (can't believe his last day is this Friday - another one quits...), trying to squeeze out a baseline for Peter Burns, drinking 3 shots in <15>

4.5hours until airport... Bring on the work... Not (nearly passed out in the 3 hour meeting this morning. *sigh*)

monday, oh monday...

Location: Client’s office, Pitt St, Sydney

Ahhh. Monday. Another day in the office. I am over this particular office. There are no windows. I feel claustrophobic. Only artificial light. I can’t even tell what time of the day it is by looking outside. Monday 9:20am and I’m so ready to go home.

Weekend was ok. I slept and read in bed. My idea of heaven. Ahhh.

Anyway, I thought I was inspired to write something. I was wrong. I think I need to pump myself full of coffee first…

In sickness and health...

Ah the misery of sickness - it is wonderful how it overshadows any other problems that you may have. If you were spending your whole weekend worrying about one particular problem, once another, a bigger problems pops up - it is amazing how the other, former, problems goes "poof".

Ended up going home at 3pm after 2.5hour meeting (I though I was going to pass out!) and have been hassling room service ever since. Have had soup, salad, tea with lemon, complained about the coldness of the room, got them to bring me a heater. I think I'm going to need more tissues...

Other than that, have nothing else of substance or not to share...

And yet another day...

Location: Sydney, Four Seasons Hotel

State of being: Sick, cold and unimpressed

Plans for the night: Work work and more work (baselining... yay!...)

Well, it's been a long day - having started at 5am when I woke up to the sound of my alarm with a nasty head cold. It was only yesterday that I was wishing that I would get a nasty, infections but very non-life-threatening virus that would require me to stay at home.

Instead I got a plain, run of the mill head cold that makes my life miserable for a week but gets no sympathy vote from anyone. And certainly doesn't justify my staying at home.

*Sigh*

Karma - it must be...

I am still confused by the concept of having a blog. I mean, personally, I doubt anyone is going to read mine. However, even writing the entries kind of presumes that you are interesting enough for other people to read about your life. It's a bit weird and more than a little voyeuristic. Yet, it is also strangely therapeutic - almost like having a diary (which is probably archaic these days) except leaving it where other people can find it...

Hmmm... Yes...

My other thought for the day was - WHAT IF, I give up the "career job" and my love life remains as miserable as ever? At least this way, I can live in denial and tell myself that "it's not me, it's the job". What if it is me? Do I risk finding out? Can I do a quick test before I commit to a path in life?

Of course, these line of thinking was prompted by the fact that things at work turned out to be not as bad as I thought last week... and, again, I'm finding myself getting sucked into it and thinking "6 more months"

Man... Where ARE my bags?!?! I've been waiting for almost 30 mins - have gotten changed into a robe, had a power nap, checked email, surfed the web, ordered room service AND written a blog. (and of course, already made an impatient phone call to the reception...)

They must be storing them in parramatta dammit!

Oh yeah - and other news...

Denya's here - Woooo! Just not for very long

Resolved: too look for a new job & a new date... Not in any particular order but maybe I'd have more of a chance with the latter once I resolve the former... Hmmm. Besides, no rush. Johnny Depp is still taken.

Parents: still in Russia. Actually - no, they just got to London.

Nightmares: involve mean unreasonable clients and excel spreadsheets...

Friends: don't see them very often...

Interests that have no chance to do anything about: dance, martial arts, reading, yoga, meditation, italian and men...

Work, work and work...

I contemplate my life on this fine (and what should be a "lazy") sunday afternoon, I come to a unsurprising revelation that my miserable existence revolves around my crappy job (meanwhile I hope to god none of my co-workers stumble upon this blog...). When I should be hanging out at the gallery, reading a book, sipping on a latte or having a nap (most of you know my priorities hehe) - instead I'm madly typing away on a spreadsheet full of crappy data and trying to link it to another spreadsheet, also full of crappy data (it is just NOT going to happen - job manager, buddy, you were in DENIAL). Dealing with clients is normally quite stressful. Doubly stressful when either your job manager or your OIC is nailing you from behind. Triply so when the client doesn't want you to be here and in fact, wants someone else to be there who worked on a previous job. Quardriply so when your OIC rolls over and lets them have what they want (without telling anyone else what is going on).

Far out, hey.

I wonder if anyone will notice if I don't turn up in Sydney tomorrow. Maybe I'll catch some sort of small and nasty but non-life threatening disease that will prevent me from boarding the plane. Maybe someone will call in with a threat. Or maybe Qantas will go on strike...

*Sigh*

Me not in happy place.

Oh yeah - and my love life.... - WHAT love life... ?!?!? I can't even remember when I went on a date... *Scratch head* For all I know, it was last year... Hurphm!

What else can I whinge about....

Oh yeah some co-workers are insensitive gossip-mongers with over-inflated sense of their own worth.

Phew... I feel better now... I feel like I have vented. Well maybe a little bit. I tell you, I'd feel a lot better if all those problems magically fixed themselves or otherwise went away. I don't need any more personal growth this year. I've grown enough. I want my physical body to catch up with my mental age now.

And man do I need a holiday....

same sh1t, different day

28 June, 2006

same sh1t, different day

Hmmm. My very first "blog" entry. How exciting. Still haven't quite came to grasp what this blogging thing is all about. Is it like an online journal? A diary? Seems a bit exhibitionist. Or do you just use it to share opinions about stuff?

Anyway

Life as a corporate slave is not fun. At all. Working working and more working. It is 11pm and I'm contemplating doing a couple more hours of work - and this is after finishing work at 8pm. Ah. Might look for another job in my spare time (HA!)

Anyway - enough of this - back to business it is...

Censorship - WTF?