Come see my movie!

Come see my movie!

Wanna come see a good movie? The Utah Family Film Festival is showing "Stalking Santa" this weekend at the University Mall Cinemas.

My husband Topher and I filmed it when I was seven months pregnant with my son (now 2). We had a lot of fun improvising lines and making each other laugh. The director, Greg Kiefer has become a really good friend of ours and his work is amazing. As they say in the biz, he has a great eye. . . (yeah, I already know all the industry terms and stuff, like "strike" and "roll speed," etc.) This is his first feature, but you'd never know it. William Shatner narrates the movie, which really adds to it, because his voice is so distinct and commanding!

Its made it to many film festivals. Eric D. Snider reviewed it. Read about it here.

View the trailer here.

Come see it! Bring the whole family! I really like it and I'm proud of it! I wouldn't recommend it otherwise. Honestly. I've done a lot of stuff I wouldn't recommend.

The movie times are THIS Thurs. at 5, Friday at 7:10, and Saturday at 6:10.

I think I was cool once. . . okay, not really.

There's nothing like seeing really cool people to remind you that you're not cool. This didn't come as a big shock to me on my whirlwind vacation to LA, but more of a gradual 10 year revelation. Actually, I have four little daily reminders. One, and I'm not naming names, told me on my birthday this past week that he thought I was 44. I'm 33. Another one, again, no names, poured juice all over the floor because he really wanted milk. Another one corrects my spelling. You get the idea. I'm constantly being reminded that it's just not about me, and that I have special powers that only I can do. Like unloading the dishwasher.

Recently Topher and I went away to Maroon5's CD launch party in L.A. It was such an incredible trip, and such a fun, fun time. It was a nice, short break from reality into an entirely different world that I suspected existed, but had convinced myself was an illusion. If you want to read about how cool the party was, or the cool people I met, visit my guest blog at www.designmom.com.

We were treated by my brother to an incredible getaway. He was really so nice and generous, quite sincerely. We stayed in a nice hotel, rented a brand-new car (300 miles on it, GPS system, etc), were treated to an incredible dinner at the Palm, backstage passes to the Tonight Show and Ellen, and introduced all around at the launch party itself to friends and celebrities. James treated us like rock-stars.

We grew up in Nebraska, a family of five kids close in age. When I was home from my freshman year at college, little James was 14. He and his best friend, Shane begged me to take them to Omaha for the Firehose concert at the Ranch Bowl. I reluctantly agreed, not wanting my little brother to cramp my style. Wearing my Doc Martins and flannel, I thought I was pretty cool. To this day, it was one of the best concerts I've ever been to: small and intimate, incredible music, and Mike Watt actually talked to me and called me "sister." It was awesome, and it was very, very cool.

I also remember bringing boyfriends home who would talk music with my little brother, which I thought was so cute. I brought home the lead singer from the YardApes and James tripped over the rug, he was so excited to talk with him. One boyfriend lent him his guitar to practice with. Although I haven't spoken to him in a decade, they're still friends and he crashes at James' home. (Notice how I said "crashes" instead of "stays over"? Yeah, I still got it.)

So when I see how James lives, with assistants and stylists and fans and all of that, and he shows me around his incredible mid-century modern home, I expect a little attitude or a little, "see, you should have been happy to take me to see Firehose!" But instead, he is so, so sweet and happy to see me and asks all about the kids.

Now you know which long-haired guitar player is my brother. Do you see the family resemblance? Hey, we have the same hair--layers, highlights and all!

Now go buy the album!

Voucher Myths and Facts

I didn't write this, but I endorse it and I like it. It's clear and concise and research-based. It was compiled by a Utah group opposing vouchers, but you will see links for more detailed information/studies.

VOUCHER MYTHS AND FACTS

Myth #1: Taxpayers will save money under a voucher system.

FACT:

The claim that vouchers will save the state money rely crucially on the assumption that a large number of students will switch from public to private schools, easing overcrowding and reducing construction costs and fixed expenses. Is there any historical basis for this assumption? The dramatic shifts in student enrollment promised by voucher and tuition tax credit activists have never materialized when voucher or tax credit systems are put in place, and NO STATE HAS SAVED MONEY BY PROVIDING VOUCHERS OR TUITION TAX CREDITS.

A Utah State University study, "Estimating Demand and Supply Response to Tuition Tax Credits for Private School Tuition in Utah" (November 2004) estimated that fewer than one-half of the parents projected to use tuition tax credits would be "switchers" from public to private schools. In addition, the study states "Historically, the parent decisions to send their children to private schools in Utah has little, if anything, to do with price." In other words, a parent's decision to send a child to private school is unlikely to be changed by the availability of public subsidies.

Regardless of the number of students initially switching from public to private schools, each year more students who use vouchers will be those WHO NEVER ATTENDED PUBLIC SCHOOLS and who NEVER WOULD HAVE ATTENDED PUBLIC SCHOOLS. When the program is completely phased in, the state will be providing vouchers for every private school student in the state. With 96% of Utah students attending public schools-and enrollment projected to increase to 600, 000 by 2012-Utah taxpayers can expect to spend money on new schools AND on subsidizing private schools. Legislative fiscal analysts project no savings from the voucher program. By their estimates, vouchers will COST THE TAXPAYERS MORE THAN $450 MILLION OVER THE NEXT THIRTEEN YEARS.

Myth #2: Private school students perform better than their public school counterparts.

FACT:

All objective studies (such as the 2006 U.S. Department of Education study and the 2001 U.S. General Accounting Office study) find NO APPRECIABLE DIFFERENCES in the performance of public and private school students.

Myth #3: A healthy dose of competition will improve public schools.

FACT:

A number of studies funded by voucher advocates have PROJECTED improvements in public schools due to competition with voucher schools. However, such studies generally factor out any other reforms-and any other motivations for reforms-in comparable schools or districts.

In Milwaukee, for example, pro-voucher studies credit voucher competition for improvements in milwaukee Public Schools. THese claims ignore the state-supported Student Achievement Guarantee in education (SAGE) program, which provided resources to reduce class size and enhance professional development.

Two decades ago, Chicago's public school system was considered among the worst in the country. After investing in pre-school programs, after-school programs, and summer school, the city is now widely recognized as having made great strides in student achievement.

In short, it's research-based reforms, not competition, that make the difference.

Myth #4: Parental choice is the same as accountability.

FACT:

Despite the right and ability of parents to remove their children from private schools, many dysfunctional voucher schools have continued to operate year after year. Schools in Milwaukee, Cleveland, and Florida provide frightening examples of abuse, fraud, and academic inadequacy. For a look at some of the ways tax dollars have been squandered, see the National School Boards Association's report "Why Vouchers Are a Bad Idea." (Find the report on the web at http://www.nsba.org/site/page.asp?TRACKID=&SID=1&VID=1&CID=1490&DID=33735)

Utah's voucher program requires NO ACCOUNTABILITY from private schools for the public funds they receive. It provides fewer protections (for students and taxpayers) than the scandal-ridden programs in other states.

Vouchers not good for Utah schools, society

I'm consistently unsure as to what this blog is supposed to "be." I came across an article that was first published in the Daily Herald that really has me thinking, so I thought I would put it here, for your information.

I am a huge advocate of public education, I have a degree in English Secondary Education, I have taught in different public schools, and I am the product of public schools. This is a hot topic. Enjoy!

Vouchers not good for Utah schools, society
by Richard Davis, Linda Shelton and Jim Hunter

Utah must seem funny to much of the rest of the United States.

We're not talking about polygamy or state liquor laws. Rather, it is the fact that the state will be paying people not to send their children to Utah's public schools.

Next year, the state will pay an estimated $9 million to parents not to send their children to a public school. And the cost will go up to an estimated $48 million a year by 2020.

Not only does that seem strange, but this is the state with the lowest per-pupil spending in the nation. Utah not only spends the least on public education per capita but spends more than $400 less per pupil than the next lowest state. Yet somehow the state has money to give to people not sending their children to public schools. Clearly, this policy makes no sense fiscally.

It also does not speak highly of Utah's commitment to its own public education system. This despite the fact that Utah students consistently rank highly on AP tests, Utah has a much higher-than-average high school graduation rate, and the state excels at the percentage of residents who are college graduates. Moreover, about 95 percent of Utah's school-age children attend public schools. Clearly, public education should be a Utah value.

Yet, various groups supporting vouchers routinely malign Utah's public schools. Some voucher proponents even hope the public education fails and the state turns to private education.

With all the criticism of public schools, it is easy to forget why we have public education in the first place. The United States invented public education; Horace Mann established the first public school in Massachusetts in 1839. Public schools spread quickly across the nation and dominate today. Universal access to education is a hallmark of America, one that Americans can be proud of. Our public education system is key to that universal access.

Unlike many other nations, Americans reject a caste system where rich people go to private schools and everybody else goes without an education or is left to a severely under-supported public education system. Such systems are the product of an intense selfishness where those who have the resources to help society as a whole instead choose to create their own private school system.

By contrast, America is a public-oriented society valuing the education of everybody's children. Public education brings together students from across the potential societal divides - rich and poor, black and white, Catholic or Protestant or LDS. It creates a common culture for our society. As children learn together in public schools, they later become adults who share common values, participate together in civic life and possess a sense of community. Public education is designed to bring us together, to enhance our sense of a united people.

But with vouchers, we are moving away from those traditional American values. And, sadly, Utah is leading the way backwards. Backwards to the two-tier system Horace Mann and many educators over the years sought to change. Backwards to the type of system that is prevalent in so many other nations. (It would be surprising for many in those countries who want to reform their systems and adopt the U.S. model to think that there are those in the United States who want to emulate their model.)

Proponents of vouchers will respond by saying the idea of choice is American, too. Indeed it is. But vouchers are not about choice. The choice to send children to a private school is not the issue. Choice already exists.

The issue is taxpayer money being taken form the many to support a few who don't want to send their children to public schools and want taxpayer money to do it. It is about a government subsidy, a handout if you will, to pay people not to attend public schools.

Opting out has always been, well, an option for anyone. No child is forced to attend public school. And those who want to form their own subculture certainly are allowed to do so in a free society. But, until now, the state didn't subsidize people who opted out. Vouchers, however, do just that.

A petition is circulating to place private school subsidies on the ballot. We urge residents to sign it. Let the voters decide whether our taxpayer money should be spent of public education or on private school vouchers.

________________________

Richard Davis teaches political science at BYU. Linda Shelton teaches English at UVSC. Jim Hunter is Associate Director of the Institute of Emergency Services

Happy Birthday O!

O-dog: "Mom, my finger turned purple today in class."

Me: "Eww, why?"

O-dog: "I dunno."

Me: "Maybe it's that rubberband you have twisted around your finger."

O-dog: "Hmm-."

Me: "Hey, don't do that, it's dangerous. Don't wrap rubberbands around your fingers."

O-dog: "Why?"

Happy Birthday to my big seven year-old! My energetic, crazy bees in his head, lushious eyelashes and dreamy blue eyes, funny, bendy, smart, sweet, son number 2. You were eight days overdue, but worth the wait!

The Details

Saturday, January 27th
3-5 PM
My house (email me if you need an address/directions)

PLEASE BRING:

1. Nice stuff you don't want/need any more.

2. Extra garbage bags/boxes for your stuff, and if anyone has a truck, bring it so we can load up the leftovers (or my minivan will have to do).

3. A treat to share (sweet or savory).

4. A good attitude, dude: no hoarding. Lets keep it fair (Tina).

Here's to cleaning out our houses, hidden closets, and drawers! Here's to thick chewy brownies with big chunks of chocolate in them! Whose bringing those?

Binge and Purge

Happy New Year! I'm having a "Binge and Purge" Party and my sister (you know the one) told me to make sure and give everyone plenty of notice, because this is an event you need to prepare for!

Unfortunate name for a party, but a descriptive one nonetheless. It's time to get together and have treats (binge) and rid our homes of unneeded stuff (purge). Nothing feels quite like that feeling of getting rid of junk: stuff you don't need, stuff you think you'll someday need but never use, stuff you've been given and feel guilty about getting rid of, stuff that takes up space and reminds you it's "still there. . ", and stuff that you just don't like.

Bring the good junk, the stuff you feel guilty about giving away to "whoever," and give it a home to ease where it will be loved and have space to run around and play with junk just like it. If it doesn't find a home, we'll take it to the DI where it will be put out of its misery once and for all.

No money will exchange hands, no worry for even trades. Remember, you're just trying to get rid of the stuff. If it makes someone happy, then good fuzzy feelings for you.

Here are some helpful questions to go through your head as you go through your house, room by room, closet by closet, free of charge, to give you a jump-start (because I'm nothing, if not helpful):
1. When was the last time I wore this? (over a year, give it away--UNLESS you've been pregnant, in that case, 2 years)
2. When was the last time I used this?
3. Is this my style? (you might have a great antique or piece, but it doesn't "go" with anything in your house--get rid of it)
4. Do I NEED it?

When in DOUBT, might I suggest putting "it" in a box or trash-bag and leaving it in a corner/closet/garage for a week. Reevaluate. Also, think, well, if I really need "it," could I buy it or is it "irreplaceable?" When in doubt after that, get rid of it.

Is it contradictory to get rid of junk and then go to a party and bring more junk home? We'll talk about that conundrum while we eat treats.

If you are interested in going to an event like this (no hard feelings if this isn't your thing), email me.

2006

Best Moments of 2006

Lowering the bar: quitting some "extra's"
Miles learning to play the piano.
Owen learning to read.

Phoebe learning to dance and her dance recital--classic!

Hughie learning to crawl, walk, run, and talk. The most expressive baby ever!

Miles' baptism by his dad. Buying him a suit with my mom. Eric D. driving down for it and playing the piano.
The grandpas putting up our playgym in just under 11 hours.
My dad mowing my lawn, fixing up the house, etc when Topher was gone for 7 weeks.

Summer's Wednesday Burgerstand Rating 2006.
Ordinary days at home with Phoebe and Hugh including trips to the library and Target.

Bike rides with the family with our new/used bikes and trailer.

Clark Family Gala at our house starring Ryan Simmons.

4th of July with Wendy Sue and family from Nebraska.
Getting to know Haley, Petie, and Reyna better this year.
Thrillionaire shows! Some people have book group, others Bunko. . . I found my thing.
Doing short/long form improv after the kids go to bed and then watching Lost with Haley, et all.
Brett and Amelia's wedding.

The best birthday celebration of my life: 32 in London with Topher and a day of surprises.

The best trip of my life: 10 days with Topher in London, Dawlish, Dartmoor, Newton Abbot.
Seeing Jennie and her new baby Frankie and kids after 4 years.

Watching Owen and do gymnastics.

Appreciating/Understanding the Old Testament more.
Topher getting "the job" which came with "the salary" and "the benefits."

Taking the kids to the dentist. (no cavities!)
Losing a dress size.
A fun night out with my brothers and sisters and inlaws where we ended up at Target.

Watching UVSC's The Tempest. (and having it win a spot at ACTF)

Watching PTC's Much Ado with incredible actors. What a show.

A fun night out to dinner and Footloose with friends.

Diet Coke and long talks with Erbecca to keep me sane.
Painting more and giving away paintings.
Best Christmas ever--watching the wonder on Hugh's face and the excitement of the unexpected on the kids' faces.
Watching good tv, eating a -surprise- Runza! and chocolate truffles with the house clean and quiet on Christmas day.

Worst Moments of 2006

Provo Theater Company going dark.
Phoebe's broken arm.
Owen's stitches.
Hughie's ability to scream unnaturally loud.

Topher's long days of work/rehearsal/work. Sigh. A lot of long, long days.
The week leading up to my trip to London.
Having to pay a nanny for my trip when surrounded by family (still bitter).
Lame Halloween Party.
Topher's dislike of Bindi (she's 8!).
Phoebe telling me I don't look pretty without make-up (but I'm still nice).

Owen telling me to get a job "like dad-- outside the house" so I would leave him alone!
Miles absentmindedly losing three jackets this year.
Friends who have moved away are still away.
Not reading enough good books.
Missing Pandy at Christmas.
Watching my vivacious 90 year-old Grandmother get old.

THE TEMPEST

First of all, and apology to all who might have checked this blog, only to find pornography on the sidebar. No, it's not "What I'm Watching. . . " And a big thanks to Josh (www.singlepot.blogspot.com) for checking my blog (thanks for checking in!), finding the porn, and giving me the benefit of the doubt that yes, it was indeed an unintentional byproduct of using a public domain photo. As the kids would say, "my bad." But that's not what I want to talk about.

Those of you who know me are thinking, "Why is Lisa blogging on a Thursday night?! She has a lot of shows to watch Thursday night. . . " Well my friends, it is because I have something really important to say and Tracey Morgan, Zach Braff, and Steve Carell will have to wait.

I just got back from watching Shakespeare's "The Tempest" at UVSC, conceived and birthed anew by the talented Christopher Clark and it is INCREDIBLE, AMAZING, AND BRILLIANT. I know I'm biased. Don't care. I want everyone I know to see this. I really can't emphasize how much I enjoyed it. It's unlike anything I've ever seen, and I will remind you all very snootily that I've seen a lot of theater. It's a Chris Clark production, so you can understand the Shakespearean language, and it's silly and tender and beautiful and different.

I am going to bring my boys to it (8 1/2 and almost 7). I think they'll understand it and get a kick out of it (there's farting in it), so bring your age appropriate kids, too. Show them how to love Shakespeare before they see it done wrong and think it's supposed to be removed and boring.

In conclusion, go see "The Tempest" at UVSC: there's incredible movement, masks, stunning costumes, and surprises. Lots of surprises. You can get tickets at the door (in the Black Box Theater), or at Campus Connection.

The end! (now what's that McDreamy up to now. . . )

Momma's Stories

Watching tv makes me a better mom.

I don't mean that watching tv makes me a better mom than YOU, I mean that it makes me the best mom I can be. It's the escape and peace I hope to gain from watching perfectly timed tv in the privacy of my own home that can get me through the terrible two's, which have started 6 months early, "queen bee" issues with the 3 year-old, and hours of pretending to be interested in Pokemon. And, no, in case you were wondering, I don't want to catch them all.

I'm getting pretty tired of everybody blaming all of society's ills on television. They talk about all the crap that's on tv, but they don't mention the societal benefits tv offers like INFORMATION and COMMUNITY and a pathway to WORLD PEACE. Man, it's like we're living in the dark ages. When I lived in England, everyone in the entire country watched "Pop Idol" and "Big Brother." We all, no matter our differences in religion, race, or education, had something to talk about. Together. It's really beautiful if you stop and think about it.

But I don't really feel like justifying my need for tv. Some things are just too personal to talk about. My good friend, Eric D. supports me in my habit, and has really encouraged it more than anyone over the years. I really owe some of my best tv-watching hours to him. He hates it when people who don't watch tv SAY they don't watch tv, because it's not like they ever say it matter-of-factly. It's always in a judgmental tone, like they don't watch tv because they're doing something infinitely more important. Like, while you are wasting your time watching some random show, they're busy curing cancer or reading to the blind. And I will add that there's nothing "random" about my tv viewing.

So imagine my HORROR when my sister GINA was chosen to be a part of the Nielsen Rating's Family! "THE FAMILY!" This was a big blow to me. It's no secret that I heart tv, but, more importantly, I'm really, really good at it. I know how to pick 'em, and I'm a loyal viewer. For example, lots of people have given up on ER--which used to be the hot show, you know--but I haven't. Yes, it's a little depressing and unrealistic, but I keep watching. I picked "Arrested Development," "24," "Lost," and "The Office," and stopped watching "Six Degrees" and "Brothers and Sisters." I know a winner when I see it. Why didn't they choose ME?

I've tried to influence Gina, and thereby influence the world, by telling her what to "watch," but being the straight line in a twin cardigan set that she is, she doesn't even want me to MENTION a show's name for fear of tampering her family's response. (Imagine me yelling "Watch Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip! IT"S ON THE SUNSET STRIP!!!" while Gina's plugging her ears and running away from me humming "God Bless America"). We both worked at Gallup Polls (like everyone who ever lived in Lincoln, Nebraska), so we will both carry the responsibility of knowing what tampers a survey. It's information we'd like to forget, but we know we can't, and Gina won't pretend to forget (if I had a nickel. . . ).

So, speaking of tv, might I recommend watching an upcoming VH1 special featuring Kiefer Sutherland's documentary about a band he's "managing" entitled "I Trust You to Kill Me." OF COURSE one of the band members is my sister, Amanda's ex-boyfriend (why can't one of MY ex-boyfriends show up on "E-Extra"?!). I'll let you guess which one. If you do watch, and you buy me dinner, I might be persuaded to tell you an interesting story or two about said documentary. And of course, I'll be doing it to get some MUCH NEEDED attention.

DESIGN MOM

Hey: I'm a GUEST BLOGGER on a really cool site: www.designmom.blogspot.com this week so CHECK IT OUT!

Gabby is an incredibly talented designer and all-around cool chic I've known for over a decade now. I check her blog everyday. She's done some amazing design work, and she is a really great mom, too, so you can imagine what the marriage of the two talents does for this site. . . I'm honored she asked me to contribute, and I hope you like it.

What I did on my summer vacation

I hadn't realized it had been so long since I've posted. A hot mama in a pink leather jacket on a Harley reminded me. I've got some excuses. Some of the lame ones include x'ing out numbers on my DT pool pass and making kool-aid for the neighborhood children. My really good excuses include my husband being gone for several weeks, a baby who refuses to walk and screams at me all day, and good intentions.

Most noteworthy, I've recently returned from a London extravaganza. It seems like a long time ago, though, now that "the routine" has been successfully re-mastered. I have all sorts of wonderful revelations spinning in my head-- life lessons, good intentions, and perspective. Trinkets I remember collecting before I was sleep deprived. But now they don't seem as applicable or interesting. Not as interesting as my new MEMORY FOAM! NASA Space Technology's greatest accomplishment. Space-shuttle? Old news. When has it cushioned me in a personalized cocoon of perfect comfort in temperature and form? I don't care if the United States Government spends 3 trillion dollars this year on the NASA program if it's coming up with results like this, it's money well spent.

So, instead of waxing philosophical, as I'm prone to ramble, I'll highlight a couple of things from my seven weeks alone and my ideal second honeymoon with Toph.

VIP/Champ/Came Through for Me When the Chips Were Down: Dear old DAD! While Topher was gone, for seven weeks, my Dad channeled his intense energy (read: type A) into fixing my house, the entire seven weeks. It's his way of de-stressing, which is a blog for another day. He fixed everything in my house from new shelves, fixed doors, and replaced my toilet seats with 12 inch cushiony soft seats (imagine Topher's surprise!). He was the real VIP of the trip. For the SEVEN weeks.

Status of the Children: As anticipated, the children were tired and over-sugared upon my return. And I did almost cry when I wrote out the check to the nanny (gulp--totally worth it, totally worth it, I'm going to go reread my journal, totally worth it). It was the first time I'd ever left my kids and it was really hard for me the two weeks before I left, but surprisingly refreshing while I was gone. Of course I missed them (especially being out of the country), but I'm so glad I went. Now I realize how much mothers judge each other on how often they leave their kids. It's not just the "working moms," but the shades of stay-at-home moms, too. I could tell a mother's attitude on "leaving your kids" in their one statement acknowledging my trip plans. VERY revealing. Insert your own personal experience with that bag of kittens -HERE-.

Highlights: Seeing Mary Poppins, Jane Eyre, Sunday in the Park. . ., Hayfever (starring Dame Judy!), seeing good, good friends like Adam, Lorraine, Jenny (and new baby!), Naomi, Claire, our Newton Abbot Ward family,. . . Sleeping in when I wanted, eating when I thought it was a good idea, going out everyday and every night. Seeing the sights, but not feeling rushed to fit "everything" in. Being with Topher uninterrupted.

What I ATE:
cucumber sandwiches
toasted scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam
orange slice cake
hot chocolate

butternut squash and pumpkin curry with cucumber salsa
organic lemon-aid (fizzy, of course)

cheese and onion pasty
watermelon and apple Tango

Chicken Korma
coconut rice
garlic nan bread

Wagamama's breaded chicken, rice, curry sauce delight

Real, European Coke ('a cola)

Three cheese, red onion, and pickle sandwich on harvest bread
cheese and onion crisps

assortment of delightful cheeses I can't spell, but shall not forget, and cream crackers

Mint areo bubbles
Galaxy minstrels
Chunky Kit Kat
Dark chocolate crisp medallions from Marks and Spencers
shortbread
java cakes
cherry tartlets

When I returned, I had a lot of tivo to catch up on, and it did play a little joke on me and recorded some "Blooper" show or two, you know, just to joke around and welcome me back. It's like that. We have that kind of relationship. But it did start recording every episode of "That's So Raven," (I kid you not, Josh) and then I had to get a little stern and set down some ground rules on playing around.

And now we're back to the regular Utah summer stuff. And I was being totally serious about making Kool-aid for the neighborhood. I've already gone through a big bag of sugar. My son had a Kool-Aid stand with his friend, and held up a white-board that said, " KOOL-AID Please help out two kids who don't get a good allowance 25 CENTS!" They made 9 dollars. I had some inner turmoil with that: am I embarrassed that my son is basically pan-handling, or am I proud of him that he made his own money? They blew it all on fireworks, of course (8 year-olds. . . SO predictable!). At least I didn't have to pay for it. I'm still recovering from that nanny! THANKS SO MUCH! I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK!!!

Lemme just hop up here on that Bandwagon. . .

7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. See all my kids in the temple.
2. Explore Italy with Topher.
3. Go on a cruise with a bunch of good friends.
4. Go to lots of plays with Topher.
5. Write a book.
6. Have my own exhibition in an art gallery.
7. Be a grandmother.

7 Things I Cannot Do:

1. The Presidential Fitness arm hang thing.
2. Hide my opinion when asked.
3. Stop Topher from snoring.
4. Not make fun of Gina when she says something funny.
5. Go into Target without buying something.
6. Not brag about what a good deal I got on something I bought on sale.
7. Sew.

7 Things That Attracted Me To My Spouse:

1. His sense of humor (never met anyone funnier)
2. His passion
3. His talent for writing
4. His talent (watching him act and play the piano)
5. His green Doc Martins
6. His spirituality/conviction/personal integrity
7. His eyes when he smiles and cute bum when he walks


7 Things I Say Often:

1. No Way!
2. Seriously? Seriously?
3. Shut. . .up. . .
4. I love you more!
5. Good Night!
6. Get out of town: Are you kidding me?!
7. Well, Mr. Kot--tear!

7 Books I Could Read Over and Over:
1. Fahrenheit 451
2. Franny and Zooey
3. I, Robot
4. Naked
5. Frankenstein
6. To Kill a Mockingbird
7. Simple Abundance

7 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:

1. Elizabeth
2. Waiting for Guffman
3. Rushmore
4. Star Wars Trilogy
5. Better Off Dead
6. About a Boy
7. Sound of Music

7 People I Think Should Do "7":

1. cjanerun
2. realexecutive
3. realexecutive's wife
4. gina
5. auntie pandy
6. everydayiwritethebook
7. jollyporter

Cut to it

A friend recently asked me if she should start a family and when she does, what can she expect--what will it BE LIKE. I gave her my honest response in between stuffing my face with chips and dips in an rare moment without any having to swat tiny hands away from my gaping mouth. Perhaps it was the guacamole talking, but I was positive and reassuring. I'm a big advocate of baby-making (that one's for you, Toph!), but I'm not big on sharing my deepest, innermost tender thoughts on my family and personal journey of motherhood in a loud party among mostly strangers while listening to my husband read palms. I should note here that he read palms for over two hours. That should be a significant part of the story. I'm not sure why, but it should be. Maybe to reiterate that I had some time on my hands seeing as the line to play Guitar Hero was too long. I mean, I want to be a rock star too, but not if I have to stand in line my friend.

So my grandma send me Ginzu knives this week. The real ones ya seen on the tv. She ordered them years ago and never opened them, so great for me. My grandma's clearing stuff out. She'll be 90 next month and she's been getting things in order for her death for years. She doesn't want us to have to go in and clean out a bunch of junk. It's the Valentine way. Why would you leave a mess? WHY?!? But back to the knives: they CUT! I cut my finger because I didn't know that with good knives (read: real), you can't cut fruit in your hand. And also, they make cuts in the linoleum countertops. Who knew? I guess that I was really more of bending my food than actually cutting it. I've seen a whole new world and it is magical.

There's no way I can explain what it is like to be a mother. It is so many things at the same time and most of them are inexplicable. At least for me. I'm sure there's some Family Circle cartoon or Chicken Soup for the MOTHER'S Soul that's really hit it on the head. Does it have anything to do with knives? Could there be a metaphor in my special knife experience? I think so, but I'm too busy BEING AWESOME IN 2006 to draw any conclusions for you. I'm sure you moms will understand.

Lobster Reality Bites

Christopher and I have a new motto for 2006: Lowering the Bar. Our four kids and our four jobs and school and schedules have literally made us sick (which isn't so convenient on our awesome health plan). Writing this, I'm realizing I'm breaking one of my cardinal pet peeves which is complaining about how busy you are, but I don't care. We've decided to lower our standards so why shouldn't I start here? Anyway, who checks the closets to make sure the sheets are nicely folded, or cares is the toy-boxes are categorized by color or subject, or checks your grades from your Doctorate classes? Other than Robert Valentine, no one will know.

There's a great scene in the movie Love Actually where a stay-at-home mum, (played by Emma Thompson), whose brother is Prime Minister (played by Hugh Grant) laments that although she's incredibly satisfied with her chosen life, having such a famous and powerful brother puts her life into stark reality. Have I already written about this? She says something like "Today my brother ruled a country and I made a paper mache lobster head." That's kind of how I feel about having a famous brother, successful in the entertainment industry. A couple of days ago, I think to myself, James won his second Grammy, performed in front of millions, and I was feeling preeety good about getting the car vacuumed. But I stand by that clean car and all that goes with it. I've been riding on that for days (no pun intended, but I'll leave it, thank you)!

Don't I come from Generation X, anyway? I think that somewhere down the line I forgot my roots, where I came from. In the early 90's we didn't care about what those dumb Yuppies did. We had our music and our Doc Martins and our chokers (Melrose Place IS a really good show). We were flyin' the flannel and bein' awesome. Remember bein' awesome? These Gen Y-ers, or whatever these kids today are calling themselves (am I suddenly 70?), are all overachievers and they're boring! Christopher always complains about how grade greedy and uninteresting his students are at a certain university. They're so FO-cused that they're. . . FUN-less (that was bad, but I'll work on it later: I'm too busy BEING AWESOME!)

Join me in turning up FROM OHIO or Fishbone, dusting off those green Doc's and worn out flannel shirt, pulling out your Real Raisin, putting down that Jane Austen, picking up some Vonnegut or Kerouac, and lowering that bar. Seriously you guys, I'm not even going to fold the laundry when it's hot out of the dryer--I'm just going to let it sit there for a while: CRAZY!!!

I didn't mean to overhear, BUT. . .

Topher and I went on a date the other night and found ourselves in line at the Magleby's Fresh. And yes, yes it was. Topher and I have very interesting things to say to each other, especially when the children aren't around to interrupt us with their selfish demands for food and attention, and so our discussion of Brad and Angelina--I mean third-world debt --was getting preeetty intense. We heard, "When I was on my mission, when we came to the door, people wanted to know one of two things. . . " and OF COURSE Topher and I lifted our eyebrows and leaned in to hear better. I'm not going to pretend we don't eavesdrop on a regular basis, but admit it and add that we do it with running commentary.

The guy, very tall, very clean shaven, and clearly had come straight from the airport, was giving the performance of his lifetime. And to give him some credit, he was doing a fabulous job. He'll get an A in that public speaking course for sure. Either that, or his pesticide business will go through the roof. Through THE ROOF! We followed them in line, sat down, within earshot of them. I could look out the reflective window and see their reflection even though they were sitting behind me, and give Toph a play-by-play description of how the date was going. Come to find out it was a first date. He's just home from his mission which he loved. He had a nice mix of "interesting things that happened on my mission that happen to everyone" stories intended to entertain and impress. The stories where you're able to slip in a little something about what an honest, hardworking person you are--you know, for the story's sake.

She's only 17, " a youngin," she calls herself. She has long golden brown hair that looks like its been brushed 100 times each night (just like Marsha). She's quick to laugh and vocally confirm that she's fully following the conversation. This pleases him and he gains more and more confidence. He's obviously rehearsed some of the topics, but doesn't forget to ask about her. She confirms his musings on why she doesn't date a lot: boys are intimidated by her (Topher spits up a little Pepsi at this point and has to go for more napkins). She follows his lead and gives a detailed resume that would impress anyone. We learn that she never dates. That boys NEVER ask her out. And all her friends and her mom have told her time and time again that it's because she's so intimidating. It's obvious she's not going to lower her achievements, but move on the best she can. There's some hair flipping and gentle head nodding. These two are made for each other and we are happy they've found each other.

When their food comes, he insists on a prayer, to which she replies (a little too loudly--a clue that she's obviously taken off guard) that "that's so cool!" But her body language is telling us that she's obviously NOT comfortable--she's curled up in a little ball, squeezing herself so hard I'm convinced it will leave a dent in her soft, cream sweater. After they're hunched over together for a GOOD 5 minutes (someone's showing off. . . ) Topher is DYING, he's so embarrassed for her because she looks so uncomfortable. (At this point, Topher has to turn away and goes for more ketchup). We know it's over when we hear -again, a little too loudly- "NO, no, I don't mind AT ALL! That is SO COOL! Yeah, that's. . . cool!"

Then we looked at our watches and knew it was time to leave to catch our movie, but I was a little sad to go. I hate not knowing how things would turn out for these crazy kids.

I hate the idea of that uncomfortable date. It physically pained Topher. Maybe that's why things turned out so well with us--because we never had to go through that ritual. A few I did go through come to mind from way back when. The blind date who later said I reminded him of an ex-girlfriend, so that's why he ignored me. The date who ate block of lasagna by stabbing it in the middle with a fork and chewing on the ends. The blind date who was in his 30's and told me he never read a book in his life. . . that's a fun trip down memory lane. Who has the best story, I wonder. . . .

(*In other news, Gina got a Serger for Christmas and she can't stop talking about it. She goes to a Serger class with other middle-aged women who own Sergers (remember how Gina's younger than me? Yeah.), and she can't stop talking about it EVEN when I tell her not to ruin the idea of that class in my mind with words. Today Gina said, "But I say it in fabric, not in words." [yes you do, Gina, yes you do] )

Reach for the Stars!

Christopher is great at New Year's Resolutions. Me, not so much. He actually makes goals in each area of his life and accomplishes them. He's pretty out of control that way. He does more in one day than many do in a week. When people ask me what Topher "does for a living," I just say "stuff," because it's easier and most people who ask really don't want to know; they're just being polite. He has a real talent for Resolutions, you could say, much like his talent for reading palms and picking winners at the Oscars. They are magical gifts which he has magnified and used for the betterment of others.

My resolutions are less concrete and more ethereal like "Be the best I can be!" or "If I can dream it, I can do it!" or "Be more awesome!" (the general rule of thumb is they should look awesome on a t-shirt). The benefit of these resolutions is they're hard to pin down then it's easier to say they've been accomplished and they seem really important. In my defense, I'm concentrating on the needs of four other people. Our goals are basic (eat, poop, clean, repeat), but time consuming nonetheless.

My family, the Valentines, have extremely strong, loud opinions and I have certainly inherited that. We don't make New Year's Resolutions, but we SURE WISH OTHER PEOPLE WOULD! Here are topics that have been visited and revisited at our get togethers:

1. What you are reading.
2. What movies you've seen.
3. Where is the most painful place to get a zit and what lengths you've gone to to get rid of it.
4. Whose going to win at the Oscars.
5. What James should do with his fame/money.
6. What Amanda should do with her career.
7. What food we should eat.
8. Funny things Gina says/does.
9. Ways Lisa has exploited #8.
10. How unnaturally cute our kids are.
11. Hair removal.
12. Bicycling/running.
13. How soda is so bad for you but it SURE TASTES GREAT!

I realize that everyone is passionate about something. My problem is that I have a strong opinion about everything. I wish I could nod my head and say, "Hmmm, I don't know how I feel about that. . . " or be lukewarm and say, "Whatever! Is Lost a rerun tonight?" I'm not trying to say that I'm a brainiac or anything and read and watch the news all day. When I say I have an opinion about everything I mean EVERYTHING. Since this is a blog about me, here is a list of things that come to mind, in no particular order that pushes me up on my soapbox (I will withhold my ranting/chosen side/reasoning/research on the issue. We all love a little mystery, don't we?):

1. People who don't watch tv.
2. Big white houses on the hill.
3. Western Medicine and Doctors.
4. Gina's hair.
5. UVSC.
6. Milk.
7. Elements of a Good Marriage.
8. Decorating.
9. Measures of Success.
10. Air-freshener scents.

Of course this is a small, small sampling, which leads me to my New Year's Resolution: Be more discriminating. I am going to choose my battles better this year: what to get upset about and fight for, and what to let go. I may choose trivial matters (like acceptable forms of chocolate), I may choose a cause (like feline AIDS). . . but I'm sure this will make me MORE AWESOME IN 2006!

Good Karma

Lorien tagged me. I'm it. And since I'm the neighbor who never does one of those special "make a copy of this note and give a treat to two neighbors. . . " game my part of town is so fond of, I thought I'd be a good sport this time. It's that time of year for it anyway. Maybe it's just the 10 year-old inside of me who worries that if I stop the chain letter, something bad will happen to me. Here are five things you might not know about me:

1. I got a perfect score on my sixth grade science fair entry "How Does Yeast Make Bread Dough Rise?" Ironically, after many different receipes and hearty attempts, I, to this day, cannot make a decent loaf of bread.

2. I was on the Mayor's Water Conservation Task Force in Lincoln, Nebraska. I dare anyone to beat me in a game of High School Trading Cards.

3. I've always wanted to pierce my nose. I think it looks pretty, I really do.

4. I was in three different swing choirs in jr and sr high and once, in an old folks' home during my big solo, a man collapsed right in front of me and I kept singing. The paramedics came.

5. When Christopher and I got engaged, we both had braces (for the second time).

I tag: Wendy Sue, Bek, and Topher (again).

Presents

I get HUGE when I'm pregnant and my back hurts and I waddle. Christopher starts making fun of my outfits, specifically my Birkenstalks and black stretch pants which become my uniform, and I lose my sense of humor (that usually falls by the seventh month). When I was pregnant with Phoebe, expecting a baby the week before Christmas (she was born two days after Christmas), I decided to get all my Christmas shopping done by Halloween. That was the best Christmas ever. I wasn't distracted by all the shiny lights and mark-downs, ("Hey, what about THIS? No, THAT! No! THIS is BETTER!"). I've tried to keep the tradition ever since and I highly recommend it. But I guess it's too late for that now, slackers, because even Thanksgiving has come and gone.

The oddest present I ever got was a severed dreadlock from a boyfriend. He cut off a really long black dreadlock that resembled a fat caterpillar and put it in a zip-lock bag with a long letter. I'd like to say that at the time it was romantic, but even then it was a little bit creepy. I found it years later, among a trunk full of earnest journal entries. It scared me half to death at first, but then it brought back really funny memories. Christopher said it was disgusting and told me to throw it away. I like to think it was because he was jealous, but I'm sure it was more of a question of hygiene.

I haven't made my mind up about the whole giving a practical gift versus a frivolous one. It's hard enough to distinguish between wants and needs anyway and the holidays intensifies that dilemma for me. Sure, I'd love a food chopper, but will my heart leap when I open it Christmas 'morn? Maybe. (I melted my old one when I left it on a hot stove, so do I really deserve a new one? How will I learn?) Do I really need Star Wars Episodes I, II, and III? How often will I watch them? If I break it down per viewing will I earn it back after a year?

I also don't have a firm policy on neighborhood gifts. Do I give them to all the neighbors? How far down the street is appropriate? Do I give them to people who will give US treats? What about my First Nation neighbors? They haven't returned any of the items they've borrowed. . . so should we just call it even? I hate that awkward, "Oh, thanks for the treat! Merry Christmas! I've got YOUR treat. . .right. . .here. . . justaminute. . .lemme go. . .find . . .it. . ." It may be better to give than to receive, but sometimes it's just easier to not give and hope not to receive.

I do have strong feelings about some holiday gift-giving that might be of use to you:

1. No homemade coupons (20 minute back-rub, mow the lawn, etc). It's just a certificate that says "I forgot, and hopefully you will."
2. No Bratz dolls (Barbie's slutty cousin with low self-esteem).
3. No shopping on Black Friday (is that $20 you saved worth a piece of you that just died inside?)

Hope that helps! Merry Christmas everyone!

Thinking About it. . .

When you hear that familiar gurgling and your son starts to throw up as you rush him to the bathroom, do you stop and let him throw up on the stairs, or do you continue to rush him into the bathroom, making a nice throw-up trail on the way?  I really haven't made up my mind on this one. How many bites of "whatever" is the correct amount before your kids leave the table? We know they really aren't going to starve.  Is it okay to wake up the baby?  EVER?  I've always liked the idea that you should know the answers to life's possible questions before you are faced with them so that, in the moment you need to make a decision, you won't hesitate. But some mysteries remain unanswered--much like the game sensation "What's Grosser than Gross." 'cause really, I can't make a decision in that game to save my life.
I went to pick up a check from BYU.  A seemingly simple task, picking up a check, but BYU made it a really special journey for me.  By special I don't mean endearing or touching. But I love BYU, I really do, and so I'm always willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.  After receiving two phone calls in two days that I had a check WAITING for me (and my mind pictures some 19 year-old plain-looking coed dressed in an awesome black Chico's skirt sitting behind a sterile gray desk, holding my check and checking her watch every 30 seconds--the pressure!) and a quick glance at the checkbook, I decided to THINK ABOUT picking it up. It takes me a while to ease into these things. I know what they will entail. I know what kind of determination, patience and speed it will take. I know the kind of negotiating I must be prepared to do. For example, I know that Owen will run off. I know that he'll want to see and touch everything. He'll run and get as near to the water-fountain as he can until I yell "don't even think about it!" and he'll laugh and go try to climb a tree. I know that Phoebe will take her time walking and go in the opposite direction the rest of us are moving. I know she'll say hello to all the boys and flirt as she says "My name is PHOEBE! I'm a bean-er-ina!" and she'll pick flowers she's not supposed to and tell me she has to tinkle right when I'm trying to talk to an adult or worse, tell me that boys have a penis and she has a vagina. Hugh could be an angel and smile, instantly captivating every stranger within a three mile radius, or he'll scream at the top of his lungs like a tortured cat. I consider all the possibilities and my adventurous pioneer spirit sets it. Not all of those things will happen all at once, I know. It is a grab bag of sorts; which one will happen on this journey? Which magical combination. "So", I say to myself, "feelin' lucky?"
After being directed to five different departments in the Administration Building, I finally come to discover that I do not have a check waiting for me. It will be ready on Monday. Of course it will.
After I load the kids in the car (details of aforementioned "grab bag" not important) as two 20's something students watch (in horror? in delight? I wonder), I say, "Enjoy the show?" they laugh and I flip my hair back and laugh, too and it was at that moment that I realized that I, too, was enjoying the show: "the show" that is motherhood. NO, just kidding. They just looked uncomfortable and smiled and I got into the car and told the kids to "hang on--we've got one more stop."