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madame

Izzy ☺
Female ♀ & Turning 17 ,
Muhammad Hairil Bin Samsuri ♥
PEPS Class of 05'
YISS Class of 09'
Current student in ITE CW




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Tuesday, September 28 22:14


Love has thought me that in a relationship,
its not just about laughter and smiles.
Its about trusting each other, being disappointed in a way or two,
honesty, and sacrifising.
Love its not just about having butterfly in my stomach ,
and not about the fast heartbeats.

Love has thought me to be patience, to endure,
to have hope, to have faith and to hold on.

Love is not a game and im not a player.
Love is Hairil, love is forever.

I love you till infinity and beyond C:

my definition of love is you
Thursday, August 26 21:48


Okay, i shall update my blog.
It looks dead.
Well,actually, i dont have the energy to update my blog.
Im about to fall sick i think.
And its all thanks to my ulcer near my wisdom tooth.

Hairil took care of me today.
And i love the way he treated me {:
I hate having arguments over petty stuffs.

I love Hairil, and yes, he's different.
This year, i get to watch the fireworks with him,
and also admire the lights at Geylang :S

I know im still young to think about marriage,
but trust me, I do wanna marry him.

My heart is where your heart is.
Believe me, I love you and im glad you're mine.

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emotions
Sunday, August 15 18:35


Im crying my ass out, why?
Because of you.
Why you?
Cause you dont trust me.

Oh ya, me and my words.
You will never know how sharper your words are.

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random
Thursday, July 29 21:24
I was being random and so, i searched for pictures of Elmo.
Some pictures got on my nerves , some just made me go " ohmygod, this is so cute " repeatedly.
So, here's some that i save in my laptop.
Out of boredom and c'mon, its elmo yknw.



can i have this please? pretty pretty please? :(
poor elmo on top of trash :(

and a pinata :(



i hope for an elmo cake this year *fingers crossed*

I know baby had bought me elmo shirt as a sleepwear,
but it'll be so awesome if i have an elmo sweater.

Well, i guess enough with the elmo.
No matter how much attention elmo got from me, Hairil still gets a full 100% attention from me.

So, fair.



Sidetrack,
I miss Hairil.
HAHAHA.
Well, i have to agree that i am lucky to have Hairil.
Everything is so clear now and i certainly know what im doing.
Well, i know we often quarrel, but those petty fights are what makes us stronger.
Mentally.

Words cant really tell you how grateful i am to know you.
And how blessed i feel whenever you wrap your arms around me.
And when you tell me about the girls/ your exs ,
i felt jelous. however, proud that im yours and you're mine.

I hope nothing will ever come between us.
Cause i know how much you love me.
And you need to know this, i love you.
And i love only you.

Im feeling sleepy already.
So i guess i shall call it a night.
Goodnight people.


Goodnight, love.

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Muhammad Hairil Bin Samsuri
Thursday, July 22 18:57
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Dear Hairil,

Im sorry i vent my anger to you.
I never thought that today, was the day that i'll rupture to the extend.
I never meant to make you wail.
And i certainly didnt mean to hurt you internally and externally.
I know i didnt had to exploit.
I know i was wrong.
Im untolerable and delicate at heart.

Yes, i was enraged, but its only temporary.
And i never get angry for more than an hour.
I know you're more vexed than i am, but from the bottom of my heart,
Im really sorry.

Day to weeks to months.
You taught me that love isnt just about having butterfly in my stomach.
Its about understanding each other and going through everything together.
You taught me that love isnt just about jokes and laughing.
And its also about tears and anger.
But importantly, you taught me how to be a well-mannered lady.

I love you so much that when you hit that wall, my heart shattered.
ALl i can think of was getting out of that scene.
But it just got worst.

The thought of leaving you never crossed my mind.
And trust me, i wont even go there.
You're the best and i wont find another you.
Like the saying, Life is unperfect but with you, it is.

Apart from apologising, I'd like to thank you.
For tolerating my imbecile-ness ( idk if there's such word ).
For loving me whole heartedly.
And, thank you cause without you, i wont know the meaning of love.

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wet tuesday
Tuesday, July 20 19:31



okay, im gonna keep my post short and simple.
so here goes.

I miss Nadhirah, Aini, Sillah & Mawar.
I know its random.
But, this is from the bottom of my heart.
I miss you guys.

Anyway, Maria & family is here in Singapore.
Met each other yesterday.
We're going out this Saturday and i cant wait.

and lastly, I didnt skipped school today. LOL.
And its my first time out of all tuesdays.

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Monday, July 12 15:01


Im in school currently.
And its gonna rain.
*sigh*

I need something to chew.
And, i want something fluid.
I want something cold to munch too.

Lol.

I miss Hairil.
*sigh*

I'll update later.
Class is so boring.
& i feel like going home already.
Lol.

Masai Day
Saturday, July 10 22:02




The initital plan for today was to complete CMB.
Unfortunately Farhanah cant make it and Shanaz went out with her family.
Met Hairil & stonned till Fyfy arrived.
Headed to town & i was f-in masai.
Hairil and Fyfy had to endure 5 hours cause i keep complaining about the way i dress.

Pfft.
Anyway, i dont like going to school nowadays.
Apart from having matreps in campus, im always being left out.
And honestly, i thought of changing to a different class.
Well, i cant do it now cause its kinda late to change etc etc.
But i guess, i'll get mom to do it for me next year.
Everyone is so different in my class.
At a certain time, i feel like a complete stranger.
Im always leaving early cause i cant stand a day in school anymore.
And its always a relief when i stepped out of school site.
Cause, its like, no one cares at all .
But on friday, something hit me real hard.
Lailaty asked if i was okay and if anything is wrong.
She's like the first person out of all , to have the heart to ask.
I was so shocked.

I shant jusy say about my peers in school.
Even my used-to-be-ultra close friends arent updating me about anything.
Track buddies , secondary school close friends.
Ein, Nad, Mawar, Andy, Sheryl , Farid ..
Where are you guy?

Lol.
My only bestfriend is my boyfriend.
But cmon, this is pathetic.
Lol.

I guess i expect too much from others.
I'll grow up.
*sigh*

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written on me
Tuesday, June 29 23:28
give me a paper, and a pen.
for which a pen will stain on the paper.
stain, thus impossible to erase anything that i've written.

give me those papers and pen.
and let me begin writting this story.
a clean paper, a new story, a new chapter.
how the ending is gonna be?
let future tell.

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it takes time
Thursday, June 17 13:35


Firstly, Muhammad Hairil Bin Samsuri ,
Thank you. Thank you for everything.
Thank you for going through my ups and down.
Thank you for always making me smile.
There are moments in my life that I'll always remember, not because they were important, but because you were there.

I love you because I know you're always there ;
there to catch me when I fall.
there to listen when I need you, there when I feel alone.
I love you because you understand me ;
you know how I feel even when I can't say it ,
you know I'm not as strong as I say .
I love you because you make me ; believe, believe that I am not worthless.
Believe that I can be loved, am loved, and can love others.
I would give my life up to be with you.
And above all, i'll never hurt you, lie to you, or leave you.


And secondly, my friends asked ;
" Do you regret doing what you did cause you do know that some people hate you now right? "

My answer ;
I never regret anything that has happened to me in my life ;
even if its about making a bad choice,
deciding to do something I shouldnt have,
saying the wrong thing or not doing something I should have done.
Because all of these things have given me the knowledge I have today and helped make me who I am today.
And that is one thing I will never regret.

At times, feelings and people change.
I do not have the right to be angry at whoever who's angry with me.
Yknow why, cause i admit im at wrong.
But the least that these people can do is ask.
These people dont know why i didnt go to them.
These people dont know why i did things unexpectedly.
Its okay if they're not supportive of me now.
Atleast, some people in my life thanked me for whatever that's happen.

Mom isnt like the past.
She's more social with Dad & I.
And she's learning to accept things now.
So as Dad.
He's frequently asking about my relationship ;
and we're talking to each other in a way that friends talk to each other.

Grandma and Grandad thanked me for getting the family back together.
Uncle Rafie, Uncle Annuar.
And my aunts and uncle + parents are learning to accept Uncle An's wife too.

Above all,
I thank God for everything that happened.

Amin

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cause i fall
Friday, June 11 17:23


Whats the best part of me? You.


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love
Monday, June 7 20:34


I love you , lemme hop on your love rocket. :p

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Sunday, May 30 14:06
Hello Earthlings.


My feet isnt on the ground
Monday, May 17 13:57


I've been speding most of my time at Lamsoon .
But it doesnt solve anything that im facing right now.
Im in aweird twisted situation.
And trust me, I dont even want to be in this position.

Im loosing myself in everything.
And im having the urge to cry.
But i guess i shall just hold it and get through the day.

I dont want to win anything neither do i wanna loose.
Hang on, the subject here isnt about loosing or winning.
Its about me.
So this has nothing to do with whoever or whatever.

Dear LSF ,
Im going to isolate myself because im in an unstable state.
Im sick of pretending.
I hate putting on a fake smile.
But, the reason i've been hanging out with you guys so much lately is because ;
You guys make me feel worryless.
As though nothing is happening in my life.
But reality check, this is life.
And no matter how far i run, i know that everything will come back to me.

I love you guys.

And to you, im sorry for the hurt i've caused.

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you got me when you said hello
Saturday, April 24 18:44

I was on a verge to attempt suicide until i met these people.
Yes, sometimes, i do stuffs without thinking.
And now i realised that flowers bloom when there's sunshine.

And im glad that i have these sunshines.
My apology for being a pain in your asses on Friday.
Now that i know i've got some shoulders to lean on, i feel, uhm, relieved?

I've been hating school since first day.
And i've found a reason to go to school now.
Cause, at last, i feel welcome.

And when i was about to let go of everything,
Mr Herman said to me some things about giving up.
It somehow remind me of my past.

Playing a leadership role in everything.
My dance club and even in class.
And guess what, i want to be that girl in the past.
Being confident in almost everything.

Im just 17, and im already thinking too much.
Like loverboy said to me once.
" you're thinking to much, seriously, you're thinking too much " .

--------------------------------------( cut here 8< ) --------------------------------------

Dear you,
How have you been?
Oh i miss you so much.
I miss your smile.
I miss your laugh.
I miss your hello.

Did i mention that your hello always makes me smile?
Even when i dont want to.
Yes dearest.
It did.

I miss you doing your kitten head.
I miss your kisses.
But you know what i miss most,

Its hearing you say i love you.

ps:// 322 days. am counting, still counting.

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