trying to make life easier

this logs the happy and painful process of learning about myself

31.7.04

SWAPS Dinner

SWAPS Dinner

it was cool!!
cant forget that i pulled outta the comm.
i'm sorry but i had to concentrate.
and there were other reasons
but a job well done!!
loved the mtv part..
think they did a real good job.
really!

dinner..
food was fine,
but dunno why i didnt go for a 2nd round.
was just full.
so puzzling..
anyways shaun n verm sat b'side me,
beng chong, giang n pam opposite.
nana was at the sound system,
zs n ccy at the pageant table,
audrey at the old birds table.
took quite some pics,
but all on others' cameras.
im just so lazy with my bulky one.
someone get me a slim video cam please?

shaun goooo drove!!
woohoo~~
den he drove ccy, verm n i outta orchidville.
i must say, that place's got pretty nice ambience,
even without the feeling of air con.
anyways, we went to meet yingwei in town.
were deciding btween rocky masters n swensons.
we ended up at swensons
where i made a fool of myself!
but nvm.. it's normal. haha
dessert was good..
but i didnt get my sticky chewy! grr.

not really in the mood.
feeling so out of love.
but well..like verm said
maybe i should just shut the world out.
for awhile.
i dun miss my kayak..
but i miss the times we had.
do u miss them too?
i think it's better this way
i feel free
i feel better
i feel lighter.
but wad m i to do with the memories?
i cant seem to remb the bad ones now.
i knew that drinkin session would work..
and i dun feel sad anymore
cos i dun feel anything at all.

going for bbq later at lucas' house!
hope pple are turning up..
and meeting verm n her chubbs aft that!
oh man. so weird.
haha we'll see how it goes.

actually, i feel different.
i feel changed.
i dun feel like the shiyun i was.
does anyone feel like i'm changed too?
im just feeling weird..


30.7.04

dbl o on wednesday

dbl o Centro on wednesday

didnt expect much of it..
was going with a group of pple
whom i never chionged with before.
like.. i dunno.
but i was kinda lookin fwd to the drinks.
which werent that good.
so u know..
Expect the Unexpected.

4 guys n 4 girls --
chingyong, charles, su teck, ying wei;
yingjie, verm, yvonne, me.
zs couldnt get in.. cos he was 5min past 11.
like wth. it was only 5mins..

anyways was damn high lah
so think made a big fool outta myself
but heck.
i had so much fun..
no spoilers like on saturday nite
hope everyone else had fun toooo

hahaha verms pics very nice.
i didnt look fat in them!
haha. at least i think so.

::a few embarassing incidents::
  1. almost fell off the stairs, with one hand on the railing, one hand grabbing verm's arm, n heels on the edge of the stairs. like my body was of a 45deg bearing. or something. but there was a cute angmoh guy. cute in my drunk terms at least.
  2. danced with an indian guy with a belly who kept touching n touching. n touching. n touching. i swear i pushed him away but he was just desperate.
  3. did the silly guitar playing thing with charles
  4. tried lap dancing. oopsssss.
  5. went up to the stage! omg! with MY kinda dancing!
  6. the fact that i even tried to dance. urgh. hahaa alcohol alcohol.
  7. merlioning!
  8. talked to 2 guys who exited the lift as me n yingjie entered. hahaa... i distinctly remember yingjie saying "can u stop being friendly to everyone?"
  9. did the stupid war actions when the last song came up. stupid pearl harbour. was it?
  10. passed the ice cube!

vermie n i

asked verm to take this! embarassing...
 

the sexy ladiess... (i'm SO black!)

 




open windows.

open windows.

was sitting in front of the comp..
and guess wad?
a piece of sweet wrapper flew right in.


29.7.04

selfish me

selfish me.

i know u're nice..
i know u're sensitive and all.
and i know u're moving on.
so go on..
i'll leave u alone.

i'm just being selfish..
i just wanna feel loved.
and i know while im feeling loved,
i'm not giving.
this isnt gonna work out.
u deserve someone good n nice..
not me.


28.7.04

giving out pads

giving out pads
 
haha i lurrvveeeee giving out pads.
it makes my life easier..
now verm. be at my beck n call! 
  
i woke up with a sore throat!! 
no verm. i didnt have anything put in my throat.
NOT IN MY DREAMS EITHER!
 
JO   :: no sleazeballs please! ::   says:
sore throat!
 
june says:
drink water

 
june says:
eat medicine
 
JO   :: no sleazeballs please! ::   says:
bleahhh
 
JO   :: no sleazeballs please! ::   says:
u make medicine sound like some.. food.

 
doesn't she?





27.7.04

now.
am i smart, or am i smart?!
i missed tuition. urgh


let me show u the horny cuties!!

here u go. -beams-


25.7.04

haha the details the details

haha the details the details

AJC Homecoming Dinner 24th July 2004!
was feeling really bored..
the food's good n bad...
some dishes are great, some sucked.
Tan Dai Hwee was the host!
dunno wad to think abt that..
quite a few interesting topics over dinner--
whether the guys had 'cars' n are transporting pple,
whether the girls are on 'cars'.
hahaa.. of cos, only the few insiders shared it.
and chin chun bought lao shi a book!
JIN PING MEI! hahaa...
u should have seen lao shi's expression.
hahaa... but well, expected from 05/01 aint it?
and Jacky Wu was quite cute last night..
doing his own Fear Factor on the rice dumpling.
hahahaa.. can't believe it.
he's just so full of crap..
the Lucky Draw was crap too.
100over prizes!
and the 1st price was two tickets..
and lzr was already saying "sex trip sex trip"
den the emcee announced it was to Bangkok.
guess wad? the prize went to a lady. =
we had 3 cars yesterday..
jackson, meizhi n chinchun.
mz's dad got us a double room at copthorne,
the one near zouk.
but we didnt go zouk..
noone liked the idea of zouk on sat..
went to dbl o.
queued up for sometime,
and some pple got quite pissed off..
but well, nvm.
drank n drank.. i love drinking.
some pple got pissed off,
the guai ones got turned off.
but well, the on ones were on.
had trusty guys n girls takin care of me!

that SP graduate, current recruit at navy.
well, i dun suppose they're true.
haha he definitely looks like a guy who'll lie.
as in.. not tell the truth.
haha. he's not bad looking lah.
but thanks cy for pulling me away. =]

if mz's reading this,
i dun mean anything holding on to his hand
like i would a bf!
i just needed support yea
and he's my bro alright!
hahaa.. dun kill me.
but well it was great fun with mz.
such a great, silly girl.
u go, girl.


i let it ALL out!

i let it ALL out!

woohoo!!
if one word could describe my feelings now,
it would have to be 'shiiiiiiiiok.'
i feel totally relaxed,
totally refreshed,
lighter and soooo much better.

u know..
sometimes u get all that bottled up thing in u,
that cloud of frustration,
that struggling object locked in ur chest,
and u just cant get it out.
and it affects everything u do.
well, i had that,
and..
I GOT RID OF IT!
cool.
thanks 05 dudes n babes.
esp cy, bro james, lzr,
and hq, mz and baey..
i let it ALL out yesterday!

one tequila sunrise,
three jugs shared,
downing of shots..
not too much,
but combined with shaking head.
haha.. best part of it all.
i had macho guys to take care of me,
and i had girls who didnt mind me letting go!
had fun til the very last song.
had cars back to the hotel.
woohoo!
truth or truth all night haha
and then we all slept like babies.
and.. i'm feeling so good now.

u know that feeling u get,
when u feeling like burping so much,
but u just cant.
yea. i got that 'burp' out. finally.
last night, rocks.


23.7.04

the time.

the time.

u know..
there's always a time,
when all the stuff u've been avoiding since that last time,
get to u.

when that lousy break up line
or that embarassment on the street,
even that stupid cup of coffee
or that overcooked cheese.
everything that u wanted to forget,
comes back to u.
now's the time.
for me.

but i know after this time,
i'll finally forget all of it.


me

me

ive got too strong a sense of pride
which sometimes even my pretender nature cant hide
i gotta get rid of that burning temper
i gotta be a nice sweet little girl

i pretend i can t see my failure
i pretend i cant see my fall
i pretend i can see no darkness
i pretend i can see no more

i hate being left out
yet i hate being involved.
i hate being mocked at
yet i hate being ignored.

i just wanna rot n die
or be the potato in a pie.
baked in the oven full of heat
den become someone's fat n meat.

i'm just full of crap..
of laughter, of joy.
of stupidity, of ignorance..
of lame jokes, of silly rhymes.


DANGER - KEEP OUT. (it's that time of the month)

DANGER - KEEP OUT. (it's that time of the month)
 
whats wrong with me n my bloody pride.
i need to grow up n kick it aside.
whats wrong with me n my bloody temper.
i need to cool down n soak that flaming burner.
 
i hate pms lah
is it pms? or is it me?
its probably my excuse to throw tantrums.
u know. maybe i need not grow up.
maybe the world needs to stop growing up.
i hate feeling the way i do.
i hate feeling like an idiot true blue.
 
stop meddling in stuffs.
get outta of that poo n stay cool.
it'll be soon over.
all u needa do will be to row row row.
and row that frustration away..
row that confidence in.
hear that backwash as u breathe out n pull..
feel the pat on ur shoulder "well done, jo"
i love feeling the way i do
i love feeling like i can do wad u can do.
 
row row row your boat,
gently down the stream..
merrily merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream.
 
now i'm thinking..
should i row with them if they ask again?
will i be stepping into a pile of poo?
i wanna stay out.
OUT OUT OUT.
i wanna be free of poo.
u get me?
keep me out of poo.
keep me out of it all.
you sucker.


22.7.04

Murphy's Law

Murphy's Law
 
It's true It's true!!
"Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong"
aie! such a small thing some more leh..
i told him i also not confirmed going
den he assumed i going!
lesson learnt..
when u can't confirm something,
say u confirm cannot.
then if u can make it,
den call to say u're going..
bad night bad night..


17.7.04

HORNY HORNY

HORNY HORNY

haha.. love the horny family.
spent so much time online wasted
talkin to them!
abt wad? horny stuff..
hahaa..
the horny vermie's crazy crazy.
she's going to sydney tmr!!
so cool.
let me tell u the funny stuff that happened..

on the 2nd night..
vermie n i left the writing card room
den we went walkin around
and guess wad that crazy chic did?
she suggested scaring the facis
by popping up at the window n scream.
so we crept on the grass to a window
den i asked her "eh whose room is this?"
she told me its the facis room..
den it was damn weird lah cos they damn quiet.
so she popped her head up n saw noone in the room
den she remembered it was the wrong room!!
hahahaa...
den we were giggling giggling already.
den we reached the correct room,
and wanted to start.
so it was a "1, 2, hahaaa.."
and another "1, 2, hahaaa.."
finally we went "WAHHH!!"
den we started laughing n laughing..
hahaa.. i couldnt stop.
crazy idea in the middle of the night!
great fun though..

got muah cheed at sentosa!
and dunked quite a few times.
haha.. dunkin pple's fun!
muah cheeing's fun too!!

and i got someone to drool over.
hahahaaa...
secret secret!


16.7.04

The Last Kayaking Entry

The Last Kayaking Entry
 
(if anyone had the patience to read the earlier 2 kayaking entries..
this is gonna be the last one)
 
the water's fine n calm n frenly
my pfd promises never to leave me
the kayak has left
n i'm wad i'm left to be
 
but i'm brave n happy
for i know who i wanna be
n i know who care for me
 
i'm in the water swimming
but i cant see the shore yet
i'm lookin for the direction
but no, im not in a hurry
i'm still drifting
and i'm ok with drifting
 
cos i'm brave n happy
for i know who i wanna be
n i know who care for me
 
i hope the kayak's the same as me
happy n smiling n carefree
"the sun will drain the water in u
ur God wil set u free.
follow ur heart
n i'm not blaming u"
 
cos i'm brave n happy
for i know who i wanna be
n i know who care for me 

i am now free
4months 3days of distress
had almost almost drowned me
almost stuck in the cockpit when the kayak overturned
but it hadnt succeeded
the kayak's on the right side now
and i'm outta it
 
and i'm brave and happy
for i know who i wanna be
n i know who care for me

i'm basking in the sunshine
i'm swimming in the sea
i will trap the water
n not drown my pfd
one day, i'm gonna reach the shore.. 



Freshmen Orientation Camp

Freshmen Orientation Camp - 4days 3nights of destress n impress!

FOC RAWKS!!
didn't really see how everything went.
missed mass icebreakers..
the one that i didnt wanna miss most;
then i missed running the gaunlet n telematch..
the highlights of nus games;
missed most of Knight & Lady..
the game running thru to the 2nd day;
missed most of sentosa games..
the day we spent days debating n refining;
missed watching Finale Night properly..
the grand grand event;
missed watching most of the video mervyn did..
when memories were floodin back;
miss spending all the time during the camp with my group.
but there were things i didn't miss -
i didn't miss preparing n enjoying myself doing it.
and it was a part bigger than any of the above combined.

Missing so much of the camp,
i couldn't really gauge if FOC was a blast.
all i knew were the cock-ups--
instructions pple gave that weren't supposed to be;
facis n campers pulling in n outta the camp;
missing logistics;
faulty weather;
bad presentation by me;
roommate cant find roommate with key
and thus didnt have a place to go;
Resident Fellow not being in his room
so i couldnt get his spare key;
lousy weather initially;
TH admin forgetting to do stuff for us
thus no aircon n offing of fans;
the white guy irritating our timings;
time lags.
but i thot it was a blast..
cos the cock-ups were settled,
the stuff were completed,
changes were made effectively,
and i learnt so much.

pple i wan to thank

Yizhen:
for giving me endless support
even though she's not physically here
for making sure i know she's still here
every single week
for having faith in me
such that i'll hold on

Joanna:
for taking up admin
n helping us out wherever possible
for offering advice
and preparing me for things
for always encouraging me
n keeping me steady
for never demoralising me
but ensuring me i'm doing fine
for offering me hugs from her n yz
n i feel im never alone
for being so joanna
and just being present
for being so mamaish
n makin sure all of us are fine
for listenin to me scream cry n grumble
complain drool n cackle
for pushin bad news
to after camp when i can take them with pride

Daddy:
for letting me know you're there
n offering me wadever support u can
for never rejecting to help us out
whenever possible
for rationalising things for me
when i'm down in the dumps
for grumbling with me
when i feel like junk
for letting me see things
in ways i didn't before
for never letting me feel small
such that i've got strength to carry on
for always being sensitive n knowing my moods
when noone else even realises
for seeing thru my emotions
n not just standing aside doing no action
for cheering me up every single time
with lame jokes suaning n never failing each time

Audrey:
for offering whatever u can
from logistics to advice to jokes n cheers
for teaching me whatever u can
from seeing problems to solving them
for trying to make me a better person
from following orders to taking the lead
for ensuring things go right
n telling others stuff that u know i wont
for constantly watching, observing
making sure i realise when things go wrong
for being ever so zai
that i know we'll never die
for being so jumpy n sensible
at all the right times

Mao:
for always ensuring i'm ok
with all the kopi sessions n smses
for always checkin if i need help
n helping out even when i say i dont
for being so sensitive to when i need help
n cheering me up with ur funny stuff!
for being the zai zai one
n giving me chances to try n learn
for keeping stuff nice nice for people
n being not so gentle but gentlemanly

Zhisheng:
for pushing datelines details n stuffs
so we'll never go offtrack
for being fast n steady
so i know who i can always turn to
for never scolding me when i do things wrong
so i drop my morale n confidence no lower
for always dishing out encouragement
n making so sure we're still stable
for being so big-brotherly
letting me know i wont die even if things go wrong
for all the sayangs n encouraging words
that keep me going n believing i can do it
for teaching me all the stuff i never knew
n all the stuff that make me grow

Lin Yen:
for undertaking all the stuff
even when u have other obligations
for putting in all ur effort
as if its ur only commitment
for being so great n friendly
n never ever throwing tantrums
for being steady n not panicky
and ever so amiable
for being the one we can talk to
when we're pissed off n scared n grumbly
for being the tough yet tender one
that we'll never feel strange to
for being the wise n sacrificial one
that advises n keeps the best things for us

Yvonne:
for being the little one
who keeps us all awake
for being the comfortable one
who reminds us to take care of ourselves
for being ever friendly
to EVERYONE u see
for taking care of ur stuff so well
that we'll never have to worry
for being the soft n sweet one
that we'll never get angry at
for being the peacemaker
whenever the mood isnt right
for being the lovely one
whom we'll smile at everytime we see

Javen:
for putting up with me
all my tantrums mood swings n wadnots
for being so duh
that we dont know how to react but cool down
for trying hard to make ur words sound soft
when u know they wont come out the way u wan it
for being nice to everyone
even when they're not in the best of moods
for ever trying to do ur best
n never hesitant to ask for help
for supporting all the rest
and never putting us down
for offering fancy ideas
and all the medieval stuff
for always telling us ur ideas
so we always got stuff to learn


FYNHORNY
F
A
C
IS

Joanna:
for cheerin us on n joinin whenever u can
n joining me in adoring our group whenver i start!
n refer to above!

Zhisheng:
for always coming back to us whenever u can
for never leavin us out n being super sporty
no matter how tired u are
n refer to above!

Audrey:
for teaching us all the funky cheers
n being the baby n jumpy one
n refer to above!

Ying Jie:
for dishing out ideas
n supporting me whenever u can
for never hesitating to help
n never putting me down
for all the encouragement
n all the high morale!

Alvin:
for trying to help us settle stuff..
by solving the room thing
it was really really great of u
im so sorry i couldnt solve the prob fast;
for being nice n friendly
n putting up with my horrendous laughter
n understandin i couldnt help it

Vermillion:
for being the cute bubbly n lovely one
since the biz cell days!
for being horny horny
n spreading it to everyone else
for bringing the group..
to a HIGH (*grin grin*)
for being the cute rosy n thoughtful one
who makes the group a comfortable place to be in
for being whiny n sexy n friendly n droolly
and making the group a place i wanna go back to
for encouraging the group to
become wad u call the "hee hees" n "hahas"
for treating me nice like u would people
n never leave me out when i'm back
for grumbling n whining n talkin to me
during main comm meetings dance pracs n everything
for sharing so many so many things
from my now old story to my new new secret

Ching Yong:
for being cute n handsome n droolly
n turning the whole group on
for being the papa material
who keeps the group comfortable
n a safe place to come back to
for being the enthu perm faci
who has chemistry with the horny vanilla vermy
for being the nice nice faci
who understands wadever i say n is so great
for helping out so much whenever u can
n keeping all things orderly
for guiding the group so well n frenly
n keeping us so enthu thru-out!

FYNDHORNY
C
A
M
P
E
R
S

FRESHIES:
for not leaving me out
n treating me as a part of u
for dunking me n muah cheeing (thanks huh.. -eyes giang-)
n going into the laughing fit with me (u know who u r)
for supporting in all the woohoos n cheers (best camper!)
n not hesitating to show ur horniness (esp the horny guy huh)
for running around even when ur ankle's bad (sayang sayang)
n being the responsible responsible scout! (pamela, pamela song)
for happening to overhear my secret (i wont say ur name)
n trying to find out what it is (u kaypo..)
for painting the most beautiful shield
n remembering to highlight the funky hair
for being the most enthusiastic group i've been in
n keepin the spirits high
for knowing how sweet all ur facis are
n leaving us out when u're at 7e!!!!!!!

we love u guys! muaccck. are u horny honey? *wink


::lessons from the camp::
we gotta be confident in order to do things well
we gotta go all out n play then we'll enjoy ourselves
we gotta be firm n decisive in a commanding role
we gotta earn the respect for ourselves
we gotta be humble n listen n we'll learn more
we gotta be nice n smiley before pple smile at us
we gotta be quick on ur feet n fast on our hands
we gotta be resourceful to be effective
we gotta put in labour to produce good fruit
we gotta remember who stand our attitude n stand by us
we gotta remember who go thru shit with us
we gotta remember the darlingest of the darlingest
cos its thru the goods AND bads that we see ourselves
n that we see who're the ones who care.