we belong to you and me.

to love someone
and not be loved in return.


mm was right.
unconditional love is not easy.

/edit.

eeyeurghh.I thought I was dreaming when I saw a lizard when I went to my toilet to wash my face.Welwie helped me check then nothing.HURHUR when I went back to the toilet the stupid lizard was on my wall at the shower area please.Daddy helped me catch it but it fell onto the floor then god knows which part of the toilet is it in now danggggg I sprayed a lot a lot a lot of baygon in my toilet and lined the door and floor with it cos I scared it come into my room when I sleeping.I no lizard traps lah baygon would have to do.SHIT MAN WHY ARE LIZARDS IN MY TOILET.THOSE GROSS REPTILES BETTER NOT DISTURB ME.SHOO SHOO.stupid things.Move damn fast somemore,scale my walls like spiderman and then their tongue.EEYEAURGGH.

okay I shall whine and rant here,again.

went to airport to get stuff from hongyee,then talk and drink coffee until 7 plus when precious came?He was late again lahh I thought I would be late cos he's studying at airport since godknows what time but then change of plans he stayed at home instead.=.=

So anyway I bought lollipops for them,then precious picked the star instead of the heart (BIG SIGH HERE I EXPECTED IT LIAO BUT I WAS DAMNNNNNN UPSET):) but I gave him the heart anyway.We ate at swensons and I poured salt into his drink when he went toilet kekex.Some guy at the other table tried to tell him but looooool he was too blur to realize hahah.Treated him.<3Give him a treat before his As for goodluck I guess.Make him happy.Maybe it's the last time I'll go out w him?Besides,I really don't want to meet him after his As except to get back my mags and return him his book.I don't want to hear his answer.I'm really afraid.

We walked around in t3,returned to t2 for dinner,went to t3 to the viewing gallery then went back to t2's viewing gallery cos well, t3's viewing gallery was >_>.It was really quiet and nice,and it was oh so fun to watch the people sleep (it was like 10 plus 11?)then there was some angmoh sleeping in a coffin position,and china men airing their feet and walking around.Precious was really quiet and bored cos no aeroplanes were taking off?But when I was swimming today I think I saw 3 aeroplanes;no fate I guess.

He asked me if he'll ever get an angmoh,and there was this..feeling.Like,although I told him yes he would,there would be someone out there for him,deep inside when I thought how I was going to lose him (that's even if I have him) it really felt.Bad.As long as it was an answer to give him hope,happiness,faith in love and fate again,it didn't matter how sucky that feeling is going to be for me.I really don't want to see him hurt again.

He never text me since we left airport le.That's super long alr.Seems like an eternity to me.But aiya I'm just being irritating.The stupid lizard is annoying me too did I mention I hate lizards.ARGH.I don't want to be too close to him now,and then listen to his answer after As and crumble.I'm trying to visualize that feeling now,but it seems so hard.I really really hope there'll be some miracle,but I don't want it to happen just cos he feels sympathy or indebted to me,ya?

I had a dream last night,that he called to apologise,and tell me that it would be much better if I remained as his bestfriend.I woke up feeling disturbed as hell,and I din even have a good sleep;I woke up like 3 4 times to check my phone?No texts,then I went back to sleep.His texts just seem to give me a good night's sleep.I'll live without it lah,come on I lived for 17 years before him I can do so much better and longer with or without him!

But,there's always buts,I prayed to God last night for a sign.AHHH the stupid things girls do.I asked him,if we'll be tgt after his As then give me a dream,or none at all.If not,give me a nightmare.And it was a nightmare.

I hate accepting fate sometimes.But life has its ups and downs,so sigh.It isn't smooth sailing isn't that what gives living a kick!lalala.

He doesn't seem to understand that he matters more.I don't know why is he so affected by what I said about him and hf being equally important when I'm just his bestf?It's like,2 different standings,he treats me as a friend,I treat him as a friend (or at least I'm trying very hard to treat him like an elder brother),and hf is just,well,different!Hf is more like an friend now,those hello-goodbye kind.Maybe it's cos we can't talk anymore;communication barrier of some sort.It's not as though he's going to be less important or matter less just cos hf is in my life?Or even if he comes back.

After all,the die is cast.I'll always be his bestf.

ARGH DEPRESSION

WENT TO BUANGKOK THEN ZZZ on the way home,cos need to pass by plaza sing.I went to precious thoughts.

AND...







I SAW

BABYKINS):







babykins is fricking expensive he costs $330!!):sigh.Don't worry babykins.Mummy will find a way to get you somehow.Even if she has to sell her fingernails.

SIGH the shopkeeper was like,"Limited edition."
me,"oh):"


$330!!!


/edit

argh I'm fricking frustrated now JIANI HELP ME yes yes jiani you alr know why so it makes things much much simpler.okay done ranting,back to investigations.^^

loooooooong post.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARONDYLAN
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KANGXIAN

AARON ALCOHOL YOU DUG INTO MY COFFERS TO BUY THEM RIGHT YOU SNIDE LITTLE EUNUCH.I'LL GET BACK AT YOU FOR THAT.

dang I can never remember my blog password.

anyway alex is being sweet today hahah.Cant wait to hang out at his house and play xbox.he says his house doesn't have a pool anymore cos he's living in landed not condo.AWWW):

anyway I'm going swimming tmr.FINALLY MAN.I went to parkway spent like 80 bucks buying some black top (meant for swimming lah duh but now I just wear it when I go it lololol) and some bluewhitestriped bikini which I thought was nice but hell I change my mind.I wore it once when I went swimming w shinglong hiany and timo only. Sigh.Thanks to economic downturn I now have to postpone buying new furniture for my room,paint the walls pink PLUS buy new clothes and bikini.YA BUT I DAMN FAT SHOULDN'T WEAR HOR.SHIT.

DEAR GOD GRANT ME THE POWER TO TRANSFER FATS.WITH A SIMPLE SMIRK I CAN TELEPORT CHUNKS OF FATS FROM MY BODY ONTO PEOPLE I HATE.

Was talking to daphne today.We both agreed now instead of swimming, we just see guys and guys see girls.Totally man.Gone are the days when we swim to keep fit and become the next phelps.

SIGH.do you HAVE to talk to me today.I'd much prefer it if you'd ignore me for good.It sucks to know you're hanging around,somewhere out there.It's not that I never stopped loving you;I just think now (thanks to a certain cow who's been brainwashing my moral values) that love should be just for one person.

I'm so afraid to love the wrong person,and coming from a 17 year old you might just brush it off like the dust that just settled on your shoulder,BUT HELL NO.IT SHOULD STAY(LIKE HOW CLINTON'S SPERM STAYED ON LEWINSKY'S FROCK) AND YOU(THE READER) SHOULD MULL OVER IT.Not mull over the sperm dammit, mull over moral values and how people go around giving 110% of their love and then not even getting any REAL love back.

Loving someone back out of sympathy is not what I seek,no one seeks such 'love' or pity.I always thought he was the insecure one,but it isn't so.He was, and still is, merely the more insecure one between the two of us.That's why for him,he never got close to any girl,emotionally,aside from really good girl-friends.Conversely,for me,I was always hanging out with a bunch of guys because if one hurt me,there was always another,and another.I realized when I talked to MAOBITCH that day,that I was always insecure,I just didn't want to show it.People thought I was always hanging out with guys cos well,I just do,that my life was always filled with a heck load of guy friends.Girls are easy to trust,but it sucks when they bitch about you,I'm a girl,I know.No matter how good a friend you are,there's bound to be bitching,and if you're not a good friend,then well,you just get bitched about more.Nevertheless there's always some close girls around you who'll stand by you and bitch back about the people who bitch about their friends.Those are true girlfriends.

Thank you yuhsuan.I always loved you for that.That brutal harsh honesty,accompanied by the occasional delusions you have about men who don't really exist.hahah.

Thank you cihui,for being the act seh prototype but always being there like a messenger of god to show me the way.Yeah it sounds damn cheesy but you always were guiding me,somehow.

Thank you jiani,for being the force behind it.Giving me sound advice,really really sound kind,that usually works out in the end.For keeping me company at night LOL sounds wrong,anyway you and I both know what it means,and knocking sense into my head when I was going all crazy over this and that.



You have successfully received C:\Users\nylette\Desktop\Have You Ever.mp3 from Sindor. The best-laid plans of mice*and men..

Sindor. The best-laid plans of mice and men. says:
yay
lynette. 怒っている says:
thank you love.


damn my back hurts from trng today.DRILLS WERE SHIT GOOD I LOVED EVERY MOMENT OF IT I WAS DANGGED HAPPY WE DIN PLAY GAMES.I DON'T LIKE PLAYING GAMES DURING TRNG THE SCORES REALLY SHIT ME HARD.

I couldn't sleep yesterday night and I was texting precious and llk lol.I was quite surprised when precious replied something I did not expect.I thought all men were irresponsible creatures and probably tell their girls to get an abortion if they ever got pregnant (yes I was thinking about morality before I slept last night) and precious said if he were to ever kena this kind of shit then he'll be responsible for it.HOW MANY MEN ARE LIKE THAT PLEASE.He's a really sweet baby,but awfully pragmatic and selfish.Can't blame him;people have shortcomings.

JIANI IF YOU SEE THIS GIVE ME ADOVISU HOR.Okay firstly ah,I don't want to be a rebound girlfriend.Secondly ah,he also going to find some angmoh to marry anyway so he's obviously not going to put in much effort into a relationship with a non-angmoh girl so why bother.Thirdly,I FIRMLY BELIEVE,GAN3QING2 CANNOT BE PEI2YANG3-ED ONE.Please lor,if no,means no liao.

I CAN'T STOP LOVING YOU~~~~~

One last last last last last thing.Live strong Alby,love is never too far off.

mm.somewhere within me lies sleeping memories of you.

when you leave
he comes back

is god playing some sort of joke on me.
it ain't funny.

sigh.

I hate a lot of people in my life.

lalala.

great day
lousy movie
fun tuition
non stop laughter

depression only when I see how others have huge huggable teddies
and I have none.
sigh.
woe be me.

maxpayne sucks.

don't know why you said I made you feel insecure when you don't even like me, but hey,<3.
today was fun love.

long days ahead

talked to mao till 2 plus in the morning? then went to bed freaking late like 3 plus cos I was reading this new book. 550am his phone rang,woke me up=.= sheesh.went back to bed.

woke up for meeting,fetched pwmates from across the canal to my house,finished meeting about uhm, 2 plus 3?Went to find jacky,took bus to er,safra tampines,saw a heckload of yalams smoking and ahbengs and ahlians playing pool.I was screaming a lot when we played airhockey and foosball,played a 147 with house ball on the third game.OMG YAY.first two games were crap lah,jacky and bok know why.

made MORE new friends from vs,julian and alwin.Went dinner w them after that at tampines swensons.Oh yeah julian owes me 5.90 and jacky owes me uhh.13.90 hahah.bought stuff to decorate my room while they were ordering dinner.

we played some number game after dinner,whoever who guessed the number had to drink a cup of water lol.As the number of rounds increased so did the cups of water.

so here goes:
round no:
1:bokchong
2: alwin
3: bokchong
4:julian
5:jacky
6:alwin
bonus stage- I CAN'T BELIEVE I KENA.but each guy helped me drink one except alwin.He was kinda pissed cos I said not fun if people help him drink,then he drank 8 cups of water, tank everything,then bok jacky they all help me hahah.

jacky has the screen protector in his bag ahhhhhhhh.need to get it back from him before I see precious tmr.He ask me find him before op in the morning to return his phone,then after school I cannot see him liao.don't wantttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

bokchong took mrt back w me,when alwin alighted.omg damn funny he was showing me his report book and his sec1 photo,until he din know he reached his stop.BOKBOK is damn cute lah!hahah.

home now,pw done,albert you emoshit.it'll all get better in time.It hurts like hell but I promise,time heals all wounds.:)Swim it all away:)wah sounds damn wrong,but eh you just swam today what!So swim all your troubles away!:D

short little trip back here

short little post here if not I'll feel guilty nikkylove is helping me w my op presentation while I blog.

sick life.I don't know why you've been on my mind of recent.

timothy says he doesn't want to go to school because his hair is too long zzz crap reason lah lol. cant wait for the guys to finish their Os then we can go timo's house swim go void deck play cards.Lucky timo stop smoking liao but also mean his nice aura smell gone.lol.still very proud of him, at least he trying to kick the habit.

why the hell are you on my mind.I haven't been talking to you and stuff, but why are you on my mind.Before my presentation I think of you sitting among the audience.When I bowl I think you're watching me and I want to do you proud.When I study I want to do well to show you I can do anything.When I feel all sian and on the verge of giving up I think of you.

Why do I think of you,and not him?I clearly am unclear about something.

Made friends w 2 guys from VS today.bokchong and yiyang.nice guys.bokchong is hilarous hahah.He din wanna go home until he won me at least one game at bowling but he gave up,and my bowling sucks.Jacky played a 203,what a love.BC then walked me to bus stop,traded bags w me cos my bag inside laptop plus heck load of stuff damn heavy,and he saved me from a cockroach at the bus stop.Quite scary though I was afraid I would fall onto the road.K thx BC you're a nice guy good luck for your run tmr.

gtg now before I feel even more guilty thanks nikkylove.

/edit

don't know why I have such a damn good bestf,he everytime help me, but then cannot even remember when I help him, not even once.sigh.this week dinner, my treat!I love you nicholas you're the bestfriend on earthhhhhhhh<3

):

traded phones w misterpiggy today, then left for eunice's house w jr. Eunice has very nice big softtoys. I want nice huge teddybears too):

took damn long to go home, fell asleep on the bus, almost missed my stop.

*sniff*
I really really want nice huge cuddly teddybear):

/edit

I realized you liked me, well that's what I think anyway.
YOU DID AND I WAS SO STUPID I DIDN'T REALIZE. Heck, life goes on. I mean, your actions were damn obvious, but I was blinded I swear, I don't know why, but whatever you did, those random texts and times you'd play with me, they came flashing back when I saw you, and omg I feel stupid.

school today, university panel discussion. cihui fell asleep FOR THE FIRST TIME I SAW HER DOZE OFF. then she took my phone to play, then my turn to sleep. Then before I dozed off I saw her pass monica to jiani to play. hahah. tag team or something. anyway hoe woke me up. lawl. he asked me if I wanted to go sanfrancisco again, then the cedarians and I can form a team and if we win we can go sf. hahah. sf, beautiful memories of nonstop shopping, eating, and fun with melmel chunkiat moses samuel junbo jinrui litao jorina shihang menglu JINJING:D

went to the arcade w nikky, watched him trash all his opponents at tekken 6, then caught mamma mia. maorui called me asked me out tonight to walk his dog-.- i'm more of in the mood to stone actually, sorry mao.

dozed off during tuition, really tired. I realize when i'm emo i eat a lot w/ growing fat. I ate the burgers today, carl's jr somemore, and my stomach is still very very flat and very very hungry.

stupid bus uncle refused to open the door for me, made me wait for another 14, if not I could have gotten home earlier, though only mum and I are home over the weekend. Cried on the way home, some lady who asked me for the time was quite freaked to see my tears streaming down my hideous face.

shit I should have gone to plaza sing after tuition, mao was there catching a movie, he could send me home after that or something.

maybe I did something wrong, maybe it's cos I told you you two were equally important. maybe it's cos I never told you when I realized you mattered more.Everything is my fault.Something went wrong somewhere,that's why you don't like me.I can't do anything now,except pray that you'll be happy everyday.happy happy.when you're happy i'm happy.

seannie says one chooses to be happy.I choose to be happy.I next choose what to do to make me happy.I choose to make you happy to make me happy.I next choose the best alternative to make me happy.

I have no next best alternative.
You have no opportunity cost.
You are therefore not a scarcity?
rubbish.
you are the one and only.


i'm crapping ahhhhhhhhhh jiani i know you're reading this help me please T.T

at the library today.
IT SUCKED.
okay not really. eugene was quite funny and hongyee well, was being his usual self, except that he was very very sleepy. we talked a lot, but eugene and I managed to do quite a bit of work; hy was sleeping the entire time.

I wanted to walk you to the bus stop today, and wait w you till your bus came, just to spend some time tgt though I know you made things clear yesterday. But I guess, that wasn't necessary.

I regret telling you that you two were equally important.
I regret not telling you that I realized long ago I like you so much more than any other.

I feel horrible that you regretted putting that emo nick and talking to me.

/edit.

I know you'll never like me back, and even if you do it's only cos you're touched by what I did for you (which really is nothing at all) and you don't want to hurt me.
I just miss you loads right now.

You told me, your birthday was like any other day. A normal day, and you thought nothing of it. I wanted to show you how important 13th october was because it was your birthday, your own special day. I really wanted to be with you on your birthday even if it meant just
watching you study in the library quietly. When you told me you wanted to go home after your paper, the only thing I thought of was not being able to spend time with you. Then I had to tell you that I wanted to give you something, just hoping against hope that you'll stay back for a little while, and you said you'll look stupid with it. I was rly upset that my gift, that I, meant nothing to you. You asked me put it in the locker, and yeah, the locker was empty when I went to check it. It probably was as empty as how I felt, being kicked aside.

I was rushing to finish your present during pw meeting, and some friends saw the gift. I don't need you to show any appreciation or envy like they did, I just wanted a smile on your face.

Nevertheless, your birthday was special this year, I could see how happy you were when I walked past the concourse. I could see how happy you were on your msn nick, and I am so happy that you realized how important you are to the people around you. I wish every day of your life will always be this happy, I wish every birthday you celebrate would be special and memorable in its own way.

I find it very difficult to talk to you now; everytime I'm reminded of how little I mean and how indifferent you are to me. I find it very hard to forget what you said, and I don't want you to feel guilty. I don't want to hear apologies from you, not just on your birthday, not any day, because I was the one who's supposed to make you feel happy, not you to appease me.

Perhaps you're unhappy about me and hf; I don't know, and sometimes I make him sound really important just so you'll pay more attention to me. I know it isn't nice to make comparisons, both of you are nice in your own way, but sometimes I wished you were half as nice as hf. I still love you for who you are, and I hope one day I can be important enough to share the special moments in life with you.

I'm just glad it's only now that I realized how little I meant. The letters weren't worth anything. Some things are just too late.

I really wanted to spend time with you on your birthday, but I wasn't worth your time. The celebration was much nicer anyway. Balloons and stuff. As long as you're happy, nothing else matters.











Is pearlyn ignoring me.:/ *mumble*

edmund sucks.

promos were horrible.
no need to say anymore.
but i did improve.
i topped the class for econs, but overall i ranked 12th. other people got like, 2 marks higher than me, then they ranked 5th. Competition is STIFF.

I improved by 15 marks for chem, overall.
bio and maths. zzz. same grade.

I feel damnn horrible. I let him down, I promised him 4As, and this is the results i'm getting back to show him. utter despair.

The other guy got As and Bs for his promos, and I got Es and stuff. I'm not good enough to talk to him, much less hang out with him.

goodbye world. it'll be a better place w/ mee.

pissed

havent updated in a while.

really pissed day.

first, fucking laptop not working, god knows why the cursor keeps jumping then instead of continue typing at some paragraph it jumps off somewhere. fucked up thing.

secondly, today open house, annabelle god knows how she take her stupid camera and drop my phone. I was damn pissed about it, i just whine and never show temper. fuck, damn pissed k. I never even drop my phone before, then it dropped, hit my leg and fell face flat on the ground. fucking annoying. Can't take camera properly, must hit my phone and drop it.

I quote llk : lanjiao cheebye.

thirdly, he says he cannot text or whatever cos his dad complain about his bill. That is like, chao stupid please. I will not listen to such crappy explanations. If get in trouble just

FUCK WILL THE CURSOR STOP JUMPING.

anyway, I'm only supposed to be there when he isn't happy, so my job is done, don't text, then okay lor.

off to continue wr before kena from wongjr. bye.