Thursday, March 17, 2005
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
ive got me black 'n tam o'shanty, i've washed me lucky charms (at the behest of the quare one, god bless her), i've brushed up on how to pronounce the Gaelic (guess what? it's ALL perfectly phonetic! everyone nods and smiles at me when i pronounce it this way. especially in Dun Laoghaire) and i've bought 200 cans of the ebony nectar (that's what they call it here) so im ready as i'll ever be for hogmanay.
hahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaha
only joking
i mean St Partick's Day, obviously
the day when that blessed man, tragically born in probably England, came over to this also sceptred isle whatever that means and through a process of sheer holiness banished all the thistles. They were forced to swim to Scotland, where they reside and still occasionally gambol, in among the heather, doon the moor. This tradition was later repeated with some of the more argumentative chaps further north, but we won't talk about that. I don't want Johnny 'I'll do anything for' Adair coming round to pay my neighbours a visit (i will have scarpered way in advance).
No, im making light of the situation. Let me rectify it. Now.
It's a very serious day when we commemorate our patron saint of christianity for banishing the evil of religious diversity from this land. So the legend that he banished all the snakes comes about because they are an animal associated with the devil from the time of the Fall and all that. That said, I'm still going to the public bite-the-head-off-a-fucking-snake display in the grounds of Christchurch Cathedral later tomorrow.
And so, in traditional bored columnist signing off for a while style, my spies tell me that Nutgroist is going on holiday for a few times, and so am I. Look for one more hastily put together post and that's your lot for ages to come.
Lucky.
|
hahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaha
only joking
i mean St Partick's Day, obviously
the day when that blessed man, tragically born in probably England, came over to this also sceptred isle whatever that means and through a process of sheer holiness banished all the thistles. They were forced to swim to Scotland, where they reside and still occasionally gambol, in among the heather, doon the moor. This tradition was later repeated with some of the more argumentative chaps further north, but we won't talk about that. I don't want Johnny 'I'll do anything for' Adair coming round to pay my neighbours a visit (i will have scarpered way in advance).
No, im making light of the situation. Let me rectify it. Now.
It's a very serious day when we commemorate our patron saint of christianity for banishing the evil of religious diversity from this land. So the legend that he banished all the snakes comes about because they are an animal associated with the devil from the time of the Fall and all that. That said, I'm still going to the public bite-the-head-off-a-fucking-snake display in the grounds of Christchurch Cathedral later tomorrow.
And so, in traditional bored columnist signing off for a while style, my spies tell me that Nutgroist is going on holiday for a few times, and so am I. Look for one more hastily put together post and that's your lot for ages to come.
Lucky.
|
Friday, March 11, 2005
our own personal tribute, cleverly done two days ago, way ahead of everyone else
[15:31] J: no Ann Summers ? by law ?
[15:31] f: dunno
[15:31] f: there's lots of sex shops
[15:31] f: but theyre all soho style
[15:31] J: for priests
[15:31] J: right
[15:31] f: oh my god!
[15:32] f: tell a lie!
[15:32] f: there is one!
[15:32] f: and i know the street!
[15:32] f: how did i miss that?
[15:32] J: funny how they automatically get seedier the more religious the country
[15:32] f: it's on O'Connell St - one of the most famous streets in Dublin!
[15:40] J: is it vandalised by catholics?
[15:40] f: what catholics? this is ireland in 2005!
[15:41] J: thats my english image of it tho
[15:41] J: oh, and "no surrender" by the way
[15:42] f: what would you do if you went in having built yourself up to it, thinking, it's ok, they'll know it's for my missus, and the bloke in front of you in the queue asks for the exact same dildo you are after - when they tell him how big it is, he makes a length image with his hands and then transfers it to his arse and measures up how far it'll go and ive kind of lost the thread of this "what would you do if" so i'll stop there and just write it as a sketch
[15:42] f: or will i?
[15:43] J: haha
[15:43] J: make him a priest
[15:44] J: man goes in and says 'i'll have a dildo for the wife'
[15:44] f: and THEN you realise he's a priest?!
[15:44] f: for the wife....in America
[15:44] J: and the guy goes 'what about something for the bishop ?' pointing at his crotch
[15:44] J: camera pulls back and he has a catholic bishop on a leash
[15:44] f: and he goes 'he's got a choirboy who keeps him company'
[15:45] f: heyhey!
[15:45] J: the guy says 'nah hes got one'
[15:45] J: boom
[15:45] f: like it a lot
[15:45] J: Dave Allen, RIP
[15:45] f: except ive never heard of it called a bishop before
[15:45] f: he's not Dead!
[15:45] J: isnt he ?
[15:45] f: no!
[15:45] J: should be
[15:45] f: hehe
[15:45] J: i used to LOVE Dave Allen
[15:45] f: yeah, he broke the rules
[15:45] f: me too
[15:46] f: and weirdly, so did my mum!
[15:46] J: mainly for having one of the all-time funkiest theme tunes
[15:47] f: he was doing the same stuff years before jeremy beadle
[15:47] J: what, having a deformed hand
[15:47] f: exactly
[15:48] J: 'on the other hand' etc
|
[15:31] J: no Ann Summers ? by law ?
[15:31] f: dunno
[15:31] f: there's lots of sex shops
[15:31] f: but theyre all soho style
[15:31] J: for priests
[15:31] J: right
[15:31] f: oh my god!
[15:32] f: tell a lie!
[15:32] f: there is one!
[15:32] f: and i know the street!
[15:32] f: how did i miss that?
[15:32] J: funny how they automatically get seedier the more religious the country
[15:32] f: it's on O'Connell St - one of the most famous streets in Dublin!
[15:40] J: is it vandalised by catholics?
[15:40] f: what catholics? this is ireland in 2005!
[15:41] J: thats my english image of it tho
[15:41] J: oh, and "no surrender" by the way
[15:42] f: what would you do if you went in having built yourself up to it, thinking, it's ok, they'll know it's for my missus, and the bloke in front of you in the queue asks for the exact same dildo you are after - when they tell him how big it is, he makes a length image with his hands and then transfers it to his arse and measures up how far it'll go and ive kind of lost the thread of this "what would you do if" so i'll stop there and just write it as a sketch
[15:42] f: or will i?
[15:43] J: haha
[15:43] J: make him a priest
[15:44] J: man goes in and says 'i'll have a dildo for the wife'
[15:44] f: and THEN you realise he's a priest?!
[15:44] f: for the wife....in America
[15:44] J: and the guy goes 'what about something for the bishop ?' pointing at his crotch
[15:44] J: camera pulls back and he has a catholic bishop on a leash
[15:44] f: and he goes 'he's got a choirboy who keeps him company'
[15:45] f: heyhey!
[15:45] J: the guy says 'nah hes got one'
[15:45] J: boom
[15:45] f: like it a lot
[15:45] J: Dave Allen, RIP
[15:45] f: except ive never heard of it called a bishop before
[15:45] f: he's not Dead!
[15:45] J: isnt he ?
[15:45] f: no!
[15:45] J: should be
[15:45] f: hehe
[15:45] J: i used to LOVE Dave Allen
[15:45] f: yeah, he broke the rules
[15:45] f: me too
[15:46] f: and weirdly, so did my mum!
[15:46] J: mainly for having one of the all-time funkiest theme tunes
[15:47] f: he was doing the same stuff years before jeremy beadle
[15:47] J: what, having a deformed hand
[15:47] f: exactly
[15:48] J: 'on the other hand' etc
|
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
this is all i got so far, now im off to dubley for fun and frolics, i'll finish it off later if someone else doesnt...
I want to eat one
I don’t know why
Or where it begun
This desire to try
It looks so tasty
To my eyes I’d say
I’d have it in a pasty
If that’s the only way
But I’d rather have it fried
Or slapped upon a griddle
That’d keep me satisfied
And lose this need to fiddle
I have people who love me
And people who care
But no-one whose got one
Would dare give me theirs
|
I want to eat one
I don’t know why
Or where it begun
This desire to try
It looks so tasty
To my eyes I’d say
I’d have it in a pasty
If that’s the only way
But I’d rather have it fried
Or slapped upon a griddle
That’d keep me satisfied
And lose this need to fiddle
I have people who love me
And people who care
But no-one whose got one
Would dare give me theirs
|
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
time was when i'd have spent an hour crafting this fucker into a neat poetic form. but i cant be bothered, so here it is in rough. as ever, feel free to add to it.
Your beauty this evening is past compare
I’ve never been so attracted to thick facial hair
It’s something I thought that id never say
But tonight, babe, im going gay
The first girl I fancied was my dear old mum
From the second I popped from her sweaty front-bum
She’s been the model for all girls on the way
But tonight, to be honest, I’d prefer a bit of gay
You have good strong hips with soft creamy thighs
Or that’s what I think when I (ahem) fantasize
I see my own cock and I just want to play
Maybe that’s why I’m turning slowly gay
Your slit eye commands me to dispel my fears
Would you baptize me in sweet milky tears?
I know from my wife there’ll be hot hell to pay
But im changing my life to occasionally gay
|
Your beauty this evening is past compare
I’ve never been so attracted to thick facial hair
It’s something I thought that id never say
But tonight, babe, im going gay
The first girl I fancied was my dear old mum
From the second I popped from her sweaty front-bum
She’s been the model for all girls on the way
But tonight, to be honest, I’d prefer a bit of gay
You have good strong hips with soft creamy thighs
Or that’s what I think when I (ahem) fantasize
I see my own cock and I just want to play
Maybe that’s why I’m turning slowly gay
Your slit eye commands me to dispel my fears
Would you baptize me in sweet milky tears?
I know from my wife there’ll be hot hell to pay
But im changing my life to occasionally gay
|
Friday, March 04, 2005
Kids trapped in my refrigerator
Dyou think they’re still alive?
It’s full of food and drink for sure
So likely they'll survive
|
Dyou think they’re still alive?
It’s full of food and drink for sure
So likely they'll survive
|
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Last night I had Banal sex
No milky stains, no anal flecks
No reduction into gibbering wrecks
And nothing fleshy speared down necks
The strap-ons stayed inside the box
The one that’s marked ‘spare tits and cocks’
Nor did we play with my ball-locks
No rodents got stuffed into socks
Two were we, no clusterfucks
Or tag-team gang of rutting bucks
In porno fantasy-deluxe.
Group anal bores and oral sucks
Vanilla sex enjoys no licks
No sado-maso cunty kicks
The camera’s full of legal pics
And down my dick are stuck no sticks
We don’t perform for Dirty Macs
Won’t fetishise no group of Blacks
Nor invite in some helpless Spacks
To join us in our sex-attacks
I didn’t frot, I didn’t frig
She didn’t wear a pussy-wig
I fit in snug although im big
I loved it so, as did the pig
|
No milky stains, no anal flecks
No reduction into gibbering wrecks
And nothing fleshy speared down necks
The strap-ons stayed inside the box
The one that’s marked ‘spare tits and cocks’
Nor did we play with my ball-locks
No rodents got stuffed into socks
Two were we, no clusterfucks
Or tag-team gang of rutting bucks
In porno fantasy-deluxe.
Group anal bores and oral sucks
Vanilla sex enjoys no licks
No sado-maso cunty kicks
The camera’s full of legal pics
And down my dick are stuck no sticks
We don’t perform for Dirty Macs
Won’t fetishise no group of Blacks
Nor invite in some helpless Spacks
To join us in our sex-attacks
I didn’t frot, I didn’t frig
She didn’t wear a pussy-wig
I fit in snug although im big
I loved it so, as did the pig
|
