im more or less settled down for school.. assignments are piling up.. 2 presentations due nx nx week.. just before cny.. hmm.. somehow this sem seems faster.. hmm.. havent been going to church.. dunno why.. too lazy? in fact i havent been socialising outside of school at all.. since sch started.. hmm.. food for thought... hmmm.. hmmm...

Nut was Cased at ; 10:41:00 PM

i wish i can be more vocal.
i wish i can be someone who speaks my mind. (regardless of whether i hurt anyone)
i wish i can be a little more straightforward.
i wish i can be more real with the people who care.
i wish i can be someone better than who i am now.
i wish i can be at some place better now.
i wish i can be less of a loner.
i wish i can be less emotional.
i wish i can be more open to share my feelings when i am emotional.

crap. maybe it's just a phase that i will never walk out of.

Nut was Cased at ; 11:03:00 PM

i realised that im most comfortable being alone.. sometimes i dread company.. does that make me a loner?

Lord, teach me how to rest IN work and not rest FROM work =)

Nut was Cased at ; 10:15:00 PM

ROckkidz is hiring.. and Pastor mentioned it again at svc today! argh.. if u're a true friend, come slap me in both cheeks.. wake me up from my slumber please.. thank you =)

Nut was Cased at ; 10:55:00 PM

i so need to blog this..

remember i mentioned in my previous entry posted just this morning.. about how im wasting time on senseless worries.. how i shouldnt worry about my school work/ project mates and all.. and also how i want God to teach me how to cast my worries on Him once again, and to lead me to walk 100% in His grace and favour?

it was all mentioned/reinforced at Arrow this evening! Pastor Keith was talking about how we always need to be reminded not to worry.. in Matthew 8:33 i think.. about why worry when our Heavenly Father clothes the lilies of the field and feeds the birds in the air etc...

then it suddenly dawned on me that this was exactly what i was worrying about before this semester commenced!! cos i had such a restful first semester last year, and i did really well.. so i wanted to know that i can walk the same way this semester.. and no way am i gonna be able to do as well (or ever better!) this semester if im gonna continue worrying! but like what Pastor Keith mentioned, we all need to be reminded of this once in a while.. yep.. =)

then pastor gave us a picture of how our hearing, believing & speaking looks like to God from Heaven.. a picture of the CROSS!! cool huh!! lol.. and as pastor was praying for us, he even mentioned something about walking 100% into God's favour!! so cool rite.. so in the flow just like what i mentioned in the morning.. haha..

and another thing that amazed me.. last weekend i went to visit the Arrow's website and knew that they were gonna have a Arrow recruitment drive for servers today during service.. so i told God.. this coming week, if He wants me to serve in Rockkidz, He will send people to speak to me, or He Himself will speak to me through wadever ways..

so the week started, school and all, i didnt think anything bout it.. den midweek i was reminded of my 'pact' with God.. and i realised that i still didnt have anyone speaking to me about serving.. so i thought.. "wah.. that's it lar.. not called to serve le".. then as i was so drained and tired by midweek, i just chucked the whole thought away..

so today i went for Arrow.. amazing.. Pastor talked a little bit bout serving and it spoke to my heart.. from Psalms 110:3.. hmm.. so i thought.. God.. this is it! You're talking to ME! mmhmm.. den not enough.. after svc, Faith and I went to the toilet, then normally we would just wait outside TheRock to wait for the CG, but this time we walked back into the foyer where the recruitment booths were.. i was eyeing the Rockkidz booth which was at the OTHER END of the foyer..

until... SUDDENLY this girl appeared from nowhere and asked us if anyone of us (the CG) wanted to serve in RockKidz, and whether we could spare a few minutes listening to her share a lil bout RockKidz.. this time i was like.. OH GOD.. You are making it SO CLEAR to me..

ok good news so far.. BUT.. i really wanna slap myself for this.. im still holding back.. somehow.. i really REALLY feel like i will have to sacrifice time for rest/study if i were to serve in RockKidz.. once every two weeks.. and i really dun want to..

my life started so well, was in the top 5/10% of my cohort, entered such a good secondary school and all, but since then ive failed again and again.. disappointed myself and pple around me again and again.. this time, i really wanna give my best in my studies.. well in the first place, this job im holding on to is God given, and He allowed me to study again.. no way am i gonna waste this chance.. and also the deal i made to myself.. if im gonna fail again i will so hate myself forever.. mmm..

so, someone, please knock some sense into me or slap me please.. thanks =)

Nut was Cased at ; 10:53:00 PM

first week of school just over.. by mid week i was feeling super tired already.. 830 mornings for mon,tues,wed and 930am on friday.. sigheth.. i so need God's supernatural strength this semester..

stepped into each class with so much apprehension.. so much worries.. worry about whether i will find favour with the tutor/lecturer.. worry about whether i'll find the best groupmates God has in store for me..

quite ironic actually.. since it's what "God has in store for me", why do i need to worry? hmm.. i guess cos of the certain HIGH percentage of marks allocated for group work in almost all my tutorials.. and the "self-pressure" im giving myself to score even better this sem to raise up my gpa even further.. hmm..

7 modules this sem.. supposedly lighter load than my previous sem.. had 9-10 modules.. but somehow.. there seem to be so much work this sem!! GOD!!! i so need You this sem.. teach me how to cast all my cares and worries on You.. and lead me to walk 100% in Your grace and favour!!

Nut was Cased at ; 10:39:00 AM

the past few days have been awesome..

MONDAY was spent with Shauna at sentosa!! picnic!! chatted, luge, dinner.. wanted to suntan.. but not much sun huh.. haha.. anw, time well spent.. and cant believe that the next time we meet will prob be in March.. how saddening.. haha..

was feeling very random/lonely on the train home at night.. so i decided to sms the cg.. well.. those whom i have their hp numbers.. and telling them how bored/random i am and if anyone wanted to spend tuesday with me at ECP to fly kite/suntan!! and surprisingly, some of them did!

so on TUESDAY, charis, hanyuen and me met up at ECP macs.. den we went to fly kite, play guitar.. cheemin came, puiser came.. and we played monopoly deal on the grass, in the dark.. hilarious huh.. puiser's sucha schemer!! haha.. sent hanyuen home for his dinner, den puiser drove us to chompchomp for dinner.. afterwhich hanyuen came back and suggested to ask huiyi/huixian out! but we ended up at their place instead.. haha.. HUGE DOGS!! Shadow and Honey! scary!! lol..

nothing much happened on WEDNESDAY.. i had piano teaching in the evening.. oh i woke up late, went swimming, den taught piano.. haha.. come to think of it, i think wednesday was the only time this week i had dinner at home.. hmm..

THURSDAY, met some of the cg at 12pm PS.. lunch-ed.. L4D-ed.. my 1st time playing in a LAN shop can.. best.. kinda enjoyed the game.. lol.. den walked around PS, dinner-ed, finally to benches at SMU for games.. Saboteur and Citadel!! anyone knows where i can buy saboteur? love the game!! lol..

TODAY.. piano in the afternoon, wanted to head down to Junction8 straightaway, walk around drink coffee while waiting for the cg.. but the sun was so good after my piano.. i just had to go swimming.. lol.. met the cg after that.. dinner-ed.. den huiyi's house again!! this time for CG.. haha.. the 2 dogs are pretty/handsome man.. but but.. just a tad too fierce and loud.. lol..

yep.. so that was my week.. if u read till here, i must say u've got an awesome attention span.. lol.. i kinda love it that i met up with the cg so often this week.. cant believe i used to have such negative feelings.. still have.. but it's slowly fading.. =)

school's starting.. received my timetable.. praise God.. semester havent started and im already receiving free favours =) everyone has got 5day week but ive only got 4days!! so far i havent heard of anyone who has 4days.. praise the LORD!!

im so gonna LABOUR INTO HIS REST this coming year/semester.. and im gonna REST AND REIGN!!! amen!

oh before i sign off, would like to thank PUISER for giving me a lift home 3 times this week.. appreciate appreciate alot alot.. though i doubt puiser knows my blog.. but ohwells.. for documentation sake huh.. =)

Nut was Cased at ; 11:49:00 PM

God Bless The Broken Road



I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to You

[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where You are
Others who broke my heart they were just Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into Your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to You

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to take the time I lost and give it back to You
But You just smile and take my hand
You've been there You understand
It's all part of this grander plan that is coming true

[Chorus]

Now I'm just rolling home
Into Your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to You

That God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to You.

Nut was Cased at ; 12:21:00 AM

for the first time in a very long time i didnt feel like coming home tonight..

Nut was Cased at ; 11:59:00 PM