a quick entry.. im kinda glad today's over.. slept about 2hrs last night.. and overslept a lil this morning.. but i was still the 1st to arrive for my 830am music class! lol..

was busy rushing all my reflections and redoing my Ed Psych I PBL presentation slides last night till about 3+am.. and the presentation was today!! went quite well i must say.. my tutor Justina shot a couple of questions at us during Q&A.. one of which was my expert topic on Skinner.. my grpmates said was answered quite well.. yay.. now that we've done our part.. it's up to God yea.. let us have favour with Justina.. hahahaha... how not to have favour with her when she's my st nix tcher rite.. lol..

anw one presentation down.. 2 more to go next week.. which means more and more proj meetings.. ahhh and 2 essays due next week too! Ed Psych I (60%) and Ed Psych II dunno how many %.. ahhh... and exams.. ahhh.. Grace Grace!!!

and i dunno if it's cos of the cool weather or what.. im kinda feeling emo now.. tired but needa start on my work.. and im having some sort of withdrawal symptoms from Ed Psych I presentation today.. somehow.. i miss having to work on those dead people who had nothing better else to do and relating their theories to the problem.. well.. i think my 60% essay needs ALOT more theories.. but it's different lei..somehow.. maybe it's the grpmates and tutor i had too.. it was a fun experience..

Nut was Cased at ; 7:48:00 PM

yes it's almost 3am.. the yuan and mich are staying over again.. to do work.. haha.. mich has a 2000 words essay due tml.. er today.. and she only started yesterday.. how awesome.. lol..

i think i shld sleep soon.. haha.. soon.. lol..

Nut was Cased at ; 2:51:00 AM

remember i mentioned before, my ed psych lecturer was my secondary school teacher? today we finally had the time to talk one-to-one.. and it became like a mini-counselling session.. she asked me about my life after st nick's.. where i went, what i did.. and whether 'something' happened to me in sec 3&4 when she didnt teach me..

apparently she's quite shocked that im there now at NIE doing whatever im doing.. and reading my sharing online(which we have to do as part of assessment), she got quite concerned.. she posted me some questions which got me distracted the rest of the day.. just kept rolling about in my mind..

this got me quite emo.. thinkingthinkingthinking.. glad to have her around though.. supposed to meet up with her again.. wise advice she's giving me and i appreciate =)

i cabbed home from school today and just got home.. yes im crazy.. got hall dun stay still come home.. cab from ntu to pasir ris somemore.. lol.. but i just have to check on mum lar.. and yea just as i expected.. proj meeting was quite a waste of time..

Nut was Cased at ; 10:51:00 PM

God.. im tired..

demands from indecisive project mates.. arranging too many meetings here and there.. not accomplishing appropriate amt of work when we do meet up.. and at the same time i do not want to spend too much time away from home.. when im at home.. im meeting demands from my essays/assignments/tests.. at the same time jumping when im called.. buy/prepare meals.. groceries.. housework.. bathe..

i need to do all these.. and i want to.. but i cant help but feel tired.. and irritated.. project mates are starting to piss me off.. maybe it's just me.. sigheth..

Nut was Cased at ; 7:17:00 PM

my mum's recovering properly =) everyday i go to her, i see accelerated recovery =) today she even asked me to go to the food court to buy her fishball kway teow soup cos she simply doesnt like the hospital food.. she only ate a few mouths.. but still.. her appetite's coming back slowly but surely =)

and when the physiotherapist came to do some exercise with her.. she commented that her left arm and leg is so much better than before the surgery.. praise God! though not 100% yet, im sure the 100-fold healing will be coming soon! =) also for the surgical site at the neck.. though pain's still present.. and that neck cast restricting movement, im sure healing will be accelerated too! =)

ive been spending so much time in the hospital.. before and after school.. i didnt have time to prep for my tests/assessments i had this week.. each night when i reach home im exhausted.. each morning when i rise i had difficulty carrying myself outta bed.. but i persisted in reading what God has to say to me each day.. and i find myself drowning in favour!

i had a music test/assesment on wednesday.. we had to go to a special room individually to be tested.. there are 7 of us in this class.. 4 of whom are the 'originals' and 3 of us were 'crossovers' from the secondary track.. the lecturer started off with the 4 of them one by one.. and all came back complaining.. and 2 even cried.. apparently the lecturer was very demanding and failed all of them.. hmm..

so by then, lesson was almost over.. the lecturer came back to our room and gave some feedback.. the 4 of them left.. and the lecturer resumed her testing for the 3 of us.. together in the room, and CASUALLY.. she was still quite fierce.. but when it was my turn, she joked with me! and was apparently quite satisfied! my friend commented after that.. saying that she seems to like me alot that she could laugh and joke with me while being so strict with them.. is this favour or what! haha..

and and.. we had an english assignment.. mine was so kiddy and simple.. whereas my friends' were so 'cheem'.. but but.. i had an A- !! and my friends had B- and C+ !! when they saw my script they were quite quite shocked and unhappy that their grades were not as good as mine when they did more 'cheem' work than me.. is this undeserved, unmerited, unearned favour or what!!!

=) =) =)

life's been good with Daddy God around.. i wouldnt have survived without Him being with me 24/7 and always reassuring me that all will be fine..

but ive been thinking alot these days.. the devil's been attacking my mind so often.. giving me negative, bad thoughts.. and ive been rejecting all of them.. but spending so much time in a negative, depressing environment has got my mind running wild..

the same people i see everyday when i go to the hospital.. spending time with their loved ones who are suffering.. sometimes having to go under the wrath of their frustration cos of the pain and discomfort they are going through..

ive made friends with an auntie in the high D unit who's looking after her husband.. her husband's been verbally abusing her and the nurses when they try to help.. some being really quite vulgar.. but they just smiled and continued giving their love to him.. how amazing..

walking up and down the aisle.. looking into each room filled with patients.. lying down or sitting, staring into space.. when i look into their eyes, i try to visualize what's going on in their minds.. do they have a God whom they can seek solace and comfort from?

there's so much death in the place.. sometimes i wonder.. where's God? why is life so fragile? God made man.. did He already see that the man He made would one day become so weak? and what gives man the right to make another man well again if he's sick, injured or dying? what makes man different from robots? if something's malfunction-ing, just fix it. if it cant be fixed, then destroy it.

ok this is getting so depressing i should stop.. i thank You Daddy God for being with me and my family through all this.. i thank You that You have bought healing for my mum and You love her so much =)

grace grace for all my essays/projects/assignments that are pressing against me so tight all around.. =)

Nut was Cased at ; 11:37:00 PM

mum went for her op yesterday.. her condition was quite bad yesterday.. my heart ached so much k.. was trying my utmost to control my emotions in front of her.. but she looks so much better today!! she got transfer out to a normal ward today PRAISE GOD! but still very weak.. experiencing pain.. cant eat.. and vomited..

butbut.. this may be the normal circumstances i see now.. but i shant focus on them.. focusing on my heavenly Daddy is so much better cos i noe that everything's in His hands.. things may not look too good now.. but it can only get better.. cos He loves my mum more than my 'earthly' love can..

im kinda exhausted.. late nights at the hospital.. early mornings in school.. thank God for understanding friends.. cant sleep properly at night.. end up super tired during lessons.. today's 330-530 lesson i totally couldnt tahan.. sat right in front but still caught a few winks.. sigheth.. and all the projects/essays datelines all reaching.. so many project meetings.. argh..

and today's music test/assessment.. i din have time to practise last night as i was in the hospital.. compared to my 6 other classmates who had all the time to practise.. wad can i say.. i cast my cares onto Daddy and His favour surrounds me like a shield.. there was so much favour with my lecturer.. thank you Daddy =)

Nut was Cased at ; 10:38:00 PM

oh i forgot to add.. yuan and mich came to stayover last night to study.. i reached home at 1030.. so they came then too.. haha.. was quite fun.. studying together in my study room.. but the two of them arh.. cmi.. slept quite early lei.. 2plus they zonked out.. haha.. i went back to my room and continued till about 4..

time well spent.. doing work with great friends.. =)

Nut was Cased at ; 11:53:00 PM

mum's operation is early tml morning.. will head down to sgh at 6am with her and dad before heading down to school.. i'd be lying if i said im not scared and worried.. even though i know that Daddy God has taken everything into His hands and all will be well.. pray that the op will be a success and the recovery period will be painless and speedy =)

last saturday i went to sentosa>underwater world>dolphin lagoon with the new town primary kids for A Time To Shine.. had an awesome time.. seeing the expression on the kids when they had fun or when they get something.. priceless.. love them =) especially my boy, Seng Yee.. so handsome and cute.. sucha good boy too =)

headed down to Jofid's 21st birthday party after that.. coolest man.. felt like a mini wedding or a preparation for the real thing.. hahaha.. super cool.. the games were super lame and fun too!! so sad the helium didnt work on me.. i wanna try again some day!! was super tired at the end of the day.. cabbed home with gracia, dawne, benjin.. conked out almost immediately i took a shower..

sunday svc.. was still very tired.. but i made a decision with regards to the question coach posed me last week.. to join rockkidz.. =) oh and i bought the new church album The Perfect Offering.. it's super anointed.. i dunno if it's cos of the fatigue or the helplessness im feeling.. but i kept crying when i was listening to the songs.. even when im on the train.. oh the horror! hmm..

alright.. im neck-full with assignments.. and wanna go spend some time with mum.. mmm.. all will be well! =)

Nut was Cased at ; 8:42:00 PM

im so glad this week of school is over.. lessons were super stressful.. projects and assignments are getting to me.. and have been sleeping about 3.5hrs each night.. sigheth..

mum's op is looming nearer.. i can feel her anxiety.. even if she doesnt say it.. and im feeling it too.. and im blaming myself for not having the 'boldness' to say words to lift her up.. srsly.. wassup with me and my love language..

pray for my mum please.. whoever's reading this.. that the op will be smooth.. no side effects.. no complications.. and that my mum will heal SUPER speedily.. and miraculously with NO PAIN and NO DISCOMFORT.. i know my mum.. and she has an extremely low threshold for pain.. my heart aches to see her in pain.. :(

Nut was Cased at ; 10:14:00 PM

almost 3am monday morning.. just finished english proj meeting.. kinda tired.. but reading my previous blog entry bout the water baptism.. i feel a need to clarify the significance of the day even more..

it's the day of the Feast of The Tabernacle in Israel.. the day where the people in Israel celebrated the birth of Jesus.. awesome.. =)

recess week is over.. it's monday.. im quite screwed.. argh..

Nut was Cased at ; 2:44:00 AM

i got water baptised today =) according to the person who briefed my bus, today's the day Jesus was born.. today's Jesus's birthday.. and my new birthday too =)

mich came to stay over last night.. supposedly to study but we ended up watching DVD and playing Wii.. then today we headed down to Expo together to take the shuttle bus to ECP..

Pastor Darren baptised me.. the whole experience was awesome =) came out of the water feeling totally liberated.. and when we went back to suntec for Arrow Service.. worship took another whole new level.. there was also ministering..

and u noe after the 'usual' questions before baptism and juz before pastor darren put me into the water, he asked if i had any prayer requests.. what i asked for was totally completely answered in arrow.. even those requests that i already gave Daddy God last night.. they were all answered through the songs we sang in worship, through Pastor Benjamin's ministering, and through his preaching..

love Daddy God so much, love NCC, love Arrow, love my pastors, love my leaders, love my CG <3

after svc coach maddy and coach jo broke the news about our new CGL and 'new' CG.. dun really noe what to say about the change.. :x

i would love to blog more about the baptism.. but im feeling real tired and ive got lots of work to do.. panicking.. cant wait for mich or jianwei to upload the baptism video on facebook or somewhere for me to relive the experience =)

Nut was Cased at ; 11:32:00 PM

im going for water baptism tml.. the crucial ppl have not agreed to it.. but im doing it anw.. i know that this is what i want.. i know that this is what i believe in and i know that this can only bring good..

all i pray for now is to have the boldness to proclaim my faith.. and all the good it can bring if you allow it to.. to everyone around me.. especially to those closest to my heart..

Nut was Cased at ; 8:49:00 PM