and suddenly time flies,

i wonder if time passed will able be worthily spent 
or if i have actually allowing the time flies without fulfilling it

at times i feel like i was racing against time trying to complete as much as possible

it has reached five months since my career migration

yeap, , finally after so much contemplating, overcoming certain fears

i took a leap and change the direction in total

now, while i enjoyed most of the time in new place, 

i sometimes feel that i am lost in my journey. Most of the time, i am almost not sure about the path i undertake

then, it also cause me sometime to wanting to go back to the old place

have you ever feel that way after taking any leap in life?

and so, let’s move on to another year and while it is no longer relevant to write here, i will still come back and put down small notes here. 

i shall always remember this as a safe space for me to pour down my thoughts and worries. 

from 2007.

2023

Time flies, as usual. 

Turned 34 this year and have lost most of the expectation of celebration in life

I wanted to really just pause sometimes to enjoy bit and parse of the moment left

As we mover forward with our age, we’re closer to death

And so even close to losing our elders

But it also means growing older as an adult 

Bringing more responsibilities and commitment asked of

We lost count of frustration moments and at times we just simply keep going on

And i think that is an option rather that giving up

So what say you?

November, again

I am not always positive.

Like a normal human being, i have my ups and downs.

Perhaps some of you who knew me would usually see my bright side and may or may never seen the opposite of it. 

But in the recent months, knowing that there’s so many changes going on in life, i need to make a firm decision on how i manages my days

I must be in control so that i could function on a day to day basis, especially at work

2022 has not been an easy year

Not because we’ve reached that 2020 (cause you see, pandemic hits us globally that year onwards and despite whatever the government decided, we still live with risk of getting infected with covid if not any other usually influenza/disease)

Well, 2022 has been a challenging year to me both physically and emotionally

I had to undergo my very first hospitalisation experience to remove not one but two ovarian cysts. And for that, i had to go through my very first PCR test. 

I was admitted for good three nights, and then discharged for home recovery for an additional of 6 weeks!

All went well, i must say. And of course, it was not something that i go through alone

Not long after I came back, here’s another news

Quite shocking, but expected. And now as i am typing this, it’s surely a gift and a blessings.

Me and my youngest sister received our calling for hajj. And i have to be away from work and life here for another good 8 weeks, given or take.

3 months after returned, i got pregnant! Found out about it and get to share it with my husband and close family and had a miscarriage at 6 weeks of pregnancy. 

Am I sad? It’s hard to tell. I would say, I am grateful. We’re entering our 9th year and we’re awarded with a chance. It was short, but it was meaningful for me.

And again, i am away from office duty.

As i return back to work, hey it’s November! 

Look at how fast time flies.

I could hardly track it this year. 

But i am grateful for the experience. 

Now, through these few main events that happened in my life, i know if i choose to dwell in negativity. I would drown. 

But life goes on. And i still wakes up for another day. 

So here i am typing this entry. 

And here i am also trying to remember this advises i kept giving to my circles

“For things you have control over in life, take charge and act on it based on the needs. But for things you don’t have any controls on, leave it to move on. Don’t pursue things you have no control over to just find yourself hurt”

Healing the heart, is not an easy journey. Staying positive at all time, is impossible, but doable. 

In the end of the day, Idrin. How far are you from Him?

Just a do’a away. Just a solat away. Just a simple “Allahu Akbar” away. 

Ramadan, 2022

And so here we are again meeting in Ramadan. 

It has only been the second day, I am still at home, enjoying the last couple of days of my off time from work. 

Trying at best not to think so much about work but can’t really rely on me, I do check on work email from time to time. 

Not much has changed since January. Predominantly because I was home mostly. I went through a surgery to remove the cysts in my inner lining of ovary and hence that explains to the long staying at home.

Do I pretty much get disconnected from the outside world apart from whatever I tried to keep up with.

I started reading again. Normal books. It has been a while probably months since the last time I read. But somehow being away from reading just increase up my interest to do so. 

I am currently reading three different genre of book, simultaneously. 

I hope I would be able to finish them and enjoy them too. Not just for the sake of accomplishing something yet again. 

Ramadan is here but I have yet to be able to start fasting. That season of the month. Kind felt weird too, cause the past three months have defies the true meaning of normal cycle to me. But when reflection comes, I’m sure that I am going through the experience for the better me. 

Gonna stop here for a now. Have some reading to catch on. 

I wish you who still reads this space would have a bliss Ramadan where ever you are. 

2021, a recap

 wow, i looked on my dashboard of this space, and realize that my last post and probably the only post was in april 2021!

i wonder what happened next. kidding!!

so many things happened between april 2021 till recently. there were many ups and downs along the way. just like the previous years has been. which in between i do feel the need to write it down here so that i won't forget but, like all the times i had inspiration and procrastinate, it ended up somewhere in my mind and then lost again. 

so 2021, in brief summary was another year living in the pandemic. what makes it worst is that we were under interstate travel restriction for the longest i could remember. i think it was implemented somewhere early 2021, and probably was lifted towards the end of october. which means, we had another raya in kl, another birthday away from loved ones, and so many other occasions that were postponed. 

apart from that, career wise, since 2019, 2021 serves another roller coaster ride for me. but i'm glad that despite all nonsense, changes, adaptions, re-evaluation and not to mention, multiple job applications, i still remained employed and within the job scope that i have found interest in. talent development. though it was not quite the kind of journey i envision for 2021. i could proudly say, 4 cohorts of program, executed with me as their backbone developing platforms and managing 46 talents' self-discovery themselves. though towards the end of the program, the intervention that took place, is not as pleasing as i would hope it would be that for the first time, i requested to be taken out of the process. 

2021 is also the year i embrace my oiling journey. come february this year, it'll mark my 1st year with essential oils. they are very addictive! but the oils has been one of the tools that have helped me manage my emotions. like many other oilers, you pretty much explore and incorporate the essential oils as your essentials. i met my OG too! my oil gang(ster). we started off with probably 6 of us, now we have 7 of us. and it was a blessings. they were my inspiration! if anyone is still reading this space of mine, in case if you're keen to give it a try or ask about it, i am your oil brand partner!

diving! we managed to squeeze in a 5 days trip (or maybe it was 6 or 7 days, i couldn't recall) to tioman. it was refreshing to be able to breathe underwater once again. not to mention my encountering with black tip not once but probably three times! one which the shark actually made circles (which i assume she was on a hunting mode). we're supposed to explore an island in perak, but the weather just didn't permit. that also remind me, not to ever again bulldoze trip diving to places i'm not familiar with. (we drove overnight, slept in the car, woke up the next morning, got ready at the dive shop and jump on the boat without proper rest and of course, a proper plan. and it was during flashflood in klang valley)

a recap of the best moment last year was an experience to be part of the mega ppv coordination. although when we first started, it was kinda like a force-volunteer. which of course later turn into something i happily enrolled myself in that on the non-assigned weekends, i would still come along and help where possible. i missed our hcoA gang! not to mention, husband himself signed up to volunteer! it was a blast for both of us. different gang, of course (can't really work in a team of the crowd with him. we're quite the opposite be it character and thinking patterns)

there's of course more than what i have shared here. but thought of jotting it down here so that the next time i revisit this site, there's memory to glance through of another tough year. 

like any other new year, i wished that 2022 will be a better year than before for me personally, my friends and family and you, who's reading this chapter of mine. 

last year i randomly blurted out to a colleague at work, "it would be super nice to actually give birth next year. on 22 02 2022." same date with my birthday, but just look at the date! but Allah has better plans for me. who knows?