Giving birth-what it actually felt like

 Hi everyone. Today is my 15th day postpartum and it's getting better day by day. 

I actually wanted to write this as soon as possible so that I won't forget everything that happened since the start of this first pregnancy until the day I gave birth to my son. 

So, here goes..

I first found out I was pregnant the day before raya 2020. I was having a high fever for two days and extreme abdominal pain. My period was one week late that time so I just asked my husband to buy a pregnancy test kit though I thought that there is very low possibility that it would turn to two lines, or so I thought ...

But then to my surprise, it turns into two lines lol. So, I come out of the toilet smiling asking my husband to guess and he said I was being too obvious. He could've guessed that it was positive the moment I smiled. 

And so begin my pregnancy journey. It was all smooth until the second time I had to the OGTT test. For those wondering, OGTT test stands for Oral Glucose Tolerance Test in which  glucose is given and blood samples taken afterward to determine how quickly it is cleared from the blood. My fasting reading was higher than normal range so I was given 2 weeks for diet control and to come back again for checkup. Unforunately, I had to start insulin after the checkup because my glucose level was not controlled with just diet control. 

Other than the pain of injecting Insulatard once every night, my pregnancy was rather smooth. I had no weird cravings or 'alahan'. 

Hence, I do have time to take a good care of myself by going to the facials, waxing and shopping for cute maternity dresses. These are among my most favorite pregnancy ootds.  

This was taken at Pulau Perhentian during our first
honeymoon when I was 16 weeks pregnant.

Mommy at 24th weeks

Mommy at 29th weeks

Mommy at 33rd weeks

Mommy almost popping out at 37th weeks

Due to having GDM, I have to be admitted at 38 weeks to be induced because Dr is worried my baby is macrosomic. I was actually supposed to deliver at Hospital Sultanah Aminah, but due to the crazy increase in covid cases in JB, we decided to deliver our baby at KPJ Puteri JB. Luckily, Dr Noor Aini still accepted me even though I only went for checkup once the week before delivering our baby. We went to the hospital at 4am one day before I was supposed to be induced because I keep on feeling contraction pain and my tummy kept on hardening. 

That morning, Dr started to induce my delivery by inserting prostin at 8am.

Prostin/A synthetic version of the hormone prostaglandin is inserted into your vagina to soften your cervix and prepare your body for labour. It can be in the form of a gel, which may be given in several doses (usually every 6 to 8 hours), or a pessary and tape (similar to a tampon), which slowly releases the hormone over 12 to 24 hours. You will need to lie down and stay in hospital after the prostaglandin is inserted.

 After 4 hours, I started feeling contractions but then the opening was still at 1cm. This cycle was repeated for 3 days with 3 dose of prostins but the opening was only at 2-3cm. Then, on the third day since my opening didn't progress, the Dr tried to manually opening the way using fingers. And gosh after that, I really went through hell. The contractions was at every 4 minutes and the pain was indescribable that I requested a painkiller. But the most painful thing was knowing that the opening did not progress that much even after that level of pain. 

I was at the verge of giving up at that point. I called my mother in law,  crying and telling her that I cannot take this anymore. My MIL convinced me that I can do this, that I'm strong enough for this. Afterwards, I decided to give it a last shot. During the 4th day, Dr gave me a choice whether to continue with another dose of prostin or to opt for oxytocin. I straightaway chose Oxytocin as I wanted to deliver as soon as possible at that time. I told Dr that I was aware with the fact that if the opening did not progress after Oxytocin is started, I probably will have to deliver through caesarean method. 

The oxytocin was started at 8am on 17th January 2021. I still can laugh the first 3 hours and can still eat until 12pm when the pain started to intensify every few minutes. It felt as if my whole uterus was squeezed and my back felt as if I was sleeping on a knife. The opening progressed to 4cm at 12pm, then 6cm at 2pm then 10cm at 4pm. When the opening was at 10cm, the nurses taught me how to push. I was quite delirious at that moment due to the laughing gas, but I tried my best to follow. It was really hard, having to bear the pain and at the same time push the baby out. It felt as if you're pooping but with the pain of 1000/10. 

The Dr arrived when my baby's head already at the opening. I was told to push just a little bit more to get the baby out before he became suffocated. With the little energy I had in me, I pushed one last time while the nurses were pressing on my tummy too to help me and finally my baby was born. Gosh, I will never forget this feeling ever I think. I was so relieved to get the baby out finally after 4 days of constant pain. 

Saya lah Aisy Naail yang suka golek golek dalam perut mommy sampai taknak keluar tu :3

Our first family portrait 

I bawled my eyes out after my baby was out as I was told not to cry while pushing. I also cried because while the Dr was doing my episiotomy, I can feel the needle coming in and out of my flesh at the last few stitches. 

I finally gets why Mothers are placed so high up in Islam. Not that I didn't appreciate mothers before this, but now that I've gone through this, I understand it in a whole other level. 

The pain in giving birth doesn't really stop at giving birth itself. It still continues even afterwards. Even sleeping can cause so much pain because it would mean that I have to lie on the part being stitched. If sleeping can be that painful, imagine how it feels walking and having to force myself to go to the toilet. 

Now, I'm writing this on the 15th day of postpartum and I can finally almost return back to my old self and do my old routine. I can now slowly cook simple meals and do light chores. My tummy also has flattened for about 50% towards my normal tummy. I can also start to do light exercise now to flatten my tummy. 

So, Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah for this beautiful gift, Aisy Naail bin Muhammad Aqil. If one day you're reading this, please know that you are so loved by me, your dad, your grandparents and your aunties & uncles. Do know that whatever happens, you are never alone in this world. Mommy and daddy is going to protect you with everything we have and pray religiously every day for Allah to protect you from any harm. 

Sama kan muka saya dengan mommy?

                                            My first tiktok with mommy <3

I have never imagined life would turn out this way

I have never imagined, even in my wildest dream that life would turn out this way. 

Life as I remember when I was 10 years old was good. I was the English teacher's daughter who excelled in her study and was really motivated to get the best grades. Going to the school every day with my mom, eating breakfast with her at teacher's cafe, asking for money from her before fardhu ain class to buy that delicious mee celup and ABC, going back home with my favorite Pok Cik Dolloh who used to work for my mother, life really couldn't get any better that time. 

Me and my late grandmother 

Alin version toddler

Mom was really a good cook, I don't know how to properly exaggerate this but she was the head chef wherever she goes, whether at school or at any kenduri she went to help. Thus explains why I am such a picky eater, even until now. It was worst during that time. I wouldn't eat any other chicken part than wings, fish that wasn't fried crispy, any vegetables whatsoever. But mom, she was really patient in catering to my meals. Bless her and her kind heart. 

So naturally I thought, life would remain this way, easy and happy. 

But life don't work that way honey. 

4 years later I lost my mom. I was shattered to pieces, couldn't even speak for a whole month because no words can really describe the pain. Dad remarried, got me a stepmother I didn't ask for. So I stayed in hostel even during weekends, studied my ass off and applied for scholarships on my own. My relationship with Dad was not the most ideal at that moment. Having a stepmother who eventually kicked me out doesn't help either. 

I was just 18 years old at that time, just received my SPM result with 2 scholarships interview to attend and rm50 in my pocket. With all that, I went to KL alone to attend the interviews. I had a place to stay thanks to my sister's SIL who picked me up and let me stayed at her house. 

Fast forwarded to few years later, dad got a divorce with his ex wife after he had stroke. Funny how life taught me that in the worst time, you can really see who stays and who leaves. Dad was heartbroken, couldn't really eat as much as he used to and would sleep most of the time. 

After his divorce, I can see how he was really trying to make up to me. He would call me often and always ask me if I have enough pocket money. Until I graduated, both of us really tried to mend our relationship. Dad wasn't really an expressive person but he would always end our call with 'I love you'. 

After graduating, dad asked me to stay with him at my brother's house while I was working at the nearby pharmacy. I would cook whatever he requested at that time, be it laksa penang or mee kari or nasi kerabu or sup ekor siam. And he would always tell me that my cooking tasted as good as mom's. But every time, he would only eat half a plate even lesser some time. He would apologize for not finishing the meal and would always explain that it wasn't because of my cooking, it was him. 

Then I got my Provisional Registered Pharmacist placement offer at Hospital Wanita dan Kanak-kanak KL. He was really worried that I would have a hard time surviving that first 2 months without a pay so he paid for my deposits, my rent those 2 months and for everything that I need at that time. He couldn't send me to my new apartment because he really was having a hard time to walk at that time. 

Fast forwarded to 2 months later, I got my first real paycheck and I really wanted to treat him to anything he wanted to buy. But dad just said that he wanted an al-Quran that he saw at GoShop that can help him memories all the surah easier. I asked him if that really was all he wanted and that I can buy more than that and he said yes. 

Dad then went to Batu Pahat to live with my sister during school break. Life was going normally until one day my sister informed me that Dad was really not feeling well. He was having high fever and he fell down in the toilet. I know then that I have to go see my father immediately and so I informed my boss and bought the next available bus ticket to Batu Pahat. 

As I arrived at my sister's house, there he was lying weakly on his bed, shivering. I held my tears, measured his blood pressure and temperature and told my sister that we really have to bring him to the hospital. 

Dad then was pushed into the red zone because his blood pressure was dangerously low with a really high body temperature. Doctor immediately suspected sepsis. 

I took turns with my siblings to take care of him. One day when it was my turn, he had a really bad diarrhea that day probably due to the antibiotics so I had to change his diapers a few times that day. He kept apologizing to me and said that he really don't like being sick like this and troubling all of us. I cried and told him that it's okay, that he's gonna get better soon. 

He then told me

" Alin anak abah yang baik. Abah redha semua yang abah bagi alin selama ni. Abah mintak maaf semua salah abah selama ni"

I cried and apologized too him too. I really didn't want to believe that he was saying his last words to me so I brushed it off and I asked him to not speak like that. I told him that he will be better, he will be discharged and that I will cook whatever he wanted to eat later on. 

Every day, I would recite yasin to him and he would correct me if he hears any wrong tajwid. I would then tell him that he has to teach me all the tajwids again after he gets discharged.

But he never did. His blood pressure keeps dropping one day and doctor then decided to intubate him. I didn't know that was the last time I ever get to speak to him. But I will always be forever grateful that I got to tell him how much I loved him. 

He was in ICU for 6 long days. And on a blessed friday, right during the Zohor athan, Dad passed away. He always told us he wished to pass away on Friday so his prayers was answered. 

And I was again, speechless. I didn't know that I would have to face this again. What was left in me broke again. I didn't know if I can survive this again. I really thought Dad would get to see me getting married and play with my children. But Allah is indeed the best planner. 

I pray to Allah that you're happy there Dad, with mom. We carried out your final wish and buried you right next to mom as you wanted. I hope you can see that your not so little Alin is now married to that good guy you used to praise after you met him 7 years ago. I want you to know that I'll always remember all our memories, all the knowledge you taught me and that I'll appreciate every day and live happily until it is time to meet both of you again. 

              ❤

Last raya picture with Abah 

Our Solemnization

Good day everyone, though it's not really an ordinary good day in the midst of this pandemic. But I really hope everyone is holding up well until this whole fiasco is over. It has been a year I think since I last updated this blog but this  time I think I really have to put up this post. 

Because it's not every day I get to change my status from Ms to Mrs, from a Cik to a Puan. Marrying my college sweetheart has been a okay how should I put this into words?. I think it has been a real blessing getting to marry someone you prayed for in every prayer. Someone who showed me over and over again that he would fight for this relationship. Someone who would put my happiness above all. Someone who I pray can protect me and make me happy till death do us apart. 

A little bit of an intro of how we met (though nobody asked for it). I first know Aqil through my maid of honor, Nabilah who was my classmate in KMB. She was Aqil's schoolmate and she told me about this kind hearted Aqil Zafri whom later I met when I was selling at a gerai for a fundraising activity. 

Seeing him for the first time naturally made me greet him so I started with 

"Oh ni la Aqil Zafri tu"

which then followed by a few seconds of awkward silence and him leaving after buying the food with a blushed cheeks. 

So I thought that was it. Little did I know, he was actually crushing on me for quite some time before our first conversation. I only found out after few months being his so called 'friend' in which I doubted why was he treating me so kindly all the time and being so attentive to me (I really I thought I je yang syok sendiri). 

Okay enough with the cheesy paragraph. So here goes the details of our wedding. Our akad nikah was held on 14/3/20 (Saturday) at night which is a day earlier than planned because that is the only time the tok kadi was free (it was cuti sekolah so wedding happens every second literally). 

Before our akad : Aqil was bargaining with the tok kadi to say the simplest akad (Gonna tell this to our kids later)

My kak ti who has been a mother figure to me since mom died 

All praise to Allah for bringing us together and for easing our journey to marriage.

And I'm now legally binded to Aqil 

The night of our akad was really lovely. It was just our family, close relatives and close friends and I really love the atmosphere. It was everything as I've imagined. I don't think I was the kind of crazy bride that wants everything perfect during the wedding, I just really wants everyone to be happy and I feel that vibe thankfully. All praises to Allah. 

Sebab dah sah hehehe

Teaching my newly wedded husband how to put on the gelang nikah

Berat pulak crown ni :D

I hope I can be a good wife to Aqil and if Allah wills a good mother to our future children 

Hello husband ❤

Muka happy lepas dah sah 

My husband's big family ❤

My big family ❤

With my kak ti's family

With my husband's siblings ❤

Special thanks to both our family sides for putting so much effort, money and energy into making our wedding a dream come true. Looking at everyone's happy but tired face at the end of the day makes me so thankful for everyone. May Allah keep each and every one of our family safe through this challenging time. Future might be blurry now but I really hope we can all gather again in the future.

I hope my late mom and dad are watching me now. I hope they are relieved to see how happy I am now being a wife to Aqil and a daughter in law to his parent. Life has really been a hell of a ride for me, but thank god for all the kind hearted people Allah has put into my life.  All the tears, all the heartbroken moments, all the time I used to think I was all alone, Allah has blessed me with happiness beyond all that. And for that and everything, all praises to Him ❤

Hatyai-Krabi Trip Itinerary

After god knows how long I have been procrastinating to make this post, I finally muster up enough energy to actually write this. Ironically, I'm actually having a pretty bad fever and have been sleepless for 3 nights because of my dry cough. But since I can't really think academically due to the drowsiness cough syrups and antihistamines gave me, here I am, making a summary of my 6 days Hatyai-Krabi Trip. 

Day 1

Out flight from Kl-Hatyai was bought during a promo so it costed only RM69. We arrived at Hatyai around 3pm after an hour and 15 minutes flight that was quite scary as the turbulence were quite bad that I sampai mengucap siap siap. 

The first thing we do after we arrived was to buy a simcard so that we can get internet. The mobile plan that we bought was from AIS telco and costed 230 baht for 7 days unlimited internet. Then we took a taxi to our hotel, V-Ocean Palace that we booked earlier through Agoda. 

The cost for 2 days 1 night stay was rm77 include taxes. The interior of the lobby was really nice and looks good in picture so if you're an instagram freak like I am, this hotel would be perfect for you. The staffs were helpful, the room was clean and comfortable.

 Overall, 8/10. 

For more pictures, silalah ke V-Ocean Palace booking

For Day 1, our activities were 

a) Lee Gardens Plaza : silalah makan pulut mangga depan tu sumpah sedap sampai terharu

b) Greenway Night Market: konfem rambang mata nanti sebab banyak gila baju cantik and murah

Muka happy dapat makan pulut mangga

Ni ada spot untuk instagrammer kat Greenway Plaza kat tingkat atas tu

Day 2

Then the next day, we checked out and head to Hatyai bus station by using Grabcar. Do note that in Hatyai, Grab is remarkably cheaper and more comfortable when you're travelling in a small group compared to Tuktuk.

Then, we took a Van which costed us each 230 baht to go to Krabi. The journey was 4 hours. Once we reach Krabi town, we took a cab to our villa. We stayed in Oscar Villa at Aonang  for 3 days 2 nights. This villa is seriously a value for money for people who wanted the luxury kinda feeling without hurting their wallet. We paid rm304.98 inc taxes through Agoda booking. 

Why I think this is really worth it is because we had the privacy we wanted as we got a house with two room all for ourselves. They even provide complete utensils to cook so this is really convenient for family. The view from our room is also really nice as our room is in front of the swimming pool. The villa also provide free shuttle ride to go to Ao Nang beach which is just 5 minutes away. 

BTW, I would like to advice you guys to not make the same mistake as us in hastily booking the Island hopping package instead of surveying through heaps of travel tour companies along the Aonang beach. So guys, if your taxi driver tried to tell you that he's going to bring you to cheap travel tour company, just decline and survey on your own. We paid 2400 baht for our 4 Islands trip and van back to Hatyai in which we could have easily gotten a package that cost 1000 baht cheaper. 

Anyway, that evening we just took a stroll around Aonang beach which is really scenic and beautiful. We waited for the sunset then only find halal restaurant to have dinner. While surveying the restaurants, I bought a banana nutella pancake which tasted the bomb. Seriously this is a must food to try while in Krabi.

Acah model depan villa

We had our dinner at Bangboo Seafood halal and my honest review is the food is biasa-biasa only and the price does not justify the taste at all. So I've done my deed in warning you guys okay #donedakwah

Day 3

The next morning, the tour company picked us up at our Villa exactly at 8 am. Do note that Thai people is really punctual so if they promised you 8 am do get ready by 7.50 because sometimes they even come earlier than that. 

The journey to the first stop took us only 30 minutes. I actually don't have a really happy memory while this Island hopping as I lost an expensive ring Aqil got me during that time. I was in a really bad mood after realizing I have lost the ring I never fails to wear since Aqil gave it to me a year ago. 

Anyway, these are a few pictures we took before I realized the ring was missing. 

After that really sad and felt like eternity 30 minutes journey back to the beach, I straight away called Aqil to tell about the ring. I was ready for him to get mad at me for being that careless and all but then the first thing he said to me was " Jangan la nangis. Takpe, cincin boleh beli lagi. Kalau awak hilang je baru kita tak boleh kawin" :(

Like seriously guys, I must have saved a country during my past life to be able to get such a kind boyfriend like him. 

Anyway, the tour company then sent us back to our hotel. We took a shower, cried while looking at our suntanned skin in the mirror then start to get ready to go out again to the Krabi Night Market. We used a taxi service to and fro the Night Market as it's cheaper for us compared to grabcar. 

The night market was really congested with Malaysia people literally every 5 steps you take. If you guys want to buy souvenir to bring back, this place is the place for you. The price are quite cheap and you can find a lot of choices as well. 

Day 4

The next morning, the van picked us up at our Villa at 11 am and then we arrived back at Hatyai around 3.30pm. We checked in at the Train Hotel Hatyai then freshened ourself up before we went out to grab our lunch+dinner. 

We walked for about 10 minutes from our hotel to Decha Fried Chicken & Seafood which were recommended by a lot of people. 

Honest review: The food were the bomb. If you guys suka petai, make sure order udang sambal petai there. Sumpah sedap. Silalah makan disini ya. 

Okay after we have filled our stomach happily, we took a Grab to go to Hatyai Floating Market. Do note that this market is only opened from Friday to Sunday 3.00pm to 10.00pm only. 

If you want to buy a souvenir, do buy it here because it's cheaper compared to Greenway Night Market and Asian Night Market. 

Muka dah burn tahap petala langit 

Silalah beli songket ikat yang cantik-cantik kat sini ye sebab takde kat market lain. Harga around 110-150 baht je. 

After we shopped till we drop, we went back to hotel, mandi then tidur.

Day 5

For our last full day in Hatyai,we had our heavy breakfast (Nasi Kerabu) at Restoran Kelantan. If you guys stay nearby the Hatyai town, please go try the dishes here because it is da bomb. Serious terharu masa makan tu.

 After that, we went to Hatyai Cable car and explored all the scenic temples there. I decided to wear a traditional thai attire I bought at the floating market for our last day then regret it the moment I feel the scorching heat. Anyway, beauty is pain so it's all worth it as the pictures turns out really nice. 

We also went to Kho Hong Temple or Stainless temple at evening as it really look nice at night. After the temple, we went to Asean Night Market for last time shopping and to have our dinner. 

For the whole day, we ride with this Abang Bank who was actually our grabcar driver who sent us to a museum that was closed that day. This fella was really nice and did not just drop us there. He instead asked us where we wanted to go next and closed the Grab app to just attend to us. He even let me hold his phone to choose the song to play while he's driving. Throughout the journey, he asked me banyak gila soalan macam dah kawin ke, ada boyfriend ke tak, ada anak ke tak and stuffs. 

Bobo and Diyana (my travelmates) asked me to just layan anything he asked because he's really lenient when I was bargaining the price. Yang paling buat terharu, after he sent us to Asean Night Market, he told me to not book other grabcar to go back to hotel and just ride with him instead. He actually waited for us for 3 hours to finish shopping. Siap his sister call lagi while he was sending us to the hotel as he wasn't normally working till late. Masa balik hotel tu pon I mintak murah daripada app and dia accept je. 

So guys, silalah contact Abang Bank but no money in case you guys want a friendly and easy going driver to bring you around Hatyai. Tell him that Amalin recommend tau. 

09-52695547(call)

+66 95 269 5547 (whatsapp)

#cintakutertinggaldithailand

Our beautiful photographer who was behind the lens and took our beautiful pictures.
You guys can check out more of her work at Instagram: dyeanarose/rosephotography

Kho Hong Temple

Day 6

We had our breakfast at nearby halal restaurant then checked out at 9am. We went to the airport with Abang Bank again as we were comfortable with him already. After we arrived, he asked to take a picture with him so we did (tapi separuh badan je sebab takut kena guna guna lol) 

But the picture is not available sebab lupa nak mintak dengan photographer. 

Anyway, that is it for our trip. Posting this for you guys who are going to Hatyai/Krabi and want to visit the attractions there. I hope that this long ass itinerary would be helpful for you guys. 

Till we meet again, toodles!