The first two weeks

I don't think I fully understood what people meant when they told me that each one is different. Skadi is so not Leif. First off, she sleeps.

We came home from the hospital on Saturday the 24th. That afternoon had been rough at the hospital and had necessitated a call back to the pain in the ass pediatrician on call. Skadi went to the nursery nurse since she wouldn't stop screaming, she recommended a call to the ped. The ped responded that he was sure she was fine, she was fine earlier, take her home and if things didn't get better call her doctor. Everyone said things would get better when we got home.

They didn't. They got worse. What is a worse feeling that hear your newborn scream at the top of her lungs, refuse to nurse and be totally inconsolable. I had an inkling it was food related, so I kept trying to get her to nurse. I tried pumping, I tried hand expressing. I got no colustrum. But I knew that it takes so very little to nourish them, I didn't worry too much.

Finally we called our doctor and got an on call doctor. We went through a litany of questions with him, he didn't feel it was gas, etc. He finally recommended we give her an ounce of formula and see if that didn't calm her. I was so at my wits end that I didn't even balk at this. Me, who prided myself on the fact that my son never took formula, didn't blink an eye at preparing a bottle of formula. She ate like a ravenous little beast.

I cried. I had been starving my baby. I had no colustrum that I could find. Sunday she was formula fed - and I tried nursing her in between . Monday finally came and I had colustrum! I was shocked as the gold liquid finally dripped upon expression. It still wasn't enough for her and so until my milk came in (full force) she was formula supplemented. I felt a little guilt in that I could not provide for her, more guilt that I didn't see that she was so hungry, but mostly relieved that we found the answer. I was angry that so often on discussion boards and among seasoned breastfeeders they insist that you do not need formula, that colustrum is enough. I know, because I was one of those people. It isn't always. And thank goodness for that canister of sample formula that I had set aside to go to the women's shelter.

Eating has straightened out. Skadi isn't much for the pacifier, she is picky about the brand, though she is sucking on one now in my arms asleep.

She isn't an "easy" baby like Leif was (except for sleep). She is a little fussy, wants what she wants five minutes ago. But did I mention she sleeps?

Evidently we paid our due with Leif. Who was up nearly every 2 hours when he was a baby. When he was a young toddler he was up about every 3 hours. We heard all the excuses and fixes - we shouldn't have let him cosleep they said (well it was the only way I got more than 3 hours straight and I had to work the next day). We needed to let him "cry it out". No can do. I can not let a child of mine just cry himself to sleep. We have now conquered most of the sleep issues with him, though he is usually (as of late) up at least once a night, if not twice.

In this area, he is giving Skadi a run for her money. I go to bed about 10pm with Skadi, wake her to nurse. About 2am she either awakes fussing, or I awake hearing her poop. (Lovely sound to wake to.) I change her, get her fully awake and nurse her. Most of the time then she sleeps until about 6am, wakes for a quick bite and falls back asleep until who knows when. We usually get her up and around about 8am, but she would probably sleep longer. Excuse me while I find more wood to knock on.

So we are sleeping. I am more rested than I ever have been with Leif.

Eat, sleep, poop. That's about it. I find it incredibly difficult to get out of the house with both kids. My diaper bag is well stocked, better than it was with Leif at this point. I would haul Skadi most anywhere, but I have a little paranoia about cold season and RSV. (Says the woman who has a toddler in daycare...) Also I am having a fairly slow recovery post-partum wise.

So onto me. I had no tearing, and an easy delivery. On the outside, I am healed and everything is great. However, not quite so on the inside apparently. I guess they were serious when they said no lifting anything heavier than Skadi. And Leif, is definitely heavier than Skadi. But I just struggle with this. I do my best to get down on the floor with him instead of lift him up. But there are just times when lifting him is my only recourse (like when I tried to drag him into daycare the other day and he didn't want to go). So suffice it to say, sitting on the couch, taking it easy as much as I can, is a good thing for me lately. And I won't go into more details than necessary.

Two weeks down and everything is really good. I am not around the computer a lot because AB is job hunting AND trying to finish his Masters. So he dominates the computer. I pop on and blog when I can - so I can reach the most people at once. I read e-mail. And on occasion pop onto a discussion board. I really should pop over to the pregnancy board I participated in - I hope they know or assume I delivered!

Skadi's Birth Story

Skadi Jeanne
Born 3-23-07
7 lbs 15 oz
19” long

I went to bed Thursday night (the 22nd), pretty sure I was going to make it to my induction on Saturday. Nothing had changed, minor contractions still ongoing, dilation and effacement still the same.

I think I was sleeping pretty lightly because I remember feeling the first gush of my water breaking, then the second gush, and then jumping up and out of bed. I woke up quickly. I hurried to the bathroom and on my way there yelled to AB that my water had just broken. He bounded out of bed and dove for the phone. I was in the bathroom and I think he must have dialed our best friend’s phone number at least 14 times with all the phone beeps I heard.

I yelled at him that I wasn’t having contractions, so we could take it easy. I wanted to make sure he told K and V that, I didn’t want them racing out. And in fact, I had thought briefly about waiting until closer to morning (it was 2:20am) to call them so they could sleep more. Then I thought better of it and proceeded to pack the few last minute items into my bag. Then I called the birthing center to let them know we were on our way.

V showed up to stay at our house for Leif. AB and I got in the car and left for the hospital. I was trying to calculate the time my mom would be up in Colorado, knowing she was flying out early to arrive here that morning. We got to the hospital about 3am, 4am her time. I wanted to sit in the car for a few minutes before going in, so I finally decided to call her. Amazingly enough, she was up and in the shower getting ready to leave. I told my stepdad what was going on and to have her call when she had time, but that V would pick her up at the airport.

We got checked in and went to the birthing center. Our first nurse was Jami, who was nice, but a little scattered. After the barrage of tests… yes, my water had broken, no I wasn’t really dilated well, and yes I was having mild contractions, no the baby was not in distress, she went and called my doctor. She ordered me to drink as much juice as I could to try and get the baby to be active and maybe send me into harder labor. She then ordered us to walk the halls for as long as I could. Up and down the hallway we went. They had clocks and it took about 2 minutes to do a full lap. That means we walked up and down A LOT. Slowly the sun began to rise and I thought a lot about Leif at home, wondering how he was doing and how he would deal with us not being there when he woke up. I got teary thinking about him.

At about 6am we were sick of walking and I sat on the birthing ball and we watched the news. Contractions were still minimal at best. I could feel them, but they were mild and not very regular. At 7am our new nurse Olivia came on. She checked me and said I was maybe 2 cm dilated. She encouraged me to eat some breakfast, and drink some juice saying when my doctor came by in the next half hour to hour, he would probably want to start me on pitocin.

I ordered cream of wheat and whole wheat toast and it tasted so good for some reason. About 30 minutes later my doctor came in, not horribly surprised to see me, but a little surprised it seems that my membranes had ruptured spontaneously. He became quite annoyed though (at my previous nurse) when he found out that I was essentially not having contractions. She did not tell him this when she called at 4am.

Dr. M checked me and I thought I was going to climb the walls. It was the most painful internal exam I had to that point. He said he wanted to feel the head and wow, he was determined. I could feel the tears in my eyes and he was apologizing. I remember telling him no, to please keep looking, I was fine. Suddenly he gets a weird look on his face and says, “well there’s an arm… that’s not good”. A few seconds later he finished the exam. He walked over to my breakfast tray to see what I had eaten, ordered no more food or drinks, ice chips only.

He told us that the baby was in “shoulder presentation”, only the second he had in 10 years and amazingly enough the other one was just the previous week. He said that if the baby didn’t move into head down, I would not be having a vaginal delivery. He said he had pinched the babies arm/hand in hopes of getting him/her to retract the arm. He ordered high dose pitocin in hopes of finding out what the next step would be quickly. The high dose pitocin would either help get the baby into position, or indicate the need for a c-section quickly.

The pitocin confined me to bed and necessitated an IV. After about 20 minutes I started having contractions. Of course the copious amounts of juice I had drunk earlier were necessitating trips to the bathroom regularly when the nurse would come in to check me.

At 9:30am I started recognizing the pains with the contractions. I knew they were only going to get more painful since I was only 5 cm dilated – the same point at which I had an epidural with Leif. I was already confined to bed and so I asked for an epidural. My anesthesiologist arrived within 10 minutes. I had hoped it would be the same anesthesiologist as I had with Leif, but it wasn’t. It was a woman with an “Army” cap on. As if I couldn’t already guess she had been in the military simply from her mannerisms. Wow, her epidural was as perfect, if not better, then the one I had with Leif. I was still quite mobile. Then came the part I really dreaded – the catheter. I had to have one since the nurse noted how much I was going before the epidural and they really wanted to keep my bladder empty so that the baby wouldn’t have any impediments between that warm safe place and the exit. I don’t know why I had neurosed so much about the catheter though! I had already had the epidural! It was no big deal.

Within 5 minutes life was good again, and then even better when my mom walked in as they were cleaning up from the epidural.

The next check presented good news, the baby was head down and the arm/hand was out of the way. Dr. M came by at 11am and was happy to say that this baby was coming vaginally and no c-section would be necessary due to the awkward presentation. Of course, the baby was still at -2 position and I think this is the point where the term “floppy cervix” started being thrown around. The thought really cracked me up and both my doctor and the nurse agreed there was just no other way to explain it. It quickly became a joke.

We watched the Travel channel and visited. The epidural really is a very good thing. Time flew by and soon it was 1pm. I was shocked when my doctor told me I was 8 cm dilated, but still -2 station. He was going to go close his office upstairs and when he finished up, he would come back and I would be ready to push.

He returned at about 1:30pm and we chatted, he helped Olivia break down the bed and get things ready. He went to check me again and announced I was now +1 station and that we were having a baby! Olivia got on the pager and called for the nursery nurse and the labor and delivery assistant as well as a mirror since I wanted to see. The mirror made it there just in time for me to see the baby crowning, well about halfway since the angle was off. Dr. M instructed me to push, then quickly said the head was out! (Push number 1) He said to push again, I did (push 2) and our daughter was born.

AB told me I was right. I asked him what he meant? He said, “it’s a girl!”

The nursery nurse and the L&D assistant arrived well after she was born. She was given oxygen and apgars of 8 (deducted for color) and 9. The placenta came out and Dr. M was making comments and notes about it, I caught that it was tiny. I asked to see and our nurse brought it over and explained that the placenta was not only quite small, but the cord was also “tortuous”. It was very nodular and not smooth. She told me it was rare to have a baby born this healthy with a small placenta and tortuous cord. I felt very lucky.

Skadi wasn’t named for a few hours after her birth. AB and I just couldn’t decide and wanted to take the time think about her name, much to everyone else’s dismay. Her first bassinette card says “Baby Girl Carman”. Finally we decided her name was Skadi. It was one of our top two names. I had been unsure about the name to that point, just with it being so different. It held a lot of meaning for AB and I, and I suppose in the end I was more concerned that I would forever regret NOT using the name if we went with the other option. When AB voiced that he wanted her to be named Skadi, I easily went with that.

Welcome Skadi Jeanne!

Skadi Jeanne was born Friday, March 23, 2007 at 1:59pm. She weighed in at 7 lbs 15 oz and is 19".

We are home after a successful delivery! More details, birth story and pictures to come.

40 week appointment

Yeah, still here. Gah.

We went to my appointment this morning. Heartrate was good, 130's. Weight gain, 3 lbs... wow... but I swear it is all water. BP 126/64. (As AB says, "wow, that is high for you!")

Cervix, same as last week and not favorable. He said when he felt the babies head (internally and OUCH) that he pushed and the baby just floated up. Not engaged at all. He said he is starting to get concerned as the vast majority of moms at least have the baby engaged at just over 40 weeks. I don't.

He feels from positioning and such that the baby's back is against mine (all the kicking in the front of my ribs and the back pain I am having would jive with this) and the neck is arched, placing the baby's face looking down as I am standing up. This is not good. The baby really needs to tuck his/her chin and rotate to be favorable for delivery. That isn't to say we can't deliver the baby in this position, it is certainly possible as many women do, however, every day the baby gets bigger which becomes more difficult for that type of delivery.

We had a long talk with Dr. M about our options. I have always been fairly opposed to inductions without a strong medical need. My doctor is too. But going beyond 41 weeks-ish in any situation is what he deems a strong medical need. And he prefers second pregnancies to be on the lower side of that since second babies most often come earlier and later could indicate problems.

My options were presented as #1, to schedule an induction or #2, another NST on Friday, come back for an appt on Monday and if no baby schedule an induction for just past the 41 week mark.

Given the choice 2.5 years ago with Leif I would have opted for #2. I don't know if it is my age, my desire to finish this pregnancy, or just my fear of something happening to the baby (I was awake neurosing about the lack of movement at 3:30am), but we opted for #1.

I was given the option to pick my baby's birthday. I told my doctor that frankly, I didn't care to select a birthday. I want a day that works for all of us without a lot of external pressures. I asked him to pick for us. His suggestion was that I am admitted on Saturday night and we hope for a baby Sunday afternoon.

Saturday night the nurses will administer Cytotec to soften my cervix (likely every 4 hours). Then Sunday morning he will come in and we will start pitocin and hopefully deliver that afternoon.

My doctor is not one that is known in this area for having a high c-section rate, which is good. However, at this appointment today there was a lot of talk about the possible necessity for c-section on Sunday. I know he is just giving me all the possible scenarios, and I know intellectually that this is just another way to have a baby, and I am trying to look on the bright side of that meaning two more weeks paid off work, but I am still freaked out by this. I had such a good "easy" (if you can call any delivery easy) with Leif, I expected the same this time around. This pregnancy has been so vastly different though, I don't know why I expect the delivery to be the same.

He cited three possible scenarios with the induction that could warrent a c-section. We start the pitocin and I don't progress. Second, I get halfway dilated and we may find out there is a reason the baby isn't descending or I could fail to progress at that point. Third is that the baby is just too big, or can't get its head around my pelvic bone to come out and I can't push him/her out. The later two are things that can happen even if I go into labor on my own.

I feel like this post is a jumbled up mess of words. The appointment was hours ago and I am still processing it all with mixed emotions. I left the appointment in tears (dang hormones).

NST Day

AB and I dropped Leif at daycare and drove down to our hospital. We were greeted and both of us felt a little nauseated seeing a teeny tiny new baby taken by. Oh my goodness we are going to have one of those in a matter of days. We were taken into the triage room where my belly was equipped with two monitors, one for movement and one for heartrate. The nurse who worked with us was super and I would be thrilled to have her as a L&D nurse.

After about 30 minutes of monitoring she comes back and tells us everything looks super. The heartrate is strong and constant and movement is good. So once they relay the information to the doctor's office and they agree, we will be released. At that point she had to "go catch a baby" and handed us off to another nurse who was to call the doctor's office.

A half hour goes by and we hear nothing. Finally Miss Grump comes in complaining about that no one told her that Dr. M was out of town (it was on the board I saw when we walked in) and so she had been paging him for a half hour. After a couple pages, why not call the office? AB and I were less then impressed and both are HOPING she doesn't show up in our L&D room when our day finally comes.

So all in all, NST was fine, all that worrying last night for nothing! It is 8pm now and I have had a few contractions while sitting, although they weren't consistent. Still though, enough to make me hopeful I might go into labor tomorrow... or the next day? 12 hours till my doctor is back in the office and I can be assured that HE will deliver me. I can make it! I see the light!

I'm going to be pregnant forever

I am nearly positive.

Early this week I was having contractions when I would stand up and walk around. Those contractions are just common place now. I hardly even notice them anymore.

Right now I am just really looking forward to my non-stress test on Monday. I am paranoid about everything at this point. Is the baby moving enough? Too much?

I had one with Leif as well and it was all ok. I sat in a room in the hospital, with my feet up and monitors on my belly. When I felt the baby move I clicked a button. After an hour or so (maybe less) they came in and looked at the results. Leif was a-ok, heartrate was constant without fluctuations, he was moving regularly and I was allowed to continue being pregnant for a few more days.

The idea is not to have to stay at the hospital after the NST. There is only really one reason they would keep me without me being in labor, that would be if the baby was in distress. And if that is the case, then there is a chance for c-section. Which is NOT what I want. So everyone hope for an uneventful NST on Monday.

My doctor is back in town on Tuesday, I see him Wednesday and I have pretty well reconciled myself to the fact that we will probably be inducing on Thursday, if I haven't gone into labor at that point.

I have no signs of impending labor save for the contractions while standing and walking that have been going on for nearly a week now. Maybe it was talking to my doctor on Wednesday and now it is Saturday night, but I have no expectations of going into labor anytime soon.

Unfortunately Thursday night my mom was taken to the hospital (in Colorado) instead of me. I would have traded her places, easy. She had a hernia that caused a bowel obstruction. She is ok now and no need for a bowel resection, thankfully. She is still planning on arriving here on Friday, with strict instructions not to lift anything more than a newborn. Leif will love that - mommy and grandma both out of commission. But what's important is that she is OK and all went well with the surgery.

As if the belly wasn't a big enough telltale sign...

A pregnant woman lives in this house. You might think the presence of chocolate chip cookies gives it away... only if you knew me and knew I don't normally bake cookies. (AB did comment tonight that "we are going to have to convince mommy to make more of these" to Leif though.)

No, the dead giveaway is that our air conditioning has been on during the day for the last four days. And it was NOT turned on by my Alaskan blood husband. Though he is relishing it.

39 week appointment

Stats:
Gained 1 lb - total 24 lbs gained this pregnancy
BP - 120/60
Heartrate - 126 bpm

I have been having contractions since Sunday, the problem is that when I sit down they go away. I thought last night might have been a turning point for me when I was woken three times by contractions, mild contractions, but a few while laying down. I was optimistic that today would be the day. Maybe I wouldn't even make it to my appointment? I thought of all the things like how would V get Leif's suitcase if we took Leif to daycare and went to the hospital? (Made mental note to tell her the garage door code to get in and get his bag as well as a key to the house, and to tell her to take the Morrocan short ribs in the crock pot... certainly if I made a big crock pot meal we wouldn't be there to eat it... right?)

I tried to work on Monday, but it was just fruitless. I was emotional, I didn't want to be there, I was done. I needed to be home. Tuesday my doctor wrote me out of work. I am officially on leave and my doctor feels strongly that I should not be at work and that yes, I should be home at this point, no doubt. We will see if the underwriter for my short term disability feels the same way...

Once again, the appointment did not follow the plan that I would walk in and he would check me and tell me the baby was on the way. Instead, there was much discussion and one seemingly perplexed doctor. (Never a great feeling.)

He checked me once and then went back for a second check. My dilation was of a conical nature. He declared me "wide open" on the external side of the cervix and "barely open" on the internal side. Last week the baby had moved down and he could feel the head on my cervix and not externally. This week, the baby's head was felt external. He feels that until the baby drops more, I will not go into labor. The contractions I am having are moving my external cervix along, but until the baby moves down I will not dilate from the inside. He is concerned.

My doctor is out Saturday, Sunday and Monday. He has me scheduled for a non-stress test on Monday morning and providing all is well, I will see him again a week from today for my 40.5 week exam. If at that point things are the same (and hinted that he thought it was likely they would be), he would like to schedule an induction for Thursday, Friday or Saturday.

I told him I would prefer to proceed naturally, of course. I am not relishing the thought of an induction, but am willing to keep an open mind. A healthy baby is paramount in my mind.

I was a week overdue with Leif and truthfully, fine with that. I was nervous, frightened of birthing a baby. I don't have those fears this time around - probably because I had such a fantastic birth experience with Leif. I went into labor naturally at 41 weeks and birthed him after finally accepting an epidural with no complications and minimal tearing (1 stitch).

The thought of being a week overdue this time is not only frustrating to me (knowing what is on the other side and how bad I want to meet this baby), but with a second pregnancy raises flags.

We will see what happens. The baby may drop (again and further) and I may go into labor. I hope.