I really hate the fact that you're in freaking NS. Its such a WASTE OF TIME! ARGH. And I dont care if I sound like a whiny kid cuz right now all i want is you to be here with me. Im so frustrated I could cry!
SIGH. This sucks.

And I feel a little sad tonight. For knowing that you are. Im sorry for brushing you off, kinda.
Hearing stories bout how ppl break up cuz of this very elusive 'gap', I dont ever want something like that to happen, to us. Its just not worth it. Nobody can ever place a value of love, cuz it is priceless- when you find that special someone, when you feel like you belong with him, when you find someone who loves you unconditionally, nothing beats that feeling.

And Im so tired of arguing with you. Im sick of you just being so freakin' controlling. Just stop it, okay. Doing uniform sales the other day made me see how very much kids are like their parents, and it scares me. I do not want to ever, end up like them, thank you very much.

Need to stop eating and start gymming :/
Besides, New Year's coming!!
Together with your customary New Years' resolutions and whatnot.. Haven't really thought much bout it. Will have to do so, SOON. 2010, wow, we're a decade into the millenium!
Hmmm, should I join children's church? Orchestra? Children's church tuition? Still feel so undecided. Maybe I'm not listening properly.
Eh and I'm getting sick of my boring blog ): Ideas?!
Ok I need to get moving- shower change make up etc and head down to expo in an hours' time. :) Bye!

Merry Christmas! (in approximately 45 mins time :D)
Am happy that I spent today with the boyfriend. Although it was a simple dinner, arcade, walkin' around... :) And I love the wallet! Heehee. Thank you dear {:
Service tmrw and x'mas dinner. Wonder how it'd turn out, hmmm.
'Kay, am gonna drop off to bed soon. Really tired.

this intense longing, what do they call it again? oh right, love.
i really miss you, and im glad things are back on track, or thereabouts. {: i love you now, and forever.
can't wait for christmas. this year, you shall be my present. doesn't matter if im naughty or nice, right?

Long night. And a scene all too reminiscent of a break up.
I don't want to disclose the details but this is still my blog afterall.

Well, suffice to say it reduced us both to tears. With all else stripped away, yes I really do still love you. Can we start over feel like the best words I've heard all year. A bad ending? Or a new beginning?
A weaker man would have walked away but you chose to step up to the plate. Though for a moment there I was scared witless- what'd I do if you left? In a heartbeat that moment passed, and the tears were residue of overriding emotions crashing upon the dam, threatening to break.
Like you said, now there aren't any secrets anymore.

And to summise:
I love you. Thats not gonna change.
I forgive you. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Hmmm so what've I been doing lately?

From Sentosa, butterflypark &the 4D matrix thing,

p.s. it's a real butterfly :)

...To blading at ECP. so tiring!

And other stuff like making of christmas doorgifts, gymming with syak, cell steamboat &playing awesome Wii, etc etc..

Oh! And I almost forgot, cyberstalking the boyfriend! :D

Heehee. Oh yeah, Bandfest concert this Sunday night :)

Loves! Toodles.

i like the way he looks so cute over here :D just came across it while cyberstalking my boyfriend. HAHAHHA.

I want a laptop.. That is fully MINE.
... hence I need a job. Right.

This new found freedom (okay maybe not so new anymore but still) is a strange feeling.
Like its kinda weird that I dont have anything pressing to do anymore. Haha. Why am i even complaining?
And and and,
Should I resume piano lessons? :/ Would I be wasting my time &money, sigh.
Why do i not know anything! Ugh.

Anw side note: had fun with the clique tonight! (: 6 yrs and counting eh. seeing each other grow up and evolve was one of the greatest things ever. {: love you girls.

random side note: what I tend to think about? I'd think bout the stuff you did for every ex-girlfriend; what you told them; gave them... The list goes on. Did they get to see a side of you that I don't? And maybe never will? Every little thing; whether you craddled their faces in your hands and told them you loved them, whether you put your arms around them you did me, whether it was the same kind of love you felt with them etc. And why did they not cherish a guy like you?
So many questions, so few answers.

i have such weird photos with my cousin(s). haha. (:

post-As life have been good so far! :D especially since dear is having his block leave too! hee hee. and well, it's gonna be that time of the year again.. Christmas! I love Christmas.<3>On a random side note: I'm hungry. But what shall I eat? :/ decisions, decisions...

iloveyousweetheart,morethanyouthink.iknowyou'retheoneformeandthere'snogoingbackfromhere.

itsnotchildsplay;itsmegivingyoutherestofmylife.ichoosetobelievethatthisistherealthing,notjustcuzwe'veonlyjustbegun.

whyamitypingwithoutspacing?idontknow.haha.[:

Two is better than one

"Maybe it's true, that I can't live without you"

^^

EDUSAVE MERIT BURSARY!! :)
Thanks God. I wasn't expecting it this year cuz y'knw, prelims weren't that good.
But ya. He is indeed faithful! :)
More than just the money, it shows I'm part of the top 25% of my cohort. I'm proud to be a nerd! HAHA.

midnight rant.

Missing you is about right now, this very moment. When I can't reach you. Sigh.
Soon, soon. Soon, it'd be over. Soon, i'd get to see more of you. SOON.
its all about the waiting- reminds me of handmaid's tale. "lady in waiting"

...darkest A levels. one more to go. yay?

/i just hope the pretty roses survive. HAHA/

can't imagine a life without you.

250th post :) whoo!
more than half the As are done and i feel like its practically over. :/ oops.

today, i realised you make me feel so crazy.
and today, i knew you had the power to break me, but i also knew that you would never do it.
:)

morning pm was great today! but its been a while since i woke up at 5+, haha. quite torturous.
well, today was a good good day. met dear after his svc and i probably was a little high-strung thinking of how to execute the plan smoothly. stalled him while getting movie tickets/going to the toilet/looking at random things, whilst waiting for his friends to arrive. finally, came up with a ploy to get him to take off his specs and ta-dah! pull out a bandana from my back pocket and blindfolded him. :) did you know, its actually so hard to get someone who doesnt wanna move to walk ?! haha! so yesss, lunch at swensens + ice cream cake followed by astro boy= awesome. :) you make me happy :) :) :)

Just another day.

A quick update on my weekend! Pictures above from Halloween on sat, check owt the one on the right man! HAHA.
Been quite a good weekend, especially since Mr. Perfect Score is here to spent it with me ALTHOUGH its no contact for the next five days. Haha. Yes, It is here. Final FIGHT before the looming A's. Scary, but I am an overcomer!!!

I feel like the word Despondent. /: Time's a continuam; constantly chugging forward and I don't know how I feel about it. All I know is that I miss you. And that A levels are scary. Exhausted.

I miss you :(

Feeling so siansxz lately. With the impending A's, really no time to siansxz already! ): In exactly two weeks time, it's HISTORY SOUTHEAST ASIA PAPER. OMG ARGH! SO not looking forward. But well, life must go on for time and tide waits for no man! And I know and I KNOW He's with me, through it all. Amen. :)

Yes, I miss you badddd. Will next week be better? I don't know. Wish it weren't this way.
Just gotta Stay Happy. You too k love. :) It'll be o-v-e-r soon.

Makes me feel better abt not studying enough (:

Since my lovely friend JH is on a mugging strike today, I shall feel less guilty abt not studying :) Thanks babe. LOL!

Anw, IM SO SO SO SICK OF HISTORY. LIKE SEEERIOIUSLY. IS THERE NO END? :/
How many days left? Like, 15..? Hit the panic button. ): ):
I can't do this on my own, I need You {:

Aaaaand. I miss my favourite boy! FRIDAY PLS PLS PLS COME SOONER. :)

My Valentine,

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you

If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly



I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
In my dreams i couldnt love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine

La da da
Da da da da

And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
Cuz all i need
Is you, my valentine

You're all i need
My love, my valentine


Mhmm, its our third month tgt :)) it's been really great; im happy to be with someone who does/says the loveliest things. :D love you dear and many many more to come! hehe.

on a side note: i've been online for more than half an hour and NOW then i rememebered to come HERE! my poor memory is overworked. ):

Sometimes,

i wonder why people let a relationship they both cherish so much slip through their fingers at that crucial moment? especially when they feel he/she is the One. why? inconvenience/misunderstanding/defeatist attitude/anger? why?

Study day, or SUPPOSED TO BE.

Met up with Gerry at the Airport today with the intention to mug (as usual). Well, we did, some. But on the bright side, it was a good catch up time, too! HAha. Talking outstripped our productivity? -Sounds like Indonesia; population growth outstripped rice growing productivity and hence self-sufficiency could not be attained. AHAHA! i told you i studied.

Well, my weekends were awesome :D And i hope next weekend comes quick. Before I miss you too much! Yet it's countdown to A levels, like I don't really want it to come quick. ): PARADOX ARGH. mock exams! Which school has mock exams now, which wouldn't be marked?! only innova, i promise. ARGH.

i really hope everything's okay over there like you said. my heart breaks to know if you're suffering. will be praying for you always my dear. (:

TGIF

YAY!!! :) :) :)
cant wait; been waiting for today for.. more than a week.
i want time to slow down NOW.
school is so depressing. yet i'd feel lost if i dont attend. what happens during study break? gah, im SCARED. :(
A LVLS. GOD PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE. :(

Tired, so tired.
History is so not my forte. Will i EVER get the hang of it?! SIGH! It seems futile to even TRY. ):
Guess I only gotta perserve.. What other choice have i?
CDSED - what can i do with these grades! ARGH. Sickening.
Constant worry, constant missing cant be conducing very much to good health.
On a brighter note, TGIF in a few hours' time! :D
CANT WAIT. <3

On Life, and The A's.

Constant, perpetual tiredness that plagues. Its horrid. Why oh why do we have mocks when the real thing is less than a month away?! Seriously, Im so tired, I cannot wait to it all to be over.

Plus, I Miss You. ):
What else can I say? You mean so much to me/ Im so used to having you around. It feels strange that my week has become so empty. Sigh.

OH well, Im just bored @ Starbucks. Haha.

On Love,

I have always told myself to be strong, no matter how weak I really felt inside. To be strong, no matter what. But today I guess I let you see a different side of me. One I'm not very proud of, and that very few have actually witnessed. And today probably know now, how much words mean, to me. Maybe it's because I've been brought up expecting feelings to be suppressed, to remain under wraps, but I could never fully articulate my feelings accurately, or enough. I'm constantly amazed that you can do that, so fluently, without hesitation. And I do Love You for that. =)

laughing myself silly over dumb jokes just to starve off the boredom @ school. /: did i mention how much i hate mock exams that are happening in 2 weeks?! ): school is horrid. A lvls A lvls A lvls.
):

I...

Don't really know how to express my thoughts anymore. I'm somewhat glad school's resuming tmrw, cuz otherwise I'd have lost my momentum for The Revision. Poets& Movements is taking a heck lot of time! And so is organizing pictures on FB! ): Sigh, and who said technology was improvement?!

Also think that, maybe it's time to be Me. I can't live life hoping to be like somebody, just cuz they seem to have got it all together. Why waste time like that? So, yeah. (:
{Random}

Prelim2s

are over! :D
hoo-ray. (for now)
just 40+ days to the big A's, damn.
should reeeally get down to some big-time studying. else i'll be flunking outta school. /:
anyhows, happy 2nd month (: hehe. what can i say? its been kinda amazing. sometimes, i think, maybe its cuz you're not my "usual" type. you're.. different. and yes i like that very much! haha. i love you x100,000,000 -you get the idea.
alright, that'd be all night!

I know i should sleep, but since my mind/heart's running about 100km/h, i chose to do a quiz.


1.This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
erm, okay?
2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
haha. chen.
3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
hmmm. nonchalant.
4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
less than an hour ago with no.2
5.What is the last thing someone bought you?
nine lovely pink roses? :D
6.What’s something that can always make you feel better?
thats an easy one- chick flicks. chick lit... er, shopping. haha.
7. What are you excited for?
wedding dinner, and seeing my boyfriend before that! haha!
8. What were you doing yesterday?
i was... attending ken&qin's holy matrimony. service. expo. home.
9. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
the boyfriend.
10. What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
ice?
11. Have a best friend?
tough call.
12. Are you scared to fall in love?
in a way.
13. Do you think teenagers can be in love?What age?
yes. depends on maturity level rather than age.
14. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
nah, cant recall.
15. What time is it right this second?
01:32am
16. What do you want right now?
a hug.
17. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
erm erm. the cell i think.
18. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
Taken
19. When was the last time you cried?
not sure.
20. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
not super-chummy, but its okay.
21. Do you find it hard to trust others?
hmmm. very much the opposite in the morning actually.
22. How fast does your mind change?
rather quickly.
23. I bet you miss somebody right now.
mm-hmm.
24. Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?
yep.
25. Why do you think so many people cheat?
cos they were bored. or stupid. or both!
26. Tell me what’s on your mind.
i need sleep.
27. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
christmas! and finishing the A's of cos.
28. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing?
yeah.
29. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
LOL. -shrug-
30. When is your next road trip?
so far in the horizon, i dont even know.
31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
uh-huh.
32. How’s your heart?
well im still alive, right?
33. Have you ever felt like you weren’t important?
hell yeah
34. Do you think somebody’s in love with you?
haha i know so?
35. What are you planning on doing after this?
sleep.
36. When will your next kiss take place?
-shrug-
37. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
i guess so
38. Who do you not get along with?
people who have no sense of respect.
39. What does your 3rd recent text say?
that i have a voicemail. haha!
40. What are you wearing right now?
cchy house tee and fbts
41. Are you wasting your time on the person you like?
nope
42. When’s the last time you had a grilled cheese?
cant recall?
43. What’s your favorite boy and girl name right now?
hmmm. i dont know. i think chloe's a nice name.
44. How did you feel when you woke up?
eh, nonchalant.
45. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
already did, so nah. (:
46. Do you crack your knuckles?
yeah. sometimes.
47. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
er.. showering?
48. What are your LEGAL initials?
M.J. (:
49. Who’s the first B in your contacts?
baowen.
50. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
Ytd, with/at the boyfriend.
51. Your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
depends!
52. Last awkward moment?
erm. dont really rmb..
53. Are you afraid of the dark?
not really.
54. Do you have good vision?
im a specky. you reckon?
55. Have you ever tripped someone?
yup
56. Have you ever slapped someone?
yeah. not across the face though.. i hope?
57. Are you Irish?
nope.
58. Do you use chap stick?
sometimes.
59. Do you have any scars?
yup.
60. Is there someone you will never forgive?
i doubt so
61. Do you laugh off embarrassing moments?
sometimes.
62. Name the last person to text you?
jianguang
63. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
nope.
64. Can you go in public looking like you do?
more of less, 'cept for the hair. haha!
65. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
smack in the middle.
66. Is it easy for someone to make you smile?
real or fake? haha
67. What’s the first thing you’ll do on your wedding day?
open my eyes. like any other day.
68. Do you fall for people easily?
er..i dont think so.
69. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
yeah
70. Do you miss the way things used to be?
hmmm. nah. i like my life now (:
71. How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
too often for my own liking.
72. Song you’re thinking of right now?
dont have an ear-worm as of present.
73. Want someone back in your life?
nah.
74. Will tomorrow be better than today?
yep!
75. What’s the color of your shirt you are wearing?
white/red.
76. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
hmmm. dont think so.
77. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
duh?
78. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
doesn't everyone? its really quite simple.
79. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
hmmm. it really depends la. im not exactly overflowing with my bubbly-ness or whatnot, but i dont bother to fake happiness.

On Examsss.

Despite the semblance of sanity, I feel utterly despondent. Void, emotionless, INDIFFERENT about the prelims. Can't find a reason for it. Maybe we've been conditioned, hmmm...
Hope, Faith, Love.. Being faithful to study hard for that few As? Its so difficult. And lonely. No matter what, nobody else is gonna do it, but me. I, me, myself; an attempt to eradicate the loneliness, perhaps.
The prospect of starting over is rather enticing, actually. But No, I've told myself, No Freaking Way. Gonna go mug, again.

(:

CONGRATS WOMAN! (: (: (: SAB, WHEN'S YOUR TURN? HAHA. aite, i should quit typing in caps. so,

1. YES it's finally friday :) and mahmood wasn't here! still had some trainee teacher take us for the asean thing though; it was kinda fun laughing at him/ some random nonsense.

2. am finally gonna see the boyfriend (since saturday okay)! *hyperventiles*

3. the new band conductor is er, strange. (?) idk, couldnt stay for long. i reeeeally hope the proposal goes through for our end of year promise ! shall go check out how much you get for a bronze...

4. i love 0843a! you guys are awesomely high/funny/stupid/nonsensical. especially when we're all so tired. :D

5. *chants* I HATE SCHOOL x10000.

6. cell was awesome ytd! your aspirations, attitude & associations. i want to keep my heart tender for Him always.

"condensed" timetable, what a lie. ): ending at 640 on at least 3 days per week? SIGH. i dunno why; the fewer days there are, the less pressured i feel. is this normal? haha. i guess, the only way forward is a step at a time. anyway...
am looking forward to UP tmrw with love :) ,
it's nearly a month haha,
i really really really wanna know Him more :).
ciao'

mine

my boyfriend is an irritating prat who loves arguing with me. but heck! he's also the sweetest guy around {: HAHAHA how inspiring is this post! gah. am so not looking forward to the weekends, though it'd be some time off (finally). many many MANY ESSAYS. :/ sigh, the life of an A level student. *prays that it doesnt rain tmrw*

I Hate Blogger

Something is wrong, there's no way I can change font. Wth?! Ughhhh okay nehmind. Gotta say whats on my mind..
These days I'm just so tired I can't think straight. I'm practically numb.. Void of emotions. Maybe not totally, but, somewhat. I would love to spend all my time with you, without the tiredness, without the niggling thought of notes being neglected. Just pure unadulterated joy, love. I'm so afraid, life's gonna wear off this feeling. I don't want it to end, you're awesome. I pray for all the strength in the world, for its the toughest period right now. The 100 days countdown has begun. ):

marked 'fragile'

here, i say, in a box, nothing elaborate, just a plain one like any other. take care of it for me, and yes, its fragile.

The past, the present, the Future.

Love is but a two-way street. Let me not forget that.
Forgive me for my selfishness, for always holding back, protecting myself.
Maybe its time to let go..

So, its been abt results, results, results. On the one hand, Im quite contented with mine, knowing that I tried, a half-hearted attempt nonetheless. Ugh. But there's still hope. I know Im not one to chalk up study hours like it's nothing, but I pick up things along the way, in smaller pieces. I have faith, in myself, in the teachers, and most importantly, in Him.

To Speak In Riddles

A fine line, like that of a tight-rope walker. Just a moment of precariousness will tip the balance. I hope I dont screw it up.

Official Mourning Week.
For the remnants of my grades! Major screw ups, in everything. But somehow the teachers think we have potential to do well. And, am surprised that MdmC didnt scream bloody murder in class today, haha. :D well, out to town in a bit, ta.

I wish I could read your mind!

We Forgot Pictures!

Spent the day with Gray & Gerald yest. Cafe Cartel lounging about talking random embarrassing/stupid/hilarious things was Loved<3 Should've brought the cheapo $1 cards we got the day before haha. And I Want To Shop Somemore. :) Got a hair cut yest also, and yes i fully intend to grow it out k til like shoulder length before i cut again but then again haha who knows!
Being 18 has been fun so far, but who knows what the year holds? IF only life were this simple everyday.

ive got things on my mind, but i dont know if i can put it into words/ if heres the right place.. /: am dead beat from lack of sleep last night/this morning but my heart feels heavy. ah.

Its Over!

The horrid Prelims are finally o-v-e-r! ;D Much happiness, plus the fact that i'm also finally eighteen. Yay!
Just got a really bizarrely put together bunch of pressies from the sister.

Thanks all for the wishes & stuff ;D

Some Thoughts.

How come some people are made self-sufficient, utterly resilient, while others have to struggle, are weak? So that we can learn to rely on Him? Such that a greater work might be done? I'm full of qustions but I don't forsee getting all these answers in the very near future. Maybe it will come bit by little bit; like a jigsaw puzzle waiting to be pieced together.

I feel like giving up sometimes, and just adopt a totally blase attitude- more than a mere facade, like some can. But deep down, who am I kidding? Not caring is not my forte; I can never pull it off without sleepless nights, worrying. The anxiety in the forefront, for the lack of discipline, the lack of sheer willpower and determination. Knowing I will regret if I throw in the towel, just doesn't seem enough, sometimes.

so i was thinking,
im with songs the same way im with friends: there's always that few that i wouldnt mind listening to over and over again.

help! i'm a totally unrepentant bridge addict! /:

urgh.

lit was H-E-L-L. ): like seriously, i was writting whatever random nonsense that popped into my head cuz i couldn't well, hand in a blank piece of paper, right?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
all hope of passing lit is now pinned upon that stupid paper4. /: Imagining Other Worlds, which i am sooooo good at. (not)
HOPE FOR THE BEST, EXPECT THE WORST!
haha see i've been indoctrinated by the band life.

inspiration.

Just when I was beginning to doubt myself, He spoke, " Have a little faith". Indeed, the joy of the Lord is my strength. When life seems joyless and bleak, close your eyes take a breath and remember the Lord. :)

With closed eyes,

I can picture you, and I;
I can't help wishing I still knew you.

Did you only meant for our friendship to last the distance?

your archives

Where's that girl gone?
The one who loved God wholeheartedly;
the one who kept her life in check;
the one who believed in the one;
the one who enjoyed her freedom;
the one whom i used to know.
What happened to her?

And no, im NOT talking about myself.

rejuvenation.

After a week being away from reality and civilisation, its good to be back! Yet overhead looms this abyss of endless mugging up for those dreaded Prelims :/ How nice. But anyway, though tired, I was glad I made it to SOS yesterday :)
I wonder what's the jaw-dropping announcement Ken's gonna make today. He got my curiousity piqued! Argh. But, its back to the books for now. Ta'

p.s. wow, read a coupla my really old posts- dec/nov 07. the nicer writings are all there!

i feel like ranting until i came to this page, im out of words. for the life of me, i cant write long beautiful posts anymore. its like a chapter of my life has closed, left me behind. ugh! frustration that cant be put into words, now THAT is frustration.
i'm no longer who i was. and im not very happy about that fact.
we, are also no longer who we used to be. ditto. life happened, i guess. it's not my kinda place, not my kinda life.. nobody's fault though.
sigh. where do i go from here?
insignificant passion, insignificant voice, insignificant anger.

looking back, i realise so many have left. for reasons that were stronger than their conviction. people i once knew, from a distance, as though from a previous lifetime. people whose lives were no less real than my own.
& i wonder how they're doing now.
& i wonder if they regret that decision.
& i really dont wanna end up there, too.

the path of righteousness is narrow..

its been a long while since i've had something to look forward to.

so many thoughts swirling around.. and i dunno how to put them into words. flashes of memories, feelings, pictures that cloud my head. WILL I EVER FIND ANOTHER ONE LIKE YOU?

when all else fails, love somebody.
and hopefully...


theres a really annoying noob clarinetist somewhere around my estate and he/she is driving me nuts. at least the crazy flautist didnt squeak. sheesh!

First bronze in my life.
Relieved, & perhaps more than a little disappointed.
But nonetheless, no tears of joy nor sorrow.
(:
Ah well, &here marks the last band practice? (alumni band not withstanding)
We'll see when life decides to stop throwing curveballs at yours truly.

tired. is all that i am right now. haha.
who knew touch rugby was so tiring? hah. but it was fun, kinda.
and and i hope everylittlething goes allright on weds. (: syf!! wow its been two years man, haha. time flies.
supposed to be at the library bout 25mins ago! hah, its called procrastination. okay no, waking up late.
thursday caught cats the musical with the class and it was boring at first but things got much better by the 2nd half. (: too bad we were all tired after a long boring day in school. would have been better? haha at least we didnt leave half way!
k toodles.

#1.sometimes i think i am sane, its just the night that robs me of it.
all the stupid/crazy/impulsive things ive done, you guessed it. at night.

#2. wonder why life turned out this way. expected and anticipated much.. and came up short.

#3. sick to death of school, whats new?

#4. so many impressions/facades/mirrors... what am i really doing?

#5. somehow... ive always felt a connection with you. but i cant put my finger to what it is...

#6. shouldnt life be less complicated?

i'm tired. metaphorically, literally. its been a darn long week.

press the delete button, rewrite history on a clean slate.
NEVER to look back, ever. a personal choice made.
i've figured out whats important to me. and that is it.

(: toodles.

minor ramblings..

what makes one a failure in life? or even, as a person?
does shutting off, closing up, drawing borders on your choices in life make one a better person?
double standards exist even in the elitist society; there will be ppl who get around the unspoken rules, they find loopholes.
but, im not clever like that.
i know that life is more than just whats on the surface, but sometimes i wanna pretend like thats all there is to it. many things i cant figure out, gotta take someones perspective; not my own.

what determines success or failure in a world so volatile?

today was, totally worth it. :D
watching them perform, the adrenaline rush of hoping all the solos turn out fine, praying that we'll reach on time, etc.
just one word: GOLD! :)))
feel the ecstasy man.

we(the alumnis and toh) had them fooled for 2 hrs, cuz we pretended like they got a silver, and texted em consoling texts. haha, yes it worked. felt a bit bad when some cried, but then again, when it was finally revealed that it's a gold, MORE cried. so, yah.
awesome day; really really proud of cchysb! <3

FINALLY. A NEW REED. BY PAN YUN. (: thats the best part. hah. went reed-buying with simon yesterday. the idiot was an hour late (slightly??). AT LEAST he had the conscience to cab there! hehe. then off to cell bbq from there. was fun, what with all the games and BRIDGE and chubby-bunnies...

BLOCK TEST MADE ME REALISE HOW BLOODY UNPREPARED FOR A'S I AM!!! D: THIS IS SO DEPRESSING SIGH.
econs was bad, killer kinda bad. spent all my effort on case study and essay was chionging crap. ): i suck.
lit was pretty much hell also. had no inspiration whatsoever!
you're so dead, you're rotting- paul chow.
suits me. haha. yes im screwed for block test. and there's history "make-up" on monday but its not counted anyway. -_-
i soooo need to study but i cant find motivation enough for it. gah.

holidays shmolidays

holidays, i'm bored. supposed to be a study-break thingy but oh man its been more of a break than studying. dang it all. ): history and math on monday!! oh gosh watch me crash and burn. soompah i hate the As! ew.
sigh, i have a leaky nose. ): ):
ta, off to do math. ( if i can HAHA)

I'm sorry things haven't turned out the way You originally intend. I'm sorry we're all so caught up in the transcient things of the moment, of attaining things that will fade; crowns that dont last. I'm sorry i've let You down countless of times; i hate it. I'm sorry some relationships can't be restored, i'm sorry i dont have the childlike faith and simplicity of heart. I'm sorry things turned out this sad way. I'm sorry, but i'm not superman, i can't fix everything, alone. I'm sorry, but they wont listen to what i have to say. I'm sorry, i dont want to try cause i dont wanna get involved in the mess. I'm sorry i'm selfish, Lord.

i want to write something, something that is so sad it pierces your heart and makes you tear, just by reading it.
but i can t find it in myself to do so.
the only one who's gonna be affected will probably be me.

never stopped.

since you, life has been mundane. even to the edge of 'why-am-i-doing-this-again' moments. i wish there was someone else in the equation, at least then i'd have someone to be angry at. sadly, now all i have is myself to blame. i really miss you. i wish you would take some consideration to me. its been so long since the start of me falling for you, but time has merely distanced us, hasnt healed, yet. i miss our friendship, the old you. perhaps the one i'd fallen for doesnt exist anymore? i know you've changed, but not beyond recognition. thinking of you and the past events makes me feel engulfed in my loneliness. who'd understand how a broken-heart feels, when its my own fault? who'd understand that i'm the only one so blatantly stupid to make a mistake like that?

maybe its memory of the heart, but there's no mistaking love.

i'm bored.
my life has gone down the drain.
SO,
28th feb:
went for band concert at SCH with syak. (:
we sped-walked there cos we thought we were late!
and then.. when we entered, it hasnt even begun yet. -_-
it was fun :D but i really felt they could do better. they have to, the competition's no joke.
yeah, anyway caught up some with weiling, jon, ms sha. (:

facebook is DOWN. WHY!?

i still think, you're special.

minette is tired.

both in the literal sense cos of friggin' PE and also tired, of school, of fretting over the impending As, of wishing you were here with me, of insomnia-filled nights, of being tired all the time.

real life pales in comparison with what goes on in my head, sometimes.

pastamania-ed with 43a girls after killer PE today and it was great :D i suggested making it a regular thing and they said it would cause loads of weight gain, sigh. i need an incentive to make it through PE! dreadful two lettered thing. i am shagged and there is gp homework :( RAH.

feel like just sleeping, sleeping, sleeping...

guess who indulged herself on valentine's? :D managed to get a card membership at the end of it even. haha kinda tells you how much i spent! okay i need a job to sustain my spending, seriously. oh well, nvm its valentine's day after all. hehe.

SMU symphonia festiva

SMU's symphonia festiva was awesome :D
decided on $18 for circle seats in the end cos its a MUCH better view than at the back of the stall seats. haha we were late &missed the first 3 songs. :/ whoops.
anyway, highlights from chess was damn good lah :DDD been some time since i've attended a band concert, feels like forever.
yeah i think i'd need a boyfriend whom i can take to concerts! hehe. alright, JUST JOKING. i'm happy the way i am. (:

schools been a drag like major draggggg.
really cant believe im taking As this year, still feel like a kid sometimes.
no i dont wanna do homework yeah i wanna go out and play!
RAH. save me. how am i gonna do well like this zomg!
lifes a bore, cant stand it.
pe tmr, cant stand it EITHER.
SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so its the WEEKENDS. yes. the long awaited one. :) :) :) anyways.. sch is sick and getting sicker. nothing quite like it yeah. sucks to be taking A's. the impact of it hasnt really sunk in actually. and pe has been such a royal pain i am serious. roar. hah k before i start ranting endlessly; ystd i ponned band to go shopping in town with gracey! hahahah. how awesome. retail therapy, like since forever. yeah but i do have my reasons ok! #1 captain isnt coming, so i have to freaking conduct? #2 nobody can play the stupid overture1/2 yet? so why bother. and #3 i am out of reeds. ok now back to ystd, after shopping away like 100bucks, me met up with my cell at suntec's crystal jade for yusheng and dinner. was kinda fun, though i dont eat yusheng. play play only. haha. wanted to head to river hongbao after, but was blocked by the stupid chingayyyy/: yep so tt was it!

i want to be the girl you'd only ever have eyes for.
i want to be the one who makes you catch your breath
i want to be the girl whom you'd go all out for, anything and everything.
i want to be the one you are willing to spend time with, even if only for a fleeting second.
i want to be the girl you love just because, love in its purest form.
&i want so many things out of this life.. but i want these the most.

i have wasted SO MUCH TIME on econs today.
going SHOPPING tmr! :) :) :) :) :) major happiness.

i want to go shopping. retail therapy!
im thinking of 2 something blue(s) for CNY. hmmm.
i want running shoes that are anti-ugly. do you think its possible?
collected MY cheque today. (: (: (: moolahs are always welcome.
i KNOW im supposed to do some revision ok. i know that.
does anyone remember whats gonna happen for econs tmr? :O cuz i dont. heh.

Cliques. The epitome of school life. Or rather, it used to be. In secondary school it was so rampant. So obvious, and the invisible barrier so high. Everyone has a clique they belong in. You were being "classified" based on who your friends are. Not necessarily a bad thing too. Maybe thats the vast difference, and in my case, a bit of culture shock upon entering Innova. Especially my class lah, I suspect. They're accepting.. Sometimes I'd rather wished they didn't. Haha. Yeah so its in my character that im generally not VERY sociable, cliquish if you might. I think a better, more apt word is reserved. I dont let my true feelings show on the surface and very often what you see might just be a watered-down version. Its just.. I dunno, natural? Haha but yeah thats the way I am, maybe thats the reason behind why i felt the way i did last year. I still do miss cchy and the band and the rather simplistically happy secondary school days. But this year, things have changed. (though the one person i wished to get retained did not) For the better, I think. :) :) :) Just some random ramblings.

OH MY GOSH I HAVE BLISTERS! AND THEY BLOODY HURRRRRT. :( :( :( Ok will definitely get running shoes before next PE period cuz i conveniently threw them away at kota tinggi. Or rather, me and raja just decided to leave em at the campsite. :D Hahahaha. Ok so maybe i deserve the blisters after all. Yeah but it wouldnt have happened if not for the PE lesson today! Freaking conditioning. Why can't girls be exempted from napfa?? Not like we NEED it or something. And all those who skipped PE cuz of Econs homecoming: I HATE YOU. Bleah. (Not that i'd rather sit for Econs lah. Hehe.) I feel like going BOOM on my bed. But there's a history quiz tmr. Damn.......

Only the third day of school and its draining me of energy rapidly. ): Gosh PE first period today was.. Sucky. Haha. We were running against the blasted wind. Wth. Yup and there's more tmr. Sigh. I was damn shag and couldn't-care-less after that, haha. Oh, tmr's the dreaded thursday. Kicks off with a delightful econs tutorial first thing, then history and lit tutorials back to back. ): GP was boring stuff today too, since shirley charles is still on maternity leave. (Why all our GP teachers always have maternity leave?) Well, i'm looking forward to next week. CNY shopping! :D Haha how typical right. Im collecting the edusave money thing on sunday so yeah. My wishlist is only about 10metres long. Hehe. Ok lah i'm tired. Bye.

First day of school started off fine, normally enough anyway. One hour of slack time cuz ct wasn't here, then mahmood's lecture. Math was boring lah as usual, but we were combined with another class. (hah) Oh even lit was reasonable enough. Save for Econs!! Gosh i dont think i've felt more pressured on the first day of school. Not helping is fact 1) our econs class has a miniscule 13 people and fact 2) yours truly here is the econs rep. Yep NICE. She's like demanding perfectly accurate answers and dismissing the fact that our answers come straight from the notes! The upside is that she makes us all sit up and listen, and i better get that bloody A for econs i tell you. I can foresee the freakish days in econs tutorials ahead of us... And if anything goes wrong i'm afraid i'll be held responsible. Perfect. So yeah, better go off memorizing those definitions cuz she wants em perfect. Wichen if you're reading this COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY YOU WENT AWAY.

SCHOOL IS STARTING REAL SOON. AM OFFICIALLY J-TWO! WHEEEEE. but thats the only good thing? hahaha yeah sucks to be me mannn. well one more good thing: im soooo not having to have chinese lessons. :D yeah i have a nice chinese teacher last year haha. and my timetable really sucks you know! thurs are gonna be non-existant. sigh.. what did i do to deserve LAST PERIOD PE?!! oh no. tmr starts off with history tutorial. then history lecture. (?!$%@(^$@#) i want to murder the timetabling committee and yes there is such a thing haha. p.s. who is CYG and KCN?? math and econs respectively?
i am bored. hungry. sleepy lethargic.

Open House 09

BORING. Hardly anyone bother to come lah.. -_- Of cos, AJ would've been packed. Who'd wanna come here? Spent time swatting flies.. Our booth's location sucked. And lazing around, waiting for time to pass. Went to other CCAs and talk more than actually doing anything. Wasted my efforts at waking up so early only to have nothing to do! Hah, so after a bit PKS came round from RP. Striking green. Always love to attract attention only. Haha. Too bad we couldnt decide on what to do after the open house, so slacked at CWP a while then HOME. (: Slept before 12 for the first time this hols. Hehe.

oh my! am browsing through facebook/friendster since i cant sleep, and guess what i found!
why do ppl keep pictures like these:from long long ago and
from really very long ago.

OH MY. THANKS AH PAWAN. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Just one thing to say: IM DONE WITH ASSIGNMENTS! (: (: (: immensely happy with self. hehe. <3

sab's seventeenth SURPRISE @ ECP! :D hahaha. glad we finally surprised her, afterall shes been our party-planner for uhm, years?
yeah but it was kinda short one. sang, cut cake, ate and then a looooong bus ride home. >:( lucky im not in cj. bus rides like that will kill me! haha.
loads of love, while imma go off to do history. deadline is 5pm! woohoo. (not) bye.

/edit: the picture was REALLY not nice. haha.

two-oh-oh-nine.

Hello. Happy NEW YEAR! (: Its like, 2009 already. Wow please? Haha. Maybe I shouldnt make resolutions, since I read making resolutions could result in unhappiness. Okay but anyway, I really hope (as Syak put it) 2009 will be THE year for me and all those important people in my life. (: All those taking A's: WE WILL MAKE IT! (applies to promos also yah) And in every other aspect of our lives too.
Anyway, felt that having holy communion the first thing in the new year was definitely very meaningful. And marks a start of the year on a right note too.
This year is gonna be the BEST year yet! (: (: (: Til next time, lovesss.