good to be at home on a tuesday morning
was involved in the GOH for president wee's funeral at mandai 2 weeks back, thus booked out last night, after my first night dive in the open sea, for my off day
will be booking in later 930pm

so many things in my mind these few weeks
which i felt certain that the Lord has placed in my heart
about my ministry, about the passion the Lord has placed in me since i was a youth
NS is no excuse..
i've left the worship ministry under the care of Marcus, and with a mindset that i will return full force after i've passed out from my combat diver course
but apparently, things don't really turn out the way i'd have expected
passing out date was postponed from april to may, to june and the latest, even a possibility of early july, plus involvment in the NDP this year, and unable to achieve 9m14s for my 2.4km run, my weekends are burnt for rehearsals and remedial training..
it suddenly seem that i've even lesser time during weekends, much less weekdays
lesser time for my family, friends, ivy, and coming to church would probably be even more precious to me ever

i've come to realise
time is not in my hands
no matter how carefully i may plan

it's may already
half a year just whizzed past
and there's still much to accomplish for the worship ministry this year
i somehow got a feeling from the start when i enlist that things would go somewhat "stagnant" during this period but after thinking thru, i don't think this is exactly how God would have wanted me to balance my commitment in church during my NS

don't think God would want us to be an "ox bow lake"
when He himself has wanted us to be like a flowing river

it's hard at times
looking at manpower, looking at how people's commitment may have shifted
yes, i'm sure worship can still be powerful even with just a keyboard or a guitar, or even no instruments
but no, the worship ministry isn't about musicians,
it's about the very people of this ministry, as likewise for other ministries as well
i think back on how much i've connected with many of the people
i tried to blame it on time
but really, it boils down to how much i really want to offer my life to God

i believe God didn't place visions and plans in my mind for nothing
things to see His ministry prosper
plans to see His worship ministers grow
plans to see you and me,
be it playing our instruments or lifting our voices,
praising and worshipping him... rejoicing not because of the wonderful "feeling" while we sing,
but so thankful of this life that He has blessed us with
to understand the value of such a blessing,
that we may in turn have such a desire to share this blessing to others,
to pre believers, to encourage the body, to build the church

yes, i'm sure there will be difficulties along the way
such as for now, time may seem even lesser for me to be involved in my ministries
but what would keep me going is that i wouldn't want to miss out what He has planned for our church, WAC,
for this ministry

If i may ask of you, any brothers and sisters who may be reading this entry
please pray alongside with me
i really believe there's so much potential in the people of this ministry
potential not just focusing on musicality,
but a cohesiveness, a bonding, that we can have in Him
it can be more than a gathering of musicians who are passionate to play unto the Lord
it can become a group where we desire to even bless and encourage each other, be there for each other...
that disappointments may be healed,
where we can become a group where we can learn from each other
to be friends, not co-musicians
to let go of our gifts and let the Spirit lead us to cross boundaries we've never been to before..

i'm worried at times, that i may not be able to handle it
would need more wisdom in balancing my time
but i pray that my heart, not just from my lips, that i really would believe that nothing is impossible for God as i take this step of obedience
pray that my heart will be still enough to hear the clear directions from God
and hearts be opened and excited, looking forward together

and this flame in us,
not extinguished
but fanned into a blazing fire

in Jesus name I ask this,
Amen

feeling God gently tugging at my heart

things to do
with the little time i have
decisions to make
promises to keep

if God, You may
open my eyes again
to be of clear vision of the path You have planned for me to take