It's been a week of sleepless nights, thanks to the wonderful residents of Queensberry Street.
Let's start with the drunk girls who come home from the bar (more likely, their bar job) at 2:30 in the morning and sit outside on the neighboring apartment building's front steps, talking and shrieking with laughter and occasionally having girl fights where they call each other bitches and make each other cry.
The entrance they sit on is in a courtyard, which makes their sound echo up the walls and right into my windows. So it's literally like they're having their fucking 3 a.m. tea party in the corner of my room. I can hear every word, loud and clear. This isn't a one time thing, either. It's been happening for a couple months now, at least a few times a week, and they stay out there for over an hour. I do not mean weekends. Saturday night parties are fine. But you do not get to smoke a pack and chase it with a bottle of wine and LOL for all of us to hear at 3 a.m. on Wednesday.
Also, I'm old.
After an hour of listening to the girls (compounded with the last two months of their noise), I was about to go downstairs to tell them to shut the fuck up (in a way that wouldn't get me punched). But instead, PLS decided he would yell out the window. I told him they'd just yell back, that dumb girls like them have no respect for any of their neighbors and that they'd laugh in his face. Nonetheless he opened the window and asked them to be quiet. The result?
A chorus of "Suck my dick! Wah wah wah! Boo hoo hoo! Shut the fuck up!" immediately followed. Seems about right.
But within a minute, the smarter one got the hint and took her friend inside. They came back outside an hour later to continue their convo. I should note that at this point, I said we should put itching powder on the step, only to be told itching powder is not, in fact, a real thing.
I feel like I should have known that at my age.
Then there's my actual neighbor's abusive boyfriend, or maybe he's just Abusive Bro From The Bar (not sure who lives next door because I don't know my neighbors beyond what I hear of them at night). Verbally abusive, for sure. Physically? Who knows. I've only heard him when they fight, but hearing him once is enough for a lifetime. The guy's deep voice penetrates the walls, my mattress and pillow, and it's really stomach-churning and upsetting, especially at 3 a.m. I wake up because the girl is always crying and whining and crying more and pleading with him that she's so, so, sorry. He talks down to her in a slow, calm manner only psycho people have during fights. Then she scream-cries for him to "stop." (Let's not imagine what he needs to stop doing, okay??). His voice sounds like a robot, James Earl Jones and the teacher from Peanuts had a baby. This voice talks back to her. Then she yells, "Stop, you're scaring me!" and "Please leave!" and sobs. Again, maybe we should not imagine why she's scared. Sorry if this is upsetting you. Welcome to my Friday night. This went on for at least an hour. And all you can do is lie there, imagining what is happening in that room. Or wishing you had some heavy sleeping pills. Or wishing your lease was up sooner than May 31.
That sounds like I just gave my witness's account to the cops. And I wondered, lying there at 3:30 in the morning, if I was going to have to do that the next day. I know this sort of thing happens all the time, from the 'burbs to the ghetto. I guess I've had the luxury of missing out on it my whole life.
Moving on! Let's not forget our friend Upstairs Neighbor, who clomps around all day and all night. I've already bitched about him. He's the heavy walker guy, but it's worsened by the old, thin wood floor between us. Clearly he's never had the luxury of living on any floor but the top. What an asshole.
I know, I'm so old.
Our schedules are amazingly similar. No matter what time I get into bed, so does he, be it 10pm one night or 11:30 the next. It's like clockwork. I get in bed. Within five minutes, the time it takes you to drift into sleep - CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP. Here he comes. Creeeeak! Creeaaaaak! He climbs into bed, directly overhead. I can only imagine the springs sagging and the floorboards bending upstairs. I say my nightly prayer, the one about him not falling through the floor and crushing us. More creaking as he rolls around. Finally, silence. Until three minutes later, and he's up! CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP. You're supposed to pee before you get in bed, dude! Back he comes and the whole process repeats. Sometimes when my ceiling lights are on and he walks overhead, they flicker and vibrate. It's all so fun. A different kind of fun from Abusive Bro.
I sound like I'm not cut out for city living, but this isn't New York. These aren't sirens and horns and general city noise. I've lived in other cities. I'd take the homeless crazy of SF over the drunk girls, at least the homeless guy would pass out, move on, or eventually be picked up by the cops. This is just a shitty apartment complex (two of them) full of rude 20-somethings in Boston, which is apparently
the drunkest city in America. I wasn't so sure I agreed, but after the past week, I'm in. The bad news is, most every neighborhood in this town is full of (drunk) 20-somethings. Even the buildings who don't allow students have student-minded fucks in them, unless you want to live in, say, Newton. I don't even know where that is.
Also, I'm so, so old.
And in our own apartment, there are the ancient, loud radiators. PLS actually took a video of one making its morning clank-clank sound. The first 10 seconds is the kitchen pipe warming up (normal), then comes the metal pipes clanging in the radiator. It makes that sound morning, night, and middle of the night. We've turned off the radiator by the bed, for obvious reasons.
PLS took the video to the local hardware store where he spent 20 minutes talking about it with the guy behind the counter. "Definitely in need of repair" was the diagnosis. I can see it now:
"Dear Landlord, attached please find the video of your radiators making noise. I was hoping you'd pay to..."
Moving's a bitch. But so is not sleeping.