Been 2 years ever since i blogged. Well.. im back here again where i started. Back to square one after climbing so high up and falling back to the ground. There was once a friend told me, "why climb so high? The higher you climb, the harder you fall." Now i actually believe it. I had been yearning for a relationship that can last preferably forever but i know its naive to think it that way. She was indeed promising until it came to the communication part. How we handled our views against each other, the way we decide how to communicate and how we prioratise each other in our daily life. I can say that i put her way up there beyond everybody. I am guilty that i placed her above my god-sisters who had treated me with unconditional care and concern for both my personal and external life. They have been there whenever i needed them. I did the same for those genuine friends who treated me like buddies. That was my greatest mistake. Perhaps the phrase "love is blind", doesnt refer to the looks of the girl, it refers to how many things and people you are neglecting. 2 years plus long of relationship. This girl has occupied my mind and heart for that long. I know it may not seem like but we do talk every single day. I get excited when i hear a buzz on my phone, i wake up looking forward to see her message, i look forward taking a glance of her smile in school. I realised something now, in a relationship it gets sweet when the guy actually does the chasing, initiates dates and have surprise presents for the girl. After years, problems sets in and the guy gets disheartened to do all these things. Not because they are lazy in the relationship. Perhaps at least to me, i feel that the girl doesnt really prioratise much. I am not referring to every single girl out there. Right now, all i want is her to understand what i feel and react like how girls who really love their guys. True love. I read this phrase in 9gags or something "All relationships go through shit, Real relationships get through shit". I would vouch for this phrase. People whom i can actually only fall on honestly are my god-sisters. My friends are gamers and feels a little weird asking them for their time when you are.. depressed. I am a gamer myself but i can say that i am more emotional than anyone of my friends. Maybe perhaps thats how i got to know this girl who then became the love of my life. All i want is someone to patch the vast empty space in my mind and heart. temporary or permanently i dont know. Perhaps it would be empty for a long long time. Who knows? Maybe one day she would actually see things in a bigger perspective and come back telling me that it's really indeed her fault and apologise sincerely and make up to me? HAH well i yearned this for 2 years. It didnt happen. It only came with a sorry, a few more sorrys to try cooling me down and then escalated into a fight or cold war. In short, im not her priorty, she told me she's trying her best. I beg to differ because there are many ways to actually do things but not the best. Even so, i would be contented. I am just.. lost.
Jun shen
