Been 2 years ever since i blogged. Well.. im back here again where i started. Back to square one after climbing so high up and falling back to the ground. There was once a friend told me, "why climb so high? The higher you climb, the harder you fall." Now i actually believe it. I had been yearning for a relationship that can last preferably forever but i know its naive to think it that way. She was indeed promising until it came to the communication part. How we handled our views against each other, the way we decide how to communicate and how we prioratise each other in our daily life. I can say that i put her way up there beyond everybody. I am guilty that i placed her above my god-sisters who had treated me with unconditional care and concern for both my personal and external life. They have been there whenever i needed them. I did the same for those genuine friends who treated me like buddies. That was my greatest mistake. Perhaps the phrase "love is blind", doesnt refer to the looks of the girl, it refers to how many things and people you are neglecting. 2 years plus long of relationship. This girl has occupied my mind and heart for that long. I know it may not seem like but we do talk every single day. I get excited when i hear a buzz on my phone, i wake up looking forward to see her message, i look forward taking a glance of her smile in school. I realised something now, in a relationship it gets sweet when the guy actually does the chasing, initiates dates and have surprise presents for the girl. After years, problems sets in and the guy gets disheartened to do all these things. Not because they are lazy in the relationship. Perhaps at least to me, i feel that the girl doesnt really prioratise much. I am not referring to every single girl out there. Right now, all i want is her to understand what i feel and react like how girls who really love their guys. True love. I read this phrase in 9gags or something "All relationships go through shit, Real relationships get through shit". I would vouch for this phrase. People whom i can actually only fall on honestly are my god-sisters. My friends are gamers and feels a little weird asking them for their time when you are.. depressed. I am a gamer myself but i can say that i am more emotional than anyone of my friends. Maybe perhaps thats how i got to know this girl who then became the love of my life. All i want is someone to patch the vast empty space in my mind and heart. temporary or permanently i dont know. Perhaps it would be empty for a long long time. Who knows? Maybe one day she would actually see things in a bigger perspective and come back telling me that it's really indeed her fault and apologise sincerely and make up to me? HAH well i yearned this for 2 years. It didnt happen. It only came with a sorry, a few more sorrys to try cooling me down and then escalated into a fight or cold war. In short, im not her priorty, she told me she's trying her best. I beg to differ because there are many ways to actually do things but not the best. Even so, i would be contented. I am just.. lost.
Jun shen
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
why
Why must it come crashing down like this.. things seem to fly and crash as things are launched of what i want..
Friday, August 13, 2010
Just another drop
I have actually been enlightened by my Literature text on my life's events. I have reflected myself against the characters in the novel and apparently, the novel's story of teenagers applys to a handful of local teenagers. I agree that what teenagers will go through is Change. Oh yeah by the way, i realised that when i write this kind of post for my compositions, i failed miserably, Awesome right?
Shall not post on these crap =S it feels like i am posting the wrong way? Wrong usage of English? There's no point in telling people how Shit your life is when you cant do anything about it. I dont know. Life if full of barriers around you, not visible to your eyes but people's values, people's restrictions and other stuffs you can think of which prevents you to do what you please. I mean, some of it is alright, but some others have pretty tight restrictions and values of their own created ones to follow. Sometimes, i dont understand them at all. I thought of this phrase when i was in a dilema a couple of days back. Too young for now, too old for later. For those who can understand this, good for you. This actually applies to some circumstance, not all.
Actually, have any of you sacrificed anything for your good friend, best friend or soul mate or whatever you call them. Time, money, patience etc. Well, if you are lucky, you get something sweet in return. Of course i am not stating that you guys will get and should get something in return. It's just a causual gratitude from them. Well, speaking of gratitude. Personally, i rarely get it back. Not that i am whining but what my father said to me is quite true. If you help a hundred people, only a few will thank you. Others would treat you like a damn tissue paper; use it, throw it. It has always been like that. Well, for current people like to in the long run, let me give you another analogy. They use people like us like Toys. Come to you when they feel bored, when they have better company, they will just vanish into thin air and appear in that company. Well, it happened to me quite a number of times. A friend who saw one's group of friends and ran off with the company during an event and left me alone for the night. Cool eh? If you call me emo, yeah come and screw my brain up. I just hate it when i experience a rollercoaster of emotions every single day. I love it when i am smiling, happy and jovial. I hate it when i turn depressed and helpless. It feels like values are restricting me from doing so many shit. Not mine but others. Screw this brain of mine for not facing up this thing called inferior complexion. I know it sounds damn easy to tackle. Not to me. I cant stop myself from comparing myself with others. I know it's wrong but i think it's a natural thing to do? I am sensitive to such issues. I just seek a normal life... not so complicated.. go along with the flow.. but why? why? why must i always be the odd one? Why cant mine be like others? Events which happens to me are so unpredictable which is totally different from what i expected. It's not normal? i dont know? everything's so... fake to me? not stable.. how should i put it... Neither here or there... uhhmm... nevermind, ran out of vocabularys to describe that. Well... this is how i feel. Sorry.. really need to... let some thoughts out a little... yeah
Shall not post on these crap =S it feels like i am posting the wrong way? Wrong usage of English? There's no point in telling people how Shit your life is when you cant do anything about it. I dont know. Life if full of barriers around you, not visible to your eyes but people's values, people's restrictions and other stuffs you can think of which prevents you to do what you please. I mean, some of it is alright, but some others have pretty tight restrictions and values of their own created ones to follow. Sometimes, i dont understand them at all. I thought of this phrase when i was in a dilema a couple of days back. Too young for now, too old for later. For those who can understand this, good for you. This actually applies to some circumstance, not all.
Actually, have any of you sacrificed anything for your good friend, best friend or soul mate or whatever you call them. Time, money, patience etc. Well, if you are lucky, you get something sweet in return. Of course i am not stating that you guys will get and should get something in return. It's just a causual gratitude from them. Well, speaking of gratitude. Personally, i rarely get it back. Not that i am whining but what my father said to me is quite true. If you help a hundred people, only a few will thank you. Others would treat you like a damn tissue paper; use it, throw it. It has always been like that. Well, for current people like to in the long run, let me give you another analogy. They use people like us like Toys. Come to you when they feel bored, when they have better company, they will just vanish into thin air and appear in that company. Well, it happened to me quite a number of times. A friend who saw one's group of friends and ran off with the company during an event and left me alone for the night. Cool eh? If you call me emo, yeah come and screw my brain up. I just hate it when i experience a rollercoaster of emotions every single day. I love it when i am smiling, happy and jovial. I hate it when i turn depressed and helpless. It feels like values are restricting me from doing so many shit. Not mine but others. Screw this brain of mine for not facing up this thing called inferior complexion. I know it sounds damn easy to tackle. Not to me. I cant stop myself from comparing myself with others. I know it's wrong but i think it's a natural thing to do? I am sensitive to such issues. I just seek a normal life... not so complicated.. go along with the flow.. but why? why? why must i always be the odd one? Why cant mine be like others? Events which happens to me are so unpredictable which is totally different from what i expected. It's not normal? i dont know? everything's so... fake to me? not stable.. how should i put it... Neither here or there... uhhmm... nevermind, ran out of vocabularys to describe that. Well... this is how i feel. Sorry.. really need to... let some thoughts out a little... yeah
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Dear Readers...
Hey dear readers out there... if there is any.
This is a lesson learnt of being too short tempered to someone important to you. I wont mention names or status of course... because there isn't one. Anyway, it's being patient and more... understanding... not being too impulsive with words. Maybe that's why people tend to be loners...? Because they are always afraid to hurt the others unintentionally? Both parties.. be it soul mates... couples... besties... or so whatever.. please be tolerant to each other. If you care, say it, if you love, show it. This applies not only to couples but besties too. We tend to take things for granted, overseeing things and have high expectations of the other party. What if for an instance, you flare up and started cursing over a text, hoping the other party would understand how you feel. But instead.. the other party flared up too? Then you realise, it's solely your fault. Then a sharp pang comes darting through your heart and contracts your chest. Your mind is full of regrets and eyes turn teary. Do you want it that way guys or girls? Try understanding the other party... Everything comes with a price, if it's a good one, the price would be high. And.. dont pin your hopes too high, because when you dont get it, you tend to get depressed. So what for? I am now trying to live by what i have.. and not what i desire.. what i yearn.. what i want. Because someone told me this before, the higher you climb, the harder you fall. Through enough, i attempted climbing since a year ago. Now, i fall. Yeah, so i get what it means now, the climbing part it's not what you are now, it's what you desire, your HOPES for things to happen your way. Truthfully, i think that yeah, things go my way because i dont expect it to happen. Of all my desires and hopes for events to happen. Actually... majority of them, did not happen. So why? Why pin your hopes so high that when you fall, you dont fall physically but emotionally? We aren't super heroes who can fly. We aren't villians without a heart who keeps trying failures after failures. I just want things to be simple. Thats all... or is this simple being an ordinary boy? I dont know. All i know is that i am trying my very best to hold on... i cant bear to lose you. Well, this is my first time i think blogging about something which i speak through my mind.
PS 'i'm sorry'
Junshen
This is a lesson learnt of being too short tempered to someone important to you. I wont mention names or status of course... because there isn't one. Anyway, it's being patient and more... understanding... not being too impulsive with words. Maybe that's why people tend to be loners...? Because they are always afraid to hurt the others unintentionally? Both parties.. be it soul mates... couples... besties... or so whatever.. please be tolerant to each other. If you care, say it, if you love, show it. This applies not only to couples but besties too. We tend to take things for granted, overseeing things and have high expectations of the other party. What if for an instance, you flare up and started cursing over a text, hoping the other party would understand how you feel. But instead.. the other party flared up too? Then you realise, it's solely your fault. Then a sharp pang comes darting through your heart and contracts your chest. Your mind is full of regrets and eyes turn teary. Do you want it that way guys or girls? Try understanding the other party... Everything comes with a price, if it's a good one, the price would be high. And.. dont pin your hopes too high, because when you dont get it, you tend to get depressed. So what for? I am now trying to live by what i have.. and not what i desire.. what i yearn.. what i want. Because someone told me this before, the higher you climb, the harder you fall. Through enough, i attempted climbing since a year ago. Now, i fall. Yeah, so i get what it means now, the climbing part it's not what you are now, it's what you desire, your HOPES for things to happen your way. Truthfully, i think that yeah, things go my way because i dont expect it to happen. Of all my desires and hopes for events to happen. Actually... majority of them, did not happen. So why? Why pin your hopes so high that when you fall, you dont fall physically but emotionally? We aren't super heroes who can fly. We aren't villians without a heart who keeps trying failures after failures. I just want things to be simple. Thats all... or is this simple being an ordinary boy? I dont know. All i know is that i am trying my very best to hold on... i cant bear to lose you. Well, this is my first time i think blogging about something which i speak through my mind.
PS 'i'm sorry'
Junshen
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Whirlpool
I have made a realisation for myself a few days back. Everything which happens to us now, is part of maturing, part of growth be it physically or mentally till we age and move on. Events which occurs in our lives are called memory when you think about it now. Things which exposes you to new things be it good or bad, painful or pleasurable is called experience. Thing which relieves your burden,pain and dreadful thoughts is called remedy. Well, many people, teenagers of similar mindsets like me seek for simple live style. The basic aspects of being a 'normal' teenager; genuine friendship, faithful companion, love from parents and lastly, identity.
Well, every teenage kid wants to have a specific identity of their own. For an example, being popular in school and having to know his path to success in future. These people are often admired by others around them, of course those who aren't as academically and socially inclined as them. Often, they will be trapped in a whirlpool of where they stand, where they are heading in life and what value they hold for themselves. It is a common thinking which many teenager will think. For an instance, mutual likings for one another but one refuses to acknowledge. It's what the other party seeks, identity. Without an identity, one will experience the feel of being lost, being intertwined by this own thinking. Perhaps it's inferior complexion? Or maybe it just the teenager being a contemplative thinker? Who knows? What value, do you and i hold?
Jun Shen
Well, every teenage kid wants to have a specific identity of their own. For an example, being popular in school and having to know his path to success in future. These people are often admired by others around them, of course those who aren't as academically and socially inclined as them. Often, they will be trapped in a whirlpool of where they stand, where they are heading in life and what value they hold for themselves. It is a common thinking which many teenager will think. For an instance, mutual likings for one another but one refuses to acknowledge. It's what the other party seeks, identity. Without an identity, one will experience the feel of being lost, being intertwined by this own thinking. Perhaps it's inferior complexion? Or maybe it just the teenager being a contemplative thinker? Who knows? What value, do you and i hold?
Jun Shen
Friday, June 25, 2010
Every bits of it, torn
Heyo, been awhile since i blogged. Came up with this work when i was kind of bored yesterday. Well.. nothing much to blog about. Comments are most welcome for the picture up there. Oh one more thing just before i sign off. Every picture has a description of a million words. Every right and wrong holds a painful truth behind it. Be it good or bad, sometimes, we choose to live by it every single day of our lives. Some draws a boundary to each doings, treating every experience a lesson to learn. What the 'victims' do not want it to be a experience but, a stepping stone to shorten it's boundary? What if one wrong step causes the boundary to be drawn wider?
Haha i am done with that. Just... Tear It Up.=)
Jun Shen
Friday, May 21, 2010
Rubber band without limits
Hey guys, been awhile since i posted. And yes Vanessa! i am blogging!!!! ;)
Right, just want to talk about different feelings i experienced previously and presently. Firstly, it's about how friends treat each other. Through examinations, everyone mugged and estimated their results. Well, some were humble and some were rather boastful. Well, i can agree to the fact that the boastful people are the ones who worked rather hard. Well, when results were out the past few days, hatred grew amongst friends. I think it's the way they react to certain events. For an instance, a friend who received his and realise that his results are depressing. His friend then shouted a "yes!" in class and jumped around in joy. How will that friend feel? When the papers are being checked, that friend who scored higher kept repeating how many more marks he can get without making careless mistakes. It's just how insensitive friends can be nowadays.
Recently, i have got to start having this feeling which i hate the most. The feeling of having to be so distant from one another for a period of time. Every thought builds the desperation to text, call and to even see the other. Well, yeah, it's missing a person. The kind of emptiness within, drags every second of your life making every hour seeming to be a day has passed. To come to think about it, the person has deeply engraved a mark somewhere in my head and heart. It once happened but this time it will be longer, well slightly longer. Everyday, i would yearn to hear the voice and read the text messages from the person as i would stare at my phone every second, hoping that a vibration would happen and your name would overlay the black screen. 8 days it will be.
Will miss you Jaelyn ;)
Alright shall not yet too informative of the person. She doesnt want want to be revealed anyways ^_^ thats all. Work hard everyone, persevere!
JunShen
Right, just want to talk about different feelings i experienced previously and presently. Firstly, it's about how friends treat each other. Through examinations, everyone mugged and estimated their results. Well, some were humble and some were rather boastful. Well, i can agree to the fact that the boastful people are the ones who worked rather hard. Well, when results were out the past few days, hatred grew amongst friends. I think it's the way they react to certain events. For an instance, a friend who received his and realise that his results are depressing. His friend then shouted a "yes!" in class and jumped around in joy. How will that friend feel? When the papers are being checked, that friend who scored higher kept repeating how many more marks he can get without making careless mistakes. It's just how insensitive friends can be nowadays.
Recently, i have got to start having this feeling which i hate the most. The feeling of having to be so distant from one another for a period of time. Every thought builds the desperation to text, call and to even see the other. Well, yeah, it's missing a person. The kind of emptiness within, drags every second of your life making every hour seeming to be a day has passed. To come to think about it, the person has deeply engraved a mark somewhere in my head and heart. It once happened but this time it will be longer, well slightly longer. Everyday, i would yearn to hear the voice and read the text messages from the person as i would stare at my phone every second, hoping that a vibration would happen and your name would overlay the black screen. 8 days it will be.
Will miss you Jaelyn ;)
Alright shall not yet too informative of the person. She doesnt want want to be revealed anyways ^_^ thats all. Work hard everyone, persevere!
JunShen
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Dashed
To give what you sacrificed and to take nothing in return
This so called poem shall be an example of it.
Oh dear Mary, my love
I wish upon heaven and earth to be with you. You are my reason for my heart to pump. I see your beautiful gorgeous face from a distance everyday. The feeling of satisfaction fills my head which keeps my spirits high. Oh dear Mary, we have been such state now. We talked about the earth, stars and moon. But now, we are nowhere. I want to make you my queen, my princess and whatever you want me to place you in my heart. But you made me place you as an ordinary person. Dear Mary, oh dear Mary, when will you ever shower me the love i want.
Yups, extracted from somewhere i forgot, well the next is about.. inferior complexion.
We are great together, just perfect
I am the food court and you are the restaurant
I give you mentos, you give me Swiss chocolate in reuturn
I am the bus, you are the car
I am the F's and you are the A's
I drink soft drinks while you drink wines
I am black and white while you are colourful
These sentences sound strange but oh well, too tired to think
This so called poem shall be an example of it.
Oh dear Mary, my love
I wish upon heaven and earth to be with you. You are my reason for my heart to pump. I see your beautiful gorgeous face from a distance everyday. The feeling of satisfaction fills my head which keeps my spirits high. Oh dear Mary, we have been such state now. We talked about the earth, stars and moon. But now, we are nowhere. I want to make you my queen, my princess and whatever you want me to place you in my heart. But you made me place you as an ordinary person. Dear Mary, oh dear Mary, when will you ever shower me the love i want.
Yups, extracted from somewhere i forgot, well the next is about.. inferior complexion.
We are great together, just perfect
I am the food court and you are the restaurant
I give you mentos, you give me Swiss chocolate in reuturn
I am the bus, you are the car
I am the F's and you are the A's
I drink soft drinks while you drink wines
I am black and white while you are colourful
These sentences sound strange but oh well, too tired to think
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Questions
There are somethings which i am unsure of,
somethings which i couldn't find an answer,
to a very simple question
I may have seem to know and acquired the knowledge to be able to make decisions but, there are still questions bombarding me. A question given, a cloud of excuses to cover up. A decision made and given, an excuse with a package of 'heartless' sharp pangs for me. So, everything contradicts what i do, what i desire. It's the beauty of life isn't it? I shall not blog much about today since it's late. My point of blogging for this morning is to seek answers to the stated phrases of confusing. If one has alot of peserverance and determination but never achieved his slightest goal or expectation, how many times can he pick himself up again? How many times can his body fail? How many times can a soften heart be pounded on?
JunShen
somethings which i couldn't find an answer,
to a very simple question
I may have seem to know and acquired the knowledge to be able to make decisions but, there are still questions bombarding me. A question given, a cloud of excuses to cover up. A decision made and given, an excuse with a package of 'heartless' sharp pangs for me. So, everything contradicts what i do, what i desire. It's the beauty of life isn't it? I shall not blog much about today since it's late. My point of blogging for this morning is to seek answers to the stated phrases of confusing. If one has alot of peserverance and determination but never achieved his slightest goal or expectation, how many times can he pick himself up again? How many times can his body fail? How many times can a soften heart be pounded on?
JunShen
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