Smoke on the Water

Once again, I realized I've not posted for a long time but it's been such a busy summer.  

Currently we are experiencing major smoky haze due to the wildfires in British Columbia.  Tonight the sun was just a red ball in the sky.

Over the past few days, the air has been getting progressively worse.  For the first time today, I noticed a small bit of ash floating in the air.  Looking across the lake it looks like fog, but it’s smoke.  

My prayers go out to the brave firefighters who are working on the fires both in BC and California, and for the people who are directly impacted.

Looking across the lake at the haze

So...last time I posted, I was thinking about getting a tattoo in honor of my dog Buster (my "B").  Well, I did it!

First of all, thank you all for the opinions I received on the different images.  Although I didn't ultimately use any of the ones I showed you, your thoughts really helped me to work through and clarify in my mind the concept I was going for.  Obviously it was going to be permanent so I didn't make the decision lightly.

After looking at hundreds of Google images of bees, I finally settled on one of a honey bee (rather than a bumble bee).  I decided I wanted a bee with Buster's coloring, and one in flight to represent his spirit.  The bee I chose has a sweet face and his eyes remind me of B.  Norwich terrier eyes are described as looking like they have on eyeliner and this bee’s eyes looked like that.

I got the tattoo in late July, while I was visiting my sister-in-law in San Francisco.  We went to the tattoo artist that did her tattoos, and I was really impressed with him.  The process was fascinating, he did a wonderful job, and I’m just thrilled with the outcome.  It's hard to believe that he could take a large image and shrink it down to the size of a quarter. 

(P.S. the tattoo artist also has a dog named Buster, so it was extra special.)

The detail is pretty amazing, I think.  Anyway, no one else really sees it because it’s so small and usually covered by my sleeve or my watch, which is what I wanted.  This tattoo isn’t for anyone but me.  It’s my secret tribute to Buster.

After the fact, I looked up the artist who produced the original drawing and turns out she has an art studio a few miles from where I live.  She does a lot of wildlife and nature drawings, and I was able to purchase a print of the image from her Etsy Shop.  I have it in a frame in my office, and it's beautiful. 

In early August, Hub and I went on a looooong road trip in our convertible (3,000 miles total round trip) to a family reunion in Saskatchewan, Canada.  I got to see quite a few of my cousins that I grew up with in Iowa, and I met a number of new Canadian cousins.  It was interesting to try to figure out exactly how we were related.  My grandma was one of 5 girls, and the general relationship was that my grandma and their grandmas were sisters, which makes us second cousins.  Another interesting thing was to see the strong family resemblance between myself and people I've never met before. 

My grandparents were married a hundred years ago, in 1918, started farming, and the little cabin that they lived in was still standing in the middle of a field.  It was pretty cool to see, and so surprising that it was still there!

Little House on the Saskatchewan Prairie

Considering the harsh winters in Saskatchewan, I understand why they moved to Iowa 5 years later, to the small town I grew up in (where my Dad was born).  Grandpa apparently said no more farming and worked for the electric company until he died in 1960. 

On the way home, we drove through desolate North Dakota; visited the Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument in Montana; and spent a few days soaking in the hot pools at Chico Hot Springs in Montana (near Yellowstone).  Overall, it was a great trip.

One thing I learned along the way is that Canada has crappy rest stops that are few and far between, meanwhile Montana has luxurious ones...each rest stop has multiple air conditioned private bathrooms instead of stalls.  

Now it feels good to be back in my normal routine, working, working out, and eating right (for the most part).   I do love my routine!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer! 

Happy Summer Solstice!

Happy Longest Day of the Year!

Sorry I’ve been gone so long. Just working, working out, and working in my garden. Taking care of my mom's dogs and enjoying time with my husband.  Not much of interest to report but here goes. 

1.  My life is pretty boring except for the occasional health crisis with my mother.  As Roseanne Roseannadanna used to day “It’s always something.”

A few weeks ago, she fell in her room and hit her head.  She was waiting for me to pick her up for an appointment, so when I went into her room, there was blood everywhere. (Typical head injury bleeding, it looked worse than it was, but it was shocking nonetheless).  But she had already forgotten about falling, her head apparently did not hurt, so she had no idea what I was concerned about.   Even showing her the blood didn't convince her that she had fallen.  

After that we spent a few hours at the ER, they gave her a CT scan (results okay) and finally six staples to close the wound. The whole time, she kept asking me why we were there.  When I would tell her she fell and hit her head, she wouldn't believe me.  So it occurred to me to take a photo with my iPhone.  When I finally showed this...I think she understood.

Then  yesterday, I took her to the dentist as she was complaining of tooth pain.  Turns out a lower molar in the back was cracked, and its opposing upper molar was decayed.  So the only thing to do is to have them extracted.  (At age 89, there's really nothing that can be fixed, so the solution is to just avoid more pain from a bad tooth.)  Next week we have an appointment at the oral surgeon, then have to make another appointment for the extractions.  But five minutes after leaving the dentist, she couldn’t remember where we had just been. 

This is the woman who still doesn’t understand why she can’t live on her own in her own house.  The woman who had a car accident, wrecked the front of her car, and couldn’t even remember where she was when it happened (as far as we know, what she hit was an inanimate object...because there were no reports of anything more serious in her neighborhood)  The woman who still berates me constantly, and complains to anyone that will listen, that I tore her unnecessarily away from her house (60 miles away) and forced her into an assisted living facility.

Whatever. Alzheimers is a bitch, and logically I know it's the disease talking.  It's difficult to let her criticisms go, because I've spent my whole life reacting to her crazy (BPD) moods.  But I'm finally learning to just let her complain and repeat herself endlessly.  Meanwhile I'll just continue to provide her the best care that I can.  All I can do is look at her care as one of "my jobs."  I’m fortunate that my real job is flexible and my boss is understanding, so I can take whatever time I need to get all these medical issues taken care of for her. 

2.  On my personal improvement front, I have been rocking it at the gym.  Here's a screen shot from today.  The red means your heart rate is close to max, so that means you are working hard. 

My trainer has been pushing me and today I “almost” puked, but not quite. (I did end up lying prostrate on the floor after the last set.) 

He has three P's that he measures the workout by...Puke? Pass Out?  Pass Away! (lol).  I only text him my results when they are a bit over-the-top (and I'm pretty proud of myself).

 

The bottom line on all this is, along with modifying my diet a bit, this has resulted in a weight loss of (I’m guessing) about 8 lbs over the past 3 months.  I’m pretty pleased with that!  I'm really getting in shape, and I'm stronger, fitter, and thinner than I can ever recall before.

I think I would like to lose about another 5 lbs, which I'm guessing would put me at about 167.  But since I don’t weigh myself, I have no idea how much I actually weigh or what losing 5 more lbs looks like.  So instead, I have a pair of pants that are my goal pants…they're a size 8. I will use them to gauge when I’m done losing.  The way they fit now feels like 5 more lbs lost would make them fit perfectly. 

3.  Last but not least, I feel very fortunate that my husband’s two sisters are like the sisters I never had.  We have a deep mutual love of dogs and we have really bonded over the past few years.  Anyway, we are really fond of each other.   With my crazy upbringing, I've always been very guarded in my relationships, and never had close friends.  These women are the only people in my life who spontaneously tell me they love me whenever we talk on the phone.  So even though they live far away, we are very close and talk all the time.  

I’m excited to say we are all getting together in San Francisco (at one sister’s house) at the end of July…and we have decided to get tattoos together!  I’ve never had a tattoo and want something very small on the inside of my left wrist.  I know that I want a “bee” because I always used to call Buster just “B,” plus I just love bumblebees.  They are such lovely, gentle creatures. 

Recently I’ve started wearing a bee pendant, and when people ask about it, I tell them it’s my bee in memory of my Mr. B. 

A bumblebee tattoo would remind me of him all the time.  So which do you like best?  

I kind of like the last one with the added letter "B." although I would probably have the body colored yellow like the others.

 

I'd love to know your opinion, especially if you have a tattoo and can advise me on what would turn out the best.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!  Enjoy the long days while they last, from now on they'll be getting shorter!

Anniversary Weekend

It started out with good weather on the drive down to Ocean Shores on Friday, and the dogs were well behaved.  Since we took over their care from my mother, Bonnie the poodle has always had anxiety in the car.  She usually pants and whines the whole time and doesn’t sit down, even in a 3 hour drive. (Jennie the Yorkie-Poo is very mellow, so she's no problem.)

But!!! after trying several things over the past two years to calm Bonnie, I think we may have turned a corner.  Now we give her 1/2 a Benadryl about half an hour before we leave and put her way in the back of the SUV behind the luggage so she cannot see outside; in essence she is like in a cave.  Her anxiety seems to have subsided a lot, because didn't hear a peep out of her the whole drive.  This is great for me too, because her panting and whining has always annoyed and stressed me out.

Traffic was good so we made it there in record time.  After a trip to the IGA grocery store, we stopped in at a local brewery and had a few beers.  We had never been there before, and it was quite the fun place.

Lots of beers on draft

I got to sit in this chair and drink my beer...it was surprisingly comfortable

Someone who missed out on the beer that afternoon

Tired from the drive (and the beer), we stayed in that evening and watched TV.  

Saturday, the weather was perfect for clamming and the clams were just waiting for us.  We got our limit within 30 minutes!  So fun!

Then the not-so-fun cleaning the clams, which takes longer than catching them.  Once cleaned, Hub cuts them up into different sizes, some for frying and the rest for clam chowder.  Then he freezes most for later (he did fry up some of the fresh ones at home on Tuesday).  We spent the rest of the day relaxing and I took the dogs for a long walk on the beach. 

For our super romantic (haha) anniversary dinner that night, we went to our favorite place, the Green Lantern Tavern in Copalis.  There I had my "go to" meal…A BLT (although I always get it without the L...I hate lettuce on any sandwich). Described on the menu as "10 slices of bacon with lettuce, tomato and mayo on sourdough," I usually only eat half and then have bacon for the next morning.

mmmmmm...bacon!

We always make our trips to the beach a 4 day trip and stay over on Sunday (mostly to avoid Sunday night traffic back to the Seattle area).  We had no interest in clamming that day, so we took a drive down to another beach about 30 minutes away (for next season so we know where it is in case the State doesn't allow clamming on "our" beach for some reason).

Since this was the last day of clamming until November, the beach was packed.  I have never seen so many cars and people.  

So many people, so few clams...those are all people in the background!

More cars than clams

As crowded as it was, I started to imagine people fighting over the clams like people at a Black Friday sale.   

Then we drove up to a “planned community” named Seabrook, which they started building about 8 years ago.  I have watched this place evolve over the last few years and some people rave about it for family vacations.   The first time I went there, it was kind of cute, but this time it was just so built up and crowded.

To be honest, it’s not my thing at all.  There are only a few restaurants and stores, not nearly enough to support all the houses they have built in the last few years.  But everything is "adorable" and "picture perfect."  No wonder its nickname is "Stepford of the Pacific Northwest."  I much prefer funky, unpretentious Ocean Shores with its bars and hotels and souvenir shops.  (And great IGA grocery store, can't forget that.)  

Anyway, the next day it was back to Seattle.  All in all, it was a really nice anniversary weekend.

Happy 25th Anniversary to my wonderful husband!  We laughed about what we would be doing on our 50th when I am 90 and he is 96...hopefully we will still be clamming! 

Patience

My leg is slowly getting better, but it’s an up and down process.  A few days ago, it felt pretty good, yesterday it hurt like heck, and today it’s better again.  Frustrating.  Some days I feel like I have a knot in my calf.  I have a prescription from the ortho doc for PT, so have a few sessions scheduled with a clinic near where I work out, starting on Monday.   Patience is definitely not my strong suit so by going to PT, I’m hoping to speed up the healing process somehow.   My trainer has me doing stretching and strengthening type stuff on leg days and yesterday, I told him that my workouts were starting to feel like going to to the dentist.  Necessary but boring and not fun.

My biggest problem with not working out HARD (besides missing my endorphin rush) is that I start to worry that I'm gaining weight.  I don't want too look too closely at "that," because I'll make myself crazy.   The honest truth is (according to my heart rate monitor), the difference between working out hard and working out moderately or even lightly is about 250 calories in an hour work out.  The calories in a candy bar or bag of chips.  Definitely not enough to make me gain or lose.  It's the food, baby, it's all about the food.  Calories in, calories out.  As for the workouts, at least I am still doing something, and not being sedentary.  

Next weekend is our 25th wedding anniversary (on April 21).  The hub and I discussed going somewhere special, like Harrison Hot Springs in BC or Las Vegas.  But I checked the razor clamming schedule in Ocean Shores and there is clamming April 20th through the 23rd.  We LOVE clamming and it's getting close to the end of the season.  We are part owners of a condo in OS, it was available, so the accommodations will be “free”!  It's only a 2-1/2 hour drive so very convenient.  We don't even need to get a sitter for the dogs.  So I think it was meant to be...next Friday, we’re off to see the sea.   

My tulips are finally starting to bloom, for a while I only had leaves.

Since we are gone next weekend, I hope the weather this weekend is better than last (it rained hard for 2 days straight).  I need to get out there to clean up and prepare my garden for planting this year’s tomato crop.  Another place I don't have patience...my garden.  I want it tidy and organized and I want it NOW! 

I hope everyone has a nice weekend...and that we have some SUN!

Music Memories

Quick update on my leg…I’m doing much better.  X-rays were taken and the orthopedic doctor says my knees look great.  No arthritis, etc.  The issue is muscular, as in a badly strained muscle in my calf.  So I’ve been stretching and icing, and still working out but doing a modified program on leg days.

I have always worked out to music and have many playlists based on what the activity is.  Even when I'm with my trainer, if there is no one else in the studio, I can put on my own music while we work out (I work out at kind of an odd time so often it’s just him and me).  I have a playlist that has my current favorites on it, but it’s gotten kind of stale because I keep forgetting to update it. Lately, the poor guy has just had to put up with hearing the same stuff over and over. He has a lot of patience and humors me, I think because I am old.  

Yesterday I was getting ready to work out and I noticed on my iTunes on my phone that there is a playlist called “25 most played songs.”  I didn't even look to see what was on it, because I figured since I’ve played the songs so many times, I must like them all.  So I took pity on Trainer Steve and figured whatever was there would be a change of pace for both of us.  Turns out that playlist included songs that I listened to before I even had an iPhone!   From way back when I got my first iPod, when iPods weighed more than an iPhone does now.   At first I was a little creeped out, because I was thinking, how does my iPhone know what I listened to on my iPod?  But then I realized it makes sense, because it’s iTunes on your computer that keeps track of how many times you play a song. 

We’re talking about songs from 2003!  Back then I was walking long distances frequently, sometimes 10 miles at a time, and listening to music made walking so much easier and enjoyable.   Then in 2004, we got Buster.  In his prime, between 2005 and 2012, he and I went on some epic walks. You’ve never seen a dog that could walk like he could and he was always such an enthusiastic walking partner!  It was our special time together, and I always listened to music while we walked. 

Music memories are so powerful.  Have you ever heard an old song come on the radio and suddenly, you were transported back in time and you know exactly where you were or what was going on in your life when that song was popular?  Some songs just touch you or even punch you in the gut.  So some of those songs on that “25 most played” playlist really brought back bittersweet memories of my walks with B.  

My current Facebook profile photo is a picture I took of Buster at the park in late October, when the trees were gorgeous red and the weather was perfect.  (I posted a similar one here soon after he died.)  The picture on the left is from one of those silly tests you take on FB.  In this test they proposed to turn my profile picture into an “art piece.”  I do a lot of these for fun but never post them on my FB because the results are usually stupid.  But this one I took a screen shot of the result because it really was very nice...that's Buster in the lower left corner. 

I realize I am at risk of sounding like the "Crazy Dog Lady," but I haven't changed my FB profile picture since he died in November because I’m still missing him a lot, and the thought of changing it seemed disloyal.  But it is getting better and I'm more at the stage of feeling wistful about him, rather than devastated.  I think this picture kind of reflects that feeling.

So I think the next stage of moving on will be to change my FB profile picture.  I just need to figure out what to replace it with.   

Dealing with Emotions

As I mentioned in my previous post, I injured my right leg a few weeks ago.  We were in the middle of the Working Hard Competition, and I overdid it.  I know exactly when I hurt it, I was Working Hard! and I was going to show those young whippersnappers at the gym a thing or two.

When I was young (in high school and college), I was never athletic.  I never participated in sports or physical activities.  Even when I was a firefighter (in my late 20's and early 30's), I was not that "in shape."  I was strong and muscular (that's easy to accomplish when you're young) but I really didn't have the overall strength that I have achieved over the past 3 years of working out at my gym.  So winning the competition was going to be a source of pride that I could "do this" at my age.  

My right leg has always been my weak one.  As I neared the end of my workout, I knew my right side was close to failure.  Whatever, keep pushing.  Sure enough, I felt the muscle in my right calf give way.  It didn't exactly hurt then, but when I woke up the next day, the whole knee was swollen and my calf hurt like an SOB.  I could barely bend my knee.  And my backside hurt too!  But rather than let everything rest and heal, I loaded up on ibuprofen and bound my knee up tightly with a compression sleeve and a knee brace so I could still compete over the next few days.  I didn't tell my trainer how much pain I was in.  I sucked it up.  Can you say STUPID?  How about COMPULSIVE? I almost won the competition but there has been hell to pay.  I’ve been in pain ever since.  So although I am proud of myself and what I have accomplished, in the back of my mind, I'm a bit concerned that I've done something to permanently screw up my leg.

Sometimes the pain is severe.  I can't go down stairs normally because I can't bend my knee.  About a week ago, I was almost in tears while I was just walking my dogs.  I’m still working out, but once I confessed to my trainer what I did, he cut me off from any cardio and leg exercises and won't let me go back to lower body training until I see a doctor and get the okay. 

So, tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment with an orthopedic guy to see if I have done anything bad.  I will say that after resting for a week, along with icing, stretching and massage, it’s FINALLY feeling a tiny bit better, so I'm optimistic that it's nothing serious. 

I’ve also been feeling a bit sorry for myself because of it, and of course, what do I want to do when I am feeling sad?  I want to eat sugar.  And when I eat sugar, I feel even crappier. 

Early Saturday morning, I had to go visit my mother at her assisted living place to deal with an issue.  That's always a joy (sarcasm) so I was feeling super EXTRA sorry for myself.  Boo hoo, I hate my mommy AND my leg hurts.

Even though I told myself NO NO NO on the way home, I almost felt like I was in a trance.  My car, magically on its own, stopped at the store and somehow I ended up with a big bag of Sour Patch Kids. I just love those little sugar bombs, but I knew they were going to make me feel like crap.  Whatever!  I felt almost like a kid throwing a tantrum and I ate most of them before I got home.  Of course, I did feel terrible, I was shaky and could feel my heart palpitating.  My a-fib does not like sugar, especially on an empty stomach.  

Even more terrible was my husband was cooking a nice healthy breakfast for us when I got home.  I didn't tell him about the candy, because I was embarrassed and ashamed.  So even though I wasn't really hungry at that point, I ate the breakfast.

Lesson learned, AGAIN.  Grace…Do not eat sugar, especially on an empty stomach!  Deal with the emotions instead of the urges. 

So Monday is always another opportunity to succeed.  I worked out today (upper body) and so far have been eating healthy. So, I faltered but I did not fail.     

Working Hard Challenge

Well, I almost won the challenge.  I lost by ONE point.

I hurt my knee about halfway through, so I was not able to work out quite as hard as usual the second week.

So I took second place.  The other winners are MUCH younger than I am (20’s and 30’s).

I wanted to write after my name “65 years old with a leg injury.” LOL

Anyway, I’m proud of myself on this one. 

New doctor

It's been 2 years since I had an annual checkup.  I had been putting it off because my long-time doctor retired 3 years ago, and 2 years ago I was "assigned" a new doctor (actually she was a Physician's Assistant).  Even though she was much younger than I am (isn't everyone?), she was condescending and kind of rude.   Plus the nurse there told me that Obamacare required that I be weighed on their scale.  If I refused, insurance would probably not pay for the exam.  My old doctor had told me I didn't need to weigh because of my history of eating disorders, but with the new person, it was "Get on the Scale."  (I honestly think it was just a "control" thing.)  Anyway, it was just NOT a good experience.  Since going in for such appointments is unpleasant enough even without the "attitude," I procrastinated and missed my yearly check up in 2017.

About a week ago, I decided enough was enough.  I generally take very good care of my health, but here I was falling down on that most important job.  So I called another clinic where I had been for a "specialty" exam about 2 years ago, and asked if I could become a regular patient.  The receptionist was helpful and scheduled me with a doctor who was taking new patients.   

I'm happy to say that after my appointment this morning, I definitely know that I made the right decision to change.  They were very efficient, I got in right on time (at my other clinic, I would often have to wait 30 minutes even with an appointment). 

The nurse was super nice and when I told her I wasn't getting on the scale and to just write down xxx as my weight, she did!  She didn't even bat an eye.  The doctor was great.  Very thorough, professional and pleasant, open to questions, and was just generally a good communicator.  When I brought up about why I didn't want to get on the scale, she said there was no need to explain, it was perfectly okay.   And...she also said that since I work out so much, my muscle mass is no doubt high.  So the scale really isn't a good measurement of weight anyway.  YES!

Then they gave me a tetanus shot and a pneumonia shot (for us oldsters over 65), took blood, and scheduled me for a mammogram next week and (ugh) a colonoscopy next month.  And all that stuff is performed at the clinic.  My old clinic you had to go here and there for this and that.  Anyway, yeah, I'm going to get it all over with.  Just do it!
 
The challenge at my gym goes on for another 2 days, so I'm working hard at it.  Right now I am in first place!

 

A Challenging Challenge

While I work out with my trainer 4 times a week for an hour, I wear a heart rate monitor.  The brand is called "MyZone" and the information shows up on a TV monitor that the trainer can see while you're working out.  He can know when you've reach 100 percent of your max heart rate, and then how long to allow for heart rate recovery to back to normal, etc.  Besides monitoring heart rate, the belt measures calories burned and something called MEP's. 

MEPs is an acronym for MyZone Effort Points, and it's how effort is measured in the MyZone system. MEPs are earned by exercising within in your desired heart rate zone over a period of time. The more effort you put into your workouts, the more MEPs you earn. 

The workout is designed along the lines of HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training.)   The point is to stay within the yellow (aerobic activity) as much as possible, with periodic spurts into the red zone (which is anaerobic).  On upper body days, the workout usually consists of upper body weight lifting such as shoulder presses or push ups (green), interspersed with some full body work such as TRX rows (yellow) and finally mountain climbers or medicine ball slams for 45 seconds (red). Lower body days consist of weighted squats, lunges, etc, interspersed with fast cardio activities.  Each workout, we try to do the circuit 3 times. 

So my gym started a two week challenge yesterday which involves the average MEP's per workout.  I've been working out for over 3 years with my trainer, and I always push myself really hard.  Of course, now that it's a competition, I push myself even harder.

So this was my workout yesterday.  It was upper body and over the course of an hour workout, I burned 555 calories and produced 216 MEP's.   

Yesterday, I thought that was a good number.  But today was lower body day and I burned a lot more...eek!  Okay, I am really tired now.  (At several points, around the 2/3 mark, I thought I was gonna puke...but I didn't. I just kept going.) 

I am glad the challenge is only two weeks!  Apparently my trainer has been telling the other trainers about me as the one to beat...yeah, here I am, a 65 year old lady and I'm supposedly gonna beat people who are much younger and probably in better shape.

We'll see.  I'm pretty competitive so I hope I can keep up this pace for the duration.  Wish me luck!

Looking Forward to Spring

I love TCM's 31 Days of Oscar...so many great movies.  We usually record some of them and watch them later.

Today we watched "Harry and Tonto" from 1974.  Art Carney won the Best Actor that year.  It's the story of an elderly man and his pet cat.  It was a great movie, but it made me cry, a lot.

The part where he dances with his girlfriend from way back, and she has Alzheimers so she really doesn't know who he is.  Very poignant, the blank look in Geraldine Fitzgerald's eyes kind of reminds me of my mother.  Then at the end, the cat Tonto dies.  As Harry is at the vet saying goodbye to his friend, I just broke down.  I find myself so close to tears all the time nowadays over the smallest things.    

The weather is getting much better and soon it will be Daylight Savings Time...I can't wait!  One of my goals this year is to walk a lot more outside.  I used to walk all the time but since I started working out with a trainer 4 times a week, I don't do much else.  I think the fresh air would do me good and help me with the bit of depression I'm still feeling over Buster's death.

I asked my husband last night if he misses Buster, and he very honestly said "Not really."  I think he saw B's declining health as a real liability and felt as if B had not really been very engaged with him the last few years.  My first reaction was to be a bit offended, but the bottom line is that B was really MY dog.  He wasn't so much a companion to my husband any more, like he was when he was younger.  B would sleep all day in the back room, and what energy he did have left, he focused it on me when I was home from work.  So the fact that my husband felt less close to him in the last few years is natural, right? No reason to be offended.  But still, that made me sad too.   

On that note, does anyone have any suggestions (non-medication related) for how to deal with mild depression?  I feel as if I am doing everything right with diet and exercise and keeping busy at work.  But I still get overwhelmed with sadness a lot. 

I hope everyone is looking forward to the spring and that it starts "busting out all over" soon!

These are my tulips a few years ago.  

I planted new tulips bulbs in November, so I'm hoping they turn out as well this year.  

Where Have All The Bloggers Gone?

It’s been 10 years since I started this blog!  Back then I called it “55 Alive and Losing It”  I was still deep in my eating disorder and thinking my life would be perfect if I could just lose some weight.  A lot has changed since then. Back then there were many many people blogging about weight loss, eating disorders, mental health, and life in general.  It was easy to find interesting blogs to follow and like minded people to read. 

But something has changed.  Most of those bloggers I followed and who followed me originally are “gone.”  Stopped blogging, faded away, defunct, whatever.  I myself went through a phase when I wasn’t inspired to blog.  I stopped writing, posting, reading and following.  Now that I’m back, I’m having trouble finding interesting blogs.  I still have a few favorites from the olden days, but I’d like to have MORE! 

In search of new blogs to follow, I even did the “next blog” thingy button at the top of my blog page, which produces random suggestions.   Doing that, I found blogs in foreign languages, blogs written by people in religious cults, real estate blogs, blogs obviously written to keep family apprised of what the kids are doing.  My favorite so far has been “The U-Dual Modular Group” which had something to do with quantum physics (I think).   Not really, it scared me.

It seems like everyone is on Instagram nowadays, but how can you really tell people about your life by posting a picture with a few words and hashtags?  To me, it’s too trendy, too abbreviated, too simplistic.   A picture isn’t always worth a thousand words. 

So, if anyone out there has an interesting blog and you would like another follower, please leave me a comment after this post.  I’m partial to weight loss blogs, blogs of people who are struggling with day to day life, and happy blogs where people are talking about the fun stuff they do (except please no blogs about car racing or raising children...lol).  I’d love to have some more bloggy friends!

Still around

Well, here I am.  A few days before my 65th birthday.  It’s a cold but sunny and truly beautiful President’s Day.  Being a government employee, I have the day off.  Friday, I started to feel a cold coming on, so I spent the weekend a bit under the weather.   But I attacked it hard right away with Zicam and yesterday I started to feel better.

So far today I’ve taken the girl dogs to the park.  They just got haircuts last week, so they did have to wear their warm jackets.

I just realized I still refer to them as the girl dogs...vs when I had 3 and one was a boy

My dear husband gave me a leaf blower for Christmas (what a romantic fellow) so I’ve also blown off all the decks of the debris that fell yesterday in a windstorm.  And it’s not even 10 am yet.  

I feel as if I am in a good place emotionally.  Sometimes I still get very sad about Buster, but the grief does seem to be easing a bit.  At least I’m not crying over him every day anymore.  I’ve gotten rid of almost all his stuff, except for his bed and a few favorite toys which I’ve put next to the bed in our bedroom.  I imagine him sleeping there still, and occasionally one of the other dogs will get in it, so that gives me comfort.  Weird, I know, to be so attached to a dog.  But he’ll be forever in my heart. 

My startup disk on my laptop told me it was getting very full, so while being sick this weekend, I decided to cull out some stuff, starting with Photos…of course, the majority of everything was photos and videos of B.  Videos take up a lot of space and a lot were “almost” duplicates, so I decided to just keep the most special ones.

As I was going through them one by one, I came across one from about 3 years ago where I was recording B and me playing with a puppet.  My husband in the background says loudly “Don’t you have enough pictures of that dog???” 

For some reason, watching that video with commentary from my husband made me laugh so hard I cried.  Yes, I was a crazy dog mom and I probably did have enough pictures, evidenced by the fact that I'm now needing to delete some in order for my computer to function properly.  But in retrospect...it's a bittersweet memory.

Weight wise, I’m doing well.  Not up or down…just “THERE.”  I don’t even think about what I weigh most of the time, because it doesn’t matter, as long as my clothes continue to fit fine.

I’m working out a lot and apparently I’m very fit because the company who makes the heart rate monitor I wear just sent me an email that they were upping my max heart rate, based on the fact that while working out, I often get my heart rate up past the previous theoretical max.  (The “normal” max for a woman my age is 155, so my level of fitness is quite high.)

My trainer and I have been together for 3 years, so he knows how far I've come.  He is pretty proud of me and my progress and I think I’m one of his favorite clients because I do push myself so hard during our sessions.

Anyway, sorry for my long absences.  I've decided to keep blogging more regularly, even if no one reads, it's a good way for me to document my own emotional progress.

Take care, everyone.